“Not lately, it doesn’t.”
“You miss it?” he asked. “Your work?”
“I do. I really do. It was valuable, making a difference to people’s lives in that way.”
“You’ll get back to it, Emma. When this is all over.”
She looked up at him, and tried to stay as positive as he was. “Yeah, you’re right. When this is all over.”
They were both silent.
“Hey,” she said, eager to change the subject. “Speaking of work: what’s happening with extending the lease on the tattoo parlour?”
Dean sighed in frustration. “The landlord just won’t agree to a meeting with me. I’ve been trying for two weeks now.”
“Why? What’s going on?”
“The fucker’s playing with me. He’s holding it over my head that the contract is up in less than a month now, and if we don’t sort this all out in time, I’ll have to move.”
“And you don’t want to?”
“No. I love where we are, and moving is always risky after you’ve only been in a place for a couple of years, like I have. I’m finally getting established, so moving now is a bad idea.”
“Yeah. I can see that.”
“Anyway, I’m hoping that it’ll all be OK. Jim and I are scouting some new locations if it comes to that, but I’m hoping that it doesn’t. The landlord finally proposed a meeting time on Friday afternoon.”
“This Friday?”
“Yeah. I’m going to turn it down, though.”
“Why? He finally agrees to meet and you say no?”
He gave her a kiss. “Because, angel, that’s the day of your next round of blood tests at the hospital clinic and I want to be there to bring you home.”
“Oh. Oh, no need. Blood tests are easy and if I feel dizzy or weak after, I can always jump in a taxi.”
“No way. You’re not going to worry about getting yourself home after. OK?”
“Well, I’ll ask one of the girls, then.”
“You can’t. Liv is away later this week, remember? Kat has that charity fashion show on Friday so she’ll be there getting the models ready, and Jenny’s catering that wedding party, so she needs to be at her restaurant all day. None of them are free.”
Emma stared at him, her mouth open. “God, Dean. You’ve got their schedules memorized?”
He grinned. “Yep. We all know where each other are going to be all the damn time. Just making sure we’ve got things covered for you.” He thought for a second. “I’ll see if Dallas can come and get you, OK? I think he’s available that day.”
“Thanks, Dean.” She reached for him. “It means a lot, you know.”
“I know, baby. You mean a lot, too. To all of us.”
**
Emma smiled at Dallas as he stepped off the hospital elevator. “Hi, Dallas.”
“Hey, darlin’,” he said. “You doing OK?”
“Yeah. I’m glad to be leaving.”
“The blood tests all went alright?’
“Yeah. Just a bit tiring.”
He took in her pallor and the dark smudges under her eyes. “I’ll just bet. So, you all done here? Free as a bird?”
“Yeah. I have to go out to the parking lot in this wheelchair, though.”
“Sure thing,” he said. “Let’s go.”
He rolled her carefully out in to the cool early-autumn air and watched as she closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. The weak sun touched her face, gave her a bit of a glow.
Shit. She’s really fading.
He opened the car door and gently lifted her to her feet. She swayed and he held on to her.
“Emma? You OK?”
Her eyes were closed, her fingers grasping his strong forearms. “Yeah. Just dizzy.”
“OK, don’t move, hon. Wait for it to pass.”
They stood for a minute and then Emma looked up into Dallas’ worried blue eyes. “I’m OK, Dallas. Really.”
He nodded and settled her in to the car. He buckled her up and shut the door.
“OK,” he said and started the engine. “So let’s get you back to Dean’s place.”
“I – what?” she asked. “I’m going to my apartment, aren’t I?’
He shook his head. “Nope. You’re staying with Dean for the next few days, OK? When he’s not there, I’ll keep an eye on you and your friends will be dropping by every day.”
“So the girls know about this?”
He flashed her a grin. “The arrangements have their full knowledge and blessing.”
“Oh,” she said. “I hear that you guys are all talking to each other now, right?”
“Uh-huh,” he said. “Between the seven of us, I figure we can keep everything under control. You don’t need to worry about anything. We got it.”
She stared at him and then suddenly, tears were spilling down her cheeks. He started.
“Hey, what’s wrong?”
She shook her head.
He slid a bit closer, touched her arm. “Emma, what? Talk to me, OK?”
“Nothing. I’m just – sometimes it hits me just how grateful I am to you and your friends. You don’t even really know me, but I couldn’t get through this without all of you at this point.”
“We care about you, hon, and that’s just the end of it. Whatever you need – you just ask. Me and Chris and Jim would move heaven and earth to get it for you. You hear me?”
She smiled. “Yeah. And I know that my friends appreciate you guys being here, too. Even if they don’t say it to your faces.”
“Well,” he said. “I know they certainly appreciate all the coffee and doughnuts we haul all over Denver, to wherever they are. Especially Liv. I’ve never met anyone who goes through coffee the way that woman does and I hang out with Rangers and bodyguards and black-ops guys.”
Emma laughed now, her face brightening.
Relieved, Dallas gently touched her hand. “OK?”
“OK,” she said.
He moved back to his side and slid the car in to gear. “We’ll be home in ten minutes, Emma. Just relax.”
**
Dallas looked up as Dean came in to the house. “Hey.”
“Hey.” Dean peeled off his jean jacket. “Thanks for picking her up. I just couldn’t turn down that fucking meeting with the landlord. Thank God we signed the lease today – that’s over and I can focus on Emma again.”
Dallas waved his hand. “No problem picking her up. Any time you need some backup, just ask.”
“How is she?”
“She’s wiped out, man. I helped her in to bed and she’s been sleeping for three hours now.”
“She eat anything?”
“No. I tried, but she said she wasn’t hungry.”
Dean nodded and went down the hallway to the bedroom. He walked in quietly and looked at Emma curled up in his bed. She was pale, she had purple rings under her eyes, and her delicate eyelids looked almost blue. He stood very still for almost a full minute, just staring down at her, listening to her breathe, then he gently touched her cheek. He closed the door halfway and went back to the living room.
“You want to stay for a beer?” he asked Dallas.
“Already got one,” Dallas said from the sofa. “Thanks.”
He drank his beer and watched Dean in the kitchen, not liking what he saw. The man was a walking nerve end, no doubt about it, stretched and strained. He’d seen Dean in life-and-death situations and he had always kept his cool, even when the bullets were flying. Dean had led his men out of danger and kept countless civilians safe, and his heart rate had barely accelerated. His Rangers training had exposed him to everything he had needed to walk in to the worst hells that Afghanistan had to offer and keep it together.
But this whole thing with Emma was a whole different kind of stress. No amount o
f combat training or number of intensive firefights had prepared Dean for watching the woman that he cared about go through this. It was terrifying to contemplate that Dean had had more control over hostile situations in Afghanistan than he did over what was happening in his own house.
“How you doing, man?” Dallas asked.
Dean shrugged. “OK.”
“Hey, now,” Dallas said. “This is me you’re talking to… no macho denial bullshit from you. So, how you doing? For real?”
Dean looked over at his friend. “I’m – I’m not doing so well.”
Dallas nodded.
Dean exhaled. “She’s just so… so sick. I know how stupid that sounds, but it’s all I got. She’s weak and exhausted and she tries so hard to hide it from me, like she ever could.”
“She’s still losing weight?”
“Yeah. I can barely get her to choke down some soup once a day. Not that it stays down a lot of the time. She’s so nauseous even without the chemo, some days she can’t even hold on to water.”
Dallas winced.
“I don’t know, man.” Dean leaned back on the counter and stared at the floor in despair. “I guess I just wasn’t ready to feel so… fucking helpless. Like, I’m standing outside all of her pain and hurt and I just can’t break through. I can’t get to her, you know? I feel like she’s all alone in this and I’m letting her down.”
“Hey, you are not. You’re doing every single thing humanly possible.”
Dean glanced up now and Dallas was horrified to see tears in his eyes.
“I am. I am doing everything I can, and it’s still nowhere near enough what she needs.” He wiped the tears away angrily. “I’m failing her so bad, sometimes I can’t fucking breathe for the guilt.”
“The hell you’re failing Emma.” Dallas got to his feet and crossed the room. He stopped next to Dean, stood right next to him. “You’re doing great.”
Dean shook his head. “No. I’m not.”
Something broke inside of him then, and the tears came. Dallas touched his heaving shoulders, just standing there quietly as Dean sobbed. It was less than a minute before Dean pulled himself together, but he was still embarrassed at his weakness in front of the other man.
“Shit,” he said. “I feel like an asshole.”
Dallas grinned. “That would be because you are an asshole in many ways. But not when it comes to her, alright? If we’re talking about Emma, you’re a guy who needs some more help. I’ll be coming around more, and I’ll make sure the guys do, too.”
“No, it’s OK. You don’t need to…”
“I do need to, Dean. I even want to.” Dallas’ blue eyes were uncompromising. “We’re all here for Emma, right? Let us start to be here for you, too. You’re reaching the point where you really need us. OK?”
Dean looked at his friend. “Yeah. Yeah, OK. Thanks, man.”
“That’s alright. Now, go to bed. You look like shit.”
Dean laughed. “Always so nice when you drop by.”
After Dallas had gone, Dean went back to check on Emma, then he got in to the shower. He stood under the hot water for a long time, letting the exhaustion just wash over him. When he climbed in to bed, he wanted nothing more than to sleep for a week.
Emma felt the mattress dip and she opened her eyes.
“Dean?”
“Sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”
She moved closer to him and he put his arms around her, stroked her back. They lay together, not talking, and he watched as her eyelids fluttered shut again. Her breathing slowed, her body relaxed. He kissed her and he felt her smile against his mouth.
“Goodnight, Dean.”
“Sleep well.”
“I will,” she said. “Now that you’re here.”
“I wish I could be here for you all the time.” He said this quietly; it was a confession, maybe he was even asking for her forgiveness, just a little bit.
Her eyes opened again. “But you are. I feel you even when you’re not here.”
“You do?”
“Mmmm-hmmmm.” She touched his face. “You’re with me all the time. You have no idea what you pull me through, babe, just by existing.”
That night, Dean slept deeply and well, for the first time in weeks. It was the sleep of a man who had let something go; who had put down something heavy and taken a deep breath. He could breathe.
**
The next morning, Dean woke up with a start, feeling like something was wrong. He stared at the empty bed next to him, then at the bright sun on the bedroom wall. When he glanced at the clock and saw that it was well past ten o’clock, he flung himself out of the bed.
“Emma!” he said. “Where are you?”
“In the kitchen,” her voice floated back. “What’s wrong?”
He almost ran down the hall to her and she turned, coffee pot held aloft, a puzzled look on her face. He skidded to a halt and peered at her. He was stunned to see that she looked absolutely gorgeous: well-rested and fresh, with pink in her cheeks. Her beautiful eyes were wide with alarm.
“Dean? What?”
“Oh, God.” He leaned against the wall. “You scared me.”
“I did?”
“Dean, you OK?”
He looked over to see Chris on his feet, a cup of coffee in his hand.
“What are you doing here?” he said.
“I called Emma earlier to see if you guys needed anything from the grocery store. I was there anyway, and so I thought I’d do some shopping for her if she wanted. I picked up some stuff and dropped it off and stayed for a coffee.”
Dean turned to Emma. “I woke up and you weren’t there. It scared the life out of me. I thought maybe you’d fallen down or something.”
“I’m OK,” she said. “I’m fine.”
“I can see that,” he said. “But I can’t think the last time that happened – that you woke up before I did.”
“I can.” She poured him a coffee and handed it to him.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” She smiled at him. “It was the morning after the night we met. I snuck out at five a.m.”
He stared at her. “Are you making a joke?”
“Yep.”
He blinked. “So… you’re feeling good today?”
“I’m feeling great today. I was just about to make Chris some breakfast. What do you want to eat?”
“You – what? No way. Go sit down, right now.” He spun and glared at Chris who looked taken aback. “And just what the fuck are you doing, asking her to make you breakfast? You should be in here cooking for her.”
“Dean.” Emma lay a hand on his forearm. “It’s fine. I offered.”
“He should have said no!”
“Babe.” She spoke so quietly, he paused and looked at her. “When I have good days, you have to let me do stuff. Normal stuff, like cooking and making coffee and doing laundry. I need to do it. I don’t know when I’m going to feel good again, right? I do know that I start another cycle of chemo tomorrow and so by tomorrow night, I’m going to be back in bed puking my guts up, too weak to move, too sick to even talk.” She smiled. “So, let me be normal, just for one day. OK?”
He stared at her some more then stepped forward and held her to him. “Oh, honey. You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry,” she said. “Just sit down with Chris while I make us all breakfast. Let me do something for you guys, for a change.”
He kissed her gently and pulled her closer, then turned to Chris and spoke over the top of her head. “Sorry, man. I shouldn’t have hollered at you.”
“It’s OK,” Chris said. “I don’t blame you at all. If Emma were my girlfriend? I’d kick all your asses if you made her so much as lift a baby finger for any of you.”
She smiled at Chris. “Oh,
you enlightened men. Secret feminists, all of you.”
Dean reeled back in mock horror. “I will not be called that word in my own home.”
“Go sit,” she said. “Let the little woman tend to the big, strong men for once.”
So Dean and Chris sat on the sofa, watching Emma in the kitchen. Neither one of them said anything, but they didn’t have to: they liked having her back. Even if it was just for a little while, even for just one day.
**
After Chris left, Emma looked at Dean sitting on the sofa. He was relaxed and looked better than he had in ages.
He caught her eye. “What’s up, honey?”
“Oh, nothing much. Just thinking about seducing you.”
He blinked. “What?”
“You heard me.”
Dean stared at her. “Really?”
“Um-hmmm.” She walked over to him, sat on his lap. She ran her fingers over his chest slowly. “I want to make love with you, babe.”
“I don’t know… I’m scared that I’ll hurt you.”
She leaned in and kissed him. Despite his reluctance, he responded helplessly, starved for her. She gasped as his tongue probed her mouth, and he held her face in both of his hands, plunging more deeply. He pulled back, placed his large hand on the back of her neck. His forehead touched hers.
“You sure, Emma? Absolutely sure?”
“Yes,” she whispered. “I want to be normal, to forget about it all. To be with you. Just for one day.”
He stood up, cradling her gently. “Then that’s what we’ll do, baby.”
Later, she lay shaking in his arms, sobbing and trying to catch her breath. Dean held her close and tight, glad that he had been able to give her pleasure one more time.
“I love you, angel.” The words tumbled out of him, almost against his will, but he wasn’t sorry that they did. He wouldn’t take them back, not for anything.
Emma raised her head, surprised. “You do?”
“I do.”
She smiled, and it was that beautiful smile that had ensnared him the first night that they had met. “I love you, too.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” She touched his eyes and felt the tears in them. Her face softened and she kissed him gently.
Enemy Within (Unseen Enemy Book 1) Page 13
