Which left her with a choice to make.
She could give Alekzander a grace period to mourn the losses he’d taken, wait until Vasily was back on his feet, then pack Lekzi up and leave with Sheppard, Lupin, and Sheppard’s family lawyer at her side. Lekzi would be without her father in her life and without a loving family at her back. She would be raised by a mother who was only half a person because she was being forced to live without the man who completed her. But the baby would be safe from possible harm.
Or, Sacha could fully commit to the life she’d chosen when she’d walked into Alekzander’s arms after he told her their organization was basically big business that had a darker side he would always do his best to keep her away from. She could fully commit to the path she’d chosen when she’d walked back into Alekzander’s arms after he told her of his reasons for breaking her heart sixteen months ago. And she could fully commit to the path she’d chosen when she’d given herself to Alekzander, body and soul, each time they’d made love since coming back together. In all those instances, she’d chosen him. She’d chosen to be with the man who’d touched her so deeply that he was now a part of her. Lekzi had known her father from day one because Sacha had never stopped sharing him with her. The stories had been shadowed with grief and anger, but she’d shared them nonetheless, and her love had poured out of her with every word she’d spoken to the child they’d created together. In the darkness, when they’d lain in bed in that small, lonely apartment, Sacha had told her baby of every date Alekzander had ever taken her on, of every small gift he’d ever given her, of every happy moment she’d shared with a man who’d stripped her of her life as surely as he’d stripped her of her title as his.
Something he’d done because his love for Sacha equaled what she felt for him.
How could she let Sergei, a sociopathic corpse, make all of that irrelevant by allowing his actions to tear apart the fragile family tapestry that was only now coming together?
The answer had been simple. She couldn’t.
Lucas opened the car door, and she rode up in the elevator, comfortably sandwiched between him and Grigori. As they walked down the quiet hallway, she smoothed her hair and blinked when Grigori handed her a key.
Grateful, she accepted it. “I had not thought of that,” she admitted with a sheepish smile.
“Anton gave it to me. But Alek would have answered if I did not have it.”
She nodded and used it, holding the door for them. They shook their heads.
“Excuse me.”
She jumped before moving aside so Anton could also go out into the corridor. Alekzander’s bodyguard took the handle, and with an amicable look, closed the door in her face. Lovely. Now they could stand out there with nothing to do but imagine her and Alekzander having sex. She shrugged.
Coming into the home they’d once shared wasn’t as harrowing as she’d thought it was going to be. She felt a twang of regret when she saw their initials in the middle of the floor, but was then filled with warmth when she tripped over a pair of Italian leather dress shoes.
She left her own on because she knew he liked having her in shoes. Would he want to have her? she wondered. For the last few days and nights, he’d touched her constantly, but they hadn’t had sex.
Crossing the foyer, she smoothed her dress over her hips, feeling that prickling in her fingers and the soles of her feet that she always felt just before seeing him. Her feelings for this man were overwhelming. They had been right from the start and had never settled into something she felt able to handle. Her knees were weak, she realized as she took a slow breath to steady herself.
The sound of her heels clicking signified her approach so he was turning from the window as she entered the main room. Now her chest felt heavy. She looked around as she crossed to him, noting the table in the dining room was set for dinner, but she didn’t linger on any one thing because she was too busy moving into Alekzander’s hard body. His dark suit and tie were immaculate, as always. But something was different.
She slipped her arms around his waist and kissed a bruise on the side of his clean-shaven jaw that he’d gotten from his fight with Sergei. He also had a black eye. “Hello, my sun,” she greeted in their own language.
His arms came around her, and her eyes slid closed because it just felt so right. She rested her head on his chest and was surprised at how quickly his heart was beating. But she didn’t mention it.
“I did not know you planned to have your hair cut.” She drew back and sifted her fingers through the shorter strands flirting higher up on his forehead than she’d gotten used to. Now he looked polished. “It is very sexy.” She went further into the thick mass and gently fisted a handful. “Yes,” she nodded, as though it had passed a test. “It is still long enough for when I need it.”
A slow smile lifted the corners of his mouth, and with a glowing flame burning in the backs of his icy eyes, he slid his fingers into her hair. He did as she’d done and closed his hands into fists. With the hold, he pulled her in and kissed her.
“Is Lekzi with the girls?” he asked after he drew back.
She nodded. “With Nika and Sydney. They called dips before Eva could make it downstairs from Vasily’s room.”
He chuckled and feathered his fingers through her long strands before letting them fall to her shoulders. “Dibs.”
“Oh, yes. Dibs.” It was so nice to hear humor in his voice that she thought she might start messing her expressions up on purpose.
“Do you think you would be okay leaving her with them overnight?”
Her eyes flashed up from his tie, and she was just about to say no, absolutely not. She found she couldn’t. “Yes, I can do that for you if you promise we’ll go home to her first thing in the morning.” His eyes traced her face for so long she began to feel nervous.
“I can do that for you,” he mimicked before taking her jaw and kissing her again. It was gentle. Soft. Leisurely. When his tongue came out, she opened for him and welcomed him by meeting him halfway. They didn’t tangle but stroked. Despite feeling him grow hard against her belly, he ended the pleasure. “I shouldn’t be enjoying you so much.”
Her brows pulled down. “Yes, you should. You should always enjoy me. Each time we touch I enjoy it so much it is unnatural.”
“That isn’t what I meant, but it doesn’t matter.” He released her and went to the bar. “Would you like a drink before dinner? The food should arrive anytime.”
“No, thank you.” She looked around, taking in more details now. Nothing had changed. It was still the same place she’d loved, minus all her dust collectors. “I could have cooked for you.”
“I know.”
She looked at his stiff back. Maybe it was time she made a move by showing him the new stockings and garters she’d bought while out with Sydney and Eleanor this morning. Sacha had needed some things for Lekzi, and shopping with the Australian and her soon-to-be daughter had been fun. Before they’d left the mall with their entourage of security, Sacha had nearly died of embarrassment when Sydney had dragged into a lingerie store.
She blushed now as she remembered paying for her purchases with Grigori standing next to her. The see-through bra she’d thought was such a great idea was now making her nervous. Had she not pumped before leaving home, she knew she’d have ruined its beauty by stashing a couple of pads in it. God, she needed to work on her sexy.
“I am going to wash up,” she blurted, feeling nervous.
He nodded without turning. Oh, how she hated that unless they were touching, she felt as if he was shutting her out.
She took her time in the bathroom where she used the facilities and washed her hands. She finger-combed her hair and made sure her mascara hadn’t flaked. When she opened the door, she paused and listened. When all was quiet, she went right rather than left. She could see the door at the end of the hallway was ajar, and she slowed to a crawl. Bracing herself, she crossed the threshold and flipped the light switch.
She didn�
��t try to fight them but allowed the memories to come at her. The tender moments, the fights, the playtime, the sex. All of it beat against her, and she let it, took as much as she could get. Those moments were a part of her life with Alekzander, and she would cherish each and every one because one day they might be all she had. The thought had her eyes burning as she took in the familiar camel-colored walls with the snow white crown molding that separated them from the high ceiling. Framed prints of dancers in formal dress, waltzing, heads held high, frames locked, were staggered in a beautiful display on the wall next to the armoire Alekzander had used. The furnishings were heavy and a perfect mix of masculine and feminine. They’d suited the inhabitants of the room so well.
It was too bad she and Alekzander weren’t the same people they’d been.
Hoping she’d hear the main door—so she’d know it was safe to walk out without fear the delivery person would get an eyeful—she wandered over to peek into the walk-in closet in hopes of finding an abandoned robe.
What she saw had her fingers stilling the process of loosening the wrap around her shoulders.
“Oh, Alekzander…” she whispered.
♦ ♦ ♦
Alek rubbed at his throbbing chest and wished he could shove his hand under his ribs and massage the ache out of his heart. He stood at the bar with his head bowed for another minute, even though he wanted to barge into the bathroom and get this over with.
He planned to tell Sacha how fucking hard he loved her. How deep it went. He’d already apologized repeatedly for all he’d put her through. But he’d yet to beg her forgiveness because she and their daughter had been drawn into a world he’d promised to keep her safe from.
Then he had to sneak in the option he knew he had to give her. The one that would make it so she could walk away.
A nauseating fear consumed him at the thought of living without her again. Even if he took Lekzi out of the equation, he couldn’t go a day without his family, and that family began and ended with Sacha. He’d settled back into their love without even realizing it, and if she left, forcing him to spend his life with her just out of his reach as they raised their daughter together… Fuck. Just, no.
But as Vasily had told him yesterday while Alek had sat by his bedside, drowning in relief that he was able to do so, the decision to stay had to be Sacha’s.
“Fuck this,” he mumbled as he shoved away from the bar.
Fine. He would give her a choice. And if he thought she might be leaning toward the wrong one, he would try to sway her.
Decided, he was just about to go to her when a knock sounded. His phone chimed at the same time with a text from Anton.
Food is here.
Going out to the foyer, he let two men in chef’s jackets in and tried to be friendly while they unloaded. Telling them to leave everything on the counter, he over-tipped them and sent them on their way, reassuring them he was okay to plate and serve.
Go time.
When he got there, he frowned at the empty bathroom then continued on. He walked into their bedroom and stopped short. She was standing in the doorway of the closet. The silky wrap, black dress, and three-inch heels held his attention for only a moment. She swiped at her face before turning to him. Her perfect brows were puckered above her eyes that she’d done to accentuate the upturned corners. If the aw in her expression was anything to go by, she liked his sad little secret.
He didn’t have to look to know what it was. The left side of the closet was nearly empty but for a couple of suits. The right side, on the other hand, was full. Every item he’d ever bought her—dresses, skirts, blouses, shoes, t-shirts, pants, nightwear-sets—hung in the exact place she’d left them the day she walked out the door.
“What is this, Alekzander?”
He jammed his hands into the front pockets of his slacks as he walked over. Halfway there, she nearly sent him to the floor when, with a distracted flick of her wrist, she threw off her wrap to reveal perfection. Tits or ass, he didn’t know where to look first. He looked away.
“They’re your things,” he got out in a voice rough with lust.
His eyes came back. Fuck. He wanted his mouth on the curve of her waist. Her bare waist, tongue to skin, fingers buried deep between her legs. Here, she could let go and be the beautifully noisy lover he remembered. He wanted his ears ringing.
Her gaze swung up to meet his when he stopped beside her. “Yes, I…I see that,” she said haltingly. “But, why?”
He shrugged one shoulder, not knowing how to answer. “I…they’re your things. I couldn’t touch them. I tried a few times. Not to remove them but to feel them, hoping to feel you. Didn’t work. Eventually, I had to stop coming here altogether. Couldn’t handle it anymore.”
She dabbed at her eyes with the tips of her ring fingers in that way women did. “I like that.”
His lip quirked.
“But I hate that we lost all that time,” she added.
He nodded, feeling responsible. “Not as much as I do.” He took her hand and led her from the room before he tumbled her onto the bed and destroyed her instead of their waiting meal. “Food’s here. We can talk while we eat.”
They got everything ready together, and he’d never enjoyed more the little touches and fleeting smiles she gave without thought.
Once they sat, he poured the chardonnay and wasn’t sure he’d be able to swallow a bite of the grilled chicken and mushroom risotto. He handed Sacha a glass and picked up his own, holding it over the table until she met his gaze.
“Would you like to do the honors?”
She lifted a bare shoulder. “You have always done this. What would I say?”
“Say what you feel,” he encouraged, loving her beyond words.
She was quiet for a moment. “May I tell you something I have wanted to for a long time?”
“Of course.”
She put her glass down without drinking from it, and he followed her lead.
“I will speak as though in the past. Okay?”
Sweat broke out on the back of his neck as he nodded.
She was quiet for a stretch and then she said, “I went to the doctor’s appointment you set up for me today.”
Alek’s blood froze in his veins when what she was doing became apparent with that one sentence. She was going to tell him what she’d planned on telling him the night he’d broken them. “Oh?” he said through a tight throat. “Is everything all right? Did you mention you might need an iron supplement?”
His heart hammered when the tips of her fingers came up to cover her mouth. “I did,” she whispered. “He did not seem worried about it.”
Their eyes remained lock. “Then he’s an asshole because something is obviously wrong with you.”
She giggled, the sound shaky, and rested her clasped hands together on the edge of the table, leaning in slightly. “He was actually quite pleasant.”
How many times since he’d learned of his daughter’s existence had he wondered what this conversation would have been had he not done what he had? Miraculously, she was giving this to him. Taking from him one of his regrets. Replacing it with yet another incredible memory.
“He suggested I pick up some vitamins on my way home from my appointment.”
Alek just stared. Couldn’t say a goddamn thing.
“Prenatal vitamins.”
Flames of regret and longing singed his throat. He wanted to be there to hold her hair back during bouts of morning sickness.
“He said I should have brought my significant other to the appointment because he liked to make such announcements to both parties.”
He wanted to see her belly grow with their daughter, feel the excitement of that first kick.
“He warned me the coming months would bring many changes, but because I am young, I should have no problems.”
He wanted to listen to her complain about her clothes not fitting properly, hear her ask Do I look fat to you? Am I bigger today than I was yesterday?
; “He asked me if my partner was a supportive man or if you were one of those busy professionals that might make me attend my remaining appointments alone. He wanted to meet you once before the big day.”
He wanted to lay next to her in bed while she slept and talk to Lekzi while she was still safe and protected within the beautiful body he loved. He wanted so badly to tell his child what an amazing person she would soon meet; her mother.
“I told him you were wonderful and that you would be very supportive.”
Moisture dripped from his eyes and he slowly brought his hand up to jam his finger and thumb into his burning sockets, losing sight of the one who held his life in her hands.
“I told him you would love the baby I carried as much as you love me.”
“I do,” he whispered hoarsely as he dropped his hand. “You were my best friend. The very best part of my life. And I fucked it up so badly. I won’t do that again. If you stay with me, if you choose to stay with me, I’ll do everything I can to make it so you never regret your decision.”
Before he could hear a no, and like so many men before him, he left his chair and went to the floor at his woman’s feet. She shook her head. “Oh, no. Oh, Alekzander, no. You do not have to do this,” she whispered as moisture welled in her eyes. “I am yours. I will always be yours. I made my choice long ago. You do not have to do this.”
Those amazing words had him dropping his head into her lap. He couldn’t get a word out as his heart expanded until his love for her filled him completely. She stroked his hair and gave him the time he needed.
“I love you. Passionately and obsessively. I have from the moment we met. From your mind-blowing beauty to your soft, generous heart and brilliant mind I’m ashamed to say I attempted to stifle because of jealousy. You’re my greatest weakness and my greatest strength.” He squeezed his eyes shut and hurled himself off the cliff.
Slipping his hand into his pocket, he took out the small box and flipped it open with his thumb. Lifting his head right along with his arm, he locked onto her gold eyes and begged for his life.
Ultimate Vengeance (Wanted Men Book 4) Page 37
