Chapter Eighty-Eight
Freya
Now
I feel broken from head to toe. I might as well shatter into a million pieces and cease to exist. And who would care? No one, as far as I can tell.
My whole life has been a sham. First, I found out I wasn’t Janine’s real daughter, but Christine’s. Now, I discover I’m not Christine’s either, and I don’t, in fact, have any idea who my real mother and father are. And I have done the most reprehensible things at the behest of a bitter, depraved, manipulative woman.
Everything I am, everything I’ve done, has been based on lies, and I only have one person to blame for that. The twisted woman lying downstairs on the sofa. The woman who has lied to me all my life for the sake of her own sick fixation with getting revenge against the woman she both worshipped and envied.
I feel numb. I’m not even sure I feel human. I slept with Daniel and Ella, thinking we were related. It should be a relief to know we aren’t, but I’m suddenly disgusted with myself for being OK with it at the time. Just as I am disgusted with myself for sleeping with their father, another innocent. One blameless young man is dead because of me, and his sister could so easily have gone the same way. I just hope she can recover and make some sort of life for herself.
But I cannot blame myself. I blame her downstairs. She brainwashed me, made me hate a woman I had no connection to, and she used that hate to her advantage. A hate that can blind you to what’s right and wrong, impede your ability to separate reason from madness.
I don’t know who I am or what I stand for. I serve no purpose, and I feel incapable of forming relationships going forward. How can I be a wife or a mother to another human being, when my view of what it means to be those things is so distorted?
I take the note downstairs with me and lay it on the kitchen table, where I am hoping someone will find it, and the truth will be exposed. Christine deserves to know the truth. And so does what’s left of her family.
Then I walk back into the living room and see her still reclined on the sofa, waiting for me to return with her hankie. Good little Freya. Her servant. Her stooge. How can she lie there, knowing that she deceived me, knowing that I am not Heidi and yet continuing to pretend that I am?
She turns and smiles at me, but quickly reads the look on my face and realizes her mistake in sending me upstairs. She knows that look. She’s seen it in the mirror countless times before. It is the look of revenge.
‘Look, don’t be dramatic, I can explain.’
Just the sound of her voice makes me sick. Before she has a chance to fight back – she’s too weak, in any event – I grab the nearest cushion and, with all the force I can muster, press it hard against her face, just as she did to poor little Heidi. And I keep it there. My entire being filled with hurt, regret, pain and rage at all the lies she’s told, and all the terrible things I’ve done at her command.
I press down harder still with all my might as she kicks and thrashes in vain, until finally, she kicks no more.
I remove the cushion, satisfied that this woman is dead and can do no more harm, then pick up the phone and dial emergency services, give them the address and say, ‘Come quickly. Two women are dead.’
And then I go to the kitchen and find the almost full bottle of lithium my mother keeps in the top cupboard and swallow its entire contents.
Wait for peace to embrace me in death, the way it never did in life.
A letter from A.A. Chaudhuri
Dear Reader, I hope you are keeping well. Firstly, I wanted to thank you for reading my novel. This is my debut psychological thriller with Hera Books and therefore it feels that extra bit special. Having invested so much time in the book, as well as my heart and soul, it really means the world that you have chosen to read it, and it also makes the hours of graft worth it and all the more rewarding.
I began writing this book in April 2017 and once the idea came to me, I very quickly became immersed in Christine’s story which, granted, wasn’t an easy one to tell. Being a mother of two young boys, it was difficult to write at various points, but at the same time, I hope this helped me to convey the sheer horror and incomparable pain of Christine’s, as well as her husband Greg’s, loss. Of course, there is more to this story than the loss of a child, and I hope you found the premise, twists and turns compelling, as well as the characterisation, bearing in mind the story is told through different viewpoints. I very much enjoyed creating each of the characters, with their own distinct idiosyncrasies, as well as getting inside their minds and skins (bearing in mind their gender and age differences) in order to try and see things from their unique perspectives – the how and the why, the backstories/life events that made them the people they are today, and which motivated them to act and think in the way they did. The human mind is a complex thing; none of us, as imperfect human beings, are immune to the feelings, inner turmoil, not to mention uglier, more destructive emotions and desires my characters experience, and I hope this therefore made the book all the more engaging for you.
The story and characters are completely fictional, although the references to law and North London/the City stem from my time living and working in London as a student and a lawyer for thirteen years.
All that being said, if you enjoyed SHE’S MINE, I would be over-the-moon to hear your thoughts via a review, and which I hope might encourage other readers to read it. It’s so rewarding seeing reader reviews; they are inspiring and hugely appreciated, and give me encouragement to keep writing, keep honing and perfecting my craft going forward to the next book and beyond. Incidentally, if you enjoyed this book, I’d love for you to read my next psychological thriller with Hera, due out in the early part of 2022.
Again, thank you for your support on my writing journey and I hope you’ll continue to follow me as I work on new titles.
You can get in touch on my social media pages: Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Linked In. Also, please visit my website for further information on my books, and latest news/blog posts. I’d love to hear from you if you’d like to talk about this book, or anything else for that matter. Readers’ support is the lifeblood of an author’s work, the tonic that keeps them going. I hope you know how grateful I am for your time and trouble.
Best wishes and happy reading.
Alex x
https://www.facebook.com/AAChaudhuri/
https://twitter.com/AAChaudhuri/
https://www.instagram.com/A.A.Chaudhuri/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/a-a-chaudhuri-55a83524/
https://aachaudhuri.com/
Acknowledgements
It goes without saying that writing a book is no easy feat. It takes hours and hours of hard work on the part of the author to bring it to the point of publication. But that point would not be reached without the help and support of others. First and foremost, it is a collective effort, and that being so, there are certain people I would like to thank from the bottom of my heart:
My publishers, Keshini Naidoo and Lindsey Mooney, for taking this book on. When I first learned how much they loved my novel, and wanted to publish it, I was literally dancing around the room. To work with Keshini and Lindsey, two of the most respected, talented, not to mention nicest, people in the industry, who together, have forged such a unique cutting-edge and successful publishing house with Hera Books, is truly a dream come true. It goes without saying that I would not be writing this page without them. My heartfelt thanks to Keshini for her phenomenal editing advice and vision to make this book as compelling as possible. I feel very privileged to have had the benefit of her expertise and can’t thank her enough for her kindness and patience with me throughout the editing process. Just on this note, I must also thank the copy editor, Jon Appleton, whose comments were invaluable, along with the proof-reader, Andrew Bridgmont, for helping to make it as error-free as possible. Thank you also to Head Design for creating such an evocative cover and one that perfectly captures the sense of foreboding and dark, sinister atmosphere of the novel.
&n
bsp; My agent, Annette Crossland, for taking me on, always believing in me, always encouraging me to keep going through thick or thin and who loved this book from the first. Again, I wouldn’t be writing this page without her. She is not just a fabulous agent – always there to listen and advise and champion my writing, to tell me to “hold on, we’ll get there, it’s just a matter of time,” – but also a one-in-a-million friend who makes me laugh.
Kirstie Long of A for Authors for taking the time to read my book in its infancy, for offering me her advice, as well as being a constant source of support, encouragement and friendship.
Awais Khan, author of No Honour and In The Company of Strangers, not just a supremely talented author but who, since we launched our debuts together, has been a true friend, always there to support and encourage me, pick me up and make me laugh when I need it.
Sabine Edwards of Pendleton Events for her support, encouragement and tireless efforts in promoting my work.
Ayo Onatade, for her support and encouragement with my writing, and generally being so gracious and kind.
Chika Ripley, one of the best friends a girl could ask for. I am so grateful to her for reading an early draft despite her crazy work schedule, for always being so supportive, as well as the voice of reason. She really is a Supermum!
To another Supermum, Danielle Price, not only an exceptionally talented blogger, but a great friend, and someone who has selflessly championed my books since I have known her, while inspiring authors like me every day.
To my fellow A for Authors authors for being such a kind, fun and supportive bunch who I can have a laugh with. Being able to see the lighter side of things is so important and their support means the world.
To all the amazing book bloggers out there, with a special mention to the very kind and generous Surjit Parekh, without whom authors would be lost. So many of them have supported my writing journey from the start, and I am just so grateful to them for that. Their love of reading and selfless support is immensely appreciated. Also, the CWA, Capital Crime and radio show Crime Fiction Addiction hosted by the inimitable Jacky Collins, who’ve been immensely supportive, giving me opportunities to talk about and promote my work to a wider audience. The writing community is such a welcoming, supportive one, and I feel very lucky to be a part of it.
Friends and family, of both the writer and non-writer variety, who have supported and encouraged me from the start, and been happy for me. With a special mention to Zoe Gale for reading an early draft.
Last but by no means least, I want to thank my Mum and Dad, my husband, Chris, and my two gorgeous boys, Adam and Henry, for being there for me every step of the way; for their unflinching support, love and belief in me and my dream, and for giving me the time and space to make this book the best version of itself. Collectively, you are my rock, and I feel so lucky to have you in my life and by my side.
First published in the United Kingdom in 2021 by Hera
Hera Books
28b Cricketfield Road
London, E5 8NS
United Kingdom
Copyright © A.A. Chaudhuri, 2021
The moral right of A.A. Chaudhuri to be identified as the creator of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
Ebook ISBN 9781912973736
Print ISBN 9781800326071
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, organizations, places and events are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.
Look for more great books at www.herabooks.com
She's Mine Page 32
