by E. S. Moore
I pulled into the gas station and headed inside. The older man watched me without showing much interest. His face and hands were gnarled, as if he’d been a boxer when he was younger. I couldn’t see any scars, telling me he was either really good, or he hadn’t fought a supe. The name on his shirt said “Orson.”
“Do you have a phone?” I asked.
He nodded, but didn’t move.
“Can I use it?”
Orson chewed slowly on his tongue, eyeing me. His eyes were sharp, despite the blunted look of his face.
“I won’t cause you any trouble,” I added, knowing what he was thinking.
“Two minutes,” he said, reaching beneath the counter. I tensed, but all he came up with was an old-style rotary phone.
“Thanks.” I picked up the receiver and held it to my ear. I had to concentrate hard to remember Jeremy’s cell. He’d forced me to memorize it after one too many times of me going out and not calling him when I wasn’t coming home. I’d yet to call it however, so the number didn’t come to mind easily.
“One minute,” Orson said, completely deadpan, as if he actually would yank the phone away from me the moment time ran out.
I dialed, hoping I had the right number, and waited. It rang three times before Jeremy answered with a curious “Hello?”
“Where is Jonathan?” I asked quickly, as Orson nodded toward the clock behind him.
“Kat, I—”
“Please,” I said, cutting him off. “I need to know. It’s important.”
Jeremy hesitated before breathing heavily into the phone. “He’s at Doctor Lei’s,” he said with a sigh.
“Thanks.” I hung up before he could say anything else. Orson returned the phone beneath the counter and leaned back. “Thank you,” I told him.
He grunted and continued to chew on his tongue.
I left the gas station, feeling sick to my stomach. It could easily have been because I still smelled Baset despite the fact she was gone. Her scent had clung to me and I had a feeling it would take more than a nice long shower to get it off.
But it wasn’t Baset that had my stomach turned in knots. It was the thought of seeing Jonathan again. I had no idea what he thought of me, if he wanted to ever see me again. He hadn’t so much as called since that day at the graveyard. I hadn’t even heard from Keira or Nathan. If it wasn’t for Jeremy, I’d have had no contact with him at all.
Lei’s house came into view, surprising me. I’d driven practically blind, so tied up in my thoughts, I was barely cognizant of moving at all.
I stopped down the block, unwilling to stop outside the house. From where I sat, I couldn’t see much of anything, but at least I knew no one inside would be able to see me. I idled at the side of the road, not sure if I wanted to see Jonathan or if I wanted to run.
Running would be easy. I didn’t do easy anymore.
I shut off the engine, but didn’t make a move to get off of the bike. A shadow passed in front of a curtained window in Lei’s house, telling me someone was inside. Whether it was Jonathan or Doctor Isa Lei herself, I couldn’t tell from here. The curtains were thick, meaning I only had vague shapes to go by.
The street was peaceful. The only other time I’d been here, I’d been half dead, so I’d never really had a chance to take in the sights. I knew there were probably bad things going on in some of the houses or in the bushes of one of the abandoned yards, but from the road, it looked like a place where someone could get comfortable as long as they were extremely sure of themselves and careful. Someone like Doctor Lei, perhaps. The woman might be small, but she made a living caring for monsters who would rip her throat out if given the chance. The woman had balls. She’d taken care of me when I’d been severely injured after a confrontation with my brother and his Tainted friends. Without her, I very well might have been crippled.
I stepped off my bike and took a handful of steps toward the house before stopping. What if Jonathan didn’t want to see me? He might still be reeling from the death of those he’d sworn to protect. I knew what it felt like to feel responsible for the deaths of others, but never on this scale.
My chest tightened as I realized I couldn’t go barging in on him like this. He might resent me for it. He needed time to sort through his demons.
I turned to head back to my motorcycle. Someone was standing beside it.
My gun was out in an instant, pointed at a dark face decorated with a handful of piercings. Long legs connected to a fit body. Chocolate eyes watched me carefully as she spoke.
“He’s struggling with it,” Keira said, not so much as flinching from my gun. “He doesn’t do this to you on purpose.”
I let out an angry breath. “Don’t sneak up on me like that,” I said, but without much heat. I slammed the gun home, pissed that I’d let her get the drop on me.
“I was on patrol.” Keira glanced around, clearly still on the job. “I saw you pull up. I wasn’t sure you were even going to get as far as you did.”
“I’m not even sure why I came.”
Keira gave me one of those “Don’t be stupid” looks.
“It’s still too soon,” I said, a little on the defensive side.
Keira shrugged. She looked haggard, as if she’d been on patrol for more than just an evening. Before, Jonathan had an entire Cult. Now, he only had two werewolves, and instead of watching over them, they were the ones keeping him safe. It couldn’t be sitting well with the former Denmaster.
“It’s never too soon,” she said, approaching me. “He needs you more than ever, but he’s scared.”
I snorted. “Tell him to join the club.”
Her eyes flashed in anger, but it quickly dissipated. “Sometimes you have to do things that aren’t pleasant,” she said. “He hasn’t come to you because he’s never been as alone as he is now. He doesn’t know how to handle it. He doesn’t want to bother you with his problems. He doesn’t want to scare you away. He hates himself for feeling as if they’d died because of him.”
“They didn’t,” I said. “He should blame the Left Hand. Tell him that.”
Keira gave a sad smile. “It would sound better coming from you.”
I knew she was right. I’d dealt with things like this before. Pushing everyone away only makes life harder. The longer it goes on, the harder it is to stop.
“I need to keep moving,” Keira said, scanning our surroundings. “Walk with me.”
There was a moment of hesitation before I turned and walked at her side.
“How is he exactly?” I asked. “I mean, I know he’s torn up, but does it look like he’ll get through this okay?”
“I think so.” Keira took a wide berth around Lei’s house, as if she didn’t want anyone else to see me yet. “He’s stronger than he gives himself credit for. He’s no longer losing control every few minutes.”
That surprised me. I knew he’d lost it when he’d entered the Den to find his people dead. He might easily have killed both Keira and I if we hadn’t gotten through to him. I didn’t know it had happened since.
“Has he hurt anyone?” The thought scared me. If Jonathan killed an innocent in one of his rages, he would never forgive himself. It would eat at him until there was nothing left.
“Not yet,” Keira said. “Nathan never leaves his side. Right now, the only Pureblood he might hurt is Isa. Thankfully, she can hold her own.”
The thought of Nathan next to Jonathan helped ease my mind, but also brought another question to the fore.
“How is Nathan handling everything anyway?” The last time I’d seen him, he was burying his wife.
Keira realized I wasn’t talking about the Cult without having to ask. “He’s better,” she said. “He doesn’t talk about it much. I’ve tried to convince him to go to his daughter, but he won’t even consider it. I’m sure she’d understand why he’d left. They could both use each other right about now.”
It was hard to imagine Nathan with a daughter. Hell, it was hard to imagine him married, b
ut he had been before he’d been turned. It was easy to forget that werewolves and vampires actually had lives before they became monsters. Even I’d had something of a life once, though I’d been neck deep in vampires and werewolves since I could walk.
I wondered what it would have been like to live life without worrying about what might leap out of the nearest dark alley. What would I have done with myself? What kind of person would I have been?
“You really should go see him,” Keira said, drawing me out of my ruminations. “He might tell you he wants to be alone, but we all know that’s a lie.”
I thought about it. We had passed the house and were heading down another street that ran along the back of the property. Before long, we’d be there again and I’d have to make a decision.
“I don’t know if I can,” I said. A strange sense of fear bubbled in my gut. I’d been less scared of confronting a vampire count than I was about seeing Jonathan again. What did that say about me?
Keira smiled, almost sadly, and continued walking.
I could feel the tension between us. Keira and I had gotten off on the wrong foot the moment we’d met. I’d thought she was working with the Left Hand and had never hid my dislike of her. Even though we’d seemed to have gotten past that after our confrontation with Gabriel, the Left Hand leader, I could tell she expected more out of me.
Then again, so did I. Why was I so afraid of seeing Jonathan? The man needed someone and maybe I was just the right person to break him out of his funk. Both Nathan and Keira would give him everything he wanted. I might very well be able to give him that kick in the ass that would get him moving again.
But I just didn’t think I could do it. Not yet anyway.
We neared the back of the house and my heart started pounding. Doubt crept back in the closer we came. Was I running away if I turned back now? Was I being smart and avoiding what very well might turn into a confrontation? Maybe once I’d taken care of Levi and had Sienna safe somewhere I’d feel better about this.
“I’m heading in,” Keira said, coming to a stop. “Are you?”
I glanced at the back door. It was solid wood and the windows next to it were curtained. If I wanted to see him, I’d have to go in to do it.
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I can’t face him like this.”
Keira sniffed and managed a smile. “It’s probably for the best. You smell like you rolled around in a dead skunk before coming over.” She cocked a hip. “What happened to you anyway?”
I grimaced. “Long story.”
She laughed and some of the tension bled away. She turned her back on the house and looked me hard in the eye. I think she wanted to grab my arms, but wisely kept her distance. I wasn’t fond of people touching me.
“Don’t take too long,” she said. “You know how he is.” She glanced back toward the house as if she could see him before turning back to me. “He can be just as stubborn as you.”
My anger tried to flare at that, but she wasn’t wrong. I knew I could be stubborn. Practically everyone I knew had told me as much at one time or another.
“He won’t call unless he thinks you want him to. He won’t take that step because he fears you’ll reject him. He can’t handle that right now.”
I nodded. I probably would have acted much the same. It’s surprising how similar two people could be when they were really nothing alike.
Keira clasped my arm, surprising me. “I’ll tell him you stopped by.” She turned to head inside.
I stood back in the shadows and watched as she opened the door and entered. I caught a glimpse of a leg that was too small to be Jonathan’s and then the door was closed, cutting off my view. My chance to see him was gone.
I walked slowly back to my bike, feeling like the world’s largest idiot. How hard would it have been to simply walk up to the door and knock? It wasn’t like I planned on fighting the man. All I wanted to do was see him, even if it was only for a few seconds.
Apparently, it was a lot harder than I thought. Despite my desire to turn around, I mounted my Honda, started the engine, and then drifted down the road, trying hard not to look toward Lei’s.
Just before I passed the house, the front door opened and someone stepped outside. I revved the engine and sped up, forcing myself not to look, knowing that if I saw him there, I wouldn’t be able to leave.
Over the sound of the engine, I just barely heard a voice. I couldn’t tell who had spoken, but I was pretty sure that whoever it was, they’d said my name.
8
Whenever I feel like shit, and trust me, I felt just about as low as you can get without someone dying, there is one place I know I can go to lift my spirits. That is, unless I’m forced into a fight, which seemed to be happening more and more lately, but in general, the place made me feel better.
I was happy to see the parking lot to the Bloody Stake was full once again. While the Left Hand was active, the bar had practically been a ghost town. It was good to see Bart’s business back on track. It meant life was returning to normal.
Well, as normal as it gets around here anyway.
Apparently, Bart had been cleaning up the place a bit recently. The sign above the bar still was the same old overdressed vampire getting repeatedly staked by an underdressed woman, but the lights seemed brighter than they had before. When the stake struck home, the entire lot lit up in a splash of bright red.
See, I was smiling already.
I pushed through the front door and stepped into the packed bar. Bart was busy at the counter, talking with a couple of older men with so many scars, I knew they’d fought their fair share of supes. One of them was missing an ear and half of one of his hands. He raised it high and brought it down hard, very nearly knocking his beer from the counter as he demonstrated his latest encounter.
Bart nodded and said something gruff to him before glancing at me. He winked and then went back to the story with a grim smile that said he didn’t quite believe what he was being told.
I considered heading over to the bar to order a beer or two, but decided against it. It wasn’t like alcohol would muddle my head and make me forget Jonathan, especially so few. If I wasn’t so worried about Sienna, I very well might have done it, but I really didn’t want to risk feeling the slightest bit fuzzy if she were to have another attack.
While I’d originally come to relax, I realized it might be better if I did something constructive instead. There was another reason I often came to the Bloody Stake, and he was sitting across the room in a booth all his own.
Or at least I thought he was. A pair of couples stood between me and where Mikael Engelbrecht usually sat. I tried to peer around them, but the group was taking up too much space. The two guys looked to weigh in at well over three hundred pounds. The women weren’t much lighter.
My first inclination was to walk straight ahead and push past them, almost daring them to object. It wasn’t so much that I was itching for a fight, but rather, my vampire was. I’d pulled my gun multiple times recently and had yet to fire a single shot. After my encounter with Baset, I was ready to break someone.
I went around the group instead, putting myself closer to the bar and the two older men. If I started a fight, Bart very well might put a bullet through my head to be done with me. I’d caused him nothing but trouble lately and I didn’t intend on continuing that streak.
“The bastard had me by both arms and was trying to damn well rip them off, let me tell you,” the earless man said. His voice was slurred, telling me he’d already had quite a few to drink. “Well, Jim here bashed the fucker over the head with his walker, knocked him sideways, where I could shove a poker square up his vampire ass. You should have seen fangboy squeal.”
I couldn’t help but smile. The story was definitely far-fetched, but with the way the old man said it with such conviction, it was clear he believed what he was saying. More likely, the guy had gotten in a fight with a kid who wore fake teeth and dressed like Dracula for fun.
Mikael came into view and I slowed. He was sitting alone, which was enough of a shock on its own, but his appearance was what really surprised me. His hair hung loose around his face, like he’d forgotten to grease it up with his breakfast this morning. His hands were clasped before him and he was jiggling his leg up and down. He didn’t look up. I doubted he knew I was even there.
I watched him for a long minute. This wasn’t like Mikael at all. Normally, he had a woman or three pawing all over him and was grinning like he’d stolen the milk right out from beneath the cat’s nose. He was constantly aware of everything going on around him to the point it was often creepy, yet here he was, oblivious to his surroundings.
This wasn’t the same man. It couldn’t be. I wasn’t even sure what I could call the sight before me. In a constantly changing world, Mikael had always been a constant.
“Mikael?” I said, approaching. He didn’t look up. I’m not sure if he didn’t hear me or if he had simply ignored me, so I repeated myself, louder this time. “Mikael!”
He flinched and glanced up at me. He made an effort to stop his leg from jiggling and ran his fingers through his hair to get most of it out of his face, but that only made him seem that much more nervous.
“Ah,” he said before glancing around the room. “You’re here.”
I slid slowly into the seat across from him. “Were you expecting me?”
He forced a laugh. It sounded hollow, frightened even. I shuddered at the sound.
“No,” he said. “I guess not.” He sniffed as his hands returned to the table. They were shaking.
“Is everything okay?” I asked. If Mikael was this worked up about something, then it had to be pretty damn bad. The guy lived by supplying information about vampires and werewolves to other supes. You had to have balls and a backbone as strong as steel to do that. Anyone else would have been dead long ago, yet Mikael had hardly flinched.
“Yeah, sure,” he said. He tried on one of his leering smiles, but it vanished almost as soon as it formed.
