How the fuck does that happen?
And what am I sorry about?
I’m not sorry.
I deleted the message.
You’re impossible to please.
It was true. She wanted romance, but not just any romance. She wanted the version she had in her head, and I was supposed to be a mind reader.
How could I get a joke if she left the punch line off? Who is capable of that?
I’d been honest with her at every point. I would have sat on that fucking bus with her all day and put a damn ice pack on my raging hard-on if she’d wanted to take it slowly.
But no . . . she wanted a toy.
And she wanted everything buying one led to.
Three orgasms. Some women are happy with one. Three. And she still stormed off.
I can’t believe I wanted to make breakfast for her.
That probably would have been too much for her too.
Oh, no, you made my coffee just the way I like it. What an asshole.
I deleted the message and was in the process of writing another one I didn’t intend to send when my phone rang. Was it her?
No.
“Hi, Dad.”
“Sebastian said you were thinking about coming back early. Did you ever hear from Felix?”
I sat on the edge of my bed. “I did. He was hurt at work, and that was why he missed our meeting.”
“I hope he’s okay.”
“He’s fine.” Unless he’d said something stupid to Cecile and she strangled him. “Just one of those embarrassing injuries no one wants to talk about. So don’t mention it to anyone.”
“I won’t. How is Paris? Is it as good as you remember?”
My father’s voice always calmed me. He was as easygoing as he was big hearted. Nothing ever made him angry, and no one had ever disappointed him to the point where they weren’t welcome in his home. No exaggeration, I’d won the lottery with parents. My mother was his stricter-but-just-as-loving counterpart. Together they had taught my brothers and me that family was the foundation a person built their life on. Nothing else mattered as much.
The money we’d made? Mention it and my father would scoff and say he had one store back when he lived in Italy, and he was happy.
My brothers and I argued when we were younger, even came to blows at times—we were four boys in one house. But my father never let us end the day angry with each other. When we fought, he assigned us chores we had to do together. None of us were done until all of us were. Side by side. We worked as one unit, the way a family was meant to. And it worked. It taught us to pull together when things went south.
That philosophy had guided us through the dark days after Sebastian’s first wife had died. Something like that might have torn another family apart, but we were each other’s strength. So we stayed by Sebastian even when he told us to leave. We forgave him, cheered him on, gave him room to fail when he needed to.
I told my father the truth, because the Romano family valued honesty. “It’s different, Dad. I’m not the person I was when I lived here.”
“You were a boy back then. All you wanted was fun. You’re a man now. Of course you want something different.”
“Yeah. That’s what I’m struggling with. I don’t know what I want. I enjoy working for Romano Superstores, but it’s not a passion for me.”
“A passion. Okay. Is this where you tell me you want to be on stage in tights spinning around?”
I laughed, which had been his intention. I got my sense of humor from him. Also my good nature. If there was someone who didn’t like him, I’d never met them. “Not exactly. Tutus have never looked good on me. They make me look fat.”
He chuckled. “So, are you coming home?”
“Not yet. Dad, I have a serious question for you.”
“Oh, a serious one. Let me sit down. Shoot.”
“When you met Mom, did you know right away she was the one for you, or did you go through a period of believing you were losing your mind first?”
“You met someone.”
“Yes. No. Maybe. I don’t know. I may never see her again. We had one date, and I messed it up royally. Or I did such a great job that I spooked her. I’m not saying I love her. I don’t even know her last name. All I’m saying is this might be the one.”
My father did what I should have guessed he’d do . . . he called my mother over. “Mauricio finally met a woman.”
He said it like I’d never landed a woman in my life.
Worse, my mother’s excitement soared. “Put him on speakerphone.”
“Hi, Mom.”
“Mauricio, is it true? Did you meet someone? What’s her name?”
“Easy, Mom. I probably won’t even see her again.”
Dad chimed in. “He asked if I knew right away that you were the one.”
“He did?” My mother’s voice rose happily. “I’m so happy for you, Mauricio. First, Sebastian. Now you. Our house will soon be full of grandchildren.”
Mentioning Wren might have been a bad idea.
“I’d hold off on planning the wedding. Our first date didn’t end on a good note.”
Mom huffed, “Then you go see her tomorrow morning and fix things.”
Fix things? “I have an alternate plan. Could we forget I brought her up?”
“I knew the first time I saw her, Mauricio,” Dad said. “No other woman mattered after I laid eyes on her. She didn’t make it easy. Gave me a real run for my money, but I didn’t doubt we’d be together because . . .”
I leaned forward with my phone. “Because?”
He cleared his throat. “Because the first time she kissed me, I saw our future together—everything. I don’t believe in psychics or things like that, so I can’t explain it. All I know is I could see her by my side . . . always. Making it happen took time, but everything I saw that day came to be.”
I saw that too—with Wren. My heart started thudding wildly in my chest. I saw everything we could be, everything I wanted us to be.
It was craziness.
Mom interjected, “Your father was relentless. Flowers every day. Presents for my family. He wouldn’t take no for an answer. Then one day I couldn’t remember why I’d ever said no at all, and we married.”
“And?” Dad prodded.
Mom laughed. “And have been blissfully happy ever since.”
“See, son, that’s how it’s done.”
I made a face. “They have all these laws now, Dad. It’s a fine line between pursuing and stalking. A flower every day? You don’t think that was a bit much?” Love didn’t work the way they described. That was the stuff of books. Real love was . . .
I stopped there because however it had started, my parents had a solid, loving marriage. Was it possible I was capable of that kind of devotion to someone? Before Wren, I hadn’t thought so. The truth was, though, that I wanted the future I’d gotten a glimpse of, and I wanted it with Wren.
“Go big or go home,” my mother said. “One of the presents he gave my father was a cow. I took offense to that. We were not in some third world country where I could be traded for livestock.”
Dad chuckled. “They were farmers, and the cow was one he’d had his eye on for a while. I was shooting for practical but thoughtful.”
“Whatever,” Mom said, dismissing the statement with amusement. “So what about this woman? If you really are interested in her, what are you going to do about it?”
Go big or go home.
I could go big.
Like knock-her-socks-off, “holy shit this is the Paris people don’t even know is possible” big. “I could plan a better date than the one we had today, something I know she’ll really like.”
“That’s my boy,” Mom said. “Call us if you need any more advice.”
“No, I think I’ve got this,” I said.
After a moment, my father lowered his voice and asked, “Did you kiss her yet?”
“Yes, Dad.”
“How many did you see?
”
“How many what?”
“Children.”
Ridiculous.
Impossible.
Completely insane.
“Five. I saw five.” But that had only been because she’d said that was how many she wanted.
Right?
Dad let out a happy sigh. “Your mother is going to love this woman.”
“Okay, Dad. I have to go.” I cleared my throat. “And don’t build this up for Mom. I like this woman, but it might go nowhere.”
“We’ll see, won’t we?” he asked a little smugly.
“Good night, Dad.”
“Love you, son.”
“Love you too.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
WREN
The next morning I was woken by Cecile texting me that she was downstairs. I buzzed her in, left the door open, and crawled back into bed. She joined me, flopping down on the other side.
I didn’t need her to say a thing; I knew she was hurting. “I’m sorry, Cecile.”
She gripped her hands on her stomach and looked up at the ceiling. After letting out a shaky breath, she blinked back tears. “I thought I was okay with how casual things have always been with Felix. We were never exclusive, and I was fine with it. But I thought we cared about each other.”
I reached over and took one of her hands in mine, giving it a supportive squeeze.
She angrily wiped a tear away. “How could I have been so wrong about him? You know what he did when he saw me? He told me to leave and slammed the door in my face. Like I was no one to him.”
Tears started filling my eyes. I sniffed loudly. I felt awful that I’d sent her into that situation. Worse, I’d done it out of a selfish desire to prove something to myself. “I shouldn’t have suggested that you go there, Cecile. Mauricio thought it was a bad—”
“I know. I heard him.”
“I’m so sorry, Cecile.”
She shook her head. “You did me a favor, Wren. I was wasting my time with him, settling for less because it was easy. Oh my God, I wanted to punch him in the dick.”
I laughed and sniffed again. “Let karma do it instead. Maybe he’ll get it caught in a zipper.”
She chuckled. “Or slammed in a car door.”
“Ouch. How would that even happen?”
“I don’t know. I just remember closing a car door on one of my fingers by accident. That’s what I’d like him to experience.”
Because it seemed to be cheering her, I added, “I’ve heard a dick can be broken. Maybe his will snap right off the next time he fucks someone.”
She laughed. “Is it wrong to hope it does?”
I thought about it. “I don’t think so. It means you’re human. I really am sorry, Cecile. I wish he’d been the man you thought he was.”
She let out an audible breath. “Me too.” She gave my hand a squeeze before releasing it. “So, enough of that. Tell me about your date with Mauricio. I’m impressed that you got him to go on the tour.”
I turned onto my side, tucking a hand under my head. “You were right about him. He wanted to leave after the first stop. I’m glad you’re here, because I’ve been thinking in circles all night.” She mirrored my position, and it felt so much like we were back in college my eyes teared up again.
Her expression darkened. “If he hurt you, I’ll kill him.”
“He didn’t.” I blinked away my tears. “Sorry, it’s just so good to see you again.”
She nodded, then waved a hand at me. “Stop, you’re going to make me cry, and I’m not sentimental. And cough up the details.”
I told her about how he’d almost left until I’d said what it meant if he did and how he’d sworn he’d ride the bus all day if I wanted.
“I like that,” she said.
“I did too.” I told her about visiting Île Saint-Louis and how confused I’d been there—how I’d wanted him to be as into history as I was.
“I couldn’t care less about history and we get on,” she said.
I frowned. “I thought you didn’t like Mauricio.”
“I never said that. I told you he’s not your type. I warned you to be careful. I just don’t think two people have to be clones of each other to be compatible.”
I could see that. “The rest of the day was pretty incredible.” I told her about how easy he was to talk to, how much we laughed together. When I got to the point where we were at the adult toy store, she raised a hand.
“Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. You went sex toy shopping with him? You? Whose idea was that?”
I smiled proudly. “Mine. Well, buying the toy was all me. He chose the store.”
“So . . .”
“It was a lot of fun. And everything that followed was great. Mind-blowing. Life-changing good.”
Her eyes narrowed. “But?”
I started to speak, then stopped. I didn’t want to say anything that would add to how sad she already was.
She knew me too well. “You think he’s like Felix.”
I wrinkled my nose. “Don’t you?”
She sighed. “I don’t know. They’re friends. From what I’ve heard, they ran with a pretty wild crowd a few years back. Felix adores him. Today, that’s not such a good character reference.”
“You told me he would sell me a fantasy and then forget me when he was done. I had no idea how easy it could be to forget it’s not real. He says everything I want to hear. There were times yesterday when I felt a real connection. And the sex . . . it won’t be easy to be with someone else after him. It was that good.”
“So what do you want to do?”
“I told him I didn’t want the fantasy he was feeding me. And then I left. I was pretty blunt. Considering he hasn’t texted or anything, I’d say what I want is a moot point. It’s over.”
“That’s a pretty passive approach to life.”
I tilted my head in confusion. “It’s called being realistic.”
She made a face.
I sat up. “Say it.”
She shrugged one shoulder. “Nothing. Just, now I understand how you’ve stayed for so long in a job you hate.”
“One has nothing to do with the other.”
“They’re both examples of you holding back because you’re afraid to lose.”
“Sorry if I’m cautious; you just had a door slammed in your face by a man you slept with for years.” As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I regretted them. “I’m sorry. That was low. I don’t know why I said it.”
Cecile sat up and looked me in the eye. “It’s okay. No one likes to hear the truth. Not me. Not you.”
I shook my head slowly. “I’m not as strong as you, Cecile. I might fall for this guy. Being with him was like nothing I’ve experienced before. I’m scared.”
“We’re all scared, Wren. Just because we’re adults doesn’t mean we have anything figured out. I’m not in love with Felix. He’s not the best sex I’ve ever had. He’s been a reliable, good time—but mind-blowing? No. If I felt half as much for a guy as you’ve described it was like with Mauricio, I’d at least go back for a second helping.”
“Even if there’s a good chance he’ll break my heart?”
She moved to the edge of the bed and stood. “A couple of days ago I would have said no. In fact, I did say Mauricio was a bad idea. But I’ve just been emotionally bitch-slapped by mediocrity, and I’ve changed my mind. From now on, I refuse to waste a single moment with a man who doesn’t blow my mind. I’m done with good enough. I want fucking incredible.”
I moved to stand as well. “You deserve incredible.”
She hugged me. “So do you, Wren.” She gathered up her purse. “For what it’s worth, my gut says Mauricio will call you today. Especially if it was as good for him as it was for you.”
With a shrug, I joked, “Engineers are great in bed. We know how things work.”
She laughed; then her expression sobered. “I know I asked you to come to Paris, but I want to head back to London—in fact my plane
is readied and waiting for me. You can come with me if you want.”
I thought it over. “I’m going to stay. There is still a lot I want to see. I understand why you want to leave, and it’s okay. I don’t need a babysitter, and I love Paris.”
She gave me another hug. “I miss you already.”
I squeezed her in return. “I feel the same.” Then I stepped back. “Now get out of here. I have a whole city to explore.”
She nodded. “Call me if you need me. I can be here in a couple hours, and my flat has a spare room if you change your mind.”
“I’m fine.” I walked her to the door, then leaned against it after closing it behind her. She’d given me a lot to think about.
Was it fear that held me at my job? I’d thought I’d stayed out of duty—because I was responsible. I thought about the riskier, potentially more exciting opportunities I’d had over the years. Had any one of them worked out, I would have still been able to help my parents while doing something more challenging.
I was afraid to spend time with Mauricio because I was afraid he might break my heart.
So that safe husband I was planning for myself . . . would I be as unhappy with him as I was with my job? What if there wasn’t another person who could make me feel the way Mauricio did?
Shouldn’t I at least give incredible a chance?
I kept my phone with me while I dressed and put on makeup. After the way I’d left, he might have already written me off.
I met my eyes in the mirror and imagined how the conversation would go if I called him. “Hi, Mauricio. Remember when I said I didn’t want to be a sex kitten? And that I wanted more than I could find with you? I kind of had that backward. What I meant to say was . . . I totally enjoyed everything we did and would love to belong to you until Saturday.”
There had to be a better way.
I picked up my phone and stared at it.
I’m not passive. I’m just going to call him and ask him to lunch.
My hand shook, and I took a fortifying breath.
Or I could text him something sexy. I can do sexy. Let’s see.
I typed: How are you and my vibrator doing today?
No, that’s stupid. And weird.
I was about to delete it when my phone rang. Mauricio.
I hit the screen to accept it and must have hit it twice because I not only answered but also sent him my text. Shit.
The Wild One Page 10
