by Vikki Vaught
As they went back downstairs to their rooms, Helen remarked, “I’m glad my dowry will help around here, and I know you said to spend whatever I wanted to redecorate the house, but I’ll be careful to keep the costs down. The house seems to be strongly built, so at least we won’t have to spend much money on the structure. It’s mainly just refurbishing the inside, so that shouldn’t cost that much. New wallpaper and fabrics will make a world of difference in how the house looks, and I’ve always enjoyed decorating, so it will be fun.”
“Thank you, Helen, but please don’t worry about the cost of repairs. I’m glad you see it as fun, because to me it just looks like a lot of work. I’m sorry.”
“It will be fun. I see it as a challenge. I’m sorry you lost your first wife when you were so young. That must have been difficult to lose her so soon after your marriage.”
By this time they had reached Helen’s door. “As I mentioned before, it was an arranged marriage, and I really never had much of a chance to get to know her well. Belinda was very quiet and shy, and I’ll be honest with you, I was resentful over being forced to marry her. I was saddened when she died, and of course, overwhelmed to become a father of twin daughters. You’re nothing like her at all. You’re a much stronger woman. That’s one of the reasons I wanted you as my wife. I know my children are unruly, but I’m sure you can take them in hand. Please help me with them. I do realize that it’s asking quite a bit of you.”
“Matthew, I’ll help anyway that I can. It may take a while to get everything turned around, but I’m up to the task. I’m happy we had this talk. I hope we can do this every day, because I’m committed to making our marriage work. Well, I’m going to take a short nap so I’ll see you at dinner.”
Matthew grabbed her hand, kissed it. “You’re the most understanding woman in the world. Thank you. I look forward to seeing you later. I hope you have a good nap.”
The evening meal was better than the tea. The food was plain, but nourishing. Since it had been such a long day, Helen decided to go to bed right after dinner. As she turned to go upstairs, Matthew said, “I’m going to stay up for a while. I’ll see you in the morning. Good night, my dear.”
Chapter 8
July 1820
When Matthew went into his study, he poured himself a large snifter of brandy, sat down at his desk, and thought about what an incredible woman Helen was. Most women would have run screaming from the house, what with all the problems with the servants, and then his daughters being perfectly horrible to her. He certainly hoped she would be able to do something with them, because they were definitely out of control. They didn’t listen to him at all, and this problem with keeping a nurse was troubling.
Matthew was feeling much better about his decision to marry Helen, and now he could concentrate on getting Collingswood Hall in good shape. He had made quite a bit of progress this past year, but there was still so much to do.
He certainly hoped Helen would feel she knew him well enough to consummate the marriage soon, because he wasn’t used to being without a woman. Helen was beautiful, and she stirred his blood. Every time they accidentally touched, he felt a tightening in his loins. Even though he wanted her badly, he didn’t regret telling her they would wait to consummate their marriage. When he’d seen her face in the carriage as they pulled away from her home, he knew she’d been terrified about being intimate with him.
This time they would take to get to know each other would be worth it, because Matthew wanted her to be a willing partner in his bed. They had the rest of their lives to be together, so a few weeks wouldn’t be too much to ask. As the clock struck twelve, he headed up to his empty, lonely bed.
The next morning, Matthew left a message telling Helen he’d be gone most of day, and he wasn’t sure if he’d be there for dinner. Today, he had to go see his mistress and let her know it was over between them. Her house was on the other side of the village, so it would take him about an hour to get there. Since he knew she was going to be angry with him, he wanted to give himself plenty of time. He was really dreading the confrontation he knew would happen when she found out he was married.
When Matthew arrived at Cecilia’s house, he found her alone. She was overjoyed to see him, and ran over to him and kissed him passionately. It was hard not to respond, since Cecilia was such a desirable woman, but he knew it wouldn’t be fair to Helen, so he controlled his urges. Cecilia was a pretty woman with her jet-black hair and violet eyes and a mouth that just begged to be kissed. Her figure was voluptuous, and he’d always been attracted to that type of woman until Helen. He broke their kiss, and then he gently pushed her away, not meeting her eyes.
Cecilia looked at him in bewilderment. “Why did you push me away, and why aren’t you kissing me back?” Her tone was rising, so Matthew knew she was getting upset, as she continued, “Why aren’t you looking at me?”
He could hear the hurt in her voice, and he felt terrible that he was going to cause her pain. Even though their relationship had just been sexual, they had been together for three years. It was only understandable that she had grown fond of him. He’d been fond of her also.
Oh God, why didn’t he break it off before he went to London?
Then he wouldn’t have to be doing this right now.
It would be well in the past.
At this point, Cecilia had tears running down her face. “Haven’t you missed me? You’ve been gone for almost three months, and I’ve missed you desperately. Why are you being so cold to me? Did something happen in London? What’s wrong with you?”
Matthew remained stiff and formal. “There’s no easy way to say this. Cecilia, we can’t be together anymore. I’ve come to let you know that I…got married while I was in London. I know this is probably a shock to you…but I’m sure you realized that I would eventually get married now that my father has passed away. It was only a matter of time before I would need to marry and have an heir. My father has been gone a year so it was time.”
Cecilia interrupted. “What do you mean you got married? I always thought you would marry me! We love each other! Surely, this can’t be true.”
With a pained expression on his handsome face, he replied, “I never told you we would get married. We never even discussed it once in the last three years we’ve been seeing each other. I’m sorry, but I needed a mother for my daughters and someone to give me an heir.”
“I would have given you an heir,” Cecilia cried. “Why didn’t say anything about this before you went to London?” Then she screamed, “You had this all planned didn’t you?”
“I don’t want to be cruel, but you were married to your husband for five years before he died, and you never had any children. We’ve seen each other for three years and made love several times a week, and you never ended up with child. I promised my father I would marry again and have an heir. I couldn’t take the chance that you were barren. Besides, I never told you I loved you. While I was fond of you, we had agreed to a mutually enjoyable liaison with no strings attached.”
Cecilia started crying hysterically. “You have toyed with my affection and played me false! I should have realized something was wrong when you told me you were going to London, because you never go there. I’ve been waiting patiently for three years, thinking you would realize you loved me and would ask me to marry you. Now you do this…I…I hate you!”
Trying to remain calm, hoping that he could defuse some of Cecilia’s anger, Matthew said, “Again, I’m sorry, but I never led you to believe I would marry you. Cecilia, we’ve had some wonderful times over the last three years, and I’ll always remember you fondly, but I had to do what I thought was best for me and my heritage.”
“I’ll never forgive you for this! I didn’t deserve this. I’ll make you pay for treating me this way!”
Oh God, she was taking this even worse than he had expected!
“I hope you won’t hold a grudge. We’ll see each other socially, so I’d appreciate your continued discretion. I under
stand you’re upset right now, and this has evidently come as a shock to you. When you calm down, I’m sure you’ll understand why I had to marry. Here, this is a parting gift for you. I remembered you’ve always loved diamonds, so I bought you a diamond chocker. Well, there’s really nothing more to say, so I’ll take my leave, and I wish you well. Goodbye, Cecilia.”
As he turned around, Cecilia started throwing things at him. She ran in front of him and slapped him hard across the face. As she raised her hand to slap him again, he grabbed her arm to keep her from hitting him. She screamed profanities as she struggled to break free of him.
“Cecilia, this is enough! Calm down. I’m going to let you go now, but so help me God if you hit me again, I’ll do what I need to do to get you to calm down.” Cecilia stopped struggling and hung her head. He released her. “I’m sorry that I’ve caused you pain. I’ll leave you now. Good bye.”
As he turned to leave the room, she warned, “You’ll be sorry you toyed with me. I hope your wife is barren!” Matthew shook his head, then turned and left her house.
On the ride back, he thought about what Cecilia had said, and he knew he’d never done anything to give her the impression he loved her or planned to marry her. He’d made it clear on numerous occasions that their relationship was just physical.
God, what a mess. He hoped she wouldn’t try to cause problems for Helen.
He’d always known she was unpredictable, but surely she wouldn’t want anyone to know about their affair, so she should keep quiet. Helen would see Cecilia occasionally at local parties, so he certainly hoped she would be discreet. It was in her best interests to keep their affair a secret.
Well, at least that was taken care of and now he could start working on winning Helen’s trust. If Helen were to find out about Cecilia, she wouldn’t understand, since she was such an innocent. He’d never want to hurt her, and he knew this would hurt her terribly. He should have broken it off with Cecilia before he went to London, and he should have thought about how this would affect any woman he had married.
God, he could be so stupid and thoughtless sometimes.
He just prayed that Helen would never find out about Cecilia.
While he continued traveling back to his estate, he started to think about Helen. He was getting very impatient to have Helen in his bed. He’d been without a woman for almost three months, and he couldn’t remember a time, since he was in his salad days, that he’d gone this long without a woman. Besides, he found Helen very attractive, and he’d been fighting temptation ever since he met her.
Matthew just knew there was a passionate woman under her cool reserved demeanor. With all that glorious red-gold hair and those brilliant blue eyes, she had to be a passionate woman. He would need to become Helen’s friend, and once they knew each other better, he would be able to convince her to let him into her bed. He still didn’t regret telling her he would wait, but he certainly hoped that it wouldn’t be much longer.
The next week went by quickly. Helen was able to find a governess for the girls. Since they were five years old, Helen knew it was time for them to begin learning their numbers and how to read. Miss Wilson seemed to be a kind woman, yet very assertive, so the twins shouldn’t be able to get much by her.
Helen hired four more maids and two footmen. The housekeeper she had hired was to arrive next Monday, the seventeenth. Helen organized the maids and had them do a deep cleaning of all the rooms. Wells had the footmen doing the heavier work and polishing all the silver.
Helen didn’t see much of Matthew, because he was always busy with the estate. His steward, Mr. Wilcox, seemed to be in his study most of the day going over the books. Every night she was exhausted, so she was too tired to sit up and talk.
Matthew approached Helen the next day as she was coming out of the breakfast room. “You’ve been working entirely too hard. I want to do something special for you, so let’s make time tonight to do more than just eat together. I’m on my way to meet Wilcox, so I’ll see you tonight, and we can have a nice long chat over dinner.”
“I’d like that Matthew. I look forward to this evening.” Helen watched Matthew as he walked down the hall to his study, and she was pleased he wanted to spend some time with her. She’d been so busy this past week she hadn’t attempted to spend any time with him, so she definitely looked forward to tonight.
That evening, when Matthew met Helen in the drawing room he went over to her, picked up her hand and kissed her palm. It shot energy up her arm, and Helen was astonished when he did this, because it was the first time she felt there was some passion in his kiss. He had only kissed her hand in gratitude, one time, when she said she would help him with the children, since their wedding day.
When they went into the dining room, Helen noticed that he’d had her place set to the right of him, instead of at the foot of the table. As he helped her into her seat, he smiled at her. “You look very lovely tonight, my dear. I hope you’ve had a pleasant day?”
Helen smiled back at him as she picked up her napkin and put it on her lap. “Thank you, I had a very nice day, and I accomplished quite a bit today. Did you have a good day? Oh, by the way, the housekeeper, Mrs. Smith will be here tomorrow. I wanted to at least have the house cleaned thoroughly before she arrives, which we finished yesterday. It’s been exhausting, but well worth the effort, because everything looks so much nicer, don’t you think?”
The footman poured wine into their goblets and then stepped back. “I’m amazed at what you’ve been able to accomplish in such a short period of time. I worry that you’re trying to do too much and that you’ll end up ill, if you keep up this pace. I appreciate all that you’ve done for the household.”
“Taking care of a house is what I’ve been trained to do. I’ve actually enjoyed the challenge, and I look forward to doing the decorating. I can slow down now that I’ll have Mrs. Smith to manage the maids.”
“I went to see the twins this afternoon, and they seem to be adjusting to Miss Wilson and are much better behaved already.”
“I’m very pleased with Miss Wilson. She’s been able to get them to listen to her much better than I expected.”
Matthew reached over and touched Helen’s hand. “We need to start spending more time together. We’ve been so busy this past ten days that we’ve neglected our decision to get to know each other better. I’d like you to go riding with me tomorrow morning. We enjoyed our rides in London, didn’t we?”
“I agree. We do need to spend more time with each other, so I’d love to go riding tomorrow. The ocean is so beautiful, and I remember you telling me how much you enjoy riding on the beach, so can we go there? I’d also like the opportunity to see the estate. What time do you want to meet in the morning?”
“How does nine o’clock sound to you? We’ll start our ride on the beach. And then I’ll take you around so you can begin to meet some of the tenants.”
“I’d enjoy visiting your tenants. I would visit the tenants on Sanderford Park regularly, and I knew all of them by name. As long as you approve, I’d like to do the same here.”
The main course was served, and when Helen tasted the baked white fish, she was again pleasantly surprised. Cook was definitely improving the quality of the food she was preparing, and that pleased Helen tremendously. Matthew took a bite of his fish, and then with a pleased look on his face, ate with more enthusiasm than she had seen since they had arrived.
Matthew smiled. “Helen, I don’t know what miracle you performed, but this dinner is far superior to any I’ve had in this house in many years. Thank you. I’m pleased to hear you’d like to take an interest in the home farm and my tenants. I look forward to showing you the estate tomorrow. Have you received any letters from your family yet?”
“I’ve received letters from Kathryn and Melody. Kathryn’s back in London with Lady Helton and is ecstatic over being back at the Institute. They’re studying anatomy from an artist’s perspective and she finds it all fascinating.”
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p; “I like your sister. When you showed me the painting of your brother and Melody, I was very impressed. She’s a very gifted artist. We’ll have to get her to paint our portrait. I’m sure you miss them all very much.”
It pleased Helen tremendously that Matthew wanted to know more about her family, and seemed to like them. Since he didn’t have any family, other than his siblings, she wanted him to feel a part of hers.
“I do miss them desperately. We’re a very close family, and this is the first time that I have been this far away. Of course, I’m sure that anyone I married would have lived far away, so I’m adjusting well. I already love it here, now that the house looks so much better, and I enjoy living so close to the ocean.”
“What did Melody have to say?”
“Melody wrote that Magnus rolled over for the first time, and Henry has gone to London to attend Parliament. There’s such an uproar over the King wanting a divorce, that Henry’s been working with Lord Weston and some of the other members of the Whig party to circumvent this. They’re opposed to this whole Pains and Penalties Bill.”
“Your brother mentioned something about that over port, the night before our wedding.”
Matthew sounded intrigued by this information, and she hoped that eventually he would want to get involved and help her brother in Parliament.
“It’s embarrassing for the nation to have all this dirty laundry aired in front of the world. Henry believes it’s going to get very nasty before this is all over with. Have you thought about taking your seat in Parliament?” Helen asked, as she picked up her glass and took a sip of her white wine.
“My father sat for Parliament,” Matthew commented. “I’ve felt that I needed to focus on the estate first before I got involved. I had to hire a new steward because I caught my father’s steward cheating. Once I feel that I have Collingswood Hall on the right path, I definitely plan on taking my seat in the House of Lords.”
