by Tara Brown
He flinched but still managed to offer me the kindest smile I’d ever received. “I’m so sorry this happened to you.”
“Thank you.” I meant it. He was truly the first person who was sorry this happened to me and not sorry for me. Him and Finn I guess.
“I mean it, no matter what happens, if you need some time to yourself we will have a room for you. Free of charge.”
I believed him. He probably had my dad threatening to sue everyone. “Thanks.”
“Your bags are already being loaded into your father’s car. I will see you next week. We have some scheduled checkups, but we’ll come to your home so you can just relax and we can discuss everything at length in a peaceful environment, where you don't feel pressured to lie.” He clasped his hands together the way doctors and professors always did. He nodded awkwardly at the silence neither of us enjoyed and left me there.
He realized my sessions with him and the other doctors had been forced.
I always tried to look sane so I’d never been honest about how I had arrived at the hospital. It hadn’t worked for Lucinda Wentworth and it might not have for me, if not for my friends. That was the one thing she had been missing thirteen years ago. She didn't have a Lainey or Lindsey to get to the bottom of the frame job. She didn't have a Sage who could draw the suspect. She didn't have the resources I had.
I sighed and left the room, wishing I had been able to help Lucinda, but I was a toddler thirteen years ago.
If her story were as dire as mine, and she was really innocent, I would have to help her now. It was too late and too little, but I would have to try.
I didn't owe her anything. I wasn't the one who had locked her up. But I knew the pain of being held against your will. I knew how it felt to be held down and cut and laughed at. I knew how it felt to be made crazy, so crazy that people believed you were a danger to them and yourself. If our parents had caused it, we owed her in some way.
Seeing my dad in the foyer talking to Finn gave me a pang in my stomach. Dad patted him on the shoulder when he saw me. Finn offered the smile he’d given me before. It wasn't much but somehow it made me tighten everywhere. Something about him was unbearably attractive, despite being predictably boring.
He pushed his dark-framed glasses up his strong nose and nodded his head once at me before stalking out the front door and vanishing.
“You paid him to get himself committed?” I muttered when I got close enough to my father.
“When Lainey came to me I didn't want to believe her. I thought—” he paused. “I thought you took off with Jenson. But your phone was found next to a few stones on the beach; they had blood on them. Between that and Lainey’s worries, I knew something was amiss.” He shuddered through the next part. “When they found you—and you came here—he suggested he might stay to watch over you for me. He couldn’t get into the solitary part of Silver Hills so I hired another man to do it there. He said you saw him, the older man.”
I nodded.
“Finn was certain you’d been put in Hatton Head as a prank. He found the surveillance video where a girl with your sunglasses checked in under your name.” He calmed himself and even smiled but it was as fake as his smooth skin. “I’m glad you have such good friends who watch out for you when your mom and I blow it.” His phony smile faded and again he looked sick. Nothing could cover up the horrid guilt that plagued him. That oozed from him.
“Can we just go?” I wanted so badly to fit into my old shoes, to slip on my old personality. If it still fit. “I want to go home.”
“Of course.” He offered me his arm and my sunglasses. I took them, instantly feeling better as I turned and left the hospital, hoping to never see it again.
A small part of me wished the little dark-haired bitch was watching so she could see she hadn’t beaten me. She had marked me. She had hurt me. But I was stronger than her. I won the moment I stepped into the limo and became Sierra Casey again. There were scars and marks and painful memories, but there was also a newfound love of my friends. I hadn’t realized how desperately I loved them until this.
“We have a team meeting at the house. Some doctors, nutritionists, and then of course the spa girls you are fond of. They’ll be there to get you back into shape.” My father had slipped back into his old self easily, more so than I was able to.
We weren’t guilty or scared or sorrowful with each other. We were cold again. But I liked the icy blanket he tucked me into. It was normal.
“Your mother has a yoga instructor coming to spend a couple of days sweating with you in the steam room. They just want you to relax and let it all go. Wash it off.” He smiled and lifted his phone.
“Where’s your briefcase?” I scowled, noting it was gone.
“Oh, I had Martin put it in the trunk.” His eye twitched as he nodded at his new driver. He’d hired him when Jake’s entire household was murdered. We had all gotten new drivers. They were English and I suspected trained by MI6.
He handed me my cell phone. “Here. I have to assume you missed this.” It seemed as if it weighed more than a ton of bricks as it dropped into my hand.
“Where did you find it?”
“We got you a new one. The old one was ruined,” he muttered as he started texting and scrolling through his phone.
Everything was back to normal.
For him.
Holding the phone up I couldn't turn it on. I was lost in the reflection of the girl staring back at me. She didn't feel normal. She didn't feel anything except worried.
I forced myself to press the phone on. I made myself click on Instagram. Absentmindedly, I scanned the photos of the people I knew. Everyone had gone on with their lives. Everyone but us. Me, Rita, Sage, Linds, Lain, Vince, and Jake. We hadn’t updated since Halloween. It was costumes and drinking and fun and then nothing.
I didn't know what to post.
I turned my phone over and let it sit on my lap. I didn't know what to text anyone. Did I say hi and just pretend I was me again? The girl in the reflection whispered that it wasn't so. I wasn’t that girl.
I might never be that girl again.
“Tom was arraigned this week.” Dad lifted his head as he spoke, “He finally confessed he was being blackmailed for an affair he was having.” My father never told me things about his work so I didn't know what to say back. After a moment of awkward silence he spoke again, “He mailed the postcards for Andrew. Mailed them from all the places he visited for work. He has the texts to prove he was being blackmailed. The girl he had the affair with isn’t much older than you. He assumed the person blackmailing him was one of her friends. I doubt he knew it was Andrew. No one suspected him.”
That brought a wrinkle to my nose.
“That's what I did. He and Sage’s mom are fully separated, obviously. She’s filing as soon as she’s able.” He pressed his lips together.
“Are you and mom?” I had never cared that my parents had a miserable marriage. Or that Sage’s mom and my dad had a thing.
“We filed a while ago. We’ve been riding it out for you.” He laughed but it was one of those laughs that you knew hurt inside. “We didn't know you were aware of our other people.”
“Your affairs? Of course I knew.”
“Of course you did. You’re our daughter. Clever and strong. And we should have known.” He put down his phone and took my hand in his. “We will do whatever you want us to do. If you need us there together, then that's what we are. Okay?” He saw me differently. He was trying not to, but I could see it in the way he looked at me.
“Just be normal.” I said it but I didn't know if I meant it. I didn't know anything. I had thought I did. I’d thought my sunglasses made me whole. Sunglasses and freedom and a limo were all I needed. But the girl in the reflection reminded me all I needed was food and water and a bed. I didn’t even need a room big enough to stretch out in.
Chapter Ten
The Witch
Lainey had carted all the photos and evidence up to he
r attic and recreated the spider’s web of details after it became too big for her closet. It wasn't easy to see with Facetime, but I got the general idea.
“With Tom proving Rachel blackmailed him into mailing the postcards, or rather her phone did, and the crimes happening when he was in other places, the feds are certain it was all Andrew. For them it’s a tidy package. Of course they’ll think that until we prove otherwise. I suspect it was hardly Andrew at all. I don’t know how he ever found her—the girl who kidnapped you—but I know she’s the one behind it. I think Rachel died and then Andrew was involved, not before. We need to see him so we can ask him who she is.”
She.
The girl with the blue eyes and the dark hair.
The one Sage would draw when she got back from the city.
The person who haunted my dreams.
She was the key to all of this.
Lainey scanned her iPad across the spider web on her wall once more so I could take it in slowly, fathoming just how much information we had. “I added your experience and Finn to the wall. I need you to explain again who he is though. I’m sort of confused.”
Of course she would remember his name coming up.
“Zachary Finn. He was a guy who helped me in Silver Hills. He’s the guy my dad pays to do something.”
The room spun as she turned the iPad to face her. “You sound weird.” She narrowed her blue eyes and shook her head. “You look weird too. Flushed. Did you have mental-institute sex?” She wrinkled her nose.
“No!” I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Liar, liar, pants on fire. Look at that red face. It matches your hair. You are so nasty.”
“I swear, nothing happened. He was just nice to me.” The smile faded but the memory didn’t. “He wasn’t at all like normal guys are with me. He didn’t flirt or laugh or joke or try to kiss me or want anything. He helped me for no reason.” The last words clicked something in my head as I said them. “Except my dad was paying him. I’m an idiot. Of course, that’s why he never hit on me.”
“Maybe he’s just a nice guy who doesn’t hit on chicks who are going through a tough time. Not all men are perverts, Sierra.”
“Says the girl dating the co-captain of the perverts. Second in command to Vincent.” I shook my head. “All guys are scum. Look at Tom, dating some nineteen-year-old girl. Look at my dad, has an affair with Sage’s mom. And my uncle is dating my mom. People are terrible. You just have to find your match for right now, not forever. The attraction fades and the ability to stay loyal dies.”
“You’re the most cynical person.”
“Expect terrible things, Lain, and then you won’t be surprised when they happen.”
“Or date nice people and never have to worry about that.”
I contemplated telling her Jake wasn’t a nice guy but that would have been mean and untrue. With her he was a nice guy. With me, he was Jake.
“Is Sage coming there soon?” She changed the subject.
“I think so. She needs me to tell her what the girl looks like so she can do her sketch artist thing.”
“Good idea. We can take that to Andrew if we go see him. Then he’ll think we know more than we do.” Lainey gave me a look. “My mom is making me put the tree up with her tomorrow. It doesn’t feel like Christmas.”
“I know. Our tree is going up next week, December first. Mom’s orders. She said we can have a family Christmas and then start contemplating the logistics of it all in the new year. I don’t know why they care about making things easier right now. They’re going to be hard at some point; might as well just rip the Band-Aid off.”
“I know.” She sighed. “I have to spend Christmas Eve with my dad and Judith and Mike, and Christmas Day with my mom. It sucks but it’s better than the pretending that was going on. We should all go to Lindsey’s. She and her dad are going to Netflix and chill.”
“Dude!” I cringed and laughed. “You know what that means, right?”
“Watch Netflix and chill with snacks?” She cocked an eyebrow above her thick dark glasses.
“No.” I laughed harder, shaking my head. “Bro. Not even close. It’s like teenager code for hooking up.”
Lainey gagged. “Oh my God, oh gross. My sister has been saying it to everyone, inviting them over. Oh gross.” She shuddered, shaking the screen. “Okay, Linds and her dad are legit going to eat and watch TV. And we all know Lori’s Christmas Day meals and snacks will be top notch.” She fanned her red cheeks as I recovered from laughing.
“I needed that.” I wiped my eyes and nodded. “Thanks, Lain. No one makes me laugh like you.” I sighed. “What are you and Linds doing today?”
Her eyes widened and darted to the side. She was so focused on staring and not making her lying face that it was obvious what she was doing. “Nothing.”
“Where are you going? Spill!”
“She made me promise not to tell.” She winced.
“Spill!”
“The mental institute in Ellisville. Hatton Head.”
“I’m coming. I’ll be there in ten minutes. Don’t leave without me.” I hung up before she could argue and ran for my closet. I didn’t get picky with outfits or how I looked. It was weird for me, but I just skipped over the part of me that worried about that. I hauled on yoga pants, a tee shirt, a huge hoodie, and sneakers. I wanted to be flexible and ready.
As I walked to the door to my room I remembered something random and weird. I paused, thinking maybe it was a bad idea but fear and a ridiculous amount of overconfidence got the better of me. I turned back for my closet and stood on my very tiptoes to reach the high shelf where I had shoved the bear spray my uncle had once given me. He knew I partied in New York and hated that I wasn't always smart about my choices. The bear spray had showed up via courier with a note telling me to spray it even if I imagined a threat; it was easier to say sorry than it was to recover from an assault.
I thought he was insane. I even made a joke about the inability to assault the willing.
Those words rode through my mind on a chariot made of fiery shame and self-hatred.
It had been much easier to pretend I was comfortable with my dirty deeds before someone had read the truth from my own mind aloud.
Gripping the bear spray, I didn't feel stronger or invincible or like I carried a weapon. I mostly worried I would end up spraying myself. But it was better than coming unprepared. Not to mention the satisfaction I would feel spraying that little dark-haired bitch.
I hurried out the back door and around the side of the house to avoid my parents and the lecture I would receive for trying to leave. It wasn't worth the confrontation. We weren’t accustomed to rules or them being forced into parenting. It was always laid-back at my house. My mom did her thing, my dad did his, and I did mine. It was simple.
But now Mom paced, sometimes not even changing out of her nightgown. Dad worked from home, which meant he was on the phone constantly and angry or annoyed at least half of the time, and I hid in my room.
I never realized how dysfunctional it was until now. Uncle Frank wasn't coming to town at all. His visits were suspended, due to the actual outing of the longtime affair my father had never cared about before. My mother and father had married for the same reason all our parents had, partnership of assets. The best way to make money was to marry other like-minded wealthy people who could benefit from the mergers in both the workplace and the bedroom. Boys needed girls. Girls needed boys. Families needed heirs. Companies needed CEOs with familial connection. And so were the days of our lives.
I had a nanny who raised me until two years ago.
My parents traveled and enjoyed their life and I had loved mine.
My dad loved Sage’s mom.
My mom loved my dad’s brother.
No one cared.
Until recently.
Now they were up my ass, constantly checking on me. I was forbidden to leave the grounds. No one was allowed to visit unless it was prearranged with security. And
my uncle Frank was uninvited, until further notice.
End of file.
But I had my own agenda. I needed answers if I expected to ever sleep a whole night again without the lights on.
It started with me sneaking into a hedge and ended with me climbing and falling over the fence at the back of the yard.
Carrying my shoes, I ran down the beach toward Lainey’s house. It wasn’t as close as my feet would’ve preferred. But the fear I would be abducted again made me run faster and longer than I thought possible.
I was wheezing and sweating everywhere, places I didn’t know I could sweat, by the time I got to Lain’s. She gave me a look, darting her eyes at her house from the front step. I assumed that was code for me to hide, and I slipped into the bushes to hurry to her little car.
Lindsey was already inside, giving me a fierce scowl when I got there and climbed into the backseat. I collapsed, clutching my stomach. “Oh my God, it’s so far from my house. I almost died.”
“You need more cardio.” She turned, tilting her head. “And no, dancing and sex don’t count, smart-ass.” She offered a grin, imagining she had bested me. But truth be told, I was way too weak to worry about something so trivial as smug comments. My whole body was on fire. “For reals though, how did you get past the security?”
“I think my parents underestimate me.” I nodded and laid my cheek on the cool leather. “This is the worst backseat I’ve ever been in. And that’s saying a lot.”
“You would know.” She scoffed and checked for Lainey. “You shouldn’t be coming.” She barely got it out when the driver door flew open and Lain jumped in.
She gave me a scowl. “You need to go back home. This isn’t safe. We don’t have permission to go there, and apparently, it’s all closed down right now, thanks to your dad. You can’t come.”
“I’m coming, Lain. I need to see. I have a feeling that crazy little bitch is there, holed up somewhere in the walls.”
