Escape

by Francine Pascal

  Gaia looked deep into Sam’s eyes, and for a moment just the slightest bit of his optimism actually rubbed off on her. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and squeezed him tightly. It was the first hug they had ever shared purely as friends, without an ounce of remaining confusion.

  And that was when Gaia realized. . .

  She desperately needed a new friend right about now. And maybe she had just found one in Sam Moon.

  Living Nightmare

  ED COULD SEE TATIANA STORMING through the living room like a Nintendo warrior. She was practically bumping kids out of the way as she headed back toward the kitchen. What the hell had happened to her in the last four minutes? Had she just crossed over into “angry drunk” mode?

  “Did you just have a fight with the paper towels?” he joked. “What the hell happened to you?”

  “Forget it, Ed!” she snapped, stepping up to him at the fridge. “It’s not even worth it. Just forget it!”

  “Whoa!” Ed grasped Tatiana’s shoulders. “I cleaned up the beer already. Don’t worry about it, okay?”

  “It’s not the beer! I don’t care about the beer!”

  “Okay, okay. Relax, will you please? I think you might be just a little too drunk at this point—”

  “I am not that drunk, okay! My God, you sound just like her!”

  “Like who?”

  “Gaia!” she shouted, flailing her arms drunkenly in the air. “‘Disgusting’? How dare she call me disgusting? Maybe a little obnoxious, but I’m sorry, I just don’t think it’s right, Ed. It’s not right!”

  She swung her arm down with anger and nearly fell over. Ed caught her and then pulled his hands away as quickly as possible once she’d regained her balance.

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Ed complained. “You’re not making any sense.”

  “You’re goddamn right you have no idea what I’m talking about. You’re goddamn right! I’m so sick of the way she treats you, Ed. So sick of it! I’ve been watching it happen since I came to this stupid apartment. And now she tells me I don’t know what I’m talking about again. Oh, I’m sorry. Am I just too ‘disgustingly drunk’ to know what I’m talking about? No! I know what I’m talking about, Ed! Believe me, I know what I’m talking about!”

  “Wait, wait, what do you mean, now she tells you? Is Gaia here now?”

  “Yes, she’s here!” she slurred viciously. “She’s here giving me more of her stupid attitude! I thought she and I were getting better, Ed. I thought we were really starting to become—”

  “Where?” Ed felt his chest nearly close up with excitement and confusion. “How long has she been here?”

  “How the hell should I know? Why don’t you ask her yourself?”

  “Where is she?”

  “In her stupid little maid’s room down the hall.” Tatiana waved her hand behind her and continued with her out-of-control drunken tirade. She seemed to be talking to herself at this point. In fact, she seemed to have been talking to herself the entire time. “I don’t know why I put up with her attitude, I really don’t. I don’t deserve that I don’t deserve. . .”

  But Ed had stopped listening completely. His head darted up, and he gazed across the crowded living room at the dark hallway.

  Maid’s room? Did she just rant something about a maid’s room? What maid’s room?

  Ed pushed his way through the crowd and into the hallway as the music pounded in his ears and the screams went on and on. He was still not even sure if there was actual meaning to any of Tatiana’s stumbling rant.

  He stepped into the hallway and had walked a few steps when he realized that there was a painted-over doorway that he had never really noticed in the hall before. And there was a light shining through under the door.

  “Gaia. . . ?” He pushed open the door, assuming he had simply found a closet.

  But he hadn’t found a closet. What he had found was a very bad dream. A kind of living nightmare that left him completely paralyzed and unable to breathe.

  He had found Gaia. She was, in fact, there. And he had also found a boy. A boy who looked just exactly. . . like Sam Moon. It was hard to tell, though. Because his face was slightly obscured. . . what with Gaia’s head being nestled so lovingly on his shoulder.

  Gaia and this boy—who looked so very much like a boy who was supposed to be dead—both turned toward Ed at the exact same time, ripping their hands away from each other’s bodies. And they stared at him, speechless. Just as he was speechless. With dumbfounded shock on their faces. Just as there was dumbfounded shock on his face.

  For a moment it was almost as if they were playing some kind of children’s mirroring game. But that moment passed away quickly. And Ed woke up to the fact that whatever he was witnessing—however surreal and impossible their romantic embrace might have seemed. . . it was not in fact surreal. And it was not in fact impossible. And it was most definitely not a game. It was real. It was disgustingly, heart-crushingly real.

  Ed turned away from the ghost of Sam Moon and burrowed his unabashedly sad eyes into Gaia’s paralytic stare. There were a thousand things that he could have said. And a thousand more things that he wanted to say. Anything to help revive his flat-lining heart—to administer some kind of CPR to his slaughtered ego and his overloaded brain. But before anyone in the dusty little room was able to muster a word, Tatiana came bounding in, using Ed as a bumper to break her stride.

  “Oh God,” she whimpered, catching her breath. “I’m sorry. I’m so drunk. I just realized what I. . . I’m so drunk, I didn’t even. . .” Tatiana leaned back against the door. It actually looked like she might just be about to pass out. “You’re right, Gaia. I think I am disgustingly drunk. It just came out when I was. . . Our secret. I’m sorry.”

  Ed stared at Tatiana for a moment more and then turned his head slowly back to Gaia. The look on Gaia’s face was indescribable now. Anger, pain, and helpless regret all mixed together and heated up to a boil. And she still couldn’t utter a word. But Ed could certainly understand why she would be so upset. Tatiana had, after all, accidentally revealed “their secret.”

  Ed decided that words wouldn’t do him any good, either. He decided that words were, in fact, an utter waste of his time. All he needed were his legs. Which, thank God, he had now. His legs were the one thing in this world he had left. And he used them. He used them to run as fast and as hard as he had ever run.

  Sadistic Blow

  GAIA TURNED TO TATIANA ONCE MORE. She gazed at her tragically, pathetically drunken, pitiful face. She indulged briefly in visions of beating Tatiana to a bloody pulp and dragging her by her hair back to Russia. But that passed rather quickly.

  Because it was really herself that she wanted to beat to a bloody pulp. She was the one she wanted to punish. For building this horrible mess of misunderstandings piece by piece. For telling just enough stupid secrets and lies to end up in this situation. Whoever Gaia had been trying to protect, the lies were still her fault. Tatiana was just the messenger.

  So she put all her rage toward Tatiana aside, and she forgot about the pointless remainder of her good-byes to Sam, and she ran. She ran after Ed because it was all she could think to do. Because it was all she wanted to do.

  Down the stairs, out the front door, and down onto the street. She spotted Ed headed toward Park Avenue—spotted his back, actually, down half a block from her and still running.

  “Ed! Ed, wait! Wait!”

  Ed slowed down and turned around, his entire body obscured in the dark shadows of the towering buildings. He stood his ground, not taking a single step toward her, only staring from afar.

  Gaia took a few steps toward him.

  “Don’t,” he called to her. “Stay there, Gaia. Just stay there.”

  Gaia honored his request and stayed put. She had already let him down in so many ways, she felt compelled to do anything he asked of her.

  “Alone,” he called to her. She could hear his voice quavering slightly. If she had be
en able to see his eyes, she had a feeling she might have seen tears. “You said you had to do this alone, Gaia. . . .”

  “Ed, I swear to God, this is not what it looks—”

  “Shut up. Please. . . just shut up.” She watched as his head dropped down in silhouette. “I’m wondering how many things you’ve told me were lies.”

  “Ed, no—”

  “That’s what I’m wondering,” he said, pretending she hadn’t even tried to speak. “That’s what happens when you find out about one lie, Gaia. You doubt everything else the person has ever said. But you probably know that already. You’ve been lied to so many times. But not by me, Gaia. Never by me.”

  Gaia felt her chest give way to a sudden rush of tears. They shouldn’t have been a surprise, but somehow they were.

  “Ed,” she uttered aimlessly. She didn’t even have any words prepared to follow his name. She just wanted to say his name. To connect to him somehow again.

  “I’m wondering. . . I’m wondering where you really were tonight. I’m wondering if there’s anything really wrong with your father.”

  “Of course there—”

  “I’m wondering if Sam has anything to do with why you’ve been so distant with me half the time. . . that whole time after our first night together. . . and every time after that. I’m wondering if that was Sam on the cell phone last night while we were on our big date. . . .” Ed laughed bitterly. “I’m wondering if that even was Sam upstairs. I’m wondering if you were lying when you told me he had died. Is that possible? Could you possibly lie about something like that?”

  “Ed, no, don’t be—”

  “Ridiculous?” he scoffed. “This is all ridiculous, Gaia. All of it. You and Sam? Ridiculous. Me and you? Ridiculous. You and anybody? Utterly ridiculous. You know what, Gaia? You’re right. You’ve been right this whole time. You are supposed to be alone. I wish to God I had just listened to you. You were born to be alone. Or maybe you were born to be with the apparently undead Sam Moon, I don’t really know. But I know you’re not supposed to be with me, Gaia. I do know that much.”

  “No. . .” Useless one-syllable words were all she could manage now. “Ed, listen—”

  “Hold on!” Ed interrupted coldly. “Dead man walking. . . .”

  Gaia had no idea what Ed was talking about until she heard the footsteps behind her. She turned around and realized that Sam was now leaving her building. He glanced at Gaia for a moment and then turned away. Who knew why? Maybe because now he hated her, too. Maybe because he was trying to respect her dying relationship with Ed. She didn’t even care right now. She simply watched as he got into the car with Dmitri and drove off toward the park.

  As she turned back toward Ed, she realized that a huge group of gossip-hungry rejects had gathered in front of her front door. Just to revel in someone else’s pain, as they all loved so much to do. Many of them were complete strangers. And of course there was Megan and Tammie and all the FOHs. Of course Jake wouldn’t want to miss this, either. And of course Tatiana was nowhere in sight. She wouldn’t dare show her idiotic face right now.

  Gaia turned back to Ed, just like she was turning to face a bullet. A public execution of sorts. She couldn’t even manage another word. There was no point now.

  “You see this distance here,” Ed called to her, slowly regressing into a full monotone. “From now on, I think we should maintain this approximate distance from each other at all times. I don’t think we need any kind of court order or anything; we’ll just stick with the honor system on this one. Because I trust you, Gaia. I trust you.”

  With that last sadistic blow, Ed turned around and began to walk—moving at a cold and steady pace, farther and farther into the shadows.

  Gaia couldn’t feel herself crying now. She could only note the tears pouring down her face. She turned around to go home, only to come up against the captivated faces of her drunken audience.

  She stared at all of them for a moment, examining each of their clueless, disgusting faces. And then she let it rip.

  “GO HOME!” she howled, frightening the daylights out of every one of them. “Get the hell out of my house!”

  The entire crowd dispersed in seconds, running every which way to escape Gaia’s wrath. Even her doorman ducked for cover back inside the building.

  But one person remained. Gaia couldn’t believe it. She could not believe that he could be such cruel and obnoxious asshole that he would actually stay behind just to witness a few more delicious seconds of Gaia’s suffering.

  “Jake. . . I swear to God. . .” Now she could hear her own voice quavering. She was running on emotional fumes. Complete breakdown no more than a few minutes away. “If you do not clear out of here in ten seconds. . . if you say one harsh word to me. . . or give me one proud chuckle or one half of that disgusting hideous grin. . . I will crack your skull so wide open—”

  “Look, you seemed so upset. I just wanted to be sure you were okay,” Jake said, standing in her doorway with his hands sitting deep in his pockets. Now she could only stare at him. His unexpected kindness was making her dizzy and a little bit nauseous. She wasn’t altogether sure that she wasn’t about to faint.

  “Are you?” he asked, checking her eyes. “Are you okay?”

  Gaia was trying to come up with an answer to this question when her cell phone suddenly buzzed inside her pocket.

  Cell phone? Now? Why the hell would Sam be calling me now? He just left two minutes ago. . . .

  Unless. . . maybe Dmitri had already given Sam some pertinent piece of information on their way back to his house? Maybe Sam was trying to do her the incredible service of reminding her that no matter what kind of stinking hole her life was becoming, her father’s life was still much more important. The search for her father was the one and only thing that mattered—the reason that this apocalypse of a day could still be worth something.

  Gaia pulled the phone out of her pocket and looked down at the flashing green display. Sam hadn’t called her. He’d sent her a text message:

  Don’t be sad. Just received some new information. Meet me at the Ukrainian church on Eleventh Street. Tomorrow. 8:00 A.M.

  Gaia stuffed the phone back in her pocket.

  Thank you, Sam. Thank you for keeping me alive tonight. I will see you in the morning.

  “Was that Ed?” Jake asked.

  “Jake. . . go home, okay? Just go home.”

  Jake gave Gaia one last look. He shook his head slightly with a sardonic smile, and then he turned away and started down the street toward the park.

  “And thanks,” she heard herself say. She hadn’t exactly planned to say it.

  He turned his head back over his shoulder with his hands still in his pockets, and he smiled. He looked like some goddamn blue jeans ad you’d see on a subway poster or at a bus stop. But at least his smile wasn’t quite so repulsive this time.

  He turned his head back and walked off into the glare of the corner streetlight.

  Gaia ducked her head and dragged herself upstairs to bed. She tried not to think of Ed. She pretended that Tatiana wasn’t even there, and she collapsed onto her mattress fully clothed. She allowed herself only one thought as she drifted off to sleep.

  The Ukrainian church on Eleventh Street. Tomorrow. 8:00 A.M.

  ED

  I had you figured for so many things, Gaia. A psycho. A freak. Thoughtless. Selfish. Misguided. Coldhearted. And it was still all so meaningless to me. I still loved you more than I’ve ever loved anyone or anything in my life.

  But I never had you figured for a traitor, Gaia. Never.

  I know you’ve lied to me before. But I’d always thought that the only lies you could tell were noble lies. At least noble in your own screwed-up head. All those stupid lies to protect me. Pretending you didn’t love me. Pretending you didn’t care. Thinking that would keep me safe. Thinking that made a damn bit of difference in either of our fates. . .

  But now I know. Now I know you can tell real lies. The kind that d
estroy people. The kind that make people hate themselves for being such trusting, idiotic fools.

  Or maybe that’s wrong, too? Maybe all those “noble lies” were actually the truth? Maybe you never did love me? Never cared? Never gave a crap?

  I’m drowning in maybes again, Gaia. Drowning, suffocating, choking, dying. . .

  Maybe this, maybe that, maybe the other thing. Maybe Sam never died. Maybe your father is fine and you’ve just been off on a romantic holiday with Sam while I’ve been sitting here like a freaking idiot, pining for the queen of maybes.

  Maybe I’m so exhausted, Gaia. Maybe I am so utterly tired of being there for you when you have never been there for me. Maybe I’m beginning to realize that I’ve spent all of my will and all of my heart on you. . . and I have absolutely nothing to show for it.

  I don’t know, Gaia. I think maybe. . . just maybe. . . I’m ready to hate you.

  From: shred@alloymail.com

  To: heatherg@alloymail.com

  Time: 1:34 A.M.

  Re: the blind leading the blind

  I’m assuming they’ve got those voice-activated e-mail reading programs at your school. Otherwise you won’t be able to read this, which would make me just as dopey as those devoted friends of yours who put a sign-in book at the entrance to the party without realizing that if you could actually read it, they’d be one idea short of a party theme.

  Anyway, a bit of loving advice:

  You might want to think about quitting the soothsaying business. because, with all due respect and love, you suck at it.

  Sorry, I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m just taking my crap out on you. You’re a good friend. Bad soothsayer. Good friend. You were right about one thing, though. It is definitely time to start my normal life. My normal life without anyone who is crazy and a liar to screw it up. I’m going to find me a normal girl and get started with that normal life first thing in the morning. Right after I pass out.

  This has been the worst night of my life. No part of it was good.