by AJ Adams
“But Siv!”
She was going to protest again. I picked her up, swung her off her feet and kissed her.
“Oh!”
As before, my passion echoed in her. Her breath shortened, and her eyes were half shut as my lust pulsed through her, setting her body aflame.
But my shield maiden was a fighter. She broke off our kiss, exclaiming, “Siv Skull Crusher, you’re not playing fair!”
Bliss was trying to marshal her thoughts, but I just kept my arms around her and the image of those sweet curves in mind. She’d moan as I licked her budding tips—
“Hey! Definitely not fair!”
But Bliss was laughing. I patted her on the arse, “This is a seduction. Just work with me, shield maiden. It’s going to be fine.”
Those heavenly eyes were still troubled. “Will it?”
I drank in the sound of her voice, the lovely face, and the divine form. She was so beautiful.
Me?” Bliss was shocked. “Beautiful?”
“You saw that? Good!” I hugged her close. “It’s true.”
My girl had always thought of herself as a horror, a vicious, blue-eyed Beast, but I let her look through my eyes, and now she was finally seeing herself as I did: a beautiful Skraeling woman. I saw the knowledge sink in.
“Oh!” Her face said it all. “Really?”
I knew what I wanted: a woman to live with me, to be my mate, the mother of my children. Long, sweet days filled with love and laughter. I could see it clearly in my mind, so clearly that even the kids had white hair, just like her.
“Siv.” Bliss was smiling, seeing my vision. “That’s what you want? Really?”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you, Bliss. You’re not abandoned, adrift on your own. You’re heading for a new life. Love, laughter and a place where you’ll belong.”
She was unconvinced. “Are you sure, Siv? I mean, you say I’m Skraeling because I look like one. But will your people agree? Won’t I just be a Prydain to them? An enemy?”
If there were any, I’d have her back. “You’re one of us. It will be fine.”
The eyes narrowed. “Because I’m yours.”
That power of hers was running strong. “You’re reading well.”
“Don’t change the subject!” The shield maiden was back. “I’m not anyone’s!”
She meant it, too. I could see it in her eyes. I was missing something.
Bliss was nervous, gazing at me with narrowed eyes. “Is that what you want, Siv? Power?”
“Of course. Who wouldn’t want a vala?”
I’d answered instinctively, but it was a mistake.
“All you men are the same!” Bliss flared. “The duke, Courtney, and you!”
Putting me in the same class as those corrupt Prydain! It took effort, but I swallowed my instinctive rage. “They wanted to use you. I want a mate.”
There was a long silence. “I know,” Bliss sighed eventually. “It’s not the same. I don’t know why I said that.”
“Never mind.” I stroked the long hair. “Come on, we have to set up camp. We can fight later.”
“I don’t want to fight.”
“Good. We’ll fuck instead.”
“Siv!”
She was so beautiful that it took real effort of will not to roll her right there into the sand. I pushed her away gently. “Collect some driftwood and stack it in the sun to dry. We need a fire to make supper.”
While Bliss combed the beach for wood, I inventoried our stores. We’d done well. We had enough bread, raisins, and jerky to get us home. At worst, without my fishing every day, it would mean one meal every two days. Bliss also had a store of medicine, a simple kit to her, but the row of tonics and salves was more precious than gold for me.
Then I dug into the chest built into the bow and found another treasure trove: a stew pot, a kettle, and a frying pan, all with lids. The old man had also stashed forks, knives, spoons, and bowls. I was crowing with delight.
“Are you okay?” Bliss called out.
“Yes, we’re going to be fine! Look what I found!”
“Pots.” Bliss was unimpressed. “I thought we’d spear fish on sticks, like in the stories.”
“You can if you like splinters in your food. I’m pan frying mine.”
“Softy!”
Bliss was mocking me happily, but she was watching with interest as I took the kettle and went up the rocks to raid the rain puddles. “We’ve got water in the barrel,” she called.
“Don’t waste, Bliss.”
“What? But there’s an ocean—!” She stared out and began to laugh. “Right, too salty to drink.”
“It’s no problem. There’s water all up the coast. If we run short, we just go ashore.”
There were several deep puddles, perfectly clean. We’d drink deep, top up our barrel, and have enough to make stew, too. It really was a miracle. With plenty of food and water, this trip was going to be luxurious. Perfect for a honeymoon.
Bliss had gathered enough wood for three fires and was on board, moving the cart and clearing space. “When we took in a sick bear cub, I made a sand box in the house,” she explained. “If we’re to travel at sea for days, the animals will need one on board. They can’t hang over the side like we do.”
Okay, luxurious but unusual. Still, Bliss was smiling again. That alone made me happy.
By the time we finished, the fire was just right, and the sun was setting. We ate, a full stew pot of fish for the animals, and pan-roasted fish for us.
“Being on the run isn’t bad at all,” Bliss said as she stretched out on her cloak. “That was great.”
She was completely relaxed, her hair fanning out behind her and her eyes half shut. It was perfect.
I lay down beside her, curling an arm around her. It was ridiculous, but now it was time, I was nervous. Yes, me!
“What’s up with you?” Bliss’ radar was working well.
“You want to know who I am?”
Her eyes were wide with surprise. “I know who you are!”
“No, I mean the inside me. The real me.” As I talked, I was remembering the last time I’d told her I had no secrets. That had gone spectacularly wrong. Was I a damn fool for doing this?
“Siv, I don’t know,” Bliss said slowly.
“But I do.” I stroked her face, taking in the sweet bones. “It’s the only way.”
“We’re so different.”
“Yes, we are.” I looked into the sky-blue eyes, dark with worry. “Come on, vala. Look and judge.”
I closed my eyes, put my head against hers, and then I went back to that night at Brighthelme.
Fire all around me. The wool merchants’ guild was flaming, smoke billowing out of all six floors. There was screaming from inside as those who were trapped burned alive. An armed guildsman, almost split in two, lay at my feet. I would kill them all.
Even at the memory, rage ran through me, taking possession of my body and blinding my mind.
I was covered in blood, a body at my feet. A fat Guildsman, his sword still in his hand, his head almost severed by my knife.
“No!” A woman, screaming as she died.
Another body, a guard, armed with a musket he didn’t have time to fire.
“Please, no!” Pleading grey eyes. Male or female, impossible to tell.
And then, nothing.
I snapped back, seeing carts and trees all around us. There was wailing and crying, muffled. It didn’t seem real.
“Siv, you got your revenge yesterday. It’s enough.” Rune, looking bad-tempered. “Leave Wynne alone.”
More trees, and more rage. Endless time. A sense of my body moving without my spirit.
“Please, no!” More frightened eyes, brown this time.
A fade-out and a sense of more time passing.
A sensation of unimaginable frost, worse than an ice-storm, in my head yet my body was hot, as if raging with fever. There were trees all around, and a crossroads. We could turn lef
t and go to Haven, or straight and head for home.
Rune saying, “We need to think long-term. We need women, mothers for our children. We should keep these, and make our peace with them.”
I felt my fury rise at the mere idea, and I was snarling, “Never!”
Another blank, but an impression of despair and exhaustion.
I snapped again, scenting the sea. I was walking through the woods, but now the trees were familiar.
“We’ll be home soon,” Brant was laughing. “We’ll auction the women.”
Then I was standing on the beach, our beach, looking at the girls lined up. They were tearstained and pale with terror.
“I bid!” It was my voice. “That one is mine.”
Lizbeth looking up at me, her grey eyes wide and frightened. The world trembled, and suddenly I was back inside myself again.
She stood before me, weeping, “I want to go home!”
She was my enemy. Yet she was just a girl. Little bones and a small frame. I remembered my rage, my rejoicing in the blood and screams.
Some glory. As I looked at her I felt shame sweep through me. Was that what I had become? A defiler and killer of women?
I heard myself speak. “I’ll be kind to you. I give you my word.”
“No! I want to go home!”
“It’s too late.” For her and for me. “You are my enemy, but I will honour you.”
At that, my fate was sealed. I hated her, and I knew she’d be an ever-present torment. But I was committed to keeping her.
Chapter Thirteen: Bliss
I was inside his mind, inside his soul, feeling what he felt, seeing what he saw. It was devastating.
With difficulty, I moved away, breaking contact so that I wouldn’t be overwhelmed by his despair. “What happened to Lizbeth?”
Siv sighed. “She rejected me.”
“Ohmigod! Did you kill her?”
He was up on his feet, white with anger and yelling at the top of his voice. “Odin’s balls, do you think I’m a liar and a cheat?”
Saga came running over, hackles up in response to the anger in the air. I found myself backing away. Siv had vanished; this was a rage-ridden maniac. This was what Lizbeth had seen.
I put a hand on Saga, warning her not to attack, and spoke calmly, pretending my stomach wasn’t clenching in fear. “I heard you vow not to hurt her, but that was last autumn, wasn’t it?”
He was breathing fast, his hands curling into fists. “Of course she’s alive! I made a vow, didn’t I?”
“Yes, I saw. That’s good. Lizbeth is fine then. I was just making sure.”
We were staring at each other again, with that familiar rage and misunderstanding swirling between us.
This time, Siv backed off. “I’m sorry. I… It’s just…” He just stood there, silent in words but raw with emotion. The blackness came off him in waves. Devastating. Destructive. But he was controlling himself. I breathed again.
“I didn’t touch her,” he sighed finally. “I told her I’d honour her, and I did. I thought maybe that if I waited she’d listen. That I could make her understand.”
“But she couldn’t forgive you?”
He shook his head. “I let her rage at me all winter. I thought it might help. But in the end she left me.”
He sounded so miserable that I instinctively reached out and took his hand. Then, Lizbeth’s eyes flashed with triumph, “I’m moving in with another man!”
I let go. “Oh.”
She hadn’t just left him. She’d wounded him, publicly shaming him. Siv could have handled being knifed, but to have his pride smashed was unbearable. He couldn’t fight back, either, as he’d promised to honour her.
He was hurting, the humiliation of it running as strong as his rage, but he spoke quietly. “That’s when I went fishing.”
“And ended up at Salvation.”
“Yes.” He said it matter-of-factly. “Well, vala?”
I didn’t know what to say. “Judge me,” he’d said, but how could I? I had read his mind, but even now I couldn’t grasp it all. I was speechless, numbed by the horrors he’d lived through and still shaking with the intensity of the emotions that had gripped him. We were so alien to each other, and the violence that ran through his life was unmistakeable. How could I ever trust him?
Siv’s eyes turned dark with disappointment. “I see. Well, it was worth the risk.” He stood up, towering over me. “I’m going for a swim.”
He was stripping off tunic and leathers, and diving into the sea before I quite realised what he was about. I stared at the inked figure swimming out as conflict raged inside me.
He’d saved my life, and unlike the duke who had looked to me for power, and Courtney who had sought riches, Siv’s vision was one of peace. He saw us with children, little, blue-eyed, blond ones, on a beach with a boat. The image had been crystal-clear in his mind. A life of love, tenderness—and fishing. Simple and sweet, rich and perfect. It was what I yearned for, too.
He was also the first man I’d wanted. The duke had frightened me, Courtney had disgusted me, but each time the Beast had touched me, I’d been swept along with his passion. Just thinking about it made my breath ragged.
I saw the figure moving rapidly away from the beach. What had stopped my tongue had been the flashes of frightened eyes. He’d been vicious, but having ridden his memories, I understood why. Losing his home after years of brutal conditions and then his ship had broken his mind.
Those weeks after the battle he had been insane. When he’d come back to himself, he’d been aghast at his actions. The shame he’d felt still reverberated through me as it had gripped him. Another man might have tried to shrug it off and told himself it was simply what happens in wars, but Siv had tried to make amends.
That was what really got to me. The thin-skinned, bad-tempered Skull Crusher had endured months of abuse, hoping that his enemy would forgive him, all the while knowing that if she did, he would be tied to a woman he loathed forever.
He had gone into it with an open heart, but it hadn’t worked. Instead, he’d been publicly humiliated. And even then, he had not taken revenge. He’d simply lost any hope for a future. When I’d rejected him, he’d walked away, too. Twice.
I saw those kids again, laughing as they ran on the beach. When he was himself, we yearned for the same things. Perhaps that simple vision was worth taking a risk.
I was lost in thought, weighing my wants against my fears, when Saga whined. The wolf was looking out anxiously at the rapidly disappearing figure in the distance.
“Sweet Lady! Is he swimming out to sea?”
Suddenly panicked, I got to my feet, completely convinced that Siv would keep swimming until he was caught up in that rip tide. In my mind, he was already there, being pulled under the water, into the dark, deadly depths.
Then I was rushing into the surf. “Siv! Siv! No! Wait!”
Damn fool that I was, I forgot I couldn’t swim. I was knocked over by a wave, and as I struggled to my feet, another threw me over. My legs tangled in my skirts, now as binding as duckweed and as heavy as iron. I tried to find my feet, but a wave carried me farther out, and then the bottom disappeared.
The sea dragged me under. Bubbles were all around me, and I was tumbling through the water. It was dark beneath and light above. I couldn’t reach the surface, although it was just inches above me.
“What in hell are you doing?” Siv was hauling me up by the collar, dragging me into blessed fresh air. “What did I tell you about staying away from the sea?”
I was coughing and spluttering, but he had me back in the shallows in a few strokes. I got enough breath in me to gasp, “I thought you were in trouble!”
“What are you on about?” Then I was back on my feet, being frogmarched back to the beach. “Why would I be in trouble? I’m not a crazy witch, diving into the sea—and fully dressed! Do you have a death wish?”
“I thought you did.”
“Don’t be a damn fool!” He wa
s shaking me, checking me over. “I can’t go for a swim without having you running into trouble? What are you? Five years old?”
All throughout the tirade, I felt his concern for me swirling around me, battering my senses as sweetly as his angry scolding.
I threw my arms around him. “Siv, please stop yelling.”
“Bliss.” His eyes, bloodshot from seawater, yet so warm and caring, were locked on mine. “You could have drowned!”
“Shut up and kiss me, you idiot.”
Soft, wet through, and oh so dear.
That passion was overwhelming me again. His or mine, I wasn’t sure. His chest was hard and warm, the muscles flexing under the inked wolves. I leaned against it and soaked up the love. I could barely breathe, and that slickness between my legs had nothing to do with seawater.
“You okay?” His eyes were narrowed, looking straight into mine. “Bliss?”
I was aware of my breath coming out in rapid little gasps. “Yes.” It came out in a squeak and I could feel myself flush.
“You look odd. Did you swallow a lot of water? Are you feeling sick?”
He took my hands, and I was rocketed with need edged with concern. Eyes like the ocean, big enough to drown in, a body as firm as her mind, and skin so soft, it made silk feel rough.
“Gah.” I was seeing myself through his eyes.
“Oh.” Realisation throttled through him.
I was looking into his eyes, and I knew his instinct was to pull away. Then he threw caution away and embraced me. Soft breasts, long, firm body, and a scent straight out of the forest. Heaven on earth. An opportunity dreamed of, lusted after, and believed impossible, totally out of reach.
“Oh!”
A difficult woman, impossible and rude, a she-wolf in a fight.
“Hey!”
Me, fighting the Patriarch’s men. Valiant, brave, and impossible. A shield maiden. A mate to be proud of, to love.
“Oh Siv!”
His lips were on mine, hard and demanding, needing and loving. Emotions ran through me, so intent that they dissolved my knees. I was clinging to him, breathless, excited and frightened all at once. His need and expectations washed over me, drowning me.
Brave and beautiful.
