I need to talk to you, Chrissy. And I pray that you’ll believe me when I tell you I never intended to steal Dan’s girlfriend from him, and that, somehow, we can put our heads together on this and figure out what the hell is going on. But first, as soon as I get off this Tube, I’m calling Miranda. I texted her the other night, while I was waiting for Ella to arrive at the restaurant, to tell her that Dan’s been dating Dr Cousins, but never got a reply. It makes me wonder why. I’d expected her to respond instantly. But she didn’t. Which makes me wonder if she already knew?
The fact is, she brought Dr Cousins into our lives and I need to know if the story of how they met is really the truth.
Chapter Sixty-Five
Miranda
Now
I feel like such a fool. So humiliated. What’s worse, is that my humiliation is all of my own making. I should have known not to have trusted a man. Should have known that they’re basically all the same. Selfish arseholes ruled by their penises. Why on earth was I stupid enough to think Greg was different. Why?!
The really perverse part of all this is that I don’t even regret making those crank calls, sending those bogus typed notes, claiming to have information about Heidi in the initial months after she went missing. I enjoyed doing what I did because I enjoyed messing with your mind, Chrissy. It gave me a real kick. And the irony is, the day Heidi went missing, it was, in fact, my plan to take her myself. Hearing you yell at her over the phone, having just suffered my third miscarriage and learning that Duncan was cheating on me (suspecting it might be with you because of the way he used to eye you up, but later down the road learning it was actually with his fucking PA!) I couldn’t tolerate any more. I felt this burning urge to take something from you. To make you feel the pain I felt. But just as I was about to walk into Peter Jones, I got a call. My father had had a serious heart attack. And although he was a bastard, and we’d never been close, I was still in shock – the moment to abduct Heidi passed. I could no longer focus on hurting you, and even now, I take some comfort from that. Some solace that I am not completely callous. Little did I know then that someone else would do the job for me. Be that a total stranger with no connection to you, or someone who resented you as much as I did, we’re all still none the wiser.
I’ve never been a church goer, but that first week Heidi went missing and Father was in the hospital, I found myself visiting a church nearby, trying to clear my mind and find some peace. You rang me twice while I was there, asked me where I was because it seemed so quiet at my end. I said I was by my father’s side, that it was a quiet ward. I’m not sure you believed me, but I didn’t want to tell you where I really was because I couldn’t stand you thinking I was weak.
After a time, when the novelty of messing with you wore off (it was wrong of me, I know, but I got a buzz out of it like I said, plus, I’ve always been a letter-of-the-law person, so it felt wild, freeing, to do something so bad) it distressed me to see Greg so upset, and it was my hope that eventually Heidi would be found. But as time went by, and it became clear that Heidi was never coming back, I’d sometimes cry myself to sleep, pray for the poor mite’s safe return. At one stage, I even regretted enjoying your suffering. But then, as more time passed, and Duncan and I drifted further and further apart, I saw how you treated Greg, treated those closest to you. Pushing them away, failing to comfort them when they needed to be comforted as much as you did. Once again putting your own needs above everyone else’s. And again, more than ever, I became determined to win Greg back; convinced that some day, if I remained patient, if I was there for him, he’d return to me. And I was so close. Or, at least, I thought I was. Until I found out Greg’s no better than the rest of them. Screwing some blonde bimbo. And so now, as I see his name pop up on my caller ID, I think twice about answering.
But I can’t resist the temptation. I can never resist him. I pick up the phone, swipe to answer, hold it against my ear.
‘Hello, Greg.’ My voice is cool. Gone is the warmth I normally greet him with.
‘You sound upset. What’s wrong?’ he almost snaps. ‘I assume you got my text the other night, about Dr Cousins being Dan’s fiancée?’
He knows me so well. Better, it seems, than I know him. But his tone riles me. I did get his text and was about to respond when Janine called and told me about his affair. After that, Dr Cousins being Dan’s fiancée was the least of my worries. Rather than respond to Greg, I felt like deleting his number from my phone forever.
I can’t hold it in any longer. ‘How could you, Greg?’ I say. ‘How could you stoop so low?’
I hear him swallow hard. Guilt consuming him. He knows exactly what I’m talking about.
‘Miranda, it wasn’t intentional. You know me…’
‘I thought I did.’
‘Jesus, Miranda, listen, will you? You know what it’s been like, all this time, living with Chrissy. The more I tried to reach her, comfort her, the more she pushed me away. She’s not been a proper wife to me for years.’
‘So, you saw picking up a girl half your age as the solution? Rather sad, don’t you think? I expected more from you.’
‘That’s always been your problem, Miranda, you always expect more from me, you always put me on a fucking pedestal, but the fact is, I’m human. I can be weak, gullible.’
I hadn’t expected this admission. He sounds really upset. Like something dreadful’s happened to make him regret his affair. I ask him what it is. He tells me, and after he’s finished speaking, I’m dumbstruck.
‘Miranda, be honest with me—’ Greg’s voice is snappish again ‘—did you pay this Dr Cousins to mess with me and my family, all to get back at me for rejecting you, to get back at Chrissy for taking me from you? Did you send the note, the email, the dress? If so, you need to tell me now, or I swear I’m calling the police.’
Once again, I’m speechless. For him to actually think I’d be capable of such a warped plan is beyond belief. I mean, I was all for splitting him and you up, but I would never in a million years mess with Ella and Daniel’s lives. I would never dream of causing them pain. And I certainly wouldn’t have paid some stranger to sleep with him. I mean, why the hell would I have had a go at him for screwing this woman if I was behind it all? I tell him this.
He doesn’t respond at first.
‘Greg, it’s the truth, I never put Dr Cousins up to anything. She bumped into my car and that’s how we met. It was total and utter chance. Fate.’
I’m too scared to tell him about the crank calls and messages at this point. But I will, at some stage. There can be no more secrets. Even if it means losing him.
More silence. Then Greg says, ‘Or was it?’
I’m confused. ‘How do you mean?’
‘What I mean is, what if it wasn’t fate? What if she had every intention of crashing into you that day?’
It seems incredible, but what if he’s right? Thinking about it, I never braked that hard at the traffic lights. What if she played me too?
‘Give me a couple of hours,’ I say. ‘I’m on pretty good terms with an officer at Newcastle police. He can do a background check on Freya Cousins for me.’
‘Thanks,’ Greg says, his voice softer. ‘I’m on my way to see Chrissy now, I have to warn her she could be in danger. Call me as soon as you hear anything.’
Greg rings off and I am suddenly imbued with a renewed energy. I forget about the bad things I’ve done, about wanting to make you suffer, about Greg’s affair. My entire focus is centred on getting to the bottom of this woman’s abhorrent deception of us all.
Chapter Sixty-Six
Ella
Now
I feel jittery. Mum’s coming over. Something she never does, and I can’t help wondering if she’s on to us, Robyn. She didn’t say a lot on the phone, just that she needs to speak to me urgently about something, and that it has to be in person and can’t wait. It pissed me off because she’s got no right to make demands of me. But there’s little I can do to stop her.
If I say she isn’t welcome, or make myself scarce before she gets here, she’ll only track me down and think I’m hiding something.
I sent you a text to warn you she’s on her way here, but you haven’t responded. I still haven’t been able to get hold of you, and I’m worried something bad’s happened. Every time I call your mobile, it goes to voicemail. I don’t understand why you’ve gone silent on me. You know I love you, plus I’ve done everything you asked of me, so what the fuck are you playing at?
I’m looking out for Mum through the living-room window when I get a text. It’s from Dan. What the hell does he want now?
Dad’s just been over. He asked to see a pic of Freya, and after I showed him one he started acting strange. Vomited in my bathroom, then took off. Said he’d eaten something bad, but he seemed fine before I showed him the pic. Can you think what’s up? Does he know Freya from somewhere? Really confused. D
That’s odd. I know for sure that Dad’s never met Dr Cousins because he told me so, and I guess it’s understandable he was interested to see a photo of her. But why would he react like that after seeing one? Unless he was already feeling iffy but trying his best not to show it, and therefore it was just a coincidence?
All of a sudden I’m worried about him – he’s the only one I care about in my messed-up family – but I’ll wait to call him until after Mum’s been round. I don’t want her turning up while I’m on the phone to him.
And there she is, speak of the Devil. Walking up the street, looking as miserable as ever. Although I’m nervous, I’m also intrigued as to what she wants.
Guess I’ll find out shortly.
Chapter Sixty-Seven
Greg
Now
Bugger. You’re not in. You’re almost always in at this time, Chrissy, so why the hell aren’t you in now? Today of all days.
I let myself inside, at the same time wondering if Miranda’s contact will be able to come up with any information on Dr Cousins. I’m glad I asked her outright if she was involved. My heart told me she wasn’t, but I had to be sure.
The house is unusually cold. It’s unlike you not to have cranked up the heating in winter. It’s as if you’ve been too preoccupied with bigger things to think about it. I switch on the hall light, then go upstairs just to make sure you’ve not passed out drunk on your bed. You’re not there, but I do notice a bottle of pills on the bedside table. Jesus, Chrissy, pills as well as booze? But then it occurs to me that Dr Cousins may have prescribed them. My mistress, Amber, who’s been playing us. Again, I wonder if she’s even a qualified shrink? Is she really Amber or Dr Freya Cousins, or is she neither of these women and a complete imposter – who the hell knows? The certificate on her wall could be fake.
I fish out my phone and call you, but you don’t pick up. Perhaps you’re underground, or your phone is on silent. It’s frustrating, and I can’t just sit here waiting. If I can’t speak to you right now, I’ll go and see Janine; see if she can answer my questions, ask her why she kept silent about Amber being your psychiatrist.
I send you a text. It’s not ideal, I wanted to tell you in person, but it can’t wait. If you’ve gone to see Dr Cousins/Amber, you could be in danger.
Chrissy, I need to speak to you urgently. I just found out that the woman I’ve been seeing is Dr Cousins, but I swear I didn’t know that until today. I don’t think she’s right in the head. She’s playing some kind of game with us. Miranda’s looking into her background for me. Call me as soon as you get this. G
Chapter Sixty-Eight
Daniel
Now
I still don’t get why Dad took off like that. It was like he saw a ghost when I showed him your picture, Freya. Almost like he recognized you. But he can’t have done, because he’s never met you. It makes no sense, and something feels very wrong.
I wish I could talk to you about it. If anyone can help me to make sense of all this, it’s you. It’s what you’re best at. Listening to people, talking them through their problems. Besides, I miss you so much – I miss your face, your body, your conversation – it would be a good excuse to hear your voice.
I pick up the phone and dial your number, but it goes straight to voicemail. Fuck, I need a drink. I go and pour myself a Jack Daniel’s, neat – a beer won’t cut it – then I go and check my phone again, in case you’ve texted. But you haven’t. Someone else has, though, although I don’t recognize the number.
I’m confused, think maybe it’s a mistake and I should just ignore it. But I don’t. I open it, and immediately regret my decision.
It’s a photo of you, naked, straddling a man who’s not me.
It’s Dad.
Chapter Sixty-Nine
Christine
Now
I look at my daughter, and she might as well be a stranger. We don’t even pretend to hug or kiss, we’re too far gone for that. Plus, although I feel awful for saying it, right now I don’t trust her. She’s always been the shrewder of my children, and so I wonder whether she knew the woman she was kissing in the photograph is my psychiatrist and Daniel’s fiancée. And, if so, how she could hurt her brother like that?
I long for it not to be true, for her to be innocent of any prior knowledge. But I won’t know the truth until I’ve asked her point blank. Although it’s come as a shock, I can handle the fact that my daughter is a lesbian, but I need to know whether she deliberately set out to cause me – and, more importantly, her brother – pain.
‘Why are you here, Mum?’
I don’t procrastinate a second longer. I pull out my phone and show her the image, at the same time noticing that I have a missed call and a text from Greg. I can’t deal with that right now, it’ll have to wait.
Ella’s jaw drops. For once, she’s lost for words. But after a time, she finds her voice. ‘Where’d you get that?’
‘It was sent to me.’
‘By who?’
‘I don’t know. I don’t recognize the number.’
‘Show me it.’
‘No. First tell me who this is.’
Her tone becomes smug. ‘So, now you know, Mum, I like women. That cool with you?’
‘That’s it?’ I scrutinize her face for any sign she might be hiding something, but I can’t detect anything.
She arches her brow in surprise. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Who is this woman? What’s her name?’
‘Robyn. Her name is Robyn.’
My stomach flips. What’s going on? Whoever I’ve been having therapy with, whoever Dan’s been dating, whoever Ella’s been kissing, this woman is quite clearly deranged, choosing to play some twisted, elaborate mind game with my family and me.
‘And how did you two meet?’
‘Quite by chance, as it happens. She came into the store one afternoon to escape the rain. We hit it off, had a drink, realized we had a lot in common, and that was that.’
It’s so sad. She looks so pleased with herself, and obviously has no idea that I know her girlfriend.
‘And where is she now?’
Ella tenses. Evidently, all is not right in paradise. ‘Not sure,’ she stammers. ‘I’ve not heard from her for a few days.’ She pauses, then says with some emphasis, ‘Which is unusual because we’re extremely close.’
‘She doesn’t live here, then?’ Of course, I already know the answer to my question.
‘Nope. Has her own place.’
‘Yes, I know; I think I’ve been there.’
Ella looks puzzled, opens her mouth to speak, but I don’t let her.
‘I suspect your brother has too.’
‘What?’
Poor foolish girl. I dread telling her the truth, that she’s been had, but I must, she needs to know.
But before I do, I need to ask her a few more questions. ‘You said you had stuff in common. What?’
‘Hang on a sec,’ she says with the same confused expression. ‘Let’s go back a bit. So you’re not mad that I’m dating a woman? You realize this isn’t
some little experiment I’m having? I’m a full-on lesbo, Mother dearest.’ Her eyes are gleaming, like she’s enjoying her moment of glory, like she wants to hurt me badly, like she hates me so much, disappointing me affords her great pleasure.
I despise myself for what I have done to her. Feel ashamed that it has taken all this to happen for me to acknowledge that. She goes on, trying her best to distress me further.
‘I like fondling tits, going down on women, women going down on me. And that’s what Robyn and I have done. Many, many times. What do you think about that, Mum?’
I’m suddenly woozy, feel short of breath, as a plethora of questions raid my mind. I think of Daniel in bed with this woman, of me, unburdening my darkest secret to her. And I wonder, why is she doing this? To break up my marriage, my entire family? Is she trying to destroy what little there is left of us, and, if so, why? Is she working with the kidnapper? Possibly related to him or her? Again, I think of Miranda, who introduced her to Janine, wondering if she’s mixed up in all this. Whether she took Heidi that day, and then… God I hate to think what then.
‘Mum!’ Ella’s shrill voice brings me back to reality and I realize she still hasn’t responded to my original question about what she and Robyn have in common.
‘I don’t care that you like women, Ella,’ I say. ‘But you haven’t answered my question. What stuff do you and Robyn have in common?’
She doesn’t respond immediately, seems unsure whether to, no doubt pissed off I’m not reacting badly to her being a lesbian. Then finally, she tells me. ‘Her older brother died when he was little. Not the same circumstances as Heidi, because of course we don’t know what happened to her, but the point is he died young. But her mum, instead of retreating into a self-pitying shell like you did, devoted herself to Robyn, showered her with love. She didn’t treat her like she didn’t matter, once her brother was gone.’
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