The secret he knew that held me under his control was about your real father. This was my biggest mistake and sin, my little one, not my reckless affair with Harrison or even surrendering to Raymond’s brutality and blackmail. The only person who knew the truth besides me told Raymond, told him because she loved him and wanted him. How I hated her, for she was responsible for my wicked deed and for revealing it.
You see, my little one, when I was growing up I had a close friend whose father was a ranch hand for our neighbor, Harvey Jenkins, on the Lazy J Ranch. We did everything together until her parents were killed during the period of my secret affair with Harrison. She had no home or money, and she began to work at a private house outside town where men were entertained for a price. I sneaked over to see her one day and she was sobbing and shaking with fear. She owed the madam money for clothes and board and doctor bills, and the woman was demanding payment or she was going to throw my best friend in jail. Jail is a terrible place for a woman. We were young and gullible and did not know the woman was lying to frighten and gain control over my friend. I asked her what I could do to help, for I did not have enough money to pay her large debt.
We put all of our money together, but it was not enough. I knew Papa would not give me money to pay a whore’s debt. My friend told me she had a man coming over that night who would pay her enough to finish off her debt; then she would be safe and she would leave to begin a new life elsewhere. But she was in her woman’s way and could not lie with him. She begged me to take her place, for the owner was mean and had beaten her many times and the law does nothing to help or protect whores. She knew about Harrison and me and knew I was no longer a virgin. She pleaded and reasoned, telling me it was the only way I could learn if I truly loved and wanted Harrison, for I had lain only with him. I was enticed and convinced because she explained that the man always insisted on lying with her in the dark and without talking. He did not want to know her name or see her face, for he always pretended she was his lost love. She vowed that the man would never know I had lain with him in her place. It sounded so mysterious and romantic and exciting. We never saw each other or spoke that night. He was a gentle man with a very nice body, but he seemed so nervous and unsure of himself, and I could do nothing but lie there and wish the deed over. I regretted my actions that very same night and refused to see my friend again for lying to me about leaving that wicked life.
I had stopped going to Harrison’s bed two months before that fateful night, and I met Todd a few weeks afterward, but we did not sleep together for a long time, for he loved me and held me precious. Two months passed, and I knew I was with child, from the night with a stranger in my friend’s place. There was no way I could claim the baby was Todd’s or Harrison’s. Todd had taken me for the first time two weeks earlier and the experience had been glorious for we had been in love. He had been afraid to rush me, and I had been equally shy with him. He asked me to marry him the night of the day I learned my tormenting secret. I had to discover the identity of my baby’s father and then decide what to do. I went to her and she tried to keep the truth from me, but I forced her to speak it, to my horror. How can I tell you without tormenting you as I was tormented when I learned the truth? Sobbing, she confessed that the stranger had been Nathan Crandall, who had made his last visit to her that night. She had been so frightened and selfish that she had tricked me into sleeping with my own father! How I wish she had lied to me about him. He is not your grandfather. He is your father.
When I learned this evil truth, my heart truly broke. I knew I had to leave quickly and go far away, where no one could discover my foul deed. I had met Raymond Michaels at several barn dances and he had been trying to win me and run away with me. I saw him as the answer to my prayers. I eloped with him before anyone guessed why I was leaving home. He told me one night—before he learned of my pregnancy and my deceit—that he had married me for my money and if I ever wanted to visit home again I would have to pay him a lot of money so that he could gamble with it. He was furious when he learned I had also tricked him.
By now, you realize why I could not ask Papa for money. I refused to return home to visit for a long time. I was ashamed to face Papa and Todd. But I was so lonely and afraid and I wanted to come home. Raymond met my friend and she told him my wicked secret, for she loved him and wanted to take him from me. He killed her, Rana, for he did not want anyone else to learn the truth. He used that truth to force me to lie with other men to earn his living. I was so scared and confused and believed I deserved this punishing fate. I did what he said for a long time. When I began refusing, he threatened to kill you and Papa after telling Papa the truth about you. I couldn’t let him hurt Papa or you or Todd. I was the one to blame, the evil one, the one who should suffer. But I can no longer go on this way. Surely I have paid and suffered enough. My sins were committed far away, so no one here knows about them. I must never let Papa or Todd learn how I’ve been living for years.
I will try to kill Raymond as soon as we get away from the ranch. Harrison hates me and is being very cruel and vengeful. Todd is married and I cannot ruin his life again. And I cannot ask for Papa’s help without telling him the truth. I have no one to turn to, my little one, no one to help us and free us. Each day I grow more afraid of Raymond. He has begun to tease me about no longer needing me. He says you are the rightful heir to Papa’s ranch and that he can take it through you. I do not like the way he is beginning to watch you. I see such fear and suffering in your eyes. You’re happy here with your father, my father. I must try to set us free of Raymond, or die trying. I tell you these things, because, if I am gone, you will have no one to protect you from him. You must not remain with him, and you must not be drawn to Harrison. Both are evil men and they will use you for their selfish needs.
Forgive me, Rana, and please try not to hate me or judge me too harshly. I know how wrong I was about so many things, but I love you dearly and I cannot allow you and Papa to suffer anymore. Only you can decide what to do with these tormenting truths, and I pray you have found a strong, special love who will help you do what is right and best and who will give you comfort against this pain I have brought into your life and heart. If you have met Todd, then you know why I love him and wanted him. Forgive me for pressing this burden on you. I love you, little one. Do not ever doubt it or forget it.
The letter was signed, “Marissa Crandall, September, 1856,” and had obviously been written during her final visit home before her tragic death. Rana read the letter again, trying to recall or understand the words that were strange to her. A variety of emotions coursed through her, but hatred and scorn were not among them.
Long ago, she had been as willful and selfish as her mother had been. She, too, had trampled on the feelings of men who had chased her. She had played with their feelings and rejected them unkindly. She knew what it was to love someone at first glance and touch, for it had been that way with Travis Kincade. How sad that she had truly loved and wanted Todd Raines, and he did not know it. She recalled how she had desired Travis that first night and wondered if that was how Marissa had felt, or thought she had felt, about Harrison Caldwell. How tragic that that mistake had led to another, more tragic one, for Marissa would not have taken her friend’s place if it had not been for Harrison. Rana could not judge Marissa, for who could say what she might have done had Myeerah’s life and safety been endangered? People were not invincible or perfect; only the Great Spirit was so.
She thought about Raymond Michaels and hated him even more. He deserved to die for using a helpless woman! If he had still been alive, she would have hunted him down and slain him herself.
She thought about Harrison Caldwell, who had begun the cycle of anguish that had caused her mother’s torment and death. Now he was trying to destroy her grandfather—no, her father. He would pay for his evil, she vowed with fierce determination.
Her thoughts drifted to Clarissa, and she raged at the woman’s maliciousness and spite. She mentally went over th
eir conversation and wondered how much the woman knew about Marissa and her. Clarissa had said she knew “secrets about her, and you” and that Rana would never guess who her real father was. Rana prayed Clarissa did not know this destructive truth, but she feared she did. That wicked woman had pretended to be Marissa’s friend, and possibly her mother had told Clarissa things without meaning to do so or because she had trusted her. If Clarissa held this awesome secret in her possession, what would she do with it? And had she revealed it to Harrison? Now she understood why Clarissa feared her father’s attraction to her and what she meant when she said, “It isn’t you he sees and desires!” Raymond had told Clarissa many secrets about them, but did she know about Nathan?
Nathan… She called his image to mind. Her father… Yes, she had his eyes and favored him. She could never tell him the truth, for it would destroy him to learn he had mated with his own child. How that secret must have tormented her mother. Yes, Marissa would have done anything to protect those she loved from its damage.
Travis… She desperately wished he were here to comfort her. What would he think about her mother’s evil deeds? What if Clarissa spitefully told him everything? She was Nathan’s daughter… How would he feel about that relationship? He loved her and she loved him, and she would tell him when the time was right, for such a secret could be harmful if it were kept from him, or if it were told to him by Clarissa.
Rana went to sit by the hearth. Lifting the candle, she burned the letter and note, then burned Raymond’s picture. She took needle and thread from her sewing box and carefully repaired the doll, then laid it gently on her bed, understanding now why Marissa had left it behind. Finally she returned to the closet and concealed Marissa’s hiding place. For now, she would do nothing with Marissa’s “treasures.”
Lost in thought she walked aimlessly around her room. Soon she realized that tears were rolling down her cheeks. Perhaps the Great Spirit had ended Marissa’s suffering and removed Raymond’s threat and evil, yet Clarissa’s evil and threat remained. If she made an obvious move toward either Travis or Harrison, the woman might be tempted to wreak her evil vengeance. Rana doubted that Marissa had slept with any man around here other than Fargo, for she recalled that name from her bad dreams. At least Nathan and Todd had been protected from Marissa’s secrets, and she would see to it that they remained so. Rana had been raised and trained to slay enemies and to seek justice or revenge. She vowed she would find a way to punish Harrison, Clarissa, and Fargo.
It was late when Nathan returned from Dallas with the papers that made Travis free to marry her. They agreed to keep them a secret until this difficult matter with Harrison was settled. Fortunately, Nathan was too busy and distracted by the damming of the river to notice how oddly Rana was looking at him and behaving. She had accepted him as her father in her heart and mind, and that reality did not trouble her. She smiled at him and hugged him tightly before he left to meet with Cody and Mace, knowing she could never call him “father.”
On Sunday morning, Nathan and many of the others went to church to pray for strength and deliverance from the evil that had befallen them. Chores were being left undone as most of the men were assigned to guard duty around the ranch. Nathan had told them at a large meeting early that morning that Travis was on his way home, and he assured them that things would return to normal in another week.
Later that afternoon, Bart Davis married his brother’s widow. Some might have disagreed with their decision as it came so soon after Darby’s death and burial, but Rana did not. In the Indian camp, when a warrior was slain, a woman quickly took another husband to protect and to support her and her family. Bart and Lettie had been close friends for years and it seemed the best thing for all concerned.
On the Circle C Ranch, Harrison was still reeling from what Clarissa had told him the day before. He did not know what to do with or about the astounding information. But to make certain Rana would not be injured accidentally, he ordered all attacks to cease for the present. Matters would be settled Thursday, the first of August, the day Nathan’s loan was due. If Nathan could not come up with the money, Wilber Mason’s MidTexas Bank would foreclose on him Friday.
Clarissa sat at the dinner table, furtively observing her father. She had all of them right where she wanted them. Soon it would be over and everything would be hers. She smiled malevolently as she recalled her talk with Rana. Maybe she would visit her again, tell her that Nathan was her father, and threaten to expose them. If they gave her any trouble, she would. After all, there was no way Rana and Nathan could learn that Marissa was not really Nathan’s daughter. She was the only one who knew that Marissa had not slept with her own father, as the troublesome slut had died believing!
Chapter Eighteen
On Wednesday, another false telegram came for Nathan and Clarissa from Travis, saying he was supposedly in Springfield and on his way home. The distance from Springfield was such that it appeared Travis would not return to the ranch in less than a week. This telegram delighted Clarissa because she felt everything would be settled in her favor by the time Travis arrived; then she could use her holdings and information to obtain her ultimate desire: him.
Because of the July heat, the poisoned water holes, the lack of rain, and the dammed river, the situation was becoming critical on Nathan’s ranch and there was little fresh water for his cattle and horses. If not for the wells and the windmills, the people would soon have been suffering also. Mace ordered the men to dig trenches and to carry water to them to keep the animals alive until something could be done about the water supply. He also ordered guards posted on the windmills and wells, for he was very much aware of the consequences if Harrison ordered them poisoned or burned.
On Thursday, Mace helped Nathan sneak into town inside a large box in a wagon. At the livery stable, they left the wagon and horse and stole out the back way to get to the bank without being seen by anyone Harrison might have posted as a lookout. Fifteen minutes before closing time, Nathan entered the bank to see Wilber Mason and was shown into the bank president’s office.
He sat before Wilber’s desk and stared at the man, who squirmed nervously in his chair, not wanting to do what he knew he must. “I’m sorry, Nate, but you know I can’t extend that loan,” Wilber began anxiously. He hated to see this good man broken, but he was helpless.
Nathan smiled oddly, then asked, “Tell me,” Wilber, have you already made arrangements for the auction and drawn up the papers to hand my ranch over to Harry?”
Wilber Mason flushed a deep scarlet and looked down at his hands, which were writhing from his tension and guilt. “You know I would help you out if I could,” he stated apologetically.
“You can help me, Wilber. You can cancel that auction and tear up Harry’s offer,” Nathan replied calmly. He began withdrawing packets of money from his jacket, shirt, and hat. He counted them and placed them before the astonished banker. “That should settle my debt, and you can deposit the rest of this money into my account. You do still want my business, don’t you?”
Wilber’s mouth dropped open and his eyes widened. “Where did you… get so much… money?” he stammered in surprise.
“From an old friend,” Nathan responded, then grinned. “I do have some good friends, Wilber. Relax. There’s nothing you can do but take the payment and inform Harry of his misfortune. He’ll be furious, but he can’t blame you.”
Wilber’s gaze met Nathan’s. Suddenly a broad grin lit his face and he laughed heartily. It was obvious the banker felt great relief and joy. Without counting the money, he took his pen and Nathan’s loan papers and marked them with large, dark words: “PAID IN FULL, August 1, 1867. Wilber Mason, President, Mid-Texas Bank.”
As Wilber handed Nathan his copy, he looked at the rancher and warned, “Be careful, Nate. Harrison is determined to get your ranch. There’s no telling what he’ll do when he hears about this,” he remarked worriedly, tapping the money and papers with a warning finger.
“I know, Wilbe
r, but I wish men like you wouldn’t help make it so easy for him. It’s hard to stand against evil when you’re standing alone. Harry’s judgment day is coming; mark my words.” He picked up his papers and walked out as Wilber hung his head in shame.
Nathan returned to his ranch and made his way around it, paying his hands their salaries and adding small bonuses for their loyalty. He warned each one to be especially careful tonight, for Harrison would soon be aware of his defeat.
But Nathan could not know that Harrison had other things on his mind. The man hardly reacted when the bank teller arrived with the shocking news. Somehow he had expected it to happen and he suspected it had to do with the cattle money vanishing from his safe, a mystery that still annoyed and baffled him. Apparently Nathan had hired a clever man who was working secretly to foil his plans, the unknown hireling who had stolen the money from under his nose and had thwarted the boys’ attack on the Rocking C women. He knew Nathan was still in trouble, and he was confident he would eventually destroy him and take everything he held precious. After all, Marissa was not Nathan’s daughter; therefore, Nathan had no claim on Rana. How he wished Marissa had waited for his return years ago and had married him. Perhaps something had frightened her into fleeing swiftly. If he hadn’t been so cruel to her on her final visit home, perhaps she would have confided in him that last night and he could have saved his love and his child. The problem was how to get his daughter without hurting her emotionally. Harrison desperately wanted the child whom Marissa had borne him, the girl who was her mother’s image and his only rightful heir…
Sweet Savage Heart Page 49
