by J A Stone
“I like to go out for a pleasure cruise, but that slow crawl they do when trolling for fish makes me seasick every time.”
“Tried Dramamine?”
“Yeah, but I just go to sleep. I’d rather stay here and enjoy the day.”
“Makes sense. How’s the pregnancy going?” Corey asked.
“I haven’t had any morning sickness yet, although I keep waiting for it,” Lucy answered as she started picking up handfuls of sand and letting it sift through her fingers.
“You’re lucky, then. I was sick every morning for about a month. But I’m not complaining. Sitting here looking at Stella, I know it was all worth it.”
“I really admire you for having the courage to have a baby alone,” Lucy said.
“There was nothing admirable about my decision,” Corey said honestly. “It was a purely selfish decision.”
“Stella’s a cutie. Must have been exciting for you to see her take her first steps last night?”
“Yes, I had been so afraid she would do it while I was at work.”
“Do you have someone come in, or do you take Stella to daycare?”
“I have the most remarkable babysitter, who is literally Stella’s second mother. Or, maybe, she’s her first mother and I’m her second mother. I’m not sure,” Corey said with a smile.
“That’s what I’m the most nervous about, finding the right childcare. That’s why I’m planning on going back to working the weekend shift, so that I can take care of the baby during the week, and Tripp can take care of the baby on the weekends.”
“Really? If you’re off during the week and he’s off during the weekends, when will you see each other?”
“Oh, I just mean for the first couple of years, not forever.”
Corey remembered how one week had seemed like two years with a newborn baby. How would Tripp handle those weekends alone with a baby, unable to go fishing or do anything else?
Lucy stopped sifting sand and brushed her hands together to get the sand off. “Tripp said that you went off to college at Auburn and have hardly been back here, even for visits. What made you decide to stay away?”
The question—from this person she barely knew—was disconcerting to Corey. Plus, she’d never really thought about why she hadn’t made more of an effort to come back. “It wasn’t a conscious decision to stay away,” Corey said slowly. “It was more like my life just didn’t bring me back here. You know . . . I had law school, and then my parents died. I guess it was hard to come back after they died. Then I moved to Atlanta and married someone not from this area who didn’t care that much for the beach. Not to mention the insane hours I was working when I was first hired.” Corey’s words kind of trailed off without a conclusion.
“You’ve certainly had more than your share of losses,” Lucy said empathetically. “Your parents and your husband within such a short period of time. I’m amazed at how you’ve handled it all.”
“Believe me, if there had been an option other than handling it, I would have taken it. You’re from Ohio, right? What brought you to Dothan?” Corey asked, trying to change the subject.
“A combination of work and personal reasons. I went through a nasty divorce after discovering that my first husband was having an affair with one of my friends. Then, the hospital where I was working began firing full-time nurses. When I got the pink slip, I decided it was a sign that I needed to move away from Cleveland and make a fresh start somewhere else. Dothan General was the first place that offered me a job.”
“You must have gotten married right out of college because you seem so young. How old are you, if you don’t mind me asking?”
“Of course not,” Lucy replied. “I’m twenty-six, and I got married while I was going to nursing school to my high school sweetheart, the only boy I’d ever dated.”
“So . . . is Tripp only the second person you’ve ever dated?” Corey asked incredulously.
“Yeah . . . ,” Lucy said sheepishly. “Things went pretty fast with Tripp, too, I guess.”
“And now a baby is on the way.”
“As a matter of fact, I probably would have waited a few years to have children, but Tripp made it clear before we got married that he wanted children right away.”
Corey, somewhat surprised at her blunt honesty, decided to answer in kind. “I had a similar experience with my husband. But I had just started my law career and I knew I couldn’t do both at the time.”
“Are you sorry now? Do you wish you’d had Stella earlier?”
Corey was blown away that Lucy was asking questions that no one—not Diane, not Kathryn—had ever asked her. “No, as a matter of fact, now that I have Stella, I know it would have been impossible for me to give Luke the care and time that he needed during those last few months and also care for a newborn baby. I thought going into my pregnancy that I could do it all. But since then, I’ve learned that having a baby is the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. You can’t imagine how having a baby changes your life.”
“Really?” Lucy asked hesitantly, and Corey knew immediately that she’d said the wrong thing to a first-time mom-to-be.
“It may be different for you,” Corey said quickly. “Maybe motherhood will come more naturally to you.”
“Um . . . I guess we’ll see.”
Corey was suddenly anxious to end this conversation. “I didn’t expect to stay down here this long, and I didn’t leave a note telling Diane where we are. I think we’d better head up.”
“Oh, okay, well, I guess I’d better say good-bye. We’re leaving tomorrow for Ohio to see my folks.”
“Is it hard to be so far away from your family?”
“Yeah, I miss them a lot.”
“Well, enjoy seeing all of them this week. And good luck with the pregnancy!”
“Thanks!”
CHAPTER 24
Late in the afternoon, Jack headed back to Marianna because he had to work the next day, and Marcy went with him to go to a friend’s birthday party. For once, Diane said she was tired of cooking and wanted to go to Port Saint Joe for some Mexican food.
“I don’t know . . . ,” Corey said. “I’m not sure how Stella will do in a restaurant.”
“Come on, Corey, you’ve got to start living a normal life with Stella.”
Rather sheepishly, Corey agreed, “Okay, let’s go.”
Pecos, the Mexican restaurant, had a mariachi band that night, and Stella was enraptured with the music and the hats and the instruments the musicians played. She laughed at the men when they came by their table, then stared at them intently the remainder of the time. Diane ordered a jumbo margarita straight up because Corey was driving.
“See, she’s just fine,” Diane said, reaching for a chip. “You really need to lighten up and take her out more often.”
“You’re right, I know. It’s just that she was so bad for so long that it’s hard to get over it.”
“It’d be easier if you had someone to share the responsibility with,” Diane began. “I think—”
Corey interrupted her. “No joke. But I really don’t need you to tell me I told you so right now.”
“Excuse me, I wasn’t about to say anything except that I wish you lived closer to me so that I could help you.”
The mariachi band came back at that moment, making it impossible for Corey to answer her. Finally, when they moved away a little bit, Diane continued, “Why are you living in Atlanta anyway?”
“My job is there, for one thing,” Corey said. “Plus, there’s so much to do: plays, museums, sports.”
“Really, what do you do other than work?”
“Since Stella was born, I really haven’t had time to do much of anything, you know.”
“Before Stella, what did you do?”
“Well, Luke was ill.”
“And before that?”
“I don’t remember.”
“My point exactly. I think you love your job. But other than that, you’ve got no reason to be living th
ere.”
“I have friends and Nancy.”
“You see Nancy once a week, and you have Kathryn and Romeo and Gary. Who else?”
“Okay, you’ve made your point. I need to make some more friends.”
“You see, Corey, I feel like you’re living Luke’s life. Not your life.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Corey said angrily. “I think the tequila is doing your talking.”
“You know, there are other jobs. If Marianna is too small for you, you could move to Tallahassee or Dothan. I’d love for you to move somewhere where I would be close enough to help you with Stella.”
“Well, it’s not all about you,” Corey retorted.
“Yeah, I know. It’s always been all about you.”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you ever think that maybe I get tired of always going to Atlanta to see you? Do you ever think that maybe I’d like to do Thanksgiving at my house one year? Do you ever think that I miss Mom and Dad too? I miss our family, and I’d really like to have my sister and my niece—what’s left of my family—around me more often!”
Corey was stunned when she saw the tears brimming in Diane’s eyes. Something in the universe shifted, and Corey realized that it hadn’t always been easy for Diane to take care of her, even though she’d never complained. Perhaps it was because she was now a mother, but Corey suddenly realized that she’d been selfish in her behavior toward Diane, always taking and hardly ever giving anything back.
“I’m sorry, Di. You’re the best sister that’s ever been, and I’m the worst.”
“No, I think you were right the first time,” Diane said with a tearful hiccup.
Corey looked confused.
“I can’t drink tequila.”
Later that night after Stella was sound asleep, Corey lay in bed staring at the ceiling. She couldn’t get her conversation with Diane out of her mind. Corey remembered how Diane had sent Jack to Ole Miss to tell her about their parents’ accident and bring Corey home to Marianna so that she hadn’t been forced to make that long drive home alone. It had never occurred to Corey before, but when Diane sent Jack to her at Ole Miss, Diane had been left alone to take care of Marcy, as well as their mother, who was in the hospital, and to make funeral arrangements for their dad. She also remembered how disappointed Diane had been when she and Luke decided to get married in Atlanta. Still, Diane had managed to arrange an amazing wedding for Corey over the phone, and she’d always traveled to Atlanta to look at wedding dresses, or whatever else Corey needed. She’d never appreciated all the sacrifices Diane had made for her.
The next morning, for once, Stella slept in a bit later than usual. Corey had tossed and turned all night so was happy to have a little extra sleep. When she finally got up and took Stella downstairs, Diane was already sitting out on the sunporch, drinking coffee. Corey paused at the entrance.
“I’m sorry, Diane.” Corey began.
“For what?”
“For not appreciating all that you’ve done for me over the years. I’ve been incredibly selfish and self-centered. But I promise you I’m going to do better.”
“Just promise me you’ll think about moving back.”
Corey put Stella down on the floor. Stella immediately ran over to Diane, who picked her up and gave her a big hug.
“Diane, I’ve got to think about what’s best for Stella. In Atlanta, she’ll be exposed to a variety of different types of people and cultures. I just want her to have a different childhood than I had—one filled with limitless possibilities.”
Diane looked shocked. “That sounds like something Luke would say. I didn’t know you felt your childhood had been so lacking. I mean, despite growing up in such a primitive environment, you were able to make it through college and law school. You were able to become a hotshot lawyer at a big-time law firm in a big city. What more did you want?”
“Oh come on, Diane,” Corey said, frustrated. “You know that for every person like me, there are a dozen more who never make it out of Jackson County.”
Diane’s face turned red, and she turned to Corey angrily. “Like me? Like Jack?”
“Well, no, of course I wasn’t talking about you and Jack. You both went away to college, you have professions, and you chose to live in Marianna. I just want Stella to know that there’s a different kind of life outside of northwest Florida.”
“Corey, don’t you think it’s time you started living your life? Not the life Mom and Dad wanted for you, not the life Luke wanted for you, and not the life you want for Stella. What do you want? You would think that, after losing Mom and Dad and Luke, you would realize that life is way too short to be going through the motions without really living, like you’ve been doing for years.”
“You don’t know how hard it was for me to even go through the motions of living after losing Luke on top of Mom and Dad. I mean, you still have Jack and Marcy.”
“I can’t imagine how hard that was. But you’ve got Stella now. Corey, you and I grew up with family around—people who knew us. And we grew up in Marianna, and it seemed to work out okay for us. I really want to be a part of Stella’s life, and I miss my little sister. Just think about the possibility of moving somewhere closer to us. Tallahassee or Dothan would be good possibilities. I hear they do practice law in a few places outside of Atlanta, you know.”
Corey smiled at Diane’s weak attempt at humor. “Okay, I promise to give the possibility some thought.”
CHAPTER 25
The trip back to Atlanta was as torturous as the trip down had been. Stella was like a trapped animal in her car seat. She squirmed and fussed and carried on until Corey wished she’d kept some of the drops Dr. Carrington had given her to calm Stella as a baby. They stopped at every McDonald’s playground between Dothan and Atlanta so that Stella could get out of her car seat and run around awhile. About an hour outside of Atlanta, Stella gave it up and finally went to sleep.
Corey savored the sudden peace in the car, as she hadn’t been able to think straight with Stella’s constant fretting. She kept going over and over her conversation with Diane, and she kept wondering how she was going to fit Tripp into Stella’s future life. She ought to be making a plan for how things were going to work with Tripp. But she really felt clueless about what that plan should be.
Then a line from one of John Lennon’s songs popped into her head: “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” That had certainly been true for her. When she’d gone to law school, she had fully intended on moving back to Marianna and opening her own law practice—secure in the familiarity of family and friends. Her parents’ deaths had changed that plan. By marrying Luke, Corey had chosen a different path, but one that had seemed just as secure and comfortable as the previous one. Yet, Corey had watched that security dissolve in the few moments it took a doctor to utter the word cancer. Corey wasn’t sure how she’d ended up where she was today, but one thing was certain—she sure hadn’t planned it this way.
Once back in Atlanta, Corey was happy to get back into her routine, and Stella was excited to be back with Millie. Corey told herself that Millie was the same thing as family to Stella, and, of course, Stella also had Kathryn, Romeo, and Gary, as well as her nana in her life. Stella did have her family around her.
Corey was also glad to be back because Nancy had been sick during their absence. She’d come down with the flu the day after they left. She hadn’t been sick enough to call Corey to return, but Nancy still hadn’t recovered fully, and Corey wondered why it was taking so long. Nancy was pale and weak and spent much more time in bed sleeping than she ever had, to Corey’s knowledge. She was going to have to somehow get Stella over to visit with Nancy now that she couldn’t come to them. But realistically, between her job and Stella, Corey wasn’t sure she could do much more than she was already doing.
One night about a month after she’d returned from the beach, her cell phone rang at eleven, jolting her out of an incr
edibly sound sleep that she’d been in for only thirty minutes or so. Her first thought was, Oh no, something’s happened to Nancy. She picked up the phone hurriedly and said a terse “Hello.”
Only half-awake, she heard a vaguely familiar man’s voice say, “Oh, I woke you up. I’m sorry.”
“Tripp?” Corey asked. “What’s wrong?”
“I know it’s late, but I want to come to Atlanta tomorrow and see Stella.”
Corey sat up in bed, trying to clear the confusion from her head. “Tomorrow?”
“I just found out there’s a banking convention in Atlanta. I told Lucy that I’d been on a waiting list for a cancellation, and I just found out there’s an opening.”
“You mean you’re lying to Lucy about going to a banking convention?”
“There is a banking convention in Atlanta for the next three days.”
“But you aren’t going?”
“Well, no.”
“So . . . that’s lying.”
“Yeah, it’s kind of like saying you’re pregnant by artificial insemination when you got pregnant the old-fashioned way.”
“I guess I deserved that.”
“Look, I didn’t call to get into a fight with you. Can I please come tomorrow?”
“I guess so . . . but next time, please give me a bit more warning.”
Corey left work early the next afternoon to make it home before Tripp was to arrive. Still, when she turned into the building’s parking lot, she wasn’t surprised to see that he was already sitting in his white Yukon out in front of her building. Was the jumpiness she felt due to seeing Tripp, or the fact that she’d worked through lunch without eating anything? When she pulled up next to him, she could see through his lowered window that he looked a little sweaty. It was probably ninety-five degrees, and she wondered how long he’d been sitting in his car in the heat.
“Fear of Atlanta traffic again?” she asked, getting out of her car. Tripp smiled weakly at her as he got out of his SUV. He wore a pair of faded jeans that she wouldn’t have noticed had they been at the beach, but that seemed oddly out of place in front of her condo. “You could have gone inside. I told Millie we were having company this afternoon.”
