by Amy Ruttan
“I thought she was being jumpy in the emergency room because she didn’t want her grandfather to catch her loitering, but it’s obvious now that she was on the lookout for you.”
Axel’s smile disappeared. “It was probably a combination of both. My father doesn’t like children hanging out in the hospital. With patients it’s fine, but physicians’ and nurses’ children should be at home in his opinion. He’s always enforced that. And, unfortunately, Eira and I have borne the brunt of his lectures. No visiting at the workplace. At all.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. Your father is just so nice to me and—”
“He respected your father,” Axel said, gently cutting her off. “But when my brother Calder first died, Eira was afraid of losing any more of her family so I brought her to work with me one day. She had been crying and clinging to me, frightened. I only had to stop at the hospital to do a quick consult and I saw no problem bringing her. My father felt otherwise.”
Betty’s heart sank. “I’m sorry to hear that. It’s usually not a problem anywhere else.”
“I’ve tried to get my father more interested in Eira, but he’s not the best with children.”
“Or you,” Betty said quickly and Axel shot her a look that made her instantly regret what she’d said.
“You’re not wrong there,” Axel said, sighing. “My father and I never had the best relationship when I was younger, but when my mother died and then my brother the following year, our relationship combusted.”
“He’s grieving. People grieve in very different ways. I threw myself into a destructive relationship that I can’t seem to escape from when my father died.”
Axel cocked his head to one side. “With Thomas Welling?”
“Yes. My father told me, right before he died and when I started my surgical residency, to not get involved with another doctor until I was established. He told me to focus on becoming the best damn surgeon I could be. After my internship, he passed away so suddenly and it destroyed my world. It was an aortic dissection and the best team of cardiothoracic surgeons were right at his doorstep at Mayo, but he was in his office, working, and he died before they could find him.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Thanks.”
“And so when did you start seeing Thomas?”
“About a year after the funeral. I was done with my first year of residency and I was a promising general surgeon. I was the ‘one to watch’ and then Thomas walked into my life and I let him walk all over me. He got all the accolades for our work. Suddenly, I wasn’t the one to watch, he was, but I didn’t care because I was in love.”
“I understand that. My last relationship also ended in heartbreak.”
“Oh?” Betty asked, just slightly jealous. Although she shouldn’t be surprised—a handsome, caring, strong man like Axel wouldn’t be single for long.
“Freya and I were together for three years and then after my brother died and I had to take care of Eira she was angry. She felt my father should take care of Eira, and she wasn’t completely thrilled about my post-traumatic stress or my grief. So she left. She said it wasn’t fair for me to expect her to bear that burden.”
“Wow. She sounds like a real piece of work.”
Axel chuckled. “And your Thomas sounds like a right jerk.”
“He was. I let him control my life for far too long. So long that I faded into the background and every time I tried to move forward, he reeled me back in. So that’s why I’m here. In Reykjavik. About to eat...hangikjöt?”
Axel chuckled. “Yes and that is the correct pronunciation.”
“At least I’m learning something.”
“You’re still one to watch.” His eyes were so intense, so serious, and it made her heart beat a bit faster. The compliment caught her off guard. She could feel the heat blooming in her cheeks.
She didn’t know how to respond to that and luckily she didn’t have to as the waitress chose that moment to bring them their food.
Betty appreciated the compliment, even if it wasn’t really true.
She wasn’t one to watch.
She didn’t want to be watched. She just wanted to disappear for a while. To mend herself so that maybe then she could move on with her life.
* * *
Axel couldn’t believe that Eira had been so devious and had set this up. This reminded him of the mischievous things his brother used to do. At first he’d thought about walking away and not sitting down to have dinner, but he couldn’t hurt Betty like that.
And he missed her.
There was still pink in her cheeks from his comment that she was still one to watch. She looked embarrassed, but not flattered as he’d hoped.
“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, Betty,” he said gently, and he reached out and took her hand. “I’m sorry I’ve been being such a...”
“Doofus,” Betty mumbled.
“What’s a doofus?”
“A jerk.”
He chuckled. “Yeah, that. I’m sorry, I just thought it might be better for your reputation at the hospital if you weren’t associated with me so I’ve kept my distance. I’m the black sheep. They either see me as a threat because I’m the son of Dr. Sturla Sturlusson and resent me, or they feel pity for me because they know about Calder. Either way, I’m not well liked at the hospital.”
“I’m sorry that they’re so jealous,” Betty said, squeezing his hand back. “You are talented, but I do have one question.”
“Sure.”
“Can you explain the surname thing to me? Your father is Sturla Sturlusson. I knew he was S. Sturlusson, but Sturla?”
Axel grinned. “His father was Sturla as well. That is how last names are derived. The last name forms the father’s name. My mother thought there should be a break in the name and called me Axel and my brother Calder. So Eira is actually Calderdóttir, because she is a female. My sons will be Axelsson and my daughters Axeldóttir.”
“In the States we just take on our parents’ surnames. Jacinth is French, or something. My father never knew. Whoever they were, they settled in Tennessee.”
“Do you miss home?”
She cocked her head to one side. “No, since my father died and my grandmother before him, I don’t really have a place to call home. I do miss New York, sometimes, but I didn’t really do much outside the hospital after...”
He could tell she was thinking about Thomas and he felt bad.
“Don’t think about him,” Axel said gently.
“I’m not thinking about him,” she said stiffly.
“Let’s talk about something else. Why did you want to go into trauma and laparoscopic surgery?”
“Why did you want to do trauma and cardiothoracic?” she asked, turning the table on him.
“I asked you first!” he teased.
She smiled, those beautiful eyes of hers twinkling. “I just liked the fast pace of the emergency room, but I do like doing laparoscopic surgeries, when I need a break from the gritty world of the trauma room. It’s a delicate surgery, slow and methodical. Less invasive compared to trauma. Now it’s your turn.”
“I wanted to be a cardiothoracic surgeon since I left medical school, but my brother joined the tactical navy as a surgeon and I idolized my brother. So I joined too. I learned everything I could and was able to work with an amazing cardiothoracic surgeon out in the field. If I had my choice I would be doing cardiothoracic work every day. There’s a beauty to the heart. Not many people can see that.”
“Why didn’t you take a job on the cardiothoracic team, then, after your time in the tactical navy?”
“Because my father is punishing me.” He couldn’t believe he’d admitted to it.
“He’s punishing you?”
“When the helicopter started to go down, there was an explosion and my brother grabbed me
and threw me into the water first. He took the blast of shrapnel to his back. He was injured, probably paralyzed and he died. And I came out of it unscathed. Calder was my father’s favorite. Calder could calm him, much like my mother could. My father blamed me for living instead of Calder, so, he’s punishing me.”
“Are you sure?”
“He told me so,” Axel said.
“That’s cruel,” she said gently.
“He’s only this way with me and Eira, if I’m honest. Eira reminds him of my mother and of Calder. So he pushes her away.”
“He’s afraid to let her in because he might lose her, perhaps?”
Axel nodded. “So am I. I promised my brother I would watch her. That I would take care of her. I don’t feel like I’m doing good enough for her.”
“You are,” Betty said and she touched his hand again. “You really are.”
He wanted to take her hand and kiss it, but the waitress came over to their table and placed the beer he’d ordered in front of them.
“You ordered beer?”
“Who said I did?” he teased.
“I know Eira didn’t, so don’t play coy with me.”
“I owe you a meal. We were going to have this the day of the cathedral.”
“Good thing I don’t have to work tomorrow.” She took a sip. “That is strong!”
“You really are a lightweight, aren’t you?”
“I told you I was. I was a studious student in college. All I ever wanted to do was save lives.” She turned to her meal while Axel’s heart skipped a beat.
That was how he felt.
That was all he’d ever wanted to do. He’d focused so hard on school and walking the same path as his brother in hopes that his father would like him.
That he would make his father proud.
He realized that he and Betty were the same.
She took a bite of the lamb. “That’s really good!”
“I’m glad you like it,” he said, trying to find his voice.
“You know what, your father likes me, perhaps I can—”
He held up his hand to cut her off. “I don’t want you getting involved with this.”
“But you want to be a cardiothoracic surgeon. You have the skills, the knowledge, so you should be one. You should make your father listen.”
“No, Betty. Don’t.”
“I won’t, but you should do what you love, Axel. Life is too short.”
He fell silent. That was so true. Life was too short.
He knew first-hand how short it could be.
* * *
They finished their meal, chatting about everyday things at the hospital. It was nice. Betty enjoyed every time they got together because it helped her to feel like herself again, to remember who she was before Thomas, before the loss of her father.
She was smiling and laughing a lot, but that was because of the beer she’d drunk. At least the hangikjöt had been served with potatoes so she definitely wasn’t drinking on an empty stomach.
“Are you okay?” he asked, grinning, those blue eyes twinkling.
“Fine.” She was a bit buzzed, but she knew what was going on.
“I’d better take you home.” He paid the bill and they slipped out of the booth. And as they maneuvered through the crowds of people who were escaping the cold on a Friday night, his arm went around her. His strong hand against the small of her back as he guided her to the exit.
It was cold and crisper than it had been when she had left the hospital. She shivered.
“Are you cold?” he asked.
“A bit.”
He slipped off his jacket and put it around her shoulders as she protested, because she didn’t want him to freeze.
“I’m wearing a thick sweater and my car is just over there.”
He put his arm back around her and guided her to his SUV, which had been fixed from the crash. As they walked, Betty looked up at the sky and could see the faint green lights to the north of the city.
“Oh! They’re back out.”
Axel craned his neck. “Yes. I heard they were going to be particularly strong tonight.”
“Too bad the city is drowning them out,” she said.
“Would you like to see them better?” he asked.
“Sure, but how?”
“I know a place. About an hour outside the city. Eira is safe at her friend’s house for the night and you don’t have work tomorrow. I can take you, if you’d like?”
“Sure.”
Even though she knew she shouldn’t go on a dark drive with him an hour outside the city, she couldn’t help but say yes. It was a once in a lifetime chance to see the aurora borealis. She had to take it.
Axel helped her into the SUV and then climbed in the driver’s side.
He drove away from the old town of Reykjavik and stopped at his place.
“I thought we were going to see the northern lights?” she asked.
“Yes, you stay put. I’m going to grab you a warmer jacket.”
He was in and out of his house within minutes and was carrying not only a jacket, but an ugly knitted cap and a blanket.
“Here,” he said, tossing her the pile of stuff he’d collected as he got back into his SUV.
“Thanks,” she said dryly.
“Ready to see the aurora?”
“Ready.”
He grinned and nodded. They drove out of Reykjavik north-west along the coast. Soon the lights of Reykjavik and then a few other small towns were behind them. The rest of the world was dark and restricted to the headlights of Axel’s SUV and the other vehicles and trucks that were heading south toward Reykjavik.
After a while he pulled off in a lay-by, by the water, and parked. He turned off the lights and got out. Betty followed him.
It was dark and she could hear waves hitting the shore; she just couldn’t see the water because there was no moon.
“I can’t see them,” Betty whispered.
“Why are you whispering?” Axel asked, whispering back.
“I don’t know.” She chuckled.
“Just be patient and let your eyes adjust. And you’ll be rewarded. Just keep your eyes focused above you.”
“Don’t you mean north?”
“No, I can see the ribbon—it’s above us. Iceland is above the sixtieth parallel, which means we can see them above us and extending across the sky to the north.”
Betty closed her eyes and then opened them. As her eyes began to get used to the darkness she saw the first burst of color, in a green and purple ribbon, rippling and dancing across the sky.
“Oh!” she gasped.
“Aren’t they something? I could watch them for hours.”
“Me too,” she whispered in awe. Tears stung her eyes at the beauty of the dancing lights in the darkened sky.
“You’re crying?” Axel asked.
“It’s kind of moving.”
“I think it’s sweet that you’re crying.”
“You do? Surgeons don’t cry, though. That’s what I was told by my father.”
Axel touched her cheek, wiping a tear away with his thumb. “I think it shows more humanity when a surgeon cries.”
Her heart was pounding like a jackhammer, her pulse thundering in her ears as she stared into his eyes, the aurora dancing above them. It was just the two of them in the cold darkness. Usually that would freak her out, but for some reason in this moment with his arms around her she felt safe.
She felt at peace.
She felt like herself.
And before she could react, Axel cupped her face and leaned in, kissing her. Tenderly at first, before it deepened. His mouth on hers, his hand cupping the back of her head as he kissed her with passion she’d never felt before.
It scared her, but thrilled
her too.
“I’m sorry,” he said breathlessly as he broke the kiss off.
“Don’t be sorry,” she said breathlessly. “Oh, the lights are gone.”
He looked up. “Ah, that’s the thing about auroras. You need a clear sky and there’s clouds rolling in. Could be a storm. I think we’d better head back to Reykjavik.”
“Good idea.”
She wanted to talk more about what had happened just now. To tell him that it was okay that he had kissed her, that she didn’t want things to be weird between them again.
That she wanted more than just a kiss under the Northern Lights, but her time here was limited and she had to find herself again before she got caught in another life that wasn’t hers.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
IT WAS AT times like this that she wished she had someone to talk to.
After Axel had dropped her off on Friday night, she hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep. Which was fine as she had Saturday off to try and catch up on rest, but instead she’d found herself sitting in her little cottage by the sea staring at the walls and going crazy. That was when she’d decided that she would just go to the hospital and do some administrative work or maybe convince the senior Dr. Sturlusson to let her do a surgery or two. Or at least have some of the more experienced residents do one while she watched.
One thing she knew, she couldn’t just do nothing, because then all she would do was think about Axel’s arms around her. The way his hands had felt in her hair, the taste of his lips and the way she’d absolutely melted.
And she had never melted like that for anyone before.
She walked over to the hospital and entered through the front doors, rather than the emergency-room entrance.
“Betty!”
She turned to see who was calling out to her and it was Stellan. She groaned inwardly. Stellan was handsome and charming. She’d gone out for coffee with him the day after he’d taken her back to Axel’s place so she could watch Eira, but it had been the most tedious coffee she’d ever had. Stellan was a wonderful guy. But for someone else.
“Hi, Stellan,” Betty said quickly.
“I didn’t think you would be in today.” He looked pleased to see her.
“Well, I’m not really here, but I thought I would get some work done anyways.”
