by Tara Brown
“Sleepy,” I grunted and closed my eyes. “Just a few extra minutes to wake up.”
He pulled me into him, kissing my cheek. “You have morning breath.”
“Oh my God.” I covered my mouth with my hand under the blanket.
“What?”
“Don’t say that. You don’t have to say every single thing you think.”
“Yes, I do.” He laughed and pulled me in tighter. Our bodies were pressed against each other in a way that made me think about the strange confession.
“Why didn’t you ever have sex?”
“I knew I shouldn’t have told you.” Finn laughed awkwardly. “Because in the orphanage the kids were like my brothers and sisters. So sex was sort of frowned upon. It was seen as incestuous fraternizing. Secondly, I grew up in a Catholic orphanage. They preach abstinence. It’s a pretty large part of the belief system there.” He kissed my cheek softly. “And thirdly, because my body is a temple. It is sacred and I don’t want to feel bad about it. The idea of giving it to someone I don’t love makes me feel bad.”
“Do you think I’m a bad person?” Everything he said sounded terribly judgmental.
“No.” He kissed my nose. “Everything you did before we met was leading you to me. I think those other experiences you had made it so you’d give a dork like me the time of day.”
“You’re not a dor—okay you are, but I like it. You’re smart and thoughtful, but not in the nice way. More in the way you think a lot. About everything. You plan. I like that. I’m more fly by the seat of my pants, and you’re the opposite and it fits. I’ll make you do things that will take you out of your comfort zone, and you will do the same for me.” I kissed his nose, making sure I didn’t breathe any morning breath on him. “Tell me something I don’t know.”
“When I was eleven, and far too smart for my own good, I made the head nun angry. She was an older woman. She’d been there for a long time. She smiled, after I’d insulted her in a way I assumed she wouldn’t get, and told me in not so many words that my mother had been a pregnant teenaged whore and my father a john. I’d been left on the steps of the church, abandoned by a child. That was why my records were sealed. Because there really weren’t any records.” His dark brows lowered, making his eyes appear darker. “So I told myself I would never be like my mother. I wouldn’t have sex with someone for money. I wouldn’t have sex with someone unless I loved them. Because the church always taught us you shouldn’t unless you were ready to have a baby. If you had the money and resources and relationship to care for a child, then sex was okay. But otherwise it was reckless and ended in babies being left in front of churches by teenagers.”
He broke my heart, always in the weirdest ways. I could see him, a small boy, being told that. It made me angry and sad. “What a bitch.”
“My mom?”
“The nun. I can’t believe she told you that.”
“She was trying to help me. She honestly was. I had a great experience in the orphanage. The nuns were kind and loving and supportive. They wanted us to do better than our parents had done.” He defended them like he belonged in a cult. “I was loved.”
“She still shouldn’t have said that.”
“I didn’t tell you that to make you hate nuns. I told you so you’d understand me a little more.” He traced a finger along my arm. “I don’t want you to think I’m a Jesus freak. I mean, I believe in God, fully. But I’m not—”
I turned over, risking bad breath and all, and pressed my lips against his. We stayed that way, frozen, for a long time. I wanted more. I wanted him. I wanted to be risky and dangerous with his virtue.
But something about his self-respect and loving me before anything else ever happened, stopped me. I liked him, just the way he liked me—just the way he was.
He nestled me into his chest and lifted a small box from his side. “Merry Christmas.” He handed it over and I realized I hadn’t gotten him anything. I hadn’t gotten anyone anything.
“I didn’t get you anything.”
“Yes, you did. You forgave me. There is no greater gift in the whole world than forgiveness.”
“That’s not a gift.” I scoffed and turned the small blue box in my hand. It was the color of Tiffany’s, quite small, and worrisome.
“Open it. Before we go downstairs.”
I lifted my gaze, checking with him before opening it. Was he asking me to marry him so he could be married before sex? That was going to kill the whole mood.
“It’s not a ring, Sierra. Just trust me.”
Wincing, I pulled the white ribbon and lifted the top off the box. I didn’t know what to expect but what I got was not even close to the realm of possible. I looked at him. “What is it?” I didn’t understand.
Inside the little box was a small whistle nestled in the baby blue tissue. It gleamed, it was so silver.
“It’s a whistle. It goes on your keychain so if you’re scared or worried or anything, you whistle and scare the person off or alert someone that you’re in danger.”
A smile lifted my lips. It was mocking and not at all what I wanted to do, but I couldn’t stop. “You got me a rape whistle?”
“Yeah.” He said it flatly.
“Thanks.” I felt like the kid on YouTube who got the avocado as a present.
“I’ll add it to your keychain now.”
“I don’t actually have a keychain.” I cocked an eyebrow, forcing myself not to say the doors I wanted opened always just opened for me.
“You do now.” He lifted another blue box.
“What?” I ripped it from his hands. “You are the worst gift giver ever.” I opened the box to a gleaming silver key on a stunning silver keychain in the shape of an S. “What is this key?”
“My place.”
My nostrils flared. “Your apartment?” A rape whistle and a key to a rat-infested dive. Great.
He rolled his eyes. “My new apartment.” He laughed and pulled me back into him.
“You got a new place?” I couldn’t help but be skeptical.
“I did. I want you there, all the time. I meant what I said: I don’t want to be apart. When you have school I’ll come here. And when you can, you come there.”
He was a stage four virgin clinger.
Fortunately, I liked it.
“Thank you.” I bit my lip and hated the responses I’d had to his strange little gifts. He meant well.
“When you see the apartment you’ll thank me even more.” He kissed my cheek again. “Now we better get downstairs before your family gets upset. Your dad looked hostile when I came in. I don’t think he likes me anymore.”
“He doesn’t like you and me.” I let him drag me off the bed and pull me from the room. For whatever reason I clung to the whistle and keychain, sliding them over my pointer finger. I liked his weird gift and his quirky way of being.
My parents were both miserable looking when I got downstairs. Their faces lit up when they saw us.
“Good morning, darling. Happy Christmas.” My mom rushed over, hugging me.
“Morning, love.” My dad kissed my head as my mom smothered me.
I stayed frozen, not sure why they were doing what they were. “Morning.” My eyes darted to Finn’s, but he didn’t seem to notice they were acting funny.
“Want a coffee?” Mom asked, like she might be the one to make it.
“Yeah, please.”
She nodded her head and Eve hurried from the room. She returned with two cappuccinos.
“Come and have a sit and we’ll open gifts.” Mom pulled me to the couch in the small parlor overlooking the ocean.
“I love the first snowfall.” Mom sighed and stared out at the choppy gray sea. Finn looked uncomfortable and excused himself with a head nod.
When he was gone I snapped, “Okay, what’s up?” I narrowed my gaze. “You look like you might recite an old ballad.” I nodded at Mom. “And you look like you might explode any second.” I scowled at Dad.
He looked
at her and spoke carefully, “We just want our Christmas this year to be something you will remember, fondly.”
She smiled, her eyes wells of glistening tears. “We don’t want this horrible year to end on a bad note.”
“Oh my God. You people have to stop. I know we aren’t a family anymore. We never really were one. I don’t care about the divorce. This is weirder.” I sipped my cappuccino. “It’s awkward as balls.”
“Don’t say balls, dear.” My mother still scolded me like a mom.
“Let’s just unwrap so Dad can go to work and you can secretly meet Uncle Frank.”
Her cheeks flushed. “We’re going to spend the entire day together and then it’s dinner with everyone.”
“Everyone who is still doing the holidays this year,” Dad corrected her. Obviously, we wouldn’t be spending it with Rachel or Andrew’s parents.
“We’re still doing the big dinner at Sage’s?” I almost gagged thinking about it.
“Of course we are. It’s tradition.” Mom scoffed and I wondered why I was bothering.
“Okay. Well, let’s get the present opening over with so I can get some breakfast in me.” I got up and grabbed a gift for Dad. It had my name on it as the gift giver, but I hadn’t bought him a gift. The writing was unmistakably Eve’s. She really was the best maid ever.
We watched as he opened it, smiling wide when he saw the tickets to the Masters in the spring. There were four tickets. “I guess that means you and Zac—Finn will be joining us.” He gave my mom a weird look.
“What was that face?” I saw something. I couldn’t place it but it was there.
“What?” Mom flushed with color.
“Are you two—together?” I couldn’t hide the horror in my tone.
“We’re in love again,” my mom burst as Finn walked back in the room. He paused in the entryway, his eyes wide but not with surprise. “The whole abduction and torture has shown us how much we really have to lose. Maybe we weren’t in love when we were young and forced into this to please our fathers, but we’ve found each other.” Her eyes lingered on his and I saw it.
“Not again but for the first time,” my dad muttered, also giving a creepy look.
“ARE YOU INSANE?” I jumped up off the couch. “IS THE WHOLE WORLD GOING FREAKING NUTS?” I lifted my finger to my lips and blew my rape whistle as loud as it could go.
Finn crossed the room, lifting me into his arms and carrying me out as my father shouted at me and my mother started to cry. He hurried to the office next door and sat me on the sofa, jostling me a little until I stopped blowing the whistle.
I tried shaking my head and screaming but nothing came out. Tears flooded my eyes as I collapsed my face into his shoulder and cried.
But they didn’t give us space. They came too. My mother and father hugged me, surrounding me.
“We know we’re screwing this up, Sierra. We’ve been a terrible example. But we want to fix it. We want to fix us.” My mother sniffled into my neck.
“We don’t want to be unhappy anymore.” My father still sounded gruff but what he said made sense. I just didn’t want to hear it. My whole life had been one way—love was a lie. And now there was a boy who had proven that wrong. And my parents were trying to fix their past mistakes.
It was like being back in the cell with the walls closing in. Only now the walls were people surrounding me with so much love I was smothering. I’d gone from having almost none to too much, from everyone. I struggled to escape the death grips of the three of them and ran out of the room.
I didn’t stop in the hall, or in the games room, or in the doorway to outside. I ran right outside and down through the gate to the beach. The men in suits followed me, but they stayed back as I hurried to the choppy sea so I could scream in peace.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Krampus
My feet were freezing. My arms numb. My heart ached. And my cheeks were cold from being soaked in tears.
I staggered back up to the house, wishing I’d worn something outside beyond my slippers.
I didn’t bother talking to anyone or trying to find them. I sauntered into the room with the large tree and sat underneath it.
I remembered watching the Christmas lights flicker and twinkle, back when I believed in magic. I would sleep under the tree and somehow still wake up to presents stacked all around me. Santa and the elves had come so quietly I’d slept through it.
The magic was lost now.
The world had exposed itself to me, showing me the darkest parts of its heart.
Ignoring the gifts under the tree wasn’t easy, but I was focused on the tree itself. We’d had it for years but I hadn’t sat and looked at it like this in a long time.
My phone vibrated, startling me.
Lainey had sent me a message.
Did you get your present?
“What?” I asked aloud to no one. My eyes lifted to the tree and the mountain of gifts beneath it. One in particular stood out. It was wrapped in what appeared to be scary clown wrapping paper. Something I’d never seen my parents do before.
The scary clown one?
“Shit,” I looked at her message and muttered as I grabbed the wide, flat gift and pulled it out from under the tree. By the feel of the package I guessed it was a picture. I didn’t know why anyone would gift me a picture with scary clown wrap until I saw the name on the tag.
“Happy Christmas, Slutface. Love M,” I read out loud, again to no one.
M?
I pressed Lainey’s number in my contact list.
“Hey. Did you get one too?” she whispered.
“I don’t know. What did you get?”
“A weird photo wrapped in psycho clown paper. I think it’s of rocks but the picture is black and white and I can’t tell. What did you get?”
I tore the paper off, wrinkling my nose and speaking when I saw it, “A black-and-white photo of a—pocket. It’s a denim pocket. Robin’s Jean. It has the wing.”
“Jeans? That’s weird.”
“I know.” I looked at the card. “Who’s M?”
“Mary. Mary Smith.”
“Oh right. She’s not Hailey anymore. Now that we know she’s Mary.” I sighed, not sure where to go with the gift but then my dream came back. “She was in my house this morning. I know I heard her. She told me she’d gotten me a gift.”
“I know. She hand delivered all the gifts. I checked. None of the staff recalls buying this gift. She had to have come in and delivered them.”
“Great. So she’s coming and going in our houses now.” I looked at the weird picture and shook my head. “We need to call the police. Rita’s right. This is insane. She’s in our houses.”
“She also has proof that makes it look like we killed Rach, so we kinda can’t. Remember that?”
“I don’t care anymore.” My insides hurt. “I’m done with this. I can’t even right now, Lain. My parents are like getting back together or some shit. My boyfriend gave me a friggin’ rape whistle for friggin’ Christmas. A rape whistle. We have some wing nut creeping in our houses. She’s already abducted me once. I can’t even. Not anymore. I’m done. This is it. This is the limit. The line in the sand. I’m done!”
“Are you done?” she asked quietly, and I realized I was shouting and pacing like a crazy person.
“No. Dude. I’m not even done. I’m flipping out. If this was like a scale from like zero to—”
“Don’t. Don’t do the stupid talk. I also can’t even but only when you guys get going with the stupid talk. Please.” She sighed. “Just get yourself together. Get Finn and come to my place. We need a meeting, and we need to see everyone else’s pictures. If they all got them too. I haven’t heard from anyone else.”
“Fine.” I slumped against the sofa and tried to imagine how the conversation with my dad would go. “I’ll be there in like an hour.”
“Kay.”
I ended the call and looked at the weird black-and-white photo of the jeans again. It was
nothing but pocket. Was she telling me to kiss her butt?
“Hey.” Finn stepped in as though he was being cautious. “You okay?”
“No.” I didn’t try to sugarcoat it. “I mean, my mom slept with my dad’s brother and he’s cool with it? And my dad has been sleeping with my mom’s friend and she can get past it? I don’t know. I want so badly to be the pissed-off angry kid whose parents are asshats but my whole mind is focused on this.”
“Jeans?” His eyes drew to where mine were.
“Jeans from crazy Mary.” I didn’t bother meeting his gaze. I knew what it would look like. “She delivered some random rock picture to Lainey. And Lainey thinks there’s some crazy clues in here. So we’re all going to ride over to her place in the mystery van and solve it together with the weird picture clues.” A small laugh escaped my lips. “I really want to be Daphne in the movie version of this horror show.” I gave him a wry smirk. “But you don’t look like Freddie. You don’t look like Shaggy either. I think you’ll be one of the bad guys Daphne always falls for right before she gets abducted. I guess that leaves Vincent to be Freddie and rescue me.”
“I love this melodramatic side of you.” He rolled his eyes and walked closer, no longer looking worried my head might spin around. “So she got a picture and so did you. What did the others get? And how did she get in the house?”
“I told you, I heard her.”
“Oh my God.” He closed his eyes and sighed heavily. “You’re right. Now she’s just coming and going in your houses? I think it’s time to call the police.”
“What?” my dad interrupted us. “What happened now?”
“We got some weird pictures. I got jeans and Lain got rocks.” I lifted the photo so he could see it.
“Christ. How do we know it was from her?” He leaned against the door.
I didn’t bother answering. I just lifted the crazy clown paper and card.
“And none of your friends would have done this as a joke?” He didn’t need to ask. He knew the answer. And yet he did, “Like trying to make light of the whole situation?” He shook his head when he saw my face. “Well, I don’t think the police is a great idea. Lindsey and Sage both have blood at the scene. The photo you showed me of you girls standing around Rachel’s dead body is enough for a DNA warrant on you all. The feds are pretty happy with Andrew as their guy, but his blood doesn’t match any of the blood or fluids found at the scene. They’ll hang this on you to solve it. They won’t care who we are.”
