“Her name is An,” Peter said gently, and Meredith held out her arms to her, and the child wouldn’t come. She shrank further back in the chair clutching the doll, and Merrie sat down next to her on the floor. They just sat there together for a long time, and Merrie took her hand and held it. The little girl studied her face with interest and didn’t say a word. An had dinner at the center with the other children, while Merrie sat with her. And after dinner, Peter talked to An and she nodded and he told Merrie that An had agreed to go home with her. “She thinks you’re pretty,” he said and smiled. He didn’t say it, but he agreed.
An had one tiny suitcase with everything she owned in it, and she hugged Peter and the other woman when she left. She looked at Meredith with curiosity and interest in the cab, and they got out at Meredith’s apartment and went upstairs. She showed An her bed and the clothes and a pair of pink sneakers she’d gotten for her, and a little teddy bear. An looked at everything and nodded, and then Merrie pointed to the nightgown, indicating it was time to go to bed. An nodded again. Meredith helped her take her clothes off, and was shocked when she saw the delicate young body and her severe burns. The only part of her that wasn’t burned was her face and her hands, and Merrie had tears in her eyes as she helped her put the nightgown on. She took her to the bathroom, and then An climbed onto the bed and watched her. She said something that Merrie couldn’t understand, and she realized she had to get some Vietnamese tapes to learn a few words so she could talk to her. She kissed the little girl on the forehead and turned off the light. An knew why she was there. The people who had brought her from Saigon had explained to her that she would be living with Meredith for a while, while American doctors fixed her burns.
After she put An to bed, Meredith called Claudia, who was dying to hear all about it. “How is she?”
“Scared to death, I think. Me too.”
“So was I when I got here,” Claudia reassured her. “How’s her English?”
“Nonexistent.”
“The Steinbergs didn’t speak German either. And I didn’t speak English.”
Meredith promised to bring her out over the weekend, and then went and lay on her own bed in the dark, looking at the little girl, fast asleep on the narrow cot, and Meredith fell asleep holding An’s hand.
* * *
—
The nanny, Pam, came promptly at eight o’clock the next morning, as Merrie was making breakfast for An. She seemed very pleased with the Coco Pops and Hershey Bar Merrie had given her for breakfast as the nanny laughed. She was a wholesome, pleasant girl from a big family in Salt Lake City.
“You might want to think about cornflakes and shredded wheat or she won’t have teeth when she goes home!” They both laughed and An grinned at them and giggled and poured more chocolate cereal into her bowl.
Meredith spent another hour with her, dressing her and showing her a few toys she’d bought. And then she left for the office. Peter called her as soon as she got there.
“How’s it going?” He was supportive and concerned for both child and foster parent.
“Pretty good. I gave her a chocolate bar and chocolate cereal for breakfast. She liked it.” He laughed, and told Meredith when An’s first medical appointments were, not for another month. They wanted to give her time to settle in, and she had to take English classes at the center, so she could eventually go to school. It all sounded overwhelming, and Meredith left work early, and was shocked to see her mother on the floor of the living room when she got home, playing with An. She had a little phrase book next to her so she could say things in Vietnamese, and Meredith was stunned. This woman who couldn’t write a check, pay her rent or a phone bill, call a plumber, or make a dinner reservation was learning Vietnamese and talking to An.
“Mom, what are you doing?”
“I’m talking to An,” she said as the little girl giggled furiously at something she said, which had obviously been wrong. “I’ve been listening to tapes ever since you told me. I’m never going to have a grandchild, I might as well enjoy her while she’s here,” she said, and Meredith went to get dinner ready for the three of them. The nanny said she’d be back the next day and everything had been fine. She said they had gone to the playground and walked a lot.
Her mother stayed for dinner and came back the next day too, and on the weekend, Meredith took An to meet Claudia, and they played with her babies and pushed them on the swings Thaddeus had set up for them. An said a few words in English that Meredith’s mother must have taught her, or the nanny. She was a very polite, quiet child, and very sweet to the babies. Meredith wondered if she had siblings, but couldn’t ask.
Over the next two weeks, it was all going surprisingly well. Meredith felt like she was getting the hang of having a child in the house, when her phone rang one night, and a male voice with a heavy southern accent said he was going to kill her. She had no idea who it was, and when she got to work the next day, someone had thrown a brick through the glass door to her office and Charlie had called the police.
When they arrived, she told them about the threat on the phone the night before. She had no specific enemies that she knew of, no dangerous cases at the moment or questionable clients. The vandalism to her office and death threat made no sense. She explained to the police that she had been involved in civil rights protests and marches for many years. But she had slowed down her activities considerably since Martin Luther King’s death. She was busy with her practice, and had been more involved personally in antiwar protests in recent years. And she said she had worked for the ACLU, and was on their list of volunteers.
“Is it possible that someone from your civil rights days might have it in for you? Have you ever had threats from the Ku Klux Klan?” the policeman asked, and she said she hadn’t. She hadn’t been a known activist, just part of the support teams, unless someone knew about the activities in her youth, but her life had been very tame for the past several years.
It’s probably just a random act of vandalism, they reassured her, and Charlie got the glass pane in the door replaced. They were both shocked when it happened again three days later, and they called the police again. And the southern male voice called and threatened her that night, and called her a “nigger lover,” and then hung up. It was unnerving, but she didn’t tell her mother. She was coming to visit An every day, and the little girl loved playing with her, as Janet tried new Vietnamese phrases on her. Merrie was trying to learn them too, while teaching An English at the same time. As stressful as her work life was, with half a dozen new cases that had landed on her, she relaxed when she got home to An at night, as soon as she came through the door and saw her. And she didn’t touch her briefcase until An was sound asleep.
Peter called every few days to see how they were doing, and Meredith said they were doing fine. He said he’d like to come over and talk to An, and he brought Vietnamese food for all of them when he did. Janet stayed the night for dinner too. She had bought a Vietnamese cookbook and wanted to see how it was supposed to look. Meredith had never seen her so involved, and even though it irritated her at times to have her mother underfoot, it touched her that she wanted to form a bond with An. She was fully engaged.
“How’s it going, really?” Peter asked her in a quiet voice as they put the food he’d brought on platters and into bowls in the kitchen.
“Better than I thought it would,” she said honestly, and sat down for a minute so they could talk. “She’s such a sweet little girl. And her burns are so awful. I dread what they’ll have to do to her.” For the first time in her adult life, she felt maternal and protective of a child, and one she barely knew.
“She’ll come through it fine with you,” he said gently, and she smiled. “Your mother seems very good with her.”
“I haven’t been able to get her interested in anything since my father died, and suddenly she’s sprung back to life. I’ve never seen her li
ke this before. And it’s nice having An to come home to.” She looked embarrassed when she said it, but did anyway. “I have a reason to come home now.” He was easy to talk to and she was opening up to him more than she had intended. Peter had a sympathetic style that children and adults responded to, and she felt it herself.
“Whether you want it to or not, having a child, even in this context, will change your life,” he said with a knowing look.
“I’m suddenly aware of that.”
They put dinner on the table then, and An’s face lit up when she saw the familiar food, and Merrie let her stay up a little later than usual, until Janet went home after dinner, and then she put her to bed. Peter had stayed, and she poured him a glass of wine and they talked for a while, sitting on the couch in her living room.
The vandalism at her office and anonymous calls at night were preying on her mind, but she didn’t tell him about them. She didn’t want him to worry about An. The calls were unnerving, but Meredith was sure they were safe. Peter lingered for a while, and they talked about his early work in Africa, and now in Vietnam. He said the work he did filled his life, to the exclusion of all else, and she smiled.
“That’s how I feel about mine. It doesn’t leave room for a social life, or romance, and now there’s An.”
“Some people seem to manage it. I never have,” he said as he stood up and looked at Merrie. “Thank you for letting me hang around tonight,” he said, seeming shy.
“You can come and see An anytime.” An had told him she liked her American mother and grandma, and Pam the nanny was very nice.
“Actually,” Peter said, feeling awkward. “I didn’t just come to see her. I wanted to see you too.” Meredith looked surprised to hear him say it, and was not sure how to respond. It had been so long since a man had shown any serious interest in her that she was sure he only wanted to be friends, which she barely had time for anyway, especially with a child to take care of now.
He left a few minutes later and promised to come again soon. She lay in bed thinking about him that night, and realized that his life was as full as hers, with the center to run and regular trips to Vietnam to bring back more children. He had as little time to date as she did, which she found reassuring. She had enough on her plate now, without adding to it. And she fell asleep feeling safe and at peace.
* * *
—
Much to her dismay, the vandalism at her office continued. They had an actual break-in a week later, and their computer was destroyed. Nothing was stolen but there was considerable damage. Charlie got everything repaired and replaced their computer. Peggy was terrified that the vandal would show up in broad daylight and attack them. And the anonymous calls at night were still happening every few days.
An had been with her for nearly a month when Merrie finally got seriously worried and admitted to Peter what was happening. It was one thing being at risk herself, but she didn’t want anything to happen to An. Claudia suggested that Merrie leave An with her in Connecticut until the police caught the vandal and stopped the calls. And Peter seconded the idea. He was sorry it was happening to her at all.
She left work early that day and picked up An and Pam at the apartment. Janet had already left, and Merrie drove them to Connecticut, as An looked around with interest. They had packed some of their things in a suitcase since Merrie didn’t know how long they’d be gone, and Pam was willing to go with her, and help Claudia with the kids.
Merrie could see that An was worried when she glanced at her in the rearview mirror, but she couldn’t explain to her where they were going or why. When they got to Claudia’s An didn’t want to get out of the car, and Meredith carried her into the house, and she stood looking at Claudia sadly, until she went to play with Alex and Sarah again, as she had when they’d come to visit when she first arrived. They squealed with delight as soon as they saw Merrie, who picked each of them up and kissed them. An chattered to them in Vietnamese and they laughed and giggled with her. But she looked devastated when Meredith left after dinner. Merrie held her tight for a long moment and kissed her, and An watched from a window with tears rolling down her cheeks as her new mother drove away.
Meredith called to check on her when she got home, and Claudia said she was fine, and had settled down as soon as Meredith left. She was sleeping in one of their guest rooms with Pam.
That night, Meredith got another call, threatening to kill her. It was beginning to wear her down severely, and the police were no closer to finding out his identity. They hadn’t been able to trace the call so far. He was calling from random phone booths around the city. Three days later, they put an unmarked car with a detective outside her office, and he saw a man break in to the outer door shortly after midnight. They arrived as he was breaking through her office door again with a sledgehammer, with the glass already shattered at his feet, and they arrested him and took him to jail.
A detective came to see her at the office the next day. The man they had in custody was a white supremacist from Mississippi who had somehow gotten the list of ACLU volunteers and had singled out a few names, including hers, to get even with them for their involvement in civil rights. He had already served time in prison for armed robbery and attempted murder, and was currently on parole. They would be sending him back to Mississippi in the next few days for parole violation, and he would be charged with breaking and entering, vandalizing her office, and stalking her. It was over, and Meredith was relieved when they left.
Charlie had already called to get the door repaired, and he walked into Meredith’s office with a cup of coffee for her. She had a motion to file with the court, and then she was going to drive to Connecticut, pick up An, and bring her home.
“Well, that’s over,” she said, taking a sip of the steaming coffee Charlie had brought her before she set it down. “We’re lucky we caught him last night,” she continued, as Charlie perched on the arm of a chair in her office and looked as though he had something to say. “Are you okay?” she asked, and he nodded and didn’t answer her for a minute.
“I am, but I’ve got something to tell you. I didn’t want to bother you, with all of this going on.” He looked sheepish and unhappy, and he hated to add more complications to her life. She had enough as it was, especially now that she had An, for the next year anyway. But there was never going to be a good time. Meredith’s life didn’t slow down. It hadn’t yet.
“What’s up?” Meredith asked, looking at him intently.
“I hate to do this to you,” he hesitated, but he was poised at the edge of the diving board and had to dive in. It was too late to turn back. “I need a change. I’ve thought about it a lot. I’m moving to San Francisco.” She felt her heart plummet to her feet. First Angela, and now him.
“When?” she asked in a grim voice.
“As soon as you can replace me. I’ve been out there a few times on vacation, and I think it’s right for me.” She nodded, with tears in her eyes. He made so many things easier for her, and Peggy was a sweet person, but a much weaker assistant and could never carry the load alone.
“I’ll start looking right away. Are you sure?” She would have liked to beg him or bribe him, but he had a right to a life too, independent of her.
“As sure as one ever is, making a big change. I’ve been in New York for too long. It’s stale for me. I want to try something new. I’m sorry, Merrie, I hate to do this to you.”
“It’s okay. I understand,” it was a job, not a marriage, and she knew she was foolish to be so dependent on him. People quit jobs and moved away. But she had a heavy heart when he left her office and went back to his desk. And she felt somber as she drove out to Connecticut. She knew it was stupid, but she felt abandoned that he was leaving her, and she doubted that she would find anyone as good. Claudia could see that something was wrong as soon as she walked in. But An’s face lit up the moment she saw her, and she flew into
Meredith’s arms.
“Charlie just gave notice. He’s moving to San Francisco. I can barely handle my workload as it is. Without him, my life will be a mess.”
“You found him, you’ll find someone else,” Claudia said philosophically, and smiled as she watched Meredith hold An in her arms.
“He’s been with me since I opened the office.”
“Life is long,” Claudia said wisely. “You’ll have a lot of paralegals before you retire. You’ll find another good one.”
“It’s just a headache I don’t need.”
Claudia nodded, and Meredith thanked her for keeping An and Pam, and they left a little while later. She dropped Pam off at her apartment, and took An home. It was late afternoon by then, and she called Peter to tell him she’d brought An back, and he was pleased to hear that things were peaceful again.
“Can I bring dinner over tonight so we can celebrate?” he asked her cautiously, knowing how busy she was. She thought An would enjoy it, so she told him he could. She and An were playing a game when he arrived. She was good at Chinese checkers, and screamed with glee every time she beat Merrie. And from the moment Peter walked in, An talked a blue streak and didn’t stop, until he held up a hand to slow her down and translated for Merrie.
“She thought you were giving her away to your friend,” he explained to her. “She was sure you were never coming back.” Meredith looked stricken when he said it and imagined how An must have felt.
“I would never do that to her. She’s here until she goes home. You can say that to her.” She wasn’t available for adoption since they had found no trace of her family yet, and they didn’t know if she was an orphan or had parents who had fled somewhere for safety and she got left behind during the attack on her village when she got burned. Merrie pulled An into her arms and held her, while Peter translated for her, and An looked up at her and smiled, and nodded, and delivered another long message for him to translate.
The Good Fight Page 25
