by Lea Coll
“I hope so.” She touched my arm. I glanced around to see if anyone was paying attention. They weren’t.
She dropped her hand, her bright expression dimmed at my reaction.
I wanted to say I was sorry. That being with her the last few weeks had been the happiest I’d been in forever, but I couldn’t get the words out.
“Let me know if you need anything.” She lifted her phone, her face a cool professional mask.
“Callie.” I kept my voice low.
She smiled tightly. “Don’t worry. I know you said you needed more time.”
I flinched at her harsh description. “It’s not that.”
She raised her brow.
It was exactly that. Telling Reid made it real. Even if we had an end date, our relationship came with the weight of responsibility. Everything could come crashing down on me. Just the thought tightened a band around my chest, making it difficult to breathe.
She touched my chest; the pressure was light. Her eyes soft, she said, “Maybe if you could tell me what has you so scared, I’d understand.”
I pulled in a shaky breath. “Now’s not the time to discuss this.” I could have closed my eyes, reveling in her touch, but instead, I was pushing her away.
“This might not be the right time, but we will discuss it,” she hissed.
“The relationship’s not that serious anyway.” Irritation that I’d always have this albatross around my neck, holding me back, burst out in the form of words I didn’t mean.
Her cheeks flushed with anger, she turned on a heel, walking away.
I could have handled that better. Rolling my shoulders back to relieve the tension coiled in my upper back, I went over to the check-in table, making sure the volunteers knew their jobs.
“We’re about ready for the ribbon-cutting ceremony,” Reid said.
I nodded, following him to the lobby and outside. Did he know about Callie and me? Did he suspect?
There was a large crowd waiting to enter the complex for the planned activities. Several media trucks were here. The entire team and most of the coaching staff came to support us. It was the last free weekend before training camp, so everyone was in town.
Reid shook hands before stepping up to the podium. I stood off to the side with Chase.
“Thank you all for coming out today. I had a vision of a place that would give local teams a place to play and would encourage more kids to pick up a sport. As a child, football was an escape for me. Something I desperately needed back then. It kept me out of trouble, but more than that, it gave me confidence.”
I was impressed with how he was handling the speech. In the past, he’d answer questions reluctantly, only giving terse responses. He got a reputation as being grumpy and not forthcoming with reporters. Since he’d admitted to his struggle with his speech, talking in front of people seemed to be easier for him.
It made me think about how I was being a coward with Callie, keeping us a secret. There was no good reason not to tell Reid. I wasn’t embarrassed by her. If anything, I worried someone would ask her what she was doing with me.
Callie stood at the front, her arms wrapped around a clipboard. It seemed wrong that she’d put so much effort into the complex and the opening for her not to get some credit.
“We planned this day to introduce you to some of the things we’re planning, and to give you an opportunity to try out the facility. We’d like every child to have the option to play a sport here, to join a team, or to learn new skills. If you’d like to donate new or used equipment or even a scholarship for athletes who can’t afford the fees, you can meet with my manager, Callie. She’ll be at a table in the lobby all day.”
She smiled, her face flushed. She didn’t like the attention.
He pointed at her. “She’s my right hand around here. She’ll be happy to answer any questions you have. Some of my teammates will be signing autographs in the lobby, others will be volunteering on the courts and fields with the various activities. The most important thing today is to have fun.”
Then Reid pointed to one of the reporters who held up her hand. “Yes?”
“How involved do you plan to be at Rebel Sports with training camp starting next week?”
We’d expected this question.
“That’s why I hired a manager I trust to oversee things.” Reid glanced over at me. “Jonah has been involved too.”
I shifted on my feet, not liking that he’d pointed that out. I didn’t want fans to question my desire to come back.
“Speaking of Jonah, are you not planning on playing this year?” The same reporter directed her question at me.
I stepped forward, leaning toward the mic. “I’m working really hard to get out on the field as soon as possible. I’m part owner of Rebel Sports, but football comes first.”
It was the right thing to say. The only thing to say. My coach and teammates were listening. I glanced over at Callie. She bit her lip, looking away. Was that hurt I saw on her face?
Had I said something wrong? She knew football came first. That all I wanted to do was get back on the field.
Reid stepped forward saying, “Sorry about that,” under his breath. Reid cut the ribbon with Nolan and Cade Morrison, the owners of the construction company, watching. We took numerous pictures with the contractors, the team, and the coaches.
Callie eventually told us to get to our stations so the football competition could start. I was on the indoor football field, directing kids where to go, making sure everything ran smoothly. I wanted to talk to Callie to clear things up, but it would be a while before I could get her alone.
Some of the kids had played before, others were less experienced. Players manned the various stations. Each child was given a football when they entered for autographs.
One child was small for his age, but he made up for it in personality. “My grandma said I’m too small for football, but I want to play.”
“You should try it.” Size mattered in football, but this kid had a lot of years to grow.
His forehead scrunched. “I don’t know if she’ll let me.”
“Want me to talk to her?” I asked flippantly, not expecting him to take me up on the offer.
“Would ya?” His expression was hopeful, I couldn’t say no.
“Sure.” What was I getting myself into?
“She said it was too dangerous. But you can talk to her, right?”
“I’ll do my best, but if your parents or grandmother don’t want you to play, you have to respect that decision.”
His face fell.
I hated disappointing him, but it was his grandmother’s or parents’ decision, not mine. “Give your info to Ms. Callie. She’s sitting at the front table.”
Even if she wouldn’t let him play football, maybe I could convince her to let him try something.
“JT, are you going to coach the football league?” another kid asked.
I wanted to say yes, but I hoped to be on the field before the football leagues here started.
“I think he’s going to be playing this year,” the kid’s dad said.
“I tell you what, once I retire, I’d love to coach.” I never thought much about what I’d do after football, but this felt right. I enjoyed working at the complex these last few weeks, but that was mainly due to my interactions with Callie. Being here with the kids was energizing.
“You getting the hard-hitting questions?” Reid handed me a Gatorade when the group moved to the next activity.
“You could say that.” I tipped the bottle back.
“How’s it going?”
“Great. I’m enjoying it more than I thought I would.”
“You like working with the kids.” It was a statement.
“I like their optimism. Their whole lives are laid out in front of them. They haven’t made any mistakes yet.”
Reid’s eyes narrowed on me. “Are you talking about the playoff game?”
“I dropped the ball. I cost us the game. All an
yone remembers is the play when the clock ran out. If I don’t get back on the field, that will be my legacy.” A therapist would probably tell me not to feel that way, but as part of a team, that’s just the way it was.
“All I know is it’ll be weird if you’re not on the field.”
There was nothing to say because everyone knew it was true. If I never stepped on the field again, the highlight of my career will be that dropped ball. It would erase everything that came before. “I’ll stop by on Monday to support everyone.”
“You can laugh at us while we’re running in the heat.”
“I have to get some joy being on the injured reserve list.”
“I know you didn’t want to work here, but how’s it going?”
“It’s good.” If he’d asked me a month ago, I would have said the complex was a distraction I didn’t need. My focus was only on football and training, anything else seemed superfluous. But working here, being with Callie, showed me there was more to life than football.
“You resolve your differences with Callie?”
I choked on the Gatorade. Water spewed out of my mouth.
“You alright, man?” Reid pounded on my back.
I held my chest as I recovered, hoping the worst of the coughing was over. “Sorry. I drank too quickly or something. Yeah, things are good with Callie. She’s a hard worker.”
I couldn’t help but think this was my opportunity to tell him about us. In a few days, he’d be busy with training camp.
He touched my shoulder. “I’m glad you came around. Callie’s important to me.”
The band around my chest tightened again. There was no way I could tell him. Not yet. Was it worth upsetting Reid if we were just a summer fling? I ignored the nagging idea that I was the one holding us back.
My skin cooled despite the warm air in the arena.
Reid studied me carefully. “She told me you’ve been going with her to visit Frank.”
His scrutiny made me wonder if he suspected something was going on between us. I shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal. “I was there when the nurse called. She was too upset to drive.”
It was the truth, even if it felt flimsy to me.
“I’m worried about her. Frank’s all she’s got.”
“Hey, Reid, someone has a question for you,” Chase called from across the room.
I breathed a sigh of relief. I wouldn’t hold up if Reid asked more questions. I’d cave, even knowing he’d be pissed. I hated lying to him, keeping something this important from him. I’d even told him and Chase about my past.
“How are you doing?” Callie appeared next to me, clutching the clipboard to her chest.
“Not great, honestly.” Between fucking things up with her earlier and keeping something important from Reid, my stomach wasn’t feeling great.
“Can I help you with something?” I hated that she was talking to me more like a coworker than her boyfriend, her lover.
I touched her elbow lightly. “Can we talk?”
Her face pinched. “I didn’t think this was the right time.”
It didn’t feel great to have my words thrown back at me.
“I need to tell you something.” I needed to make things clear with her, then we needed to talk to Reid.
I pulled her into a small locker room meant for the referees. I locked the door. “I’m sorry about earlier.”
The cool mask slipped as her brow raised. “You are?”
“Yeah. You’re right. We should tell Reid. I don’t like keeping it from him. I almost told him, but then he said something about how special you are to him, and I chickened out.”
The tension eased from her shoulders. “What changed your mind?”
“I hated lying to him, but it was more than that. I don’t want to hurt you.” I’d seen the pain in her eyes when I talked about going back to football during the press conference. I was worried Reid would have a problem with me dating Callie, that he wouldn’t think I was worthy of her. I was still worried, but I didn’t want to hurt her.
I cupped her cheek. “I’m not always going to do the right thing. My track record with relationships isn’t the best. I know I don’t deserve it, but can you please give me the benefit of the doubt when I screw it up?”
She smiled. “I can do that.”
I leaned down, my lips touching hers softly. I didn’t want there to be anything between us, hurt, resentment, secrets. I lost myself in her touch and her lips.
A few seconds later, she pulled back. “We should probably get back out there.”
I tapped her nose. “No more hiding our relationship from Reid or anyone else. You’re my girl.”
I expected her to correct me, to tell me she wasn’t a girl and this wasn’t high school, but her smile widened. “I’d like that.”
“Yeah?” I kissed her again, this time harder. I wanted her to feel my mouth on hers for the rest of the day. She was mine.
When we broke away, her cheeks were flushed, her lips swollen. I traced the outline of her lips with my thumb.
“When we walk out at the same time, are we going to pretend we were working in here?” Her tone was uncertain.
I wanted to erase the uncertainty and pain I’d caused with my callous need to hide us from Reid. “Or we don’t say anything. Let Reid figure it out.”
Her forehead wrinkled.
I sighed. “I’ll talk to him today.”
I couldn’t wait any longer. Not with training camp starting soon.
She popped up on tiptoes, kissing me lightly. My hands went to her hips. That one simple kissed warmed me, making me think we could do anything. Be in a relationship, survive training camp, and my eventual return to the game. We were strong enough to survive, weren’t we? I couldn’t imagine the alternative. Going back to how I was. After Callie, it would seem so much lonelier than before. Pointless even. She gave me a reason to play outside of escaping my past. I tried not to think about whether she wanted the same thing. She was the one who proposed the summer with the season being a natural end date.
Walking out, the gym was still bustling with kids. No one looked our way.
She wrapped a hand around my bicep.
I smiled at her, but when I glanced up, joy radiating in my chest, Reid stared at me from across the room, one brow raised. Sighing, I said, “It’s time to face the music, pay the piper, whatever the saying is.”
Her face fell as she followed my gaze to Reid’s rigid one. “Ugh. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. You’re worth pissing off my friend.”
Looking down at her, I knew I was right. Reid could warn me off her all he wanted, but I’d still gravitate back to her. She was the sun that came up in the morning, the moon that was a steady presence all day. With her, I could do anything, be anyone.
Reid strode across the room, his gaze flickering from me to Callie. “You have something you wanted to tell me?”
“In your office?” There was no point in making people talk.
He nodded tightly.
I squeezed Callie’s upper arm. “Keep things running smoothly. I’ll be back.”
Her expression was worried, but she let go of my arm. “Good luck.”
I’d need it. I followed the tense set of Reid’s shoulders to his office. I shut the door as Reid swung around, hands braced on his desk. “Were you going to tell me?”
Wondering if we’d made the right decision in coming out, I said, “We’d just decided to.”
He braced his hands on the desk. “During the opening of the complex.”
“I kept putting her off. Telling her I needed more time to tell you. It wasn’t fair to her. I wanted to say something before training camp.”
His expression softened slightly, but his tone was incredulous. “What are you doing with her, Jonah? You can’t be serious about her.”
I cringed at his assumption I wasn’t anything more than a good-time guy. I’d made sure that was his impression, but it felt miserable having it thrown in my f
ace.
He pushed off the table, pacing. “Hell. I don’t even know why. Why don’t you do serious?”
Answers filtered through my head… I didn’t deserve it, it would end badly, I wasn’t the right guy for anyone.
He stopped, his legs wide, his arms crossed over his chest.
Something slimy and cold settled in my stomach. He knew what happened to my ex, but I didn’t want to talk about it. “I never met anyone I wanted to be serious with.”
“And I’m supposed to believe Callie’s the girl?”
“She is. I don’t know what I’m doing, but I want to be with her.”
“I don’t like this.” He tipped his head back, staring at the ceiling.
What could I say to alleviate his concern? I won’t hurt her. That was the obvious answer, but I couldn’t guarantee that. “I don’t want to hurt her, but I know I’m not good enough for her.”
His head bobbed in agreement. “I’m glad you recognize that. Look, she’s vulnerable right now, susceptible to your charm. She’s dealing with her grandfather’s illness.”
I didn’t like his insinuation that Callie was only with me because of my football persona or my charm. I’d been more real with her than anyone else. “I know she is.”
“I hope you know what you’re doing.” His voice was gentler.
“I’m in unchartered territory here.” I spread my arms out to my side.
Reid’s face relaxed. Something in my tone must have come across as sincere. “That’s how I felt when I met Dylan. I pushed her away even when I wanted to pull her closer. In the end, I fucked up. I hurt her. I still regret that.”
“I’m bound to fuck it up. I can’t make any promises other than I care for her, and it’s real.” It felt good to clear the air with my friend. He hadn’t reacted how I thought he would. I thought he’d agree I was a terrible choice for her, double down on his plea to stay away from her.
He studied me carefully, then nodded. “You know, that’s all I can ask for. Take care of her.”
“I will.” His blessing settled in my chest, burrowing deeper, making me feel closer to the person who might deserve Callie Goodwin one day.
