by Heather Boyd
She missed Grayling. She missed being held in his arms. After his friend Rothwell’s visit, he’d become even more withdrawn. That brief moment of possessiveness he’d shown after Rothwell had inspected her from head to toe had brought back the reminders of how pleasant, exciting, his company could be. Perhaps their bargain had been a mistake. Meredith had never been celibate, either by choice or by need.
A male throat cleared nearby, and when she glanced up, she noticed the butler had come to spy on her work again. She groaned under her breath but managed to smile. “Mr. Cunningham. What a pleasure.”
“Miss Clark,” he said rather severely. He stood aside for a footman to pass him, the man’s arms full of treasures to amuse the children. “Mrs. Smith sent these down from the attic.”
Meredith was almost as excited to see what new entertainments had been found as she was by the man carrying them. “Kindly place them by the window.” Meredith followed, letting her eyes rove over the footman’s physique. Not as fine and large as Gray, but not running to fat either. As far as she was concerned, no one could be as well put together as her employer. But as far as views went, the sandy-haired footman was rather easy on the eye.
She shook herself from her daze. There was no use letting her imagination run away with itself over a pretty body. That part of her life was over. She leaned over the pile and found a ball-and-cup game to show Lady Willow. Meredith turned the ball over in her hand and let the cup dangle from the string. “I had one as a child.”
Cunningham’s voice cut through the distant memory. “That belonged to the countess when she was a girl. I should not like anything to damage it.”
“Games are for playing, Cunningham. But I am sure the ladies will cause no lasting harm.”
Cunningham’s face grew pinched and then he withdrew, leaving the footman standing beside her. “I’d play any game you wanted. Just say the word and I’d find you.”
Meredith blinked, realizing at the last second that, now Cunningham had gone, the footman was interested in her. She hadn’t seen it. She hadn’t detected any interest in her person from any servant since she’d arrived. Meredith eased back a touch and did her best to ignore his comment. Unfortunately, he followed, cutting her off from reaching Willow and Maisy where they played farther along the gallery.
“Let me pass,” she said firmly.
“Not yet.” His hand stretched toward her waist. Time slowed. Meredith dragged in a sharp breath and caught his hand before he made contact with her body. The fool smiled as she turned his hand so her thumb rested in his palm. When he tried to pull her into a tight embrace, she pressed her thumb hard into his hand. His nostrils flared as she increased the pressure. If he did not relent and move away, she would injure him.
“Release me now.” He had to be in pain from the pressure of her thumb.
Meredith smiled sweetly at him. “Yield, or I will break your hand.”
The fool had assumed that with Cunningham gone, she would not protest. She might miss intimacies with Gray, but Meredith was not a weak woman to give herself to just any man. Calista was the aberration.
He yanked his hand back immediately as he realized she made no idle boast and rubbed it. His glance told her he was furious. Meredith took a pace toward him. “Let me give you a piece of advice, sir. Gentlemen who force themselves on women, especially ones in service, are nothing better than rutting pigs. If you want one of your own, you’d better learn to listen, because if I ever hear of you forcing a woman against her will, I won’t speak to His Lordship about you. I’ll creep into your bedchamber one night and geld you. Do we understand each other?”
His face grew ashen. “Yes, Miss Clark.”
Meredith skirted around the oaf and took the ball and cup to Willow and showed her how to do it. While her back was turned, Cunningham swept into the room and berated the footman for lingering. Meredith turned to see the effect of the butler’s admonishments, but that was exactly when Willow made a wild swing and the ball connected soundly with Meredith’s head.
Dazed, she fell, crashing to the ground in a sprawled heap, her head hurting like the very devil. Her eyeglasses spun away as she clutched her head, and the sharp crack of glass breaking told her they were ruined.
Cunningham ran the length of the room and knelt at her side. “Heaven help us.”
She pressed her hand against the injury, hoping touch would ease the pain. As she did, she grew aware that Willow had begun to cry. Meredith stretched for the child, caught her hand and drew her close. “No harm done, my lady. No need for tears. I’ll be all better in a moment.”
But Willow was not calmed by her words. She wrenched free of her grip and bolted for the door. “Willow,” she called. Although she called out as loud as she could stand, the girl did not return. Maisy came closer, crouched down at her feet, watching with no idea of what had happened. Meredith was relieved she was not the least bit upset. She wasn’t up to cheering anyone just yet.
Cunningham caught her elbow and eased her to her feet carefully. “Are you truly unhurt?”
The room spun slowly and she grabbed Cunningham’s arms desperately to keep her balance. “Oh, dear. I see a bump the size of an apple in my future. Please, can you find Willow and make sure she understands she didn’t really hurt me? I don’t want her to be anxious. She’s come so far these past few weeks.”
He improved his grip about her body. “I’ll take you to her instead.”
With Cunningham’s help, Meredith struggled to the doorway and into the hall. She glanced up the stairs and winced as her head throbbed. Footsteps pounded in her direction and she was caught by stronger arms than Cunningham’s. Warmth, security. Gray. Meredith clung to him.
“Willow said you’d been injured,” he whispered.
She winced at the worry on his face. “It’s not serious. An accident. Where is she?”
“I didn’t mean to,” the little girl sobbed. “And I broke her glasses, too.”
Meredith reached blindly for the girl, relieved when her cold clammy hand clenched hers. “I must remember to pay more attention. I’ll be fine, really. The glasses can easily be replaced. I just need to sit for a few moments.”
“You’ll rest for the remainder of the day,” Gray corrected. He swept her up into his arms and began to move. “Cunningham, fetch the housekeeper at once. This bump will need a poultice.”
“Don’t. It’s nothing really,” Meredith protested feebly.
“Sweetheart, there is a large bump forming on your head. Mrs. Smith will know how to deal with it, I assure you.”
Meredith’s eyes grew heavy. “Don’t call me that.”
“Well, what should I call you instead? None of the names you’ve offered up suit you in the least,” he grumbled and then pressed his nose to her head. “God, you smell good.”
As he carried her upstairs, Grayling issued a stream of orders to every servant he encountered. Most often his command was to see what was taking the housekeeper so long. “Willow, could you open the door like a good girl? I’d like to get your governess into bed.”
Meredith’s eyes flew open and she stared up at Gray, noting his smirk was back in place. “That woke you up,” he whispered. “Don’t tell me you don’t miss being in my arms.”
Meredith closed her eyes again. “Conceited.”
“But I’m correct.”
He eased her down gently and bundled pillows behind her head. When Grayling sat at her side, her head really began to throb in earnest. His fingers brushed her face. “Stay awake. Talk to me.”
She scowled. “Terrible question to ask an injured woman. What would you like to talk about?”
A wet cloth pressed at her temple. “Cunningham appeared rather too free with your person.”
Meredith pressed the heel of her hand to her head. “Oh for heaven’s sake. Now is not the time to gripe about overfamiliarity between servants. He was there when the accident occurred and helped me to my feet. When the world wobbled, he supported me. If he�
��d not done so, would you still be complaining?”
“Damn right I would.” The cloth was removed and returned colder than before. “He should have called for help before making you walk the length of the Hall.”
“A dozen or so paces,” Meredith murmured. “I was worried about Willow.”
The bed dipped again and a small shape brushed her limbs. When Meredith peeked, Willow had climbed up on her bed, but her eyes were filled with tears again. Meredith opened her arms to the terrified girl and let her sob against her chest.
When the tears eased, Meredith rubbed her back. “It will take more than a child’s toy to hurt me seriously. Why, I once escaped bandits and lived in the woods for a whole month on morning dew and green pickles. A little ball is nothing compared to that.”
As hoped, Willow ceased crying and simply snuggled against her. The feeling was rather nice. Gray’s children were very cuddly creatures. They were forever sitting on her lap or sneaking into her bedchamber in the morning when they woke before her. Her narrow bed got rather crowded at times.
Gray, however, wasn’t in a similar mood. His eyes narrowed to slits, gaze growing hard as ice chips. “Is any part of that true?”
Meredith shivered. “You never know.”
“No,’ he said angrily. “I never do, and I think you enjoy keeping me in perpetual confusion.”
“You sent for me, my lord?” the housekeeper asked from the doorway.
Grayling quickly spun off the bed to make room. “A blow to the head.”
The housekeeper’s glance was shrewd. “Let’s have a look at her.”
The housekeeper had a light touch and soft voice. Meredith appreciated both. Now she had time to consider the matter, she felt rather foolish for being felled by a child’s toy and by Grayling’s panic. He shouldn’t behave in such a way where other servants could hear. She hoped he would not take long to get command of himself again.
When Mrs. Smith drew back, she smiled kindly at her master. “No need for a poultice, but best keep her awake with chatter, my lord. I’ll send Miss Cunningham up to assist.”
Meredith groaned. She could never be comfortable with Miss Cunningham in her bedchamber. But she wasn’t really in a position to argue. She was a servant and had to do as she was told. She closed her eyes, very ready to feign sleep to avoid looking at the girl.
“Excuse us,” Grayling said and left her alone once more. Meredith watched him follow the housekeeper out with a heavy heart and then closed her eyes as the pain throbbed. For a moment, it had been lovely to be so cared for.
Willow shuffled about, the bed depressed as another bundle fell across her skirts. When she cracked her lids open, Maisy had arrived to share the vigil. She smiled at the little girl and brushed her finger over the tip of her nose. The little ball of mischief grinned and then quickly wriggled off the bed, disappearing beneath. “Maisy come out of there,” she whispered softly and then regretted speaking in the first place. The thumping in her head increased. “Please.”
“I’ll keep an eye on her,” Gray informed her as he drew a spindly chair close to the bed. Dear God, he didn’t mean to have Miss Cunningham sit that close, did he? She’d never have a moment’s peace.
Meredith licked her lips. “Where’s Poppy?”
“Nurse is with her for now.”
Meredith struggled to rise. Nurse would not be able to cope with the little one on her own.
However, Gray placed his hand on her thigh and held her still. “Rest is what the housekeeper ordered for you, my dear. Miss Cunningham will do the heavy lifting for Nurse, should it be required.”
Meredith glanced toward the doorway. “So you know about your nurses difficulties?”
He gave her leg one last pat and sat back. “Of course. Why do you think I was so eager to have you here? Nurse has a lifetime of experience to offer but lacks the strength in her limbs.”
Meredith digested that. “What will you do with her?”
“Exactly what I am doing now.” He smiled. “Nurse has no family of her own. She will remain here where we can keep an eye on her.”
“You are very kind for a lord.”
“Handsome too.” He checked over his shoulder. “But I’m sure you noticed my appeal the first night we met.”
“Vain,” Meredith murmured softly, but there was no strength to her complaint. He was good to look at and rather nice to talk to. If he were an ordinary man, she might have entertained thoughts of a future that featured him. But she couldn’t. She was utterly ruined. The only future they had was an illicit one should either of them break their agreement. And her resolve on that issue was already wavering, had in fact been wavering since the first day of her employment. It was rather hard to turn away from a situation that had been so very agreeable on so many levels. This was just another challenge to face, and Meredith had to forget what had come before.
An hour later, when only Gray was still at her side and they had covered topics ranging from farming to her opinion on the perfect gemstone—type, size, and shape, including the many applications for jewelry—she scowled at him. “The servants will talk about this for months.”
He glanced over the paper, from where she believed he was gaining his many and varied topics of conversation, and winked. “I’m unconcerned about my servants’ possible disapproval. They’ve already been informed I could be found here until Mrs. Smith declared you out of danger.”
Meredith snatched the paper from his hands and peered at the page he was on. “And when do you imagine that might be?”
“Oh, at least morning. Maybe late afternoon.”
Grayling had turned to the section containing announcements of births, deaths, and marriages. She read a notice and her mouth dropped open. She shut it quickly and read the short notice again. It was not possible. Her brother had married her best friend from childhood. She swallowed and closed the paper quickly. “You’re being ridiculous. The blow was mild.”
Grayling snatched the paper back and found his place again. “To what do you compare it to? A proper beating?”
Meredith scowled again. “No one has harmed me in a very long time.”
“Once was too often,” he said, although it appeared he had clenched his jaw tightly.
She shrugged, determined to make light of a bad memory. “In the beginning, I had some lingering ambitions to make my mother proud, so I hesitated to enforce my will. Circumstances proved that such reservation was not in my best interests.”
He leaned close and stared into her eyes. “Who are you really? Where did you come from, and why won’t you tell me what happened to you?”
Poor man. He truly disliked being thwarted. “There’s nothing you need to know. I am the woman you met. Nothing has changed.”
He wagged his finger at her as footsteps sounded in the room beyond, coming closer. “I will convince you to trust me one day. I insist.”
“Now you sound like lord of the manor. All who depend on you must obey or else suffer for disobedience.”
When Gray’s face darkened and he stood, Meredith knew she’d gone too far. He was angry. He’d never behaved callously to anyone she’d met.
“Excuse me for a moment,” he said before storming out. He barked at Cunningham to sit with her and then there was only silence. Meredith closed her eyes as the pain in her head returned threefold. Of all the stupid things to do. Now she had to sit and listen to Miss Cunningham’s opinions on ruffles and lace and such. The chair creaked but she kept her eyes closed.
After what must have been half an hour or so of near silence save for Miss Cunningham’s surprisingly heavy breathing, Gray’s heavy tread returned. Meredith gingerly opened her eyes and saw his jaw was still set angrily. He stopped at the foot of the bed, holding a large wooden box. “I trust you have played chess before.”
“Yes.”
Gray moved to place the box, really a low table similar to a breakfast tray, over her lap. The surface was checkered parquetry. A drawer had been fashioned wi
th little handles on each side to hold the pieces.
“Good. That will give you something to do other than think ill of me. A game to while away the hours. Cunningham, I’ll take dinner here at eight.”
The chair creaked and Meredith was startled that it hadn’t been Miss Cunningham keeping her company, but the butler. He even appeared amused. “Of course, my lord. I’ll see to it personally. Enjoy the game.”
Meredith couldn’t be certain, but she had an idea that Cunningham was smirking. He must expect her to lose. Foolish man. When Meredith could no longer hear Cunningham, she turned on Gray. “Why did you not stay away? Do you want me to leave because the gossip is so thick that I lose everyone’s respect?”
Grayling struggled out of his boots and then, to her surprise, sat cross-legged at the foot of the bed so the chessboard sat between them. “Do you know what I discovered just now?”
Meredith crossed her arms over her chest. “I cannot imagine.”
“I’d much rather fight with you than anyone else.” His expression turned teasing. “I’d much rather do a great many things with you than with anyone else. But sadly, this bed is too small.”
He glanced at each side of the narrow bed and then around the room.
“I thought you were here because of the blow to my head.”
Gray, finished with his inspection, set the carved chess pieces in place. “There is that, but there are days when a man desires a woman’s company, no matter the cost.”
Meredith’s heart skipped a beat. She placed a hand on her stomach to steady herself. “Please remember that when I’m dismissed for misconduct. I’d like an excellent letter of recommendation for my next position.”
“Oh, I doubt I’ll ever dismiss you.” His smile returned, but he kept his gaze on the board. “Let me ask you a question. How does the very proper, very lovely Meredith Clark feel about spending even more time with her employer? Because I have to tell you, seeing you in bed, seeing you anywhere about the hall, in fact, brings to mind that we made a very poor bargain. We are very similar creatures, you and I. We are both used to acquiring our heart’s desire.”
