Aiden flinched and retreated from her. “That’s what you think of me?” Hurt laced his words.
She quickly corrected him. “No. Not you. Just the you and me together part.” Ouch. Like that sounded any better. What was wrong with her words today? How could she tell him in a way that he would understand? Maybe blaming herself was best. “I think I’m too needy.”
The air between them became heavy and she could feel him pulling emotionally away from her. He laid backward and joined her in looking up at the rafters. “Was everything so terrible?”
“No,” she hurried to say. “We had some amazing times together. It’s just...” She turned to look at him. “I need someone who can give himself to me completely.”
Aiden didn’t say anything, and Felicity listened to her heart beating while she watched him stare up, not moving. She began to wonder if she had upset him, which hadn’t been her goal. “I guess what I mean to say is I’ve always felt this invisible wall between us. I ignored it at first. Tried to convince myself it wasn’t there, but that day at the courthouse I finally saw it.”
The words were hard to say and she closed her eyes, gathering up the courage to finish. “You were never going to fully let me in.”
Silence pressed down on them as the seconds ticked by, Aiden laying perfectly still. She waited to see what he would say, but when seconds turned into minutes, she thought maybe he was too upset to speak. She turned and flicked off the flashlight, feeling terrible for what she’d said to him, but not wanting to apologize either.
“My mother isn’t dead.”
Felicity wasn’t sure she heard him right. “What?”
When he spoke again, his voice was gravelly. “I didn’t mean to lie. It’s just hard to talk about when you’re a kid, and all the other kids just assumed she was dead when Grams was the one that showed up to the school functions. I didn’t correct them. Then, as I grew older, the lie was already established. It was easier just to go with it than explain.”
Felicity turned on her side and peered into the darkness, the pitch black not revealing any of his features. “She’s alive?”
He drew in a breath and let it out slowly. “Yeah.”
The information made her head spin, and she wanted to pelt him with questions. Why had Grams raised him? Where was his mother now? Had she ever had contact with him? But Felicity didn’t want to pry the information from him. She laid back and waited for him to continue.
“My mother was a drug addict. She’d gotten into the wrong crowd in high school. Grams tried everything to get her the help she needed, but rehab never worked for long.”
Felicity tried to imagine what it must have been like for Grams. It was too terrible to think about.
Aiden shifted on the sleeping bag. “When she got pregnant, Grams talked her into another try at rehab. She stayed there until she had me, but she couldn’t stay straight. The drugs were too alluring. She gave me up to Grams and took off.” Aiden sighed. “No one knows who my father is. My mother was too strung out to know.”
Felicity’s heart hurt for him. What an awful way to grow up, not even knowing who your father is. “I don’t know what to say.”
“I’ve come to terms with it.” The emotion in his voice betrayed him and she scooted over, joining him on top of his sleeping bag. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close, and she laid her head on his chest.
“Where is she?”
“Last I heard, she was living somewhere up in Michigan.”
“What does Grams think about it?”
He tensed. “Grams said she lost her daughter a long time ago. Of course, if she straightened out, Grams would take her back into her arms, but my mother hasn’t been healthy in a long time. Grandmother didn’t want me around that, and I understand. Grams is my mother. She was the one that cared for me and was always there for me.”
“You were lucky to have Phoebe.”
“I don’t believe in luck. Grams did what she did because of love.”
His voice broke and she placed a hand on his cheek. Felicity’s throat tightened and she blinked back her emotions. “Yes. She loves you greatly. She’s an amazing woman.”
He flexed his jaw then cleared his throat. “I suppose I’m the only one in the room who lied about his mother being dead.”
Felicity smiled. “Yeah. My mom really did die when I was a kid.”
Aiden hooked a finger under her chin. “I’m sorry I lied.”
In the dim light, she could see the way he was looking at her. The way he’d let down the wall between them. He was vulnerable, and she wanted to reassure him that she wasn’t going to use that against him.
Before she could process what she was doing, her lips were pressed to his and he responded immediately. He pulled her closer, his hands traveling up into her hair, his kiss warm and passionate. She pushed aside all the hurt, all the pain that had happened between them, and she let herself get lost in the tingles that zinged over her skin at his touch.
He broke the kiss and whispered her name. It was a plea. A caress. Her hand traveled up his chest to the nape of his neck as his lips pressed kisses along her jaw.
Having Aiden’s arms around her again felt good. Right. Like they belonged together.
She loved him.
The thought made her jerk away, and she scrambled back to her own sleeping bag. No. She couldn’t be in love with Aiden again. This is what she’d been telling herself couldn’t happen.
“Felicity?” he asked, his breath shallow. “What’s wrong?”
Her heart raced as her mind tried to form words. “We can’t keep doing this to ourselves.”
He sat up and put his hand on her shoulder. “Doing what? Kissing? Because it seems to me it’s not a bad thing.”
She turned from him, pulling her legs to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. “We can’t get back together.”
Chapter 22
Aiden froze as a slow pain enveloped him. Had he pushed her too much? Would she run again? How could he back off? His mind raced and he said the first thing he could think of. “Who said we’re getting back together?”
The second the words were out, he wished he could take them back. She sucked in a breath and turned to glare at him. “So, this is just a make-out session for you, then? Is that it?”
He shook his head, wishing he could bang some sense into it. “No. Not at all.”
“You know what, Aiden?” she said, her voice laced with hurt. “Just don’t. We’ve proven time and again we aren’t good together. Go to sleep and leave me alone.”
She climbed into her sleeping bag and zipped herself in. A soft sniffing sound told him she was crying.
Crud. Now he felt like the worst guy in the world. No, the gum on the shoe of the worst guy in the world. Why had he said that? How much more could he mess up everything between them? He climbed into his own sleeping bag and bunched up the pillow.
After listening to Felicity crying for a couple of minutes, he couldn’t stand it any longer. He rolled over and put his arm around her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. You know I’m not like that.”
She wiped at her face but didn’t answer him.
“Felicity. I love you.” He hadn’t meant to say the words, but he knew they were true. He couldn’t deny it any longer. His pulse quickened and he pulled her back to his chest, sleeping bag and all. He buried his face in her hair. “I love everything about you.”
She drew in a breath and sighed. “Aiden, I appreciate you telling me about your mother. I know how hard that was for you. But it doesn’t change the fact that you keep me at a distance. You always have. Everything else is a priority in your life. Yes, you sold your drone technology, but now the resort is your first concern.”
Pain stabbed in his chest at her words. “What are you saying?”
“You’ll never love me enough to give up what separates us,” she said, her voice sounding hoarse.
“You want me to sell the resort?” He shrunk back from
her. “Give up Belize?” The words came out a strangled whisper.
Why would she ask him to give up his resort? He could barely even think of it. Grams loved Belize. It was paradise. And it was their home now. How could she ask him to give up his home? His dream job, and his dream life?
She turned to look at him over her shoulder. “I’m not asking you to. I know you can’t. Like I’ve been saying, I’ve come to terms with us. With how things have to be. And that’s why I’ve decided to leave in the morning.”
He recoiled from her. This again. This is how Felicity dealt with things. She left.
He’d just pored his heart out to her, and she ripped it up right in front of him. With shaking hands, he rolled over and closed his eyes. Now he’d have to sleep next to her, knowing tomorrow she would leave and destroy him once again.
FELICITY JUMPED UP when she heard the lock click. She’d cried herself to sleep last night and woken up an hour ago with a massive headache. She was ready to be done with this place. Ready to go back home. Aiden didn’t shift, so she assumed he was still asleep.
Grams opened the door and Felicity stepped out into the sunlight, gripping her phone. She’d been upset at Grams last night, but all her anger left her as she looked at the worried expression on her face. She pulled Grams into a hug. “I have to go.”
“You told him?”
She nodded. “Yes.”
“But it didn’t matter?”
How could she explain? Felicity glanced back at Aiden sleeping on the floor of the shed. He hadn’t moved. “Of course, it mattered, as I knew it would. He felt terrible. He apologized, and we talked about it.”
Grams gave her a hopeful expression. “And?”
“It doesn’t change the fact that he can’t give me what I need.”
Grams teared up and pulled her into another hug. “Are you sure?” she whispered.
Felicity nodded. “Yes. I’m sure.”
“Okay, then. I’ll change the flight. You can leave early.” Grams took her hand and squeezed it. “Come on.”
She closed the shed door softly so as to not wake Aiden then followed after Phoebe. Inside the house, Phoebe opened her laptop and clicked on the keys. Three hours later, Felicity was at the airport waiting for her flight, everything packed up in her hot pink floral suitcases. She walked through the airport, her luggage rolling along the smooth flooring.
As she sat in the terminal, she tried not to think about Aiden, but his face pushed into her mind. Guilt flooded over her. Why had she told him she wanted him to give up his resort? She didn’t really want that. He’d just upset her.
Aiden would never put her first. He would never give up time spent on other things. Never make her the priority she wanted to be.
Something else would always come before her. She fought back the tears as she fiddled with the handle of her suitcase.
Why had she allowed herself to fall back in love with Aiden? She knew the heartbreak that would cause. Knew it bitterly well.
She should have left the moment she saw Aiden. Just turned and walked out. She’d be home eating Chunky Monkey and watching Netflix. She rubbed the space between her eyebrows. Was it possible her headache had gotten worse?
A woman plopped down in the seat beside her, clutching a large purple purse. She looked to be in her fifties, her blonde hair showing gray roots. The woman pointed to the pink flowers on Felicity’s suitcases and grinned. “I love your style.”
Felicity forced a smile. “Thanks.”
“I’m Martha, by the way.” The woman slipped her shoes off and wiggled her toes. “Ah, that’s better. I got spoiled with all that soft sand. Didn’t wear my shoes once the last seven days.” She turned to look at Felicity. “I didn’t catch your name.”
“Felicity.”
Martha shifted in her seat and pulled her purse up higher on her lap. Then she took a long look at Felicity. “You okay, sweetie?”
For some reason, emotion surged in Felicity and she blinked back the moisture gathering in her eyes. How did this woman know? She couldn’t speak, so she just shook her head.
“Aw, darlin’. It’s a man, isn’t it?” Her kind eyes showed understanding.
Felicity nodded and swallowed. Might as well admit it. Apparently, it was obvious. “Yes.”
“Do you love him?”
Her throat grew dry. Was she that easy to read? There was no use in lying anymore. Not to Martha, and not to herself. “Yes,” she said, staring at the industrial grade carpet.
Martha patted her knee. “What happened? Did you fight?”
“No.” And then the whole story just came spilling out of her. Felicity couldn’t believe it. She was normally a reserved person. She kept to herself. But something inside her snapped and the whole ugly story materialized. She told Martha about how they had been engaged, and what made that fall apart. Then how she got suckered into coming to Belize and the whole stupidity of her falling back in love with a man who would never give her what she wanted.
They called for first class to line up at the gate and Felicity suddenly felt foolish. “I’m sorry, here I am babbling on about my life, and none of this really affects you. You must think I’m crazy.”
“No, sweetie,” Martha said, pulling her purse closer to her chest and slipping her shoes back on. “I think you love that man, but you’re afraid to give him everything.”
Felicity blinked. That wasn’t the point of the story at all. How had she gotten that? “What?”
“You have to learn to trust him.” Martha’s expression softened. “In a relationship, there’s always some give and take. You can’t expect him to be the one to give everything, while you’re not contributing or sacrificing. Honey, there’s always sacrificing going on. The trick is to do it out of love, and not resent him for it.”
Martha stood and patted Felicity on her shoulder. “When you’re ready to fully commit to him, you go back to that man and tell him you love him. You belong together.”
She padded off to the gate, leaving Felicity with her mouth open. Of all the nerve. Felicity wasn’t the one who was holding back. Aiden was the one who always put her second. This whole thing was Aiden’s fault.
Wasn’t it?
But as she sat and waited for her zone to be called, guilt surged in her throat. Had she been placing too much on Aiden’s shoulders? Was she not sacrificing enough for the relationship? Was she being unreasonable?
She’d always thought a man should treat his wife like a queen. But what about her? Was she not treating Aiden the way he deserved to be treated?
The conversation from last night echoed in her ears. She’d asked him to give up the resort. What kind of a woman does that? She’d been completely unreasonable. And the worst part? She’d known it at the time.
Tears pricked at the back of her eyes. Why was she doing this? Martha was right. Felicity was just as much to blame as Aiden. And last night Aiden had confessed his love for her, but she’d turned her back on him.
The woman called the last boarding zone and she mechanically stood, staring at the crumpled ticket in her hand, unable to think clearly. Would Aiden forgive her if she ran back to him? Could she humiliate herself that way?
Felicity swallowed, and her vision blurred. What about all the times she waited for Aiden, only to be stood up? Would her life end up being a series of disappointments if she went back to Aiden? The memory of her standing at the courthouse, waiting for him, clutching her flowers and realizing the gut-wrenching truth that he wasn’t going to show up surfaced. She blinked back the tears.
The woman at the ticket desk glared at her then got on her loud speaker to say one more time that it was the last call for boarding the flight. Felicity walked forward.
She was not going to be a doormat.
Chapter 23
Aiden rubbed Mabel’s fur as the dog panted and wagged her tail with pleasure. His back hurt from leaning against the palm tree, but he didn’t really want to sit in the sun. And he didn’t want to go back to
his villa. Not with the chance of running into Felicity one last time before she left.
Her words echoed in his mind. It doesn’t change the fact that he can’t give me what I need.
He exhaled and shifted against the scratchy bark of the tree. “Well, this is it,” he said to Mabel. “I told her I love her and she left me. Again.”
The hollow feeling in his chest threatened to envelop him. He’d been rejected by Felicity a second time. And it hurt worse than he’d ever imagined. His throat burned with the pain.
A rustling came from behind him and he turned to see Grams. He thought maybe she’d be mad at him, but she just stood there, a look of calm on her face. “What are you doing?”
He shrugged and leaned forward to get the circulation going in his back. “Thinking.”
Grams sat beside him. “You mean wallowing.”
He chuckled. Good ole Grams. She knew how to say it. “Yeah. Wallowing.”
A breeze carried Gram’s light perfume to him. She picked up a small stick and twisted it in her hands. “Why are you sitting here wallowing?”
Aiden stared out at the ocean waves. “She left me. Just like last time.” The words cut through him and he blinked back the wave of nausea.
“And like last time, you’re going to let her go?”
Aiden squinted at Grams. “She doesn’t want me.” Why was she making him say it? Relive it?
Grams frowned and looked at the sand. “Aiden, you know I love you. But I wish I had done this five years ago.”
He waited, but when she didn’t go on, he said, “Done what?”
She reached up and slapped the back of his head.
“Ouch. Grams! What was that for?”
“Go after her, you twit.”
“What? Why? Did you hear the part about her not wanting me?”
Grams got a look on her face, the one that said not to argue with her. “She loves you. She wants you. She just wants you to promise her the moon.”
Mabel barked and Aiden picked up the little dog, cradling her in his arms. “That’s the thing. I can’t give her the moon, Grams. She expects too much of me. Do you know what she wanted me to do? Give up the resort.”
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