by Amy Andrews
She looked at Charlie, at the world, with such trust in those big blue eyes and Carrie felt irrational mother’s guilt rear its ugly head. If she’d had been there maybe this wouldn’t have happened.
‘OK, now, I need to have a look at your chin. Do you want Mummy or me to pull the plaster off?’
Dana looked solemnly from one to the other. ‘Mummy,’ she announced.
Carrie smiled and kissed Dana on the head. ‘Fast or slow, baby?’
‘Fast,’ Dana replied.
Carrie peeled up a corner of the plaster. ‘OK, ready…steady…’
‘Go!’ Dana pronounced.
Carrie ripped it off quickly without a peep from Dana. ‘Ugh,’ she said, looking at the gaping hole beneath. ‘That definitely needs fixing.’
Dana nodded. ‘Naughty pot plant.’
Charlie chuckled and sat on a mobile stool in front of Carrie’s daughter and snapped some gloves on. ‘Can I have a look, Sleeping Beauty?’
Dana giggled. ‘You can fix it, can’t you, Charlie?’
Charlie felt his heart melt at Dana’s four-year-old innocence. Her big blue eyes were irresistibly gorgeous. So this was how it would be to have your own child, your own flesh and blood, looking at you like you were Superman. Could he fix it? At the moment he could have slain a dragon for her.
He tilted her chin up and examined the damage. The cut wasn’t very deep and only about a centimetre long, but gaped in the middle. It had stopped bleeding. ‘I reckon I can fix that as good as new.’ The wound edges were straight, which would make for a neat scar.
‘Susie says that you sew it up just like Grandma does when she sews my buttons back on.’
‘Susie is very smart,’ Charlie confirmed. ‘Open your mouth, sweetie.’ Charlie smiled as Dana obeyed instantly, opening it as wide as it could go. Her neat white teeth all appeared to be intact. ‘Now, bite down, like this.’ Charlie demonstrated. ‘Like you’re eating a great big steak.’
Dana followed suit. Her bite seemed even enough. He felt along her jaw up to the angle both sides. ‘Well, I don’t think you did any more damage.’
He glanced at up at Carrie to confirm it. She was looking at him with such an intense stare that he momentarily forgot about Dana sitting in front of him. He momentarily forgot to breathe.
‘Charlie.’
Charlie could hear Dana’s high voice but Carrie’s stare was distracting in the extreme.
‘Charlie!’ Dana tugged at his sleeve.
‘Sorry, sweetie,’ he said, breaking eye contact with Carrie. ‘Let’s get you sewn up.’ He stood up and walked over to the tray of instruments he’d prepared earlier, taking deep cleansing breaths. What the hell had that look been about? He didn’t know what it meant but he did know that he hadn’t been able to look away.
When he’d turned around again, Carrie had helped Dana lie back, her head right at the end of the table, and was fussing around, getting her in position.
‘OK, Dana,’ he said, rolling a trolley towards the bed and dragging the stool around to the head, ‘what’s your favourite thing in the whole world?’ He snapped the light on above her head. It was attached to the wall via a long angled arm.
Dana giggled. ‘That’s easy. It’s my mummy.’
Good choice, kid. ‘What else?’
Dana looked at her mother for an answer. Carrie smiled and shrugged. ‘Hmm…I think…oh, ding rolls.’
Charlie raised an eyebrow at Carrie.
‘Spring rolls. She loves Chinese takeaway.’
‘Ah.’ He nodded. ‘My favourite, too. What do you want to be when you grow up?’
‘A ballerina.’
‘Ah.’ Charlie winked at Carrie. ‘So you like to dance?’
Dana nodded vigorously and sighed. ‘I love it.’
Charlie double-gloved and Carrie raised a quizzical eyebrow. ‘Second nature around here,’ he said dismissively.
Carrie nodded. She supposed it would be in a place where drug addicts with who knew what needed regular resuscitation.
‘Now.’ He returned his attention to Dana. ‘I’ll do you a deal,’ he said, flicking the bubbles out of the syringe full of local anaesthetic. ‘If you can lie nice and still for me while I fix your chin, I’ll let you dance to my jukebox.’
‘What’s a dukebox?’ Dana asked.
‘Jukebox. Like in Happy Days,’ Carrie explained.
Dana’s eyes lit up. ‘You have your very own dukebox, Charlie? Really?’
Charlie smiled. ‘Really.’
‘I promise I’ll keep very still, Charlie, really I will.’
Carrie laughed at her daughter’s wide-eyed exuberance. ‘Charlie’s going to put some stuff into your cut to make it go all numb so you can’t feel it when he sews it up. It’ll sting a bit.’
‘Like what the dentist put in Emmett’s mouth?’
Charlie raised an eyebrow at Carrie and then looked back down at his patient. ‘Who’s Emmett? Is he your boyfriend?’
Dana giggled again. ‘No, silly. He’s my cousin. He’s twelve and he had to have a filling ’cos he doesn’t floss.’
Charlie smiled at Carrie again. ‘Oh, dear. Do you floss?’
Dana nodded solemnly. ‘Every night. Mummy makes me.’
Charlie laughed, totally charmed by Dana. ‘That’s what mummies are for.’ He glanced at Carrie again and felt warm all over at the love and pleasure he saw in her eyes.
Carrie swallowed hard. Charlie was being so good with Dana. Their rapport had been instant from the night of the accident. She didn’t need this man in her life. Making her crazy. Making her daughter laugh. Kissing her.
‘OK, now, enough chatter. Hold my hand, Dana, and shut your eyes. Remember to stay very, very still. Squeeze Mummy’s hand when it starts to sting. Squeeze it really hard. It’ll be over soon and then you can go and have a dance.’
‘OK, Mummy,’ Dana said, shutting her eyes and screwing up her face.
Charlie smiled as he adjusted the position of Dana’s chin. He nodded at Carrie. ‘Ready?’ he mouthed. Carrie nodded back and he could tell from the way she was holding Dana that she was ready to use her body to keep Dana still if she bucked.
Charlie inserted the fine needle into the edge of the wound. Dana flinched slightly but stayed still. But that was the easy part. Lignocaine stung like mad and he sent up a silent prayer that Dana would continue to be good. He slowly injected the local anaesthetic agent.
‘Mummy?’ Dana’s eyes opened. ‘It’s hurting, Mummy.’
‘It’s OK, darling, squeeze my hand hard. It won’t hurt for long,’ Carrie said, rising and lying gently across Dana’s body in case she tried to kick or twist. She could see tears shining in Dana’s eyes and felt guilt and pride in equal measure. ‘Mummy’s giving you a special hug, see? You’re being so brave, isn’t she, Charlie?’
‘Absolutely,’ Charlie agreed. ‘You’re braver than a hundred boys. There…I’ve finished now.’ He placed the syringe back on the trolley.
Dana sniffled. ‘Really? You think I’m braver than a boy?’
Charlie chuckled. ‘Definitely. Now we’ll wait a couple of minutes for the local to make you numb then I’ll sew you up, OK?’
‘Then I get to dance?’
‘I promise.’
Carrie listened absently to the lively conversation between Charlie and her daughter while they waited for the local to take effect. Charlie’s regulation three-day growth and shaggy hair seemed even more endearing when he was talking to her child as if she was the most important thing in the world to him.
‘Can you feel this?’ Charlie asked Dana, giving her a light prick on the wound margin with the curved suture blade.
‘No.’
‘This?’ Charlie asked again as he prodded several places.
‘No.’
‘OK, then. What colour button do you want me to use?’
Dana giggled. ‘Charlie!’
Carrie smiled, too. ‘OK, hold my hand again, darling. Won’t be long now.’
<
br /> Charlie maintained a patter of conversation as he placed four sutures in the wound, bringing the edges together. Dana was perfectly still, making his job much easier.
Carrie watched Charlie snip the last suture close to the skin. ‘That looks great. Thank you, Charlie. Maybe your father is right?’
Charlie screwed up his nose. He doubted it. ‘I’d rather watch paint dry. OK, Sleeping Beauty. Up you get. Your jukebox awaits.’
Charlie helped Dana up into a sitting position, her legs dangling over the edge again.
‘What do you say to Charlie?’ Carrie prompted.
‘Thank you, thank you, thank you.’ Dana grinned and then threw her arms around Charlie’s neck and kissed him on the cheek.
Charlie sat stock still in the little girl’s embrace. He glanced at Carrie, who was looking as stunned as he felt. For a moment he didn’t know what he was supposed to do. He was shocked to register how good Dana’s little arms felt clinging to his neck. And how sweet her skin smelt—like lollipops and sunshine.
‘Sorry,’ Carrie mouthed, remembering his fast exit from her house. He hadn’t seemed particularly interested in kids then and he was looking at her with a look of apprehension and something else she couldn’t quite make out.
‘It’s fine,’ he mouthed back. How could anyone hold such sweet innocence in their arms and remain emotionally distant? Like his father had?
‘Can I dance now?’ Dana asked, dropping her arms.
‘Sure,’ he said, helping her down off the couch. He watched her walk out, her bunches bobbing, followed closely by Carrie, her pinstriped hips swaying. What the hell was with these two females that in one week they had totally consumed him? One charmed him, the other exasperated him. Where the hell was his focus these days? He turned away from the doorway in disgust.
Ten minutes later he emerged to find Dana charming everyone in the waiting room with her jiggle. Not even the bloodstained T-shirt detracted from her cuteness. Even two big gruff male teenagers were grinning stupidly at her.
‘She’s a hit,’ Charlie said, claiming the seat next to Carrie’s on the double sofa.
Carrie laughed, trying to hide the sudden leap in her pulse as his thigh brushed against hers. ‘Yes, quite the performer.’
They watched her for a few minutes in silence. ‘I’d better get her home,’ Carrie said, stirring. ‘Could you keep an eye on her while I get my stuff together?’
‘Sure,’ Charlie agreed, not daring to look up at her and exceedingly grateful when she left.
Dana pirouetted and waved at Charlie. ‘Can you dance with me, Charlie?’
Charlie groaned inwardly. Between the two Douglas women he didn’t know whether he was Arthur or Martha. ‘Sure, sweetie,’ he said, rising from the couch and sweeping her off her feet, swinging her round while she giggled in delight.
‘Here, step on my shoes,’ he directed.
Dana did as she was told and he swirled her around the floor as she clung to his legs and laughed. She looked up at him with those big blue eyes and Charlie was utterly captivated.
Carrie came out and discovered them dancing and laughing together and felt her pulse slow, the music fade away and her vision telescope. They could have been father and daughter. Wasn’t that what fathers did with their daughters? Let them stand on their feet and dance with them? That’s what her father had done. Damn Rupert, damn him for denying Dana such simple pleasures. Such precious memories.
‘Mummy! I’m dancing with Charlie.’
Charlie stumbled slightly when he realised they were being watched by Carrie. Their gazes locked and he could see the yearning in Carrie’s gaze.
‘So you are, darling,’ Carrie said, finding her voice.
‘Your turn to dance with Charlie,’ Dana pronounced, breaking away and running over to clutch at her mother’s hand and drag her towards Charlie.
‘Oh…I…No, darling. I’m sure Charlie doesn’t want to dance with Mummy.’ Carrie resisted the pull on her hand.
Like hell Charlie doesn’t.
‘Oh, please, Mummy. Please, please.’
‘Sweetheart, you know Mummy’s not a very good dancer,’ Carrie said.
‘He’ll let you stand on his feet, won’t you, Charlie?’
Carrie gave a nervous laugh. ‘Darling, I’m too heavy for Charlie, I’ll break his toes.’
Charlie thought how great her weight had felt against him the other night. Pushed against him. Rubbing against him. He felt a rise of naked heat. A surge of potent desire. ‘Nonsense,’ he said, grabbing Carrie’s hand and twirling her towards him as ‘Rock Around the Clock’ blared out.
Carrie spun crazily and landed against Charlie’s hard body for one cataclysmic second before he pushed her out again, spinning her away from him. He spun her around and twisted and jived, their hands linked, her heart hammering madly. Dana sat on the lounge and clapped excitedly. One of the teenagers wolf-whistled. By the time the music stopped and Elvis was crooning ‘Love Me Tender’, Carrie’s entire world was spinning.
‘Me, oh, me.’ Dana jumped up excitedly. ‘Let’s all dance together.’
Carrie nodded as Charlie released her and took Dana’s hand. She looked down to see her daughter had also commandeered Charlie’s hand.
‘Mummy, this is the song from the wedding last week.’
Carrie shook her head, trying to clear her hazy thought processes. Her cells still rocking around the clock. ‘Oh, yes, it was the wedding waltz.’
‘Waltz with me, Mummy, like you did with Grandpa at the wedding.’
Carrie smiled down at her beguiling little girl, finding her as hard to resist as ever. Even the suture line gave her a certain appeal. She hauled Dana up onto her hip.
‘Charlie, too,’ Dana said, hooking an arm around Charlie’s neck and drawing them into an intimate circle.
Carrie daren’t look at him as Charlie’s arm slid around her back. She could hear his breathing and was excruciatingly conscious of the sheer male presence of him. From his spicy aftershave to his reassuring bulk.
This was wrong. It was too intimate. Not in the way it had been on Friday night. But intimate in the way a family was intimate. And it felt so good for something so wrong. This was a family of two. It was pointless thinking otherwise. Or getting Dana too caught up in it. But it was so nice she found it hard to step away, despite the dictates of her very sensible brain.
The song came to an end and Charlie stepped away abruptly. For a crazy second there he had felt more like part of a family then he had during his entire childhood. Dana had moved Carrie and himself into dangerous territory with the memory of their passion still so vivid.
Carrie looked up at his sudden withdrawal. She was again reminded of his quick-as-a-flash departure the other night. Why did a man who was so good with kids run a mile from them? Obviously being nice to a child and wanting one were two different things.
‘We’d better go,’ she said quietly, not wanting to face rejection again, not with Dana involved, too. She kissed the top of her daughter’s head. ‘Say good bye to Charlie, sweetheart.’
Dana waggled her fingers at him. ‘Bye, Charlie. Can I come and dance to your dukebox again?’
Charlie laughed and flicked one of her bunches. ‘Any time, Sleeping Beauty.’
Charlie stood in the middle of the lounge area, watching them walk away ignoring the heavy feeling in the vicinity of his heart. Maybe there was something to this commitment thing after all?
CHAPTER FIVE
THE week ground by with snail-like slowness. Carrie was there, a constant presence in his staffroom, hanging around, pestering him for figures while hers drove him crazy in those pinstripe suits. Joe popped in and out with annoying frequency, making banal observations and counting down the days. Angela ruled the place with an iron fist. The jukebox thumped. Kids came and went. Stressed-out parents came and went. Police came and went.
When Friday finally came around Charlie welcomed the day with mixed feelings. It was hard to believe that
it had been a year to the day that an HIV-positive drug addict had deliberately stabbed him with an infected needle. And that today was the day of his blood test. His final blood test.
It didn’t seem to matter that all the others over the past year had been clear and it was against all the odds for this one to come back positive—the possibility was still there. What if it was positive? What if he had to shift from maybe having the disease to actually having the disease? OK, the stats were on his side and it wasn’t the death sentence that it had been with the medication they now had but still…
It was a mental barrier that he hadn’t been able to get past. He’d been putting his life on hold for this moment. He’d shelved his expansion plans for the centre, denied himself a sex life and buried himself within these four walls from early morning to late at night. He’d lurched from his separation to his divorce to his health crisis and consequently work had been his solace for over three years. What the hell was he going to do if he didn’t have to do that any more?
‘Today’s the day,’ Joe said, interrupting Charlie’s thoughts and dumping the regulation cup of coffee in front of him on his desk. ‘What time’s your appointment?’
‘I’m ducking out at lunch.’
‘And then it’s how long…?’
‘Should get them back mid next week.’
‘Then we’re hitting the town? Right?’
Charlie nodded unenthusiastically. ‘Right.’
Joe’s brow furrowed. He was getting worried about Charlie. A year of celibacy had really messed up his mind. He’d become a workaholic hermit. The last few years Charlie had been all work, work, work.
It wasn’t even seven o’clock yet and he was at his desk. ‘The Mill is jumping midweek.’
‘OK, sure,’ Charlie agreed tonelessly, sipping his coffee.
Joe shook his head and laughed. ‘Don’t worry, old mate. We’ll get you hooked up and this whole nightmare will be behind you. You’ll be able to get on with your life. It’ll be like it never happened.’
Oh, no. One thing was for sure. This was one thing he was never going to forget had happened. ‘I think I’ve forgotten how to pick up women, Joe.’ Had he forgotten or was it just so completely uninteresting to him now? Facing death had given him pause to review his life.
