“Shsh…it’s okay, Leigh, really. I’m not mad. Well, when we were in the park, I admit I was getting pretty upset. As it turned out, there really was a bomb. The intelligence about the criminals was completely wrong, so my assignment was useless anyway. In the end, you and your friends ended up saving a lot of people…even if it was by accident. And you did have a gut feeling that you needed to do something. One thing about being raised by hippies is that they are really big on that kind of thing. My mom always said that women have a natural sense of things. That I should always listen. I guess this proves it.”
“Whew! Am I glad! Here I thought you’d be mad about the stolen police radios or my witchcraft spell that made your sister and brother-in-law go off and screw like feral cats in a public park. Or maybe that you still have that shabby cat suit glued to your skin.”
“Wait. Those radios were stolen? Let me guess…Uncle Carmine again?” I nodded silently and Hunter shook his head, “Well, I’ll blame that on Kelly’s criminal mind. And I don’t even want to know about my sister’s sex life. If you two had a conversation about it, please, leave me out of it. I really don’t want to know any of the details.”
I was glad that Hunter didn’t want to discuss his sister’s sexcapades because it turns out my writing failed her and Burt. The typo Luna had warned me about was the cause. I had written that Burt would go after Moon like a primate. You could say he at least dressed up like a primate. Welcome to the world of Furries, Moon and Burt. I steered the conversation away from my apologetic tone. “Have you heard anything about who planted the bomb?”
“No. Nothing. Of course there has to be a pretty big investigation going on. I doubt much will be said publicly about it until they actually catch the people responsible.” Hunter paused and cocked his head like an animal that was trying to identify an odd sound. “Did you hear that?” He got up from the chair and prepared to investigate.
“Yeah, someone’s upstairs. I thought I heard laughter.” I listened some more. “Hello? Hello?” I called out.
“Just us witches. So where is the victim?” It was Esmeralda and Kelly at the top of the landing.
“You mean Hunter?”
“Sure. Hunter, victim, same thing,” Esmeralda said as she placed a hand on her hip and twirled the end of a stethoscope with her other hand.
I marveled at her choice of clothing. “Esmeralda, what’s up with the naughty nurse outfit?” She wore a naughty nurse outfit that was made extra naughty by the sight of her boobs squeezing out of a totally impractical tight white jacket. Below her bare tummy she wore an ultra-short white miniskirt. From my vantage point at the bottom of the stairs, it was difficult to say what, if anything, she wore underneath. “I hope that’s not to impress Hunter.”
“Why? Does he need some extra motivation?” Esmeralda asked sarcastically.
I gasped. “Hush! And Kelly, you didn’t waste any time changing costumes today.” Kelly was dressed in hospital scrubs.
“Don’t worry, Leigh. Hunter is safe. Esmeralda and I have plans tonight with Luke. Of course, if you’re up for it, you two are more than welcome to join us.”
“No, no, that’s okay. Thank you, though.” I wondered how Kelly could ask something like that without blushing. I was curious how Hunter reacted and I was relieved to see him busily itching away at himself. I don’t think he heard a word of it. “So…how about we get this cat suit off of him? Esmeralda, do you have a good spell ready to go?”
“I’m all set for him. Bring that boy up here.” Esmeralda turned around and from the sound of her spiked heels hitting the floor, she had gone into our bedroom. Reluctantly, I led Hunter upstairs. “Here, take this and rub it around the edge of the piece that is covering his face. As the glue releases, add more. Then the hood should slip off.” I followed Esmeralda’s advice and in a few minutes, Hunter’s head was finally uncovered. “Okay, good. Now get up here on the bed.” Esmeralda patted the mattress. “Lay back and just relax.” She went to a black leather bag, the kind you would expect to see a doctor in an old movie carrying. After a little digging, she produced a pair of large fabric shears.
“Are there any openings on this thing?” she asked.
“Yes, there is, but you have to be careful with those things.” I pulled the Velcro tabs to open Hunter’s cat suit fly.
Esmeralda pried the edge of the costume up around the fly. With a little effort she was able to work the shears under the fabric and make long cuts through it. “Hand me that gel, Leigh.” Esmeralda climbed onto the bed. I was shocked to see her knees on either side of Hunter’s legs. She took large handfuls of the goop and with slow deep reaches, she worked it in around the opening and under the material. I was just thinking that I didn’t appreciate Esmeralda’s sensual bedside manner when I saw it. Hunter was sporting a giant boner.
“Hunter! Stop that!” I huffed in his ear.
“It’s a completely involuntary reflex. I swear it! I can’t help it. It’s really just a reflex!” He gulped and panted.
“So is this!” I smacked the large bulge rising in his jockstrap with an open hand. It was a damn good slap, too. It had enough force to make him jump and make a nice loud smacking sound. “I just can’t help myself!” I snarked. Hunter yelped a little noise and bit his lip. I took the goop from Esmeralda. “Esmeralda, I think it would be better if I rubbed that stuff on him.”
“Suit yourself.” She switched places with me and winked at Hunter. I growled and picked up where she left off. “I don’t get it, Esmeralda. How is this magic?”
“It’s not a spell. It’s the goop. It magically removes glue, paint, almost anything. Handy to have around. Just get what you can. We should be able get this thing off of him soon,” Esmeralda explained.
I was finally able to get my hands deep under the material and I worked the slimy goo over Hunter’s stomach and sides. I didn’t mind his “involuntary reflex” one bit this time.
Esmeralda took some of the goo and used it to work the gloves off of Hunter’s hands. Very carefully she used the shears to open a seam down the sleeves. “Okay, that should be good. Hunter, I need you to reach your arms back and grab ahold of the headboard. Hold on as tight as you can.”
Hunter’s slimy hands couldn’t get a grip on the brass pipes of our headboard.
The bedroom was hot from the extra heat being kicked out by the now overactive furnace. Kelly wiped her forehead and huffed, “Oh my God. It is so hot in here. Good thing I don’t have any balls. They would have sweated off by now. I’m going to open this window.” She opened the window and stuck her head out into the cool air for a few minutes. “Hello.” She said to someone out on the street. Before she returned to the bed, she opened Esmeralda’s doctor’s bag and took out two pairs of handcuffs. “Here, let’s just cuff him to the headboard. He won’t be able to hang on with those slimy hands.”
“You guys are prepared for all sorts of fun. Aren’t you?” I laughed. “All right, let’s cuff this bad cat, Kelly.” We quickly cuffed him to the headboard according to Kelly’s plan.
“Now, each of you grab a sleeve and I’ll take the center. We’ll peel this bitch right off of him,” Esmeralda directed. We took our positions and handfuls of material. “One, two, three, pull!” With our combined effort, we began to peel the suit down. It became more difficult when it came to Hunter’s chest. “Harder! Come on!” Kelly urged.
“Arrr! Oh man! You’re gonna’ rip my nipples off! Stop it! Christ!” Hunter yelled.
“No! Don’t stop. It’s coming now! Harder! Harder!” Esmeralda countered.
Suddenly the rest of the cat suit pulled away from Hunter’s body with a sickening sound. It sounded like someone was peeling jumbo sized duct tape off of a roll. His body was sliding down the bed and the handcuffs strained at the headboard. Hunter howled with pain, “You witches! These handcuffs are breaking my wrists. You’re skinning me alive.”
“You know how hard it is to get a grip on this slimy skin? I’m not stopping now!” Esmeralda
snarled.
I heard voices—the voices of women on the street below. And it seemed that one of those voices was oddly familiar. “Come on! It’s almost there!” Kelly roared. Then the goo laden suit rolled down over Hunter’s legs and we all fell backwards. The suit was flung from our hands behind us, right out of the open window. We all heard it. A splattering sound resounded on the quiet street. In less than a few seconds the screams began.
I looked out of the window and saw three women, the same ones Kelly had seen and I had heard. I pulled my head back in and told my friends who I saw outside. “Aw dammit! It’s that same wench that came over last night to bitch about something I said to her daughter. And she’s brought along reinforcements.”
“Oh yeah. I forgot about her. Didn’t she accuse you of being a witch and running a crazed cult out of this house? She was babbling like a fool when she hauled ass out of here.” Kelly walked over to the window and we could already hear the women yelling and speculating on what we were doing. Kelly told Esmeralda what was happening outside. “There are three of them. The tall brunette that came by, a stout little one, and one with a tall blonde-do. How does she get it to stay up like that? It’s unnatural.”
I could hear the voice of my unwelcoming neighbor on the street below. “Did you hear them? Did you? They were torturing some man in there. I heard him screaming about getting skinned alive while being handcuffed to something. And what do ya’ know? A wet gooey pile of skin comes flyin’ right out the window and into the street. I saw what they did in there last night! They changed someone into a giant cat last night. Changed! Then they pulled Satan’s own demon spawn from the cat’s belly. It was black and had a long tail. It looked like it even had two pointy little horns on its head. And glowing yellow eyes. I swear it had glowing yellow eyes!”
“Sweet baby Jesus, save us all, it was the Antichrist!” One woman screeched.
“They’re devil worshippers or worse,” said the third woman. “And they are delivering Satan’s babies here in Lincoln Park for God’s sake.”
“It’s not happening on my neighborhood watch! You can bet your sweet asses on that. I’ve lived here all my life and we’ve fended off the hippies, the gangs, and even those goddamned skateboard punks. I sure as hell am not letting some screwy witchcraft cult get their claws on my neighborhood.”
This was bad. It sounded like the neighborhood watch was already handing out the torches and pitchforks. “I should meet with them.” Kelly looked at me like I had just grown a tail. “No, seriously, Kelly! This is only going to get worse. They need to know that Hunter and I are just your average, everyday American couple.”
Esmeralda pursed her lips and gave me a sharp look. “Look around you, honey cakes. Your boyfriend is handcuffed to your bed so three witches could peel a cat suit off his freaky ass. A cat suit that, by the way, was magically glued onto him by yet another witch during a drunken spell casting party. You can go ahead and just tell your neighbors that. I’m sure they’ll be completely understanding. Then you can invite them in for tea and a séance. Just like the rest of the ‘All American’ couples do.”
“She’s right, Leigh. They aren’t going to understand. Not real witchcraft. Not real magic,” Hunter said and then he rattled the handcuffs. “Could someone unlock these cuffs now, please?”
Esmeralda took a more serious tone. “Listen, I’m not going to tell you what to do, but I’ve been around a long time. I’ve seen people like those many times before. Sure, things have come a long way. More people are accepted and included in society now. The thing is, people are afraid of what they don’t understand. And for all of the scary movies they watch and paranormal books they read to scare the living shit out of themselves, they’ve shown that they don’t want to understand the paranormal, the supernatural. It’s easier for them to be afraid of it, to reject it, and chase it away from their lives. Witches like us get caught in the crossfire. We get found out and then blamed for everything they’ve screwed up. Next thing you know, the ‘burn ‘em at the stake’ crowd is chasing us down.”
“I suppose you’re right,” I admitted. I became lost in my thoughts about the neighborhood watch.
Kelly shut the window and came back to the bed. “I hate to say it, too. But yeah, she’s right. Still, wouldn’t you love to see the looks on their faces if we did bring them in for a séance? It would be a riot, a fucking riot!” She looked at Hunter, who was wearing only a jock strap. “Hey? Where’s my chubby? You got one for Esmeralda and Leigh. I’m feeling cheated.” She put her hands on Hunter’s thighs. “Let’s play snake charmer.”
I snapped out of my deep thought and realized what Kelly was up to. “Whoa! Let’s not!”
“Oh, you know I’m just kidding around, Leigh,” Kelly said. I know she was really kidding, but at the same time I could tell by the way she looked at Hunter that he was exactly her type. Kelly surprised me with a rare moment of sincerity. “You know something, Leigh? You are really so lucky, in soooo many ways with this one. And you two are just the perfect couple. I really mean it.” She gave me a second surprise when she hugged me.
“I hate to hex and run, but I believe we have a patient named Luke waiting for us, Kelly. I’m just waiting for doctor’s orders.” Esmeralda winked.
Kelly was just releasing her embrace. She spoke softly in my ear, “Tonight I get to be in charge. I’m so excited! It’ll be a big difference from last week when Marie and Esmeralda made Luke and me their prisoners.”
“I—I don’t even know what to say to that. Um…good luck? Have fun!” I whispered back. I felt my face burning with a hot blush. Kelly took Esmeralda’s hand and they were gone in a cloud of smoke.
“Well, well. Kelly certainly is exploring her sexuality these days,” I said to Hunter.
“Hey! What about these handcuffs?”
“What about them? You look just fine the way you are,” I said with a smile as I climbed onto the bed. “Now, about those involuntary reflexes you speak of.” Several minutes of tortuous teasing later, I had an idea. Just for the fun of it, I decided that I’d tease Hunter, but nothing more until both of us were burning with hunger for each other. It could be a few days, maybe a week at most. I had a hunch that it could lead to some unforgettable lovemaking.
Chapter Fifteen
A New Look
Our Thanksgiving. It had become such an important thing to me. Not only was it a chance to show off some of my lackluster cooking skills, but it was a chance for both Hunter’s family and my family to see us living in our new home, in love, and getting ready to get married. It was a chance for our parents to all mingle and get to know each other. To me, the stakes were high and the pressure was on. All of my own making, of course.
I mentioned there could be an issue. As much as we all like to think that we aren’t duty bound to some traditional thinking, it has a way of creeping up. Based on my age, I’m a so-called millennial. I still don’t know what that is supposed to mean, really. I know one thing, though. From looking at our current society, the old traditional rules just don’t apply to us when it comes to marriage. Why then did it matter that culturally, ethnically I was Jewish? I was engaged to be married to a non-Jew. And while marriage in any culture is a big deal, jumping ship to an entirely different culture is traditionally an even bigger deal. I expected that sort of big deal to be made out of this. Was I really worried about my family’s reaction? Or was it something inside of me? You know, a little voice in my head that told me that a girl like me should really be marrying a nice Jewish boy? Would I be giving up a part of my family’s culture that I might want to explore in the future? This feeling and these pointless worries are probably familiar to a lot of people that have found a relationship outside of their culture.
It was Sunday and less than a week before Thanksgiving. Randy and Gertie were on hand to apply their interior design skills to brighten up the Schlitt house. I needed to talk this out with my friends. “Gertie, I’m thinking that we’re done with the living room.”
Randy stood back and admired the bright colors that were splashed around in the form of huge modern vases, plant stands of wicker and wire, and two statues. Every one of the new pieces were in shades of orange, yellow, and just a dash of lime.
The statues made me uncomfortable. “Randy? What…exactly are those statues? When I look at them, they make me feel…oh, I don’t know…dirty. Like I have a slug in my living room. I mean look at them. That one looks like a pair of giant slugs having slug sex.” I was pointing to the two orangey and yellowish blobs entwined in a spiral embrace. “Very psychedelic. It’s kind of tall, too, as tall as Hunter. And then this other thing…I mean statue. It’s…oh God…very…phallic.” I pointed to the second statue that looked like a huge lime colored zucchini standing on end.
Randy attempted his best version of a French accent. “Ha! Statues you say. No, no, you simpleton! These are prized works of art! From the studio of the soon to be famous Nouille Frotter.”
Gertie added her support for the new art, “He’s right, Leigh. Take a look at the base. The artist’s name is right there. Nouille Frotter.”
“Okey dokey, then. I’ll take your word for it. I like the new rug. It’s thick. My toes sink right into it. With all of the colors, it reminds me of one of those famous paintings.” I walked around the room to look at the rug from the other side. When I realized what was depicted on the rug, I nearly fainted. “The Scream? You got me a rug that has the painting The Scream on it? Like that’s going to make people comfortable. It scares the hell out of me.”
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