by J. K. Holt
He continued. “They come here, for who knows what, and stomp us like cockroaches. They don’t even stop to see the lives they’re ruining. They don’t care in the least. What kind of people can do that?”
He swept his gaze across the ocean and back towards the nearby shanty, his mouth pinched, eyes forlorn. When he spoke again, it was as if all fight had left him.
“He wouldn’t want this. I know he wouldn’t. Sometimes I meet him out at the docks, bringing in the equipment, and I think- it would be so easy, to push him off. He’d be gone so quickly, he’d barely suffer. And then… maybe then, he’d be at peace. But I can’t do it. I can’t.”
His voice broke and he dropped his head into his knees, breathing raggedly. Tess, worried she’d be pushed away, put a tentative hand on his back. He jumped for a moment, surprised at the touch, before leaning ever so slightly closer. She ran her hand along his broad, tight shoulders until she held him in a half embrace. She could hear him crying, but did not comment.
Tess wondered how often he let himself feel the entirety of his pain, or if he always kept it at bay, just beneath the surface, both driving him and eating away at him from the inside. She knew from experience how easily it could rot away all joy. She barely moved, though the cold had begun to seep through her scant clothing and she fought off the beginnings of a whole-body shiver; she was worried that any change might stop Dray before he was ready to pull himself back together, or signal to him that his pain was too great to be managed by her. Again, she knew how much that could hurt.
A few minutes later, he brought his head back up and she could see him reassembling the pieces of his façade, his protection, though his face maintained some semblance of its previous vulnerability.
“You know the worst part?” he said.
“What’s that?” she said.
“The only person who I could’ve turned to about this, to talk it all through, would’ve been him. And he’s here, but he’s not- I can look at him and see the shell of this great man, but I can’t see him, and it’s tearing me apart. That’s why Ashe doesn’t come, or Mum.”
“So why do you come, then?”
Dray wiped an eye roughly with the back of his hand, shrugging. “Sometimes… sometimes he’ll do something, or look at me, and… I know it’s wishful thinking, but still. I wonder if part of him isn’t still there.”
“… and you think your visiting him might bring him back?”
“I know what it sounds like-”
“No, you don’t. I understand it.” Tess grimaced, toying in her mind with what she was willing to share. “When Maggie, my mom, died a little over a year ago, I felt the same way. Like the only person who really knew me was gone. I kept waiting, like I might wake up from the nightmare or something, eventually… you know? And then my social work- uh, my guardian, made me go talk with someone about it. I wasn’t happy about it, but… well, this woman told me something that ended up helping a lot, even if I didn’t see her for very long.”
Dray turned to face her, and she dropped her arm to allow him the movement, her hand chilled by the sudden absence of touch. She tucked herself into a fetal position and continued. “She told me that it sometimes helped to talk with the person you missed. Like, in your mind, or out loud maybe, to have a conversation with them whenever you miss them, and imagine them and what they would say to you in that moment. I felt really strange doing it at first, but after a little while I could conjure up Maggie and her voice in my head whenever I needed her, and I felt a little less alone. It was like she could still help me and offer me advice, even when she was gone. I’ve done it ever since, whenever I needed to. I know it’s a little different for you because your father’s not dead in the truest sense of the word, but I think the same concept applies.”
Dray shook his head, uncertain. Tess pressed on. “So, for example, if your father was here, really here, and you told him what you told me- that you can’t let go of him yet, what would he say?”
Dray exhaled and considered. Tess could see that he was trying, though she was asking a lot. After several moments, his expression softened slightly. “I think he’d say to come to it in my own time, and not to fret about him in the meantime- the damage is already done, he’d say.” He chuckled. “And then he’d say, ‘stop torturing yourself, Draker. No one made you king- you’re not so important as to decide the fate of the world.’ He’d say that to me whenever I was in my own head too much as a child.”
A smile tugged at Tess’s lips. “There, now. Listen to your father then, Dray.”
Dray nodded. “Someday I’d like to, I would.” He leaned back, looking up towards the stars that had begun to emerge in gaps between the clouds. “But I doubt that it’ll happen tonight. Or even anytime soon. Not until we’ve done what we need to, to set things right.”
Tess felt a strong urge to prolong the moment, her heart fighting what she knew must happen next, but it was pointless. The time had come.
“I suppose that leads to why I came here looking for you. I’m not sure what you’re planning for tonight is such a good idea anymore.” She winced as Dray’s eyes became fierce once more, and he looked at her with barely contained disbelief.
She pushed on, eager to explain. “Mrs. Boyner came to the Muddy Gull the other day- Gowan’s just told me. She found out I wasn’t there on his behalf, as I’d originally told her. Her suspicions have been raised.”
“Did he tell her anything else?” Dray asked intently.
“No. He doesn’t know anything else.”
He deliberated. “Well, she doesn’t know anything for certain then. All this really does is cast suspicion on you if the ledger gets stolen, and possibly more likely she’ll look for it again soon. Don’t misunderstand,” he said at her pointed look, “and wait until you hear me out. I’m only saying that your news could be worse. It might take me a little longer once I find the ledger, but what if I only steal the pages we need instead? The one that references the deadening disease, and the other one that highlights the woman, Ms. Hearst’s, death? There’s no way Ms. Boyner will think to count all the pages, even if she does sniff out the book. I think that’s our solution.”
Tess could see no wrong with that plan, though the whole affair still made her stomach clench with anxious anticipation. When it was clear he was waiting for a response, she nodded. “Alright.”
He stood, offering Tess a hand after she finished putting her shoes back on. His grip was sure and quick, the action effortless.
“It’s too late for you to go wandering home by yourself,” he said, scanning the area as if on the lookout for ghouls.
“Don’t be ridiculous, I’ve walked this route numerous times-”
“I’ll not argue with you, but do me this favor. Humor me, this once. It’ll be one less thing for me to worry about,” he said, his voice rough.
Tess decided not to press it. Having just wondered if there might be some way to reduce his burden, she would feel like a jerk to push back stubbornly against one clear way to do just that. “Fine,” she muttered.
“Good. I’ll get you part of the way; Russ’ll see to the rest. And the sooner you’re out of this cold, the better. Why on earth are you dressed so lightly? Are ye half daft? You’ll catch a death wandering around like this.”
Tess wondered, fleetingly, how nice it might feel to punch Dray in the face.
∞ ∞ ∞
Instead of taking a direct route, Dray zig-zagged with Tess across back alleys until she was thoroughly lost. Exasperation wore away at her patience until she couldn’t keep her mouth shut any longer. “Where are we going?” she finally said.
“We’ll stop now,” Dray said, touching her elbow and motioning towards a nearby alcove. “We’re just two streets back from town hall, and I don’t mean to use the main entrance. I was to meet Russ here- he’ll be along shortly.”
As if Dray had conjured him, Russ appeared a few seconds later, materializing from the fog, stealthy in his movements. If Tess had n
ot seen his aura, she wouldn’t have noticed him approach.
He’d hidden his red hair beneath a wool cap, his garments dark and plain. “Oi,” he whispered. “What are you doing here, Tess?” He looked quizzically from her to Dray and raised his eyebrows suggestively. Dray scoffed. Tess, miffed by his reaction, stepped from the recess and turned her attention to Russ. “We had some last minute planning issues, but they’re sorted.”
“Can you walk her back to the Muddy Gull?” Dray said.
“You don’t need me to provide a distraction, then?” Russ said, and Tess now understood why he’d come along.
Dray scanned the narrow street. “I think the fog is our friend tonight. I’ll be quick, and I’ll make certain there’s no one about when I leave. Just get Tess back home, and we’ll all meet tomorrow to regroup, as planned.”
A sharp gust of wind swept down the narrow passage, and Tess shivered, desperate to be out of the cold. She turned to Dray. “Be careful.”
“Aye,” he said, his tone brisk. “I will.”
Tess could nearly see him turning his mind to the task at hand, shutting out all other distractions, including her. If it meant that he would be more intent on his task, and more careful in its execution, she was glad for it.
She jumped as she was touched from behind, but it was just Russ, wrapping his doublet around her shoulders. Grateful, she murmured her thanks and pulled it closer. It was warm and smelled like fresh bread and cloves.
“Gallant,” Dray muttered.
“Take notes, sir. Someday a girl might just catch your fancy and you’ll be glad of all the wisdom I’ve imparted,” Russ said, feigning a gentlemanly air.
Tess snickered, and Dray rolled his eyes as Russ extended the crook of his arm for Tess to take. She glanced once more at Dray, but recognizing that everything had already been said, she nodded and turned away, allowing Russ to guide her, trusting that he knew the way. She felt the sensation of being watched, but only for a moment more, until they were swallowed by the gloom.
As if sensing her doubt, Russ spoke. “There’s no need to worry, you know. This is old hat for him now.”
“What is?” she asked absently. “Breaking into buildings? Stealing things?”
Russ shrugged. “More or less. We’ve been at this for a while now, you know.”
Something in his tone made Tess turn to look at him, sizing him up. “But you don’t want to be.”
“Eh,” he said. “Who does? The question’s irrelevant, though, isn’t it? I am involved- we all are.”
“Why, though?” Tess asked. “Or rather, why you? Why did you get involved in all of this?”
Russ shook his head, his eyes pained. He looked behind him a moment, suddenly skittish, and Tess glanced back as well, but it was impossible to see much in the shroud of fog. Russ stared, silent and searching, for several moments more, before shrugging off his paranoia.
They walked on.
“It’d be hard to be a mate to Dray, and to Ashe, without helping, wouldn’t it?” he asked, and he seemed almost uncertain of the answer. “And Rosie… well. She made me choose to help. I thought if I didn’t… I dunno.” He left his sentence unfinished but Tess wondered if she could guess the rest. I thought I’d lose her. She considered what it would be like to have a twin, how forcefully that connection could bind two individuals. For all his aloofness, it was obvious that he loved Rosie very much. And though she didn’t like Rosie much herself, it did made Russ seem infinitely more loveable himself, to be so tied to her.
Again, Russ seemed to read her thoughts. “Don’t hate her,” he said softly. “She’s not so hard as she seems. She’ll give you a chance eventually, honest, if you both stop getting so hung up on your own pride.”
Tess wrinkled her face. “That’s unfair. I haven’t done anything to her. I have no idea why she doesn’t like me.”
Russ smirked, and she pushed him slightly. “Hey!” he said. “Be kind, girl. And be honest with yourself. You women are a funny bunch, but even I can see what’s happening. You’re threatening her place in the group, you must see that.”
Tess began to reply but he cut her off. “-I’m not saying it’s your fault. But it’s been just the six of us for a long while, and Rosie’s never needed to compete for attention. She’ll adjust, you’ll see.”
Tess examined his argument, and begrudged him the point. She resolved to try harder to befriend Rosie.
“And then there is the other piece, of course,” Russ said. “But you can’t do anything for that. She’s been infatuated with him for so long that it’s a hard habit to break.”
Tess glanced at Russ, a question on her lips, and the muted flash of an aura behind them caught her eye. She turned, staring, and he did the same. She couldn’t be certain, but… she thought she saw someone back there. A dim glow permeated the fog, the light unmistakable, though its origin was impossible to place. She drew closer to Russ, whispering in his ear. “I think someone’s hiding in the fog behind us.”
His body stiffened. “You’re certain?”
“Yes. I can see them. At least, I think I can.”
Russ looked back, staring helplessly. “I can’t.”
As she stared, she became more confident in her assertion. “Trust me, someone is there.” She looked at him with mute appeal.
He unlocked her hand from his elbow, gently detaching her. “I’ll go look. Stay here.”
“Wait,” she hissed. “Shouldn’t we stay together?”
Russ gave her his best confident smile, and Tess was nearly certain that he didn’t truly believe that anyone was lurking. “It’s fine. I’ll be back in a moment.”
“I don’t- wait!” she hissed, as he slipped from her grasp. Her stomach did a flip and her body screamed at her to stop him. Something was wrong. She slowly followed, whispering for him to stop, but he had walked too far from her to hear.
The shrouded figures hidden in the shadows moved to intercept Russ, coalescing into their own individual forms so that now Tess could see there were three of them. Panic gripped at Tess’s mind, pawing aside any additional attempts at being subtle. “Russ!” Tess yelled suddenly, and he turned. “Come back! They’re right behind you!”
They moved as she yelled, two grabbing Russ by either side as the third broke into a run towards her. Tess ran towards Russ, unable to desert him, and was quickly intercepted by the heavy-set man who had moved to block her path. He swung her around, pulling her back close against his barrel-chest, pinning her arms with one of his own. He covered her mouth with his other hand. “Keep still, now,” he whispered roughly, his breath rancid. Tess gagged.
Russ was fighting and losing. One of the men managed to grab him while the second punched him clear in the sternum, and he went down hard on one knee, his face contorted in pain as his mouth gasped for breath. The man who had punched him now moved swiftly, pulling from his pack a small metallic looking device, about the size of a remote control. “Hold him!” he hissed to his companion, who held Russ’s arms behind his back. Russ locked eyes with Tess then and she could see her own terror and panic mirrored in his own. She screamed against the hand and received a squeeze against her chest in response. She could barely breathe his grip was so tight. She moaned pitifully.
The man held the device up to Russ’s neck, directly beneath his skull. He pushed it, hard, into Russ’s neck and the contraption made a small clicking sound. It lasted for only a few seconds, and a small orb, no larger than a marble, on the back of the device began to glow. Tess watched mesmerized, as a swirl of light filled the orb, wondering what on earth was powering it.
Then she looked back at Russ and understood.
His aura was receding, slowly fading as if someone was lowering the dimmer switch on a light. He was being blurred, right before her eyes. The two men holding him let go of him, and he swayed, confusion and terror marring the features of his face. Then the men turned towards her and she realized their intentions.
She opened her mouth as wide as s
he could, and when the man pushed his hand further against her mouth, she bit down, hard. Her teeth found the inner flesh of his fingers and blood filled her mouth. The man yelled in pain and temporarily released his grip against her. A few seconds, that’s all she needed.
She’d forgotten everything else about what she’d learned in that self defense class ages ago since the fight had begun, but one thing appeared now, crystalline in her mind. “Never yell for help,” her teacher had said. “People are busy with their own lives, they won’t want to get involved. Their reluctance will cost you precious seconds that you don’t have. If you need help, here’s what you yell.”
Tess opened her mouth, drew in as much air as her lungs could muster, and screamed. “Fire! Fire! Fire!”
She got the word out three times before the hand was once again closed over her mouth. She tried to bite him again, but he’d learned his lesson and he didn’t give her the opportunity. Instead, his blood smeared across her face, slick and hot, and his hand settled higher than it had before, nearly blocking her nose entirely. The other men moved towards her but stopped suddenly, as sounds all about them indicated that people were coming to investigate, drawn by Tess’s screams and their own curiosity. These dark men, these lampreys, would not stay anonymous in the fog for much longer.
“Leave her!” One of the others said, in low tones, and Tess was shoved harshly to the ground, as she sucked in the air that once again became available to her. Footsteps echoing behind her told her they were fleeing, though she had no desire to watch, or to follow. She was not as brave as Ashe.
Tess had landed on her knees directly in front of Russ. His aura was nearly depleted. She grasped his face and forced his eyes to meet her own, crying his name. He looked at her and a flicker of recognition passed behind his eyes, gone just as quickly. As the light faded behind his eyes, Tess caught onto something like a feeling- a whisper, a faint glow of a thought that seemed like Russ, fluttering in the wind around her. She tried to grasp onto it, as though it were some material object, her mind struggling to understand how to pull it back, to make him whole again. Then it was gone.
