by Leann Harris
Or pretend she could function, because at this moment, she didn’t believe she could.
Chapter Fifteen
Ethan walked around the outside of the barn toward his truck. He wouldn’t go through it, because he didn’t think Tessa wanted to see him again.
He’d expected yelling and accusations from her but her cold, lifeless reaction worried him even more. If she yelled, he could deal with the anger, but the cold was deadly.
As he rounded the final corner of the barn, Doc pulled his truck into the parking lot. Doc slowly climbed out of the front seat. “What’s wrong, Ethan? Was there an accident? Is everyone okay?”
“Tessa saw me walking into the Gamblers Anonymous meeting this afternoon with William. When I came by to see her and explain, she confronted me with it. I told her about what happened with my gambling. She listened, Doc, but I don’t think she believed me.” Misery swamped him. “She told me about her stepfather relapsing and she doesn’t trust me to not gamble anymore.”
“Ethan, look at me.” The sharp command cut through Ethan’s fog.
His gaze met Doc’s. “With her world blowing up around her, I think you were a solid presence for Tessa. Now she’s been shocked again with the one issue that is most critical for her. Give her some time and space to get her bearings. She’s a smart woman and, given time, she’ll find her balance.”
They were words of hope, but Ethan had his doubts. “I pray you’re right, Doc. She’s been burned badly, and I don’t know if she’s willing to open her heart again, especially to a man who’s had a bad brush with gambling.”
“I understand, but remember God can move mountains and change the heart of a young woman.”
Ethan would have to hold on to that thought, because his prospects didn’t look good.
* * *
Joan’s call came at six in the morning two weeks later.
“How are you doing, Tessa?” Joan asked.
Tessa sat at the kitchen table, Doc across the table from her. They’d come to an uneasy truce and were able to work together, but they didn’t speak about the uncomfortable truths that had come to light. “We’ve been busy around the clinic.”
The line hummed with silence.
“I should be here in Amsterdam until the end of the week.”
“Okay.”
“You’re still upset with me,” Joan stated.
Tessa didn’t want to discuss the subject, especially with Doc so close. “I’m still numb and don’t know what to think. Or feel. I’m trying, but—”
“I understand, but Tessa, the longer you refuse to deal with the emotions in your heart, the harder it’s going to be. I know. If I’d confronted Warren the first time he came home drunk, our lives would’ve been different. Or if I’d told Vince I was pregnant and trusted him and our love, who knows what our lives would have been.
“I have lots of regrets, sweetheart. Please, don’t make my mistake. Will you consider that? Pray about it?”
Tessa felt the first crack in the ice encasing her heart. They’d been through so much together, how could she ignore her mother’s plea? “Okay, Mom, I’ll try.”
When Tessa hung up, she looked up into Doc’s face. He held out a refilled cup of coffee to her. She took it.
“Your mom?” He nodded toward the phone.
“Yes.”
He poured himself another cup of coffee and sat down at the table. “How is she?”
“She’s fine.”
After taking a sip of his coffee, he asked, “I’m still in awe of finding her after all these years.” He wrapped his hands around the mug. “These last few days, I found myself wondering what our lives would’ve been if Joan had told me about you.”
The ice cracked more. “I think I would’ve liked that.”
They remained silent, lost in their individual thoughts. After a minute, Doc rose. “I’ll help you clean up.” The person who cooked didn’t clean, and he’d cooked this morning, but she was willing to accept the gesture.
“Sure.”
They worked together.
“During the summers,” Doc stated, “Ethan would come to the clinic and help me on Fridays. At one time, he thought he might like to be a vet.”
She paused in putting dishes in the dishwasher. “So what happened that changed his mind?”
Doc put the butter in the refrigerator. “You really want to know?”
Did she? “Yes.”
He leaned back against the counter. “Those years ago, when Ethan was looking for a college to go to, he had his problem with gambling. It rattled him so much, that something inside him shifted. I think he discovered he had feet of clay like the rest of us. He knew if anyone discovered what he’d done, they’d be disappointed. But the person he disappointed the most was himself.
“He couldn’t tell his parents, and Mary wouldn’t understand. Also, with the shortage of cash his parents faced, he knew there was no way he could pay the expenses to become a vet.” He fell silent. “It took a long time for him to come to peace with what he’d done, then Mary stood him up at the altar.”
Tessa’s heart ached for Ethan. The man may have had a wonderful family, but he’d taken his share of lumps.
“Ethan hasn’t repeated his mistake, Tessa. And he’s extended mercy to others who faced the same problem he did.” Doc started another pot of coffee. “William isn’t the first person that Ethan’s taken to a GA meeting. I think he’s helped several others to stop gambling.” Doc leaned forward. “Tessa, the man has not ever gambled again. He learned his lesson and I know he doesn’t want to disappoint his family again. I think you can trust him. I do.”
Tessa sat down at the table and considered Doc’s words. “Thanks for telling me.”
They rang in her mind and heart for the next few days. She found herself wanting to talk to Ethan about how Lady and Hope were doing. Or ask him if he’d heard from the other rescue group on how the horses were faring.
Ethan didn’t call or come by the clinic, leaving Tessa listening for his truck and wanting to see him. She couldn’t come up with a good excuse to go out to the McClure Ranch. But the ice around her heart was melting, leaving her to feel.
One afternoon, Sophie called the clinic and asked Tessa if she could come to their place and look at the horse she’d doctored earlier.
Tessa readily agreed.
When she arrived in the early afternoon, Sophie was in the stables, the baby asleep in the ranch office. When Tessa asked where the horse was, Sophie picked up the sleeping baby and put the child over her shoulder.
“I don’t want you to wake the babe. If you’ll just direct me to where Dakota is, I’ll fill you in after I see him.”
“Not to worry, this little darling can sleep through the worst thunderstorm and not wake. Besides, I thought you and I could talk.”
Warning bells went off in Tessa’s head, but she didn’t argue. Tessa wanted to pick Sophie’s brain anyway.
They walked through the stables and out the side door to the corral. The gelding stood in the corral, eyeing them when they walked out. He moved away from the fence. Suddenly, in midstride, Dakota started limping.
Tessa frowned and opened the corral gate and walked to the horse. He danced away.
“He’s a tease,” Sophie offered.
Tessa stopped, set down her bag and opened it. She rummaged around at the bottom and pulled out one of the peppermints she carried. She stood and slowly pulled the cellophane off the candy, holding it up where the horse could see it. Dakota stopped his pacing and whished his tail.
Both women waited as the horse decided if he wanted the candy. He approached, but there was no limp in his gait. Tessa allowed the horse to lip the candy and she grabbed his halter.
The horse happily ate the candy while Tessa
pulled a strap out of her bag and clipped it to the halter, then tied the horse to one of the fence posts of the gate.
“Okay, boy, let’s see if you have anything wrong with your hoof.” Tessa ran her hand down the back leg, feeling the muscle. She could detect no abnormalities. Grabbing his hoof, she pulled it up and looked at the frog. It looked healthy. She repeated the exam of all the other hooves. Everything looked normal.
Standing, she ran her hand down his back. “I think you’re a big faker.” Tessa glanced at Sophie. “You have a smart boy who likes to pull one over on you. The next time he comes up with a limp, give him a treat. I think you’ll find he’s okay.”
Tessa untied the horse, unclipped the strap and patted him on the rump. He wasn’t interested in leaving, wanting instead to look for more candy in her bag. Tessa pushed the horse’s inquiring face away from her bag and closed it.
“Sorry for the false alarm,” Sophie said. “But I’m glad that big tease got you over here. I wanted to talk to you.”
Tessa’s stomach jumped, but she pasted a smile on her face and let herself out of the corral. “What did you want to talk about?”
“Ethan.”
Every muscle in her body tensed. “Okay.”
“Why don’t we go up to the house? That way we won’t be disturbed.”
Tessa followed Sophie into the main house. After Sophie laid the baby down in the playpen in the kitchen, she fixed two iced teas and brought a bag of chocolate cookies.
Sophie took a bite of the cookie and closed her eyes. “I’m afraid cookies are going to be my favorite thing this pregnancy.”
Tessa’s look of surprise quickly turned into a broad smile. “I didn’t know. Congratulations.”
Sophie put her finger to her mouth. “Shh, I haven’t told anyone yet.”
“Not even Zach?”
“Particularly not Zach. He’ll act like I’m breakable, and I’ve things I need to do and don’t want to argue with him.”
“I understand.” Tessa couldn’t stop smiling.
“But that’s not the reason I wanted to talk to you. What happened between Ethan and you?”
The humor left Tessa’s face. “Why do you ask?”
“Because I’ve never seen the man so miserable and the only thing that’s changed is he isn’t spending time at the clinic. I know it’s not because of Dr. Adams.”
Tessa didn’t know how to answer.
“I know it’s not my business, but with all these hormones running around in me, I want everyone to be happy.” She reached out and put her hand on Tessa’s forearm. “It’s the mother in me.”
“We didn’t have an argument,” Tessa started to explain.
When she didn’t continue her explanation, Sophie jumped in. “Ethan was very instrumental in helping my husband deal with losing his leg when he was in Iraq. The man was a pillar of strength and didn’t give up when Zach pushed everyone away. Ethan is the one person that everyone turns to when things get rough.
“I’ve seen lots of single women smile at him, and let him know that they’re interested, but he hasn’t responded. That is, until you showed up.”
“I didn’t give Ethan any flirty looks.”
Sophie grabbed another cookie. “I know. You messed with his horse, instead.”
That caused Tessa’s eyes to widen, then she grinned. “He was rather testy.”
“I know. If you’re anywhere close by, Ethan’s gaze is on you. I watched him at the dinners you’ve come to at the McClures’ ranch and at church and his gaze never leaves you. Lots of people who know Ethan have commented to me that it looks like the last McClure male is going to fall.”
Tessa didn’t know where to look.
“I’ve rejoiced for my brother-in-law and friend. Then suddenly, Ethan’s face looks like the world is coming to an end. He’s in pain, Tessa. Whatever it is, I think you should talk it over with Ethan and give him another chance. He’s a wonderful man.”
Tessa didn’t want to discuss any of this, but in her spirit, she knew this was her opportunity to talk to someone. Doc’s view of Ethan was colored by his feelings for the man. “How long have you known Ethan?”
“Maybe three years or so.”
“Have you ever seen him gamble?” Tessa asked.
Sophie’s eyes widened and her jaw dropped. “No. I’ve never seen him do anything like that.”
Maybe Sophie didn’t know her brother-in-law as well as she thought. “At school, during football or basketball seasons, you know how people bet on the games. Did he do that with his brother?”
Sophie opened her mouth to answer but paused. “No. He hasn’t ever joined any betting pools like that. Is that the problem that came up between Ethan and you?”
Could Tessa risk it? “My fa—my family lost our home when my stepfather’s gambling debts came due. I don’t ever want a repeat of that in my life.”
“Oh, Tessa, that’s terrible, and I can see why you’d be wary of any man who gambled, but Ethan doesn’t have that problem.”
She wanted to believe Sophie, but sometimes gamblers were very clever at hiding their addiction. “Then why did I see Ethan going into a Gamblers Anonymous meeting with William Moore?”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. I asked him about it. He admitted that he wanted to help William by taking him to a meeting.”
“But that doesn’t mean he’s a gambler himself,” Sophie argued.
Tessa didn’t reply.
They heard the doors of a car slam, then Zach and Ethan walked into the house.
“Hey, honey,” Zach called out, walking through the living room. When he saw Tessa, he stopped. “Tessa.”
Ethan stopped behind him.
An uncomfortable silence descended.
“I called Tessa to look at the faker, who acted like he had another rock in his hoof. He didn’t.”
“That horse is smart and lazy. I gave him a peppermint and he suddenly could walk. There was nothing in his hoof.” Tessa stood. “If he comes up acting like he is lame, just give him a candy. If that doesn’t work, call.” Grabbing her medical bag, she walked out of the house, passing a tall, silent Ethan. She fought to keep from looking at him, because if she did, she might break down in hysterical tears.
* * *
“Tessa,” Ethan called out. He followed her outside. Walking into the house and seeing her nearly knocked him off his feet. He wanted to talk to her, hear her voice.
She paused, allowing him to catch up to her.
When he did, his eyes ate up her face. How much he’d missed her. “How are you doing?”
“I’m making it.”
“Are you talking to Doc?”
“Yes, we’re talking.” She reached her truck door and opened it, putting her bag in the backseat on the floor. She climbed into the driver’s seat and closed the door.
He’d picked up the phone half a dozen times and started to call her, but had hung up. He’d also prayed for her, that her heart could open up and she’d forgive her parents and him.
“Give Doc a chance. You’ll be glad you did.”
He saw moisture gather in her eyes. She nodded and opened her mouth as if to say something. Her lips snapped shut. She started her truck and drove off.
He didn’t know how long he stood there, but suddenly he felt Zach’s hand on his back.
“What’s going on, bro?”
Ethan turned to his brother. He knew his family would worry until they knew the real reason Tessa had withdrawn from him. Now was the time to reveal the deep secrets of his past.
“Let’s go inside. I’ve got an ugly story to tell you.”
They walked inside and sat down at the table across from Sophie.
“You remember the summer between your freshman
and sophomore years? You did so well on the rodeo circuit that midway through the summer, our uncle came and convinced Dad to let him take you to some rodeos in Montana and Nevada where the prize money was better. He said it would help you with college, since the ranch had started having money troubles.”
Zach rested his elbows on his knees. “Yeah, I remember.”
“I stayed and did some small rodoes in state and in Colorado.” Ethan swallowed. Words stuck in his throat. “I came in second place in the calf roping. I got my money and suddenly Kevin Raney showed up.”
Zach sat up straight.
“I was feeling like a loser, coming in second. I wanted the first-place prize money to save for college and to maybe help Dad. Kevin appeared at my side, saying he thought I did a good job, then asked if I wanted to double that money. I did that night with poker. And the night after that. But my winning streak didn’t last long.”
With each word, Zach’s expression turned grimmer. Sophie’s eyes filled with understanding and sympathy.
“By the end of the summer, I was in debt to Kevin for five thousand dollars.” Ethan couldn’t look at his brother anymore, so he stared down at his hands. He explained the deal he’d made with Doc, finishing with, “I never gambled again.”
Waiting for his brother’s reaction was the hardest thing that Ethan had done in a long time.
Zach stood up and pulled his brother to his feet and hugged him.
“I’m glad to know I wasn’t the only son who had feet of clay,” Zach whispered. When he pulled back, he patted his brother on the cheek. “Your explanation makes a lot of things you’ve done make sense.”
Ethan could only marvel at his brother’s reaction. It lifted a lot of guilt off his shoulders.
Sophie stood and reached out to Ethan. “I’m glad you told us. I hope Tessa will understand that we all make mistakes. None of us are perfect.”
“She told you? About her family?” Ethan wanted to make sure that Sophie understood about Tessa’s stepfather.
“She did.”
If she told Sophie, then maybe there was hope. He prayed there was.
