by Tina Leonard
She giggled. “You’ll have to settle for needle-point flowers.”
“I find it rather peaceful,” he fibbed. He hadn’t looked closely at the walls of her house. Mainly he looked at her.
“Maybe we’d better set some ground rules,” she suggested.
“Okay. I’ll take the babies at night. That will leave me free during the day to talk to people about Jenny. And I’ll never, ever, walk out of the bathroom nude. What do you think about that set of ground rules? You don’t have to make the same agreement, of course,” he said smoothly.
April considered his suggestion. She felt her skin blush, and by the raising of Caleb’s eyebrow, she knew he was fully aware that she’d been mulling over the last part of his idea rather than the baby arrangements.
“I never walk around nude, which may disappoint you,” she said, making her voice stern. “Did you walk around in the buff in your apartment?”
“Not much,” he admitted. “I only put blinds up in my bedroom. Didn’t spend much time in my apartment, actually. Too quiet.”
“Well, it won’t be quiet here.” April got up, hearing a baby squawk come over the monitor. She crept down the hall to check on the babies, but the squeak she’d heard was only Matthew letting out a tiny wail before going back to sleep.
“You’ll like me being gone during the day,” he said softly when she returned. “It’s the best way, April, because you’ll be asleep when I’m doing duty with the babies. I know you’re not going to be one hundred percent comfortable with me in your space.”
She shook her head. “I guess I won’t. I wouldn’t with anyone, most likely.”
“It’s hard when you’ve been on your own to suddenly share living quarters. I’m going to try to keep my intrusiveness to a minimum.”
I’m not certain that’s exactly what I want, she thought. “I’d rather have you here than anyone else, though.”
“You would?”
He seemed so astonished that she felt sorry for him. “I’m sorry, Caleb. I haven’t meant to make you feel unwelcome. I’m simply so focused on learning to be a mom that I haven’t taken the time to say thank you. But I do appreciate everything you’ve done. None of this would have been possible without you.” That she meant from the bottom of her heart.
He was so quiet. His stillness told her that her words had touched him. She’d have to file that away for the future: Caleb really likes to know his heroic efforts are truly appreciated. She wasn’t used to that sort of give-and-take since she hadn’t had many relationships. She didn’t like to count on anyone, or for a man to try to take care of her. Somehow, Caleb was doing it without setting off the old alarms she normally felt.
Maybe it’s because I know it’s not forever. And yet, she liked knowing she’d made him happy with her sincere gratitude.
And then it hit her. Caleb liked to know his heroic efforts were appreciated—because he felt as if he’d failed the only other person he’d let really close to him.
So that was the cementing ingredient in this arrangement. She had never wanted anyone to take care of her. He needed to take care of her because he’d let his partner down, in his mind.
Caleb was trying very hard, with teasing and sensual innuendo, not to let her become aware that he was trying to take care of her and the children. But it had turned into a mission for him, much as it had for Jackson. She and the babies filled a gap for them, healed something Caleb needed healed.
She was a nurse. There was no way she couldn’t respond to his desire to heal.
He had given up a lot to help her with what she most wanted.
She could make a supreme effort not to mind his care and protection. He wasn’t trying to take her independence; he wasn’t wanting her to become dependent upon him, as some men did. She didn’t have to be afraid that he’d desert her, because they both knew this marriage was nonpermanent.
It was a small thing to do for a man who needed something she could provide so easily. What it would do to her heart, she wasn’t certain, but then, her heart wasn’t the only one on the line.
AFTER ONE LAST RUSH of feeding, diapering and comforting with the babies, April finally decided she’d easily take Caleb up on his offer of nighttime assistance. “Good night,” she told him. “Please make yourself at home in any way, Caleb. I mean that.”
“Thanks,” he said sincerely. “You get some rest.”
Her eyes communicated uncertain tension. Beneath all the teasing he peppered her with was a desire to ignore how much he wanted her. Caleb had never wanted anything so bad in his life. Making love to her, feeling her underneath him, being inside her—all of that felt as if he’d been welcomed home.
But he knew their lovemaking was a one-night happening. April wasn’t cut out for a short-term affair, and he didn’t regard her in that light. But it was enough to be here with her now, the closest thing to a family of his own he might ever know. Husband, wife, children.
But the tension he saw in her eyes, that he could erase. “Go to bed,” he said softly. “I’ve got it all under control.”
“Okay. Thank you.” She backed away, still hesitant, before turning down the short hall and disappearing into her room.
“And that’s that,” he said to himself. “Newlywed night number one. No problem. Under control, tight lid, cool temps.” He flipped a few channels on the television, keeping a tight ear on the monitor for the babies over the next hour. The late-night comedians weren’t that funny, the classic sports channel had lost its appeal and a romantic movie wasn’t what he needed tonight, of all nights. Not when he couldn’t be diverted from thinking about April, tucked in her white bed.
Kicking his feet up on the sofa, he let the cushy softness surround him, forced everything from his mind and fell asleep.
A WARY SENSATION hit him early in the a.m. He’d only dozed, he was pretty certain, listening with one ear to the monitor, and his consciousness unscrambling what he’d learned about Jenny in his mind.
Something he couldn’t put his finger on had awakened him. His eyes snapped open in the darkness, adjusting to the flickering light of the television. Warm fingers rested lightly against his neck; a bare arm trailed over his shoulder.
April sat on the floor, her forehead against the sofa seat cushion. She slept in a sideways kneeling position that had to be uncomfortable. He registered that she was touching him in a manner which was clearly nonsexual. Comforting.
He sighed, realizing he must have shouted in his sleep again. She’d mentioned it before, and the only reason he didn’t realize he did it so often was because there was no one around his apartment to complain about it.
Or comfort him.
Hopefully he hadn’t awakened the babies when he’d yelled. Slowly, he pulled to a sitting position, then gathered April into his arms as if she were a child. Well, definitely not a child, he thought as her curves melted against him, accepting his action. More like a very delicate, very delicious woman.
It appeared he was going to keep her up every night with his nightmares; she was going to keep him up every night with a serious case of unquenchable desire.
Eventually, they’d have to find a way to sleep, or they’d be no good for the babies. Slipping her into her bed, Caleb stared down at April.
What the hell. He pulled off his shoes, kept everything else on and got in the bed, scooting up against her back. She sighed in her sleep and reached to pull his arm over her waist.
Promising, Caleb decided as he closed his eyes. A little scary, but promising.
Chapter Fourteen
Sneak attack. Caleb had clearly pulled one on her. He was in her bed, lying spoon-style up against her back, snoring quietly in her ear.
Far different from what he’d been doing in the early a.m. The shrieks of agony had pulled her from her bed in a fright as she rushed to the sofa. A hand on his forehead and quiet murmurs had chased away whatever was torturing his mind’s eye, yet still she’d been unable to leave him for fear the nightmare would r
ecur. It ripped her soul to hear such a strong man cry out, calling for back-up.
Shuddering, she knew that whatever he’d seen was locked in his mind forever, lying in wait to feed on his unguarded moments. She could not allow the man she’d married—for however long—to suffer in such a way. Not when he’d done so much good for her, easing her suffering. For better, for worse, in sickness, and in health.
She’d kneeled beside the sofa and stroked his head. He’d never wakened again—until he’d carried her to bed. Obviously, he’d decided that sleeping with her in the bed was preferable to both of them being uncomfortable on the sofa, and a mature reflection of their situation made her agree.
Of course, it was the simple symbol of the bed which alarmed her. A bed was intimate with two people in it, inviting closeness and a feeling of bonding that worried her.
Jenny would come back, as she should. And Caleb would leave.
Was it wrong for her to guard against feeling more for him, when she already realized she felt far too much as it was?
A weak cry came over the monitor Caleb had parked beside the bed. She snapped it off before he could wake, slid from the bed and changed into sweatpants and a top. Closing the bedroom door, she left her husband sleeping in her bed.
The truth was, she really liked seeing his broad form in her pristine, delicate room. The dolls had kept her from being lonely and scared before, but nothing had ever felt as good to her as waking to find Caleb’s strong warmth against her, a strange shelter from everything she’d wanted to chase away, and never could.
“WHY DIDN’T YOU wake me up?” Caleb asked.
“You needed your sleep.” April shot him a look, taking in his hair, sexily awry, his jeans rumpled and somewhat loose.
“So did you. Apparently, you didn’t get much.”
Turning away so she wouldn’t think too much about how handsome he was, April fussed with a baby diaper. “I feel very refreshed, actually.”
Silence met that. Apparently, he didn’t want to bring up them sleeping in the same bed, or the nightmares, any more than she did.
“I did some thinking last night,” he said suddenly.
“Oh?”
“Despite the missing person’s report, and the police looking for Jenny, no one has come forward to say that they’ve seen her in a little over a month. If she were in the area, she would have seen the news reports on television, read in the newspaper about her babies going home. She’s not in the area.”
A sick shiver slid along April’s spine. She laid Craig in his crib and went to tend Matthew. “What’s next then, if that’s what you’ve come to believe?”
“It occurred to me last night that anyone I talked to hasn’t had the knowledge of Jenny’s past that you do.”
She glanced up at him, her mouth open. “No, Caleb, I am not holding back anything I know about Jenny just so that I can keep her children.”
“I didn’t say you were,” he said, his tone soft.
April drew up sharp. “Please don’t play mind games with me. I didn’t like it when you theorized that I might have projected my needs onto Jenny, filling in the realization of the mother she needed for her children. And I don’t like you overtly suggesting that I might be harboring information about her.”
“April. Relax, babe.”
His soothing tone did take some of the steel out of her spine. She went back to fixing Matthew’s diaper. “I want Jenny to come back.”
Silence met her statement, and that unnerved her. “I do, Caleb,” she insisted. “I believe that children belong with their parents whenever possible, whenever it’s best for that to happen.”
“I know you do.”
“I won’t tell you that having these babies in my care and in my home hasn’t opened up a longing for children of my own. A true family of my very own. It’s intense, and it’s a deeper wish than it’s ever been before. But I can have my own children, Caleb. In fact, I dream of it. I’ve always wanted children, and so, one day. One day.”
He was silent, so she peered his way again. The look on his face startled her. “What’s wrong? What did I say?”
“I don’t want children,” he said slowly.
She frowned at him. “What are these?” she asked, pointing to the children.
“Mine for the time being. Little people who need a good start in the world, that I am capable of providing. But I don’t want any of my own.”
His stark reaction puzzled her. “I don’t know what you’re getting at.”
“I don’t know, either.” He swept her with a gaze that seemed longing, and yet, somehow, unhappy. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said that. It was just a…gut reaction.”
He had surprised her, and somehow she was disappointed that he wouldn’t want children of his own, but the topic was too personal to discuss with him. “Were we talking about something else before we got sidetracked?” Picking up Matthew, she held him close. “Something about Jenny?”
His hand went up in surrender. “Without you thinking that I’m accusing you of anything—”
“Well, you did before, and it was an unpleasant leap you made.”
“Okay. I apologize. It’s in my nature to—”
“Run through the trails of someone’s mind. I know. Jenny talked to me a lot, but I’ve told you everything I know, and I’m not hiding anything.”
“Okay. Slow down a minute. Listen to me. I want you to think about your childhood.”
She creased her lips together. “I won’t think about it for long, so hurry up with what you want to know.”
“Hold Matthew, close your eyes and listen to my voice. Jenny’s childhood was somewhat similar to yours. You had that in common. You grew up in what state?”
“Texas.”
“Did you have that in common?”
Her eyes opened. “Ohio. Jenny was from a small town in Ohio, David had once lived on a farm in Texas. They had some kind of tree in common. Um, pecan. I think.”
He nodded at her, and April’s stomach seemed to reverse inside her. “I didn’t withhold that from you. And it could mean nothing.”
“It could mean nothing, and no, you did not keep that information from me. Idle conversations of no seeming importance take place all the time. But hopefully, with any luck, that may be a salient piece of something I can go on.”
“How could Jenny have gotten to Ohio?” Panic began to rise inside her. “She was sick, she had no money. It was Christmastime.”
He nodded. “And those may be many of the reasons why she could have gone back to a place where she had something in common with the man she loved—and lost.”
CALEB DIDN’T KNOW why he hadn’t thought of it before, but somehow sitting in front of the television watching everything and anything had brought the question to the fore of his mind: Why would Jenny not come to her children after seeing them on the news at night? He knew she’d had no intention of coming back, but there was only one reason she wouldn’t have sent some kind of message to April once she knew that the children had gone home healthy from the hospital: She wasn’t anywhere where she could see the local news.
“I’ll be back tonight. Count on a good night’s sleep,” he told April, shrugging on a black cloth jacket with a warm lining. First, the truck stop on the highway out of town. He’d already checked the bus stops once in the beginning of his investigation; no names had matched Jenny’s or any variation thereof.
But the truck stop—until April had said Ohio, Caleb hadn’t had an idea of how far the quads’ mother might have intended to go. There was lots of goodwill at Christmastime, and truckers were a notoriously helpful lot. It wouldn’t have been all that hard for Jenny to have found a softie to give her a ride “home for the holidays.”
And a desperate young girl wouldn’t think twice about telling such a tale if she meant to return to the last place that might hold happy memories for her. Anyplace but where she’d lost her husband.
He was the champion at trying to outrun memori
es. It wasn’t all that hard to understand Jenny’s motivation.
Milling around the truck stop for thirty minutes asking questions, he came upon an older lady named Rosemarie who worked there. Yes, she’d seen a young girl about a month or so ago, and the only reason that stuck out in her mind was because the girl seemed weak and somehow disoriented. At Christmas, she was concerned that the teenager was a runaway. The girl, whose name was April, said she’d just delivered a stillbirth and her husband had left her.
Her tale had elicited sympathy and a hot meal from her, as well as a ride from her sister, who was a trucker.
To Cleveland, Ohio. But from there, the girl meant to go to some small town in Ohio, where her family had once lived.
Sharp instinct twisted Caleb’s gut. Jenny didn’t want to be found, but he had to find her, for everyone’s sake. She needed help, and grief counseling. The babies needed their mother, and she needed them. April needed Jenny to return, not the least of the reasons was that she could never truly adopt the children without Jenny’s legal approval. As April’s was a temporary foster home, the babies could be removed at any time and assigned to different homes. Caleb needed Jenny to return before he fell any farther into the pretend marriage he’d suggested. Because he was seriously in danger of that—and when April had mentioned wanting her own children this morning, he’d known that there was no future in their marriage at all.
He would do anything on this planet, anything at all: run into gunfire to try to save a buddy, protect the innocent, serve the public, be a father to four abandoned children.
But he would not get a woman pregnant with his child. And most definitely not April. Delicate, gentle, sweetly caring April.
Never.
JACKSON CALLED that morning before he stopped by, ostensibly bringing baby blankets in case she didn’t have enough.
“It’s going to be cold outside,” he said gruffly.
But April could tell by the hungry look in his eyes that he was starved to hold the babies. And she was glad of the company. It gave her a fast break and a chance to eat some lunch. “I’m glad you stopped by, Jackson. These babies have kept me busy. They may be having trouble getting used to the new environment. Although it’s quieter here, they may have gotten used to the constant lights and voices and sounds in the hospital. They just can’t seem to settle today.”
