by Liz King
Great. First I’m late, and now I’m pissing her off more. Asshole move, Connor, asshole move. “I’m sorry, baby.” I walk out into the hall and lean back against the door, my head thudding against the wood.
After a few minutes I hear “You can come in now” through the door and I go back inside the tiny exam room. Lynae looks so small sitting on the table with her legs dangling and hospital gown practically swallowing her. She’s looking down at her lap, fidgeting with her fingernails.
I sit in the chair along the wall and scoot closer to her. “I’m so sorry I was late, Sweetness. I lost track of time at the shop.” I gently rest my hand on her knee and she jerks her head in my direction.
“I thought you weren’t coming.” She takes a deep breath. “I was sitting in that waiting room all alone with the other couples.”
That’s what’s bothering her. I am such a dick! I should have insisted on picking her up to bring her to this appointment instead of meeting her here. She was in a room full of happy couples and I wasn’t there. God, I want to kick my own ass.
I get up from the chair and move so that I’m standing directly in front of her between her dangling legs. “Lynae, I’m sorry. I promise you that I was not planning on missing this. I lost track of time. I’ll pick you up next time.” I cup her face in my hands and my heart breaks to see the tears forming in her eyes.
Lynae shakes her head and brings her hand up to wipe underneath her right eye. “Damn hormones,” she mumbles. “I’m just overreacting. You have a life to attend to.”
“Baby, you’re my life. I’m gonna prove it to you and make it up to you,” I say as I press a gentle kiss to her forehead. How can she think that there is anything I’d rather be doing than being wherever she is? If I had my way, I’d move her into my apartment and never let her out of my sight.
The door opens and the doctor walks in with a medical assistant right behind her. “Good afternoon, Lynae. How are you feeling?” she says to Lynae, then turns to me. “Hi there, you must be Connor? I’m Dr. Parsons.” The doctor extends her hand out for me to shake and I introduce myself.
Dr. Parsons performs a physical exam and takes some measurements of Lynae’s belly. She asks her a few questions and Lynae responds. I hadn’t realized that Lynae had been having so many issues with nausea, and I feel awful that Saturday morning is the first time I knew about it. I mentally kick myself for not asking Gabbi about it when I’d get my updates on her. I had only been concerned if she still hated me or not. I just sit there beside Lynae’s head trying to take everything in.
After a few minutes, another person comes in with the ultrasound machine. I recognize it from when Lynae was in the hospital. Dr. Parsons squirts some gel onto Lynae’s abdomen, and starts taking pictures and more measurements. The blob on the screen looks a little bigger than the last time I saw it. The fast “swooshing” sound fills the room and my chest starts to pound. That’s my baby on the screen. That little person in there is something Lynae and I created.
Lynae’s eyes never leave the monitor as the ultrasound wand moves around and over her. My breath catches when she extends her hand out to grab mine and holds it tight. I can see tears swimming in her caramel eyes, but they look like happy tears. I hope they are. I know that a baby certainly wasn’t planned, or something that I would say I’m really ready for, but I wouldn’t change the fact Lynae is having my baby for a second. I can’t ever imagine someone better as the mother of my children. I just need to prove to her that I can and will be the man she needs and wants.
“Everything is looking just as it should, Lynae. The baby is measuring appropriately and your ultrasound looks good,” Dr. Parsons says while she wipes the excess gel off Lynae’s belly. “I am concerned about your weight, though. Are you eating enough?” She raises the head of the bed so that Lynae is in a sitting position again.
Lynae looks down at her lap and chews on her bottom lip. “I am trying. The morning sickness is really bad in the mornings, and I’m trying to eat more for lunch and dinner.” She glances at me briefly, then continues. “I’ve been under a lot of stress lately, and I haven’t really had a lot of appetite most days.”
Stress. That I caused. I want to not only kick my own ass, but I want to kill myself for putting my sweetness through all of this. “I’ll make sure she eats more.” I place my hand over hers and address Dr. Parsons: “I will make it my number one job to ensure that Lynae takes care of what she needs to.”
Dr. Parsons nods her head, then leaves the room let Lynae get dressed again. I don’t wait around for her to ask me to leave, I step outside the door as well. I see Dr. Parsons standing at high counter down the hall a little ways, so I go up to ask her a few questions.
“I’m worried about Lynae. It’s my fault she’s been under so much stress and…” My words trail off. How much does she know about our history? Does she know about the fall?
Dr. Parsons sets the chart down she was writing in and turns to face me. “Connor, I know what happened. I’ve been Lynae’s doctor for several years. I’ve seen her chart. Stress can cause issues during pregnancy, so you need to make sure she has as little stress as possible. Right now, the baby looks fine. Lynae just needs to makes sure she eats more regularly and stays hydrated. Her blood pressure was a little low, but then again, she’s always been like that.”
“I promise. I’ll keep an eye on her. She hasn’t been letting me be around, but that’s gonna change. Lynae won’t be able to keep me away,” I tell Dr. Parsons as I hear the door open and close. Lynae is dressed again and walking towards us.
“Thank you, Kim. I’ll see you in a few weeks, I guess. Just schedule my next appointment at the front?” Lynae asks, hiking her giant purse further up on her shoulder. I reach out to take it from her. I don’t want her carrying anything. Now, let’s see if I can talk her into letting me take her to dinner. I need to feed her.
Chapter Fourteen
Lynae
I thought he wasn’t going to show. My heart was breaking as I sat there in that waiting room all by myself. After Connor and I woke up Saturday night, he asked to stay, or for me to go back to his apartment with him so we could talk things over. I wasn’t ready. And then he asked to see me on Sunday. I had told him I needed some time to think. I figured since I had pushed him away with both of his attempts at talking, he had given up on me and decided not to come to the appointment after all. I wouldn’t have been surprised. I keep pushing him away. I tried not to get angry at him when he finally did come running through the door to the office, but I couldn’t help myself. Damn hormones.
I spent the weekend holed up in my apartment. I didn’t respond to Michelle’s requests to hang out, and I told Daddy that I didn’t feel like going out on Sunday. He came over anyway, just to check on me. Daddy kept trying to get me to talk about Connor. It seems like he feels that I should talk to him and let him have a chance to explain himself. That really confuses me to no end. I would have thought that Daddy would have been on my side and wanting to kill Connor after everything that happened.
Instinct made me reach out for his hand when Kim was doing the ultrasound. I didn’t get to see my first one, since it was done while I was still unconscious from the accident. Seeing the tiny little baby on the screen made my heart swell with the most overwhelming joy I’ve ever had. I didn’t know it was possible to have so much love in my heart before that moment. Hearing the heart beating was amazing. That little baby is a part of both me and Connor.
God, how I wish things were different. This is supposed to be a happy and exciting time; it’s unexpected, yes, but we should be celebrating and feeling ecstatic, not tiptoeing around each other. Those same jolts of electricity shot through my arm from the contact of Connor’s callused hand. I could feel his eyes on me, but I couldn’t look way from my baby. Our baby. It really did look like a little jellybean on the screen. I need to talk to Connor about Seth. And I need to talk to Seth. I’ve made such a mess of things.
After changing
back into my clothes and walking out of the exam room, I see Connor talking with Kim. I can’t hear what they’re talking about, but he has his head down and he looks upset. I move towards them, and Connor looks up at me. As soon as our eyes lock, I feel like I can’t breathe. His eyes pull me in. Every. Damn. Time.
“Baby, come on, let’s go get some dinner,” Connor says, holding his hand out for me to take.
I look from his hand back to his eyes. I can’t stop my feet from bringing me closer to him. I lift my tote bag up my arm and look at Kim. “Thank you, Kim. I’ll see you in a few weeks, I guess. Just schedule my next appointment at the front?” I ask.
Connor immediately takes my bag off my arm and lifts it over his shoulder. “You shouldn’t be carrying this thing. It weighs like you have a shit ton of bricks in it.” He grunts.
Kim laughs at Connor then smiles at me. “Yes, Lynae, I’ve sent the orders to the front, just make your appointment on your way out. Remember, you need to start eating a little more,” she says, then turns to Connor. “It was nice meeting you, Connor.”
“Thanks, Dr. Parsons. I’ll see you at the next appointment. I’ll be on time this time, I promise.” He places his hand on my lower back to lead me to the reception desk.
I schedule my next appointment and program it in my phone while Connor does the same with his phone.
Walking out of the office towards the elevators to the parking garage, Connor suggests, “Lynae, let’s just leave your car here. I’ll take you home and pick you up in the morning to take you to work.”
It’s the same parking garage I use for work, since the medical office building is adjacent to the hospital. It’s convenient. I didn’t have to try to find somewhere to park. I just hung out in the break room after work for a few extra minutes before walking over here. I cock my head at him.
“I can drive, Connor,” I try to say through a muffled yawn.
Connor shakes his head and grabs my hand. “Damn it, Lynae, I know you’re pissed at me. I’m an ass. For so many reasons. You’re coming to dinner. I’m driving you. End of story,” he says as the elevator doors close.
I don’t even try to argue. Truth is, I don’t really want to. And I’m not really mad at him. I was scared. And worried. Okay, a little mad, but now I’m a confused mess. “Fine. We’ll go wherever you want to go.” I hold my hand in front of me, indicating for him to lead the way.
Connor looks like he releases a deep breath he’d been holding while waiting on my reply. “Feel up to some pizza or calzones? We can go to Gia’s near the garage?”
I nod and exit the elevator. I spot his car immediately and walk over to the passenger side to wait for him to open my door. When Connor comes up behind me I can’t help but inhale his scent. He smells clean and fresh. I don’t really know what it is about him that makes him smell the way he does, it’s just something that’s distinctly Connor.
I turn my head to tell him I’d rather he just take me home, but when I look up into his eyes, I can’t. I want to be with him. “Connor, can we get it to go, then go back to your place?” I’m exhausted from work today and the stress of thinking that he wasn’t going to come.
“Anything you want,” Connor says, opening the door and helping me into his car. When he gets behind the wheel, he pulls his phone back out of his pocket and calls in a takeout order so it will be ready by the time we get there.
The drive to Gia’s and then back to his apartment fortunately doesn’t take long. The aroma of garlic and cheese has my stomach growling and my mouth watering by the time we pull in behind the garage. I laugh as I place my hands on my belly. “I’m more hungry than I thought.”
Connor smirks and gets out of the car to come around to open my door. He leads me through the garage and up towards the stairs. The door’s open, and I can hear the guys and Gabbi laughing and carrying on in the kitchen. I hadn’t expected to see everyone here. I don’t know why; Connor’s apartment was always the central hangout location. When we walk in, everyone stops talking. You could hear a pin drop in the silence.
Seth is sitting at the island in the kitchen eating a bowl of ice cream when we walk in. The spoon, on its way to his mouth, clatters back into the bowl when he glances up and spots me. I haven’t seen or spoken to him since he saw me running out of this apartment the other morning. The stool scrapes against the floor as he stands to leave.
I stop where I am and look down at the floor. I can’t look him in the eye. Luckily, Gabbi breaks the awkward silence by bouncing over and pulling me into a hug. “How did the ultrasound go? Please tell me they printed off some pictures! I wanna see!”
“Good, I have the pictures in my purse. I’ll get them out.”
Connor sets the food down on the counter, then comes up behind me. With his hand on the small of my back, he leads me over to the couch and makes me sit down as soon as Gabbi lets me out of her embrace. “Come on Lynae, you put your feet up. You can show her after you eat. I’ll get you a plate.”
I curl up in the corner of the couch, and notice Connor and Seth eyeing each other and talking when Connor goes back into the kitchen.
“Yeah, okay,” Connor says quietly in response to something Seth says to him before bringing me a plate and glass of water.
Seth leaves without saying anything else. I hate the tension between him and Connor. I hate knowing I’m the reason behind it. Connor settles on the couch beside me. He’s left a little distance between us, I think to make me feel more comfortable.
I start picking at my calzone, taking small bites in between sips of water. Wade and Marcus bring in plates and sprawl out on the floor in front of us. Gabbi has made herself comfortable in the recliner next to me.
“So, how are you, Nae?” Marcus asks tentatively, looking up at me.
I finish chewing and swallow my food. Looking down at Marcus I feel nervous. He didn’t come see me in the hospital, so this is the first time I’ve seen him.
“I’m okay,” I reply quietly, then lower my head to look at my lap. I don’t know why I feel so uncomfortable talking to him. I guess it’s just that I’m worried about what he thinks of me now.
Marcus sets his plate down and moves closer to me. “We really miss you. You are part of our crazy ass family, and I hope you come back to it. We all love you.”
“Damn straight,” Wade says through a mouth full of food, marinara sauce dribbling down his chin.
“Thank you,” I reply. I feel like I’m having a hard time finding my voice.
“Seriously, Lynae. We are all really sorry.” Marcus smiles up at me.
Connor moves closer to me on the couch and places his hand on my knee, giving it a gentle squeeze, trying to reassure me. I nod my head and finish my dinner in silence. I can feel Connor’s eyes on me the entire time. I want to talk to him. My heart wants to mend this painful rift that’s between us. Oh how I wish I could go back in time and change so many things! I wouldn’t have pushed him to tell me what was bothering him that night. I would have tried to offer him what little comfort he would allow.
After everyone finishes eating, I pull out the pictures from the ultrasound and show Gabbi, Wade and Marcus as they crowd around me. The smile tugging at the corner of my mouth feels so good. Looking at the grainy black and white photo of our baby makes my heart swell. I glance up to see Connor staring at me with an intense look in his eyes.
Chapter Fifteen
Connor
“Alright, y’all. Clear out,” I say, standing up.
I really need to talk to Lynae, and I can tell she’s tired. I hope that Wade takes the hint and will stay at Gabbi’s tonight. I want Lynae to stay here tonight, but I know that she’ll probably refuse. I don’t blame her. I’m still a little surprised she agreed to let me drive her over here from our appointment. Sure, I “told” her she was coming with me, but that didn’t mean she would agree without a fight. I was expecting her to dig in her heels and argue with me.
Marcus gets up and tosses his paper plate in the trash
can, then walks back over to where Lynae is curled up on the couch. He leans down and whispers something in her ear and kisses her on the cheek. I want to yank his ass away from her, but the sweet smile she gives him has me staying put. Please, for the love of God, tell me he’s trying to tell her to forgive me and take me back.
Gabbi and Wade thankfully leave right after Marcus. Lynae and I have the apartment to ourselves. I walk back over to the couch and sit down beside her. She’s still staring at her lap and fidgeting with her fingers.
“Thank you for dinner,” she says quietly.
“Baby, you don’t have to thank me. It’s my job to take care of you,” I tell her, taking one of her hands into mine. “I know I haven’t been doing that lately, but I really want the chance to try to do it again.”
Her eyes meet mine, and my heart skips a beat in my chest. I swear I could get lost in those caramel depths. I tug on her hand and bring her closer to me. She’s chewing on her bottom lip nervously. I can see the indecision in her eyes.
“Connor, I want to. I really do. I just need us to take this slower. There are so many things we need to talk about before I feel like we can move on.” She looks back down at her lap.
I take my hand and lift her chin up so she’s facing me again. I want so badly to lean over and kiss her. Her telling me that she wants to give me another chance is the best thing I could have heard. I know we need to talk. I just can’t bear the thought of her hating me when she finds out everything that I’ve been hiding.
“We can take this as slow as you need to. Just the fact that you are here and willing is all I need right now.”
Lynae nods her head and brings her hand up to cup my face. “I am so scared and so confused, Connor.” She takes a deep breath. “My mind is telling me that you and I are only going to end up hurting one another again. You didn’t trust me, and you jumped to conclusions. If you can’t trust me, I don’t know how we can move forward. But my heart tells me that I need you.”
