“This is why you freaked out on me that day in class when I told everyone how many answers you’d gotten correct, isn’t it?”
“Yes.” I’d forgotten my blow up at him.
“I never did apologize for that. I’m sorry for being a wanker, it was an arse move. If I had known what came along with being able to just click that well with academics, I never would have done it.”
Reaching up, I placed my hand on his strong jaw, feeling the rougher skin there from where he’d shaved. My lips found his, plying at them and nibbling like he’d taught me to. My stomach dropped into my feet as I felt him start to swell where I still sat in his lap.
My brain knows that the weight of his body pushing against my skin was the healing technique that helped me come down from the attack. But my heart, the organ that seemed to turn to mush anytime it was around this boy nowadays, never wanted to survive another episode without him.
I was beginning to rely on Asher far too much. And though I was smart enough to know I shouldn’t, I couldn’t help the skyscraper fall I was taking for him.
The comfort of his arms made me sure of the path we were going down, and I was afraid that if either of us asked for more, I wouldn’t be able to say no.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Asher
Sludge coats my stomach and the poison that is my blood at this point seems to be sickening me from the inside out.
My actions are finally catching up to me. Because as resigned as I am to destroying her stepfather, it makes me nauseous to think about what this will do to Nora. It was the New Year, and that was supposed to bring about change and resolution.
After what I’d seen the anxiety do to her, the way it ripped through her and bulldozed her faculties, I thought that maybe, just maybe, I didn’t have to go through with it. Maybe I could stop it all, just keep being with her and try to live my life normally.
“That’s it, just like that.” My arms moved in tandem with hers, and her small hands were dwarfed by my own.
We moved together, the water lapping around us. The vibrations of our movement sound off of the aqua tiled walls, the stained glass sparkling with the ripples of the pool.
My father had this indoor training center built in the basement of our townhouse when I’d first shown real promise in rowing at the age of ten. The pool was half of an Olympic regulation size, and had a stationary rowing boat that could be harnessed in the middle of the water to practice oar skills and build leg strength.
That’s where Nora and I sat, in our bathing suits, her nestled between my legs as I taught her how to properly steer a boat.
“You don’t want to row too hard or to soft, once you get in the rhythm, you’ll feel it.”
She nods, intent on getting this right. “And once I get it, I’ll steal your position as Stroke.”
Loving her cheekiness, I press my lips to her neck to distract her. “You’re not the one who will be stroking.”
Having her this close to me in a wet bathing suit doesn’t do much for my hardening knob.
“Is it …” Her voice trails off.
“What?” I continue to kiss her neck, and feel her skin heat under my palms.
“I know that you know … that I haven’t …” She stops rowing and the oars float aimlessly in the water.
I feel her hesitation. “Shagged someone? It isn’t a sin to say the word sex, princess.”
“Don’t mock me, I’m already embarrassed as it is. Well, yes, I haven’t. But I just … is it better than what we already do?”
I nearly swallow my tongue, because talking about sex with her without actually doing the deed will be exceedingly hard.
“I’m sorry, love … it’s just not as taboo as you think. It’s not better I’d say, just different.”
Nora turns, her hazel eyes seeking mine. “How many people have you slept with?”
I try not to choke on the awkward cough that reaches my throat. “I don’t want to talk about things or people that no longer matter.”
And I didn’t need to divulge the large number of women I’d bedded, it would only serve to make her dwell on the scoundrel I’d been … and still was.
“I think … no, I know that I’m ready.” Her voice is confident as she turns around in the boat, kneeling to face me.
I haven’t brought up sex to her at all, feeling guilty enough for a month that I’d eventually have to ruin her innocent delusions that I was a good boyfriend. But it didn’t mean I didn’t think about … didn’t want it when my mouth was between her legs and she was thrusting her fingers into my hair. She always looked so beautiful and pure, like a white flower that I was soiling with my dirty soul.
“We don’t have to do this.” I try to protest as she sets her small hands on my thighs, her touch shooting straight to my balls.
“I want to. I’m ready. I trust you.”
You shouldn’t. I think it, but don’t say it as she covers my mouth with hers. As the months have gone by, she’s become more confident in taking control of the physical side of our relationship, of initiating. She knows it drives me especially bonkers when she straddles me, controlling the kiss and the pace.
And that’s what she does now, in the boat in the middle of my indoor pool. I can’t help but lean back, cradling her against me as the water rocks all around us. Nora’s hips grind against me, her core lined up right against my cock. I grind my hands into her bum, gripping the firm skin and pushing it hard down onto me.
The boat begins to tip as our snogging intensifies, and Nora breaks it off with a laugh. “I’m not sure we can do this here.”
I push back a wet strand of her scarlet hair, and sign my death certificate. I’m too randy and ready to go to say no, and she wants me to be the man who takes her virginity. If I say no, she’ll leave now and my plan will be ruined. But if I say yes, it will be the ultimate mark of shame on my soul when she finally finds out what I was doing all this time. If I do this, she’ll never speak to me again after it all falls down.
“We should do this properly, in a real bed where I can look at you.”
She sucks in a breath and her eyes swim with something that looks very close to a word I shouldn’t even be thinking.
We swam to the stairs, me hot on her tail as she walked out, water sluicing off of her body. I’m so torn, guilt roiling in my gut, but I won’t stop. Can’t. She’s too pure and radiant, and I’m too big of a prick.
All alone in my house, we wind the steps up to my bedroom together, my hands on her hips as she walks in front of me. She’s confident, nothing shaky about her resolve to give me one of the greatest gifts she’d ever give anyone. Something in me wants to be better, try harder for her. I want to make this memorable for her, not to tarnish anything just yet.
Soon enough, she would hate me. But for now, I could do this. I could be the man she thought I was.
“You’re sure, Nora?” My voice shakes as we enter my bedroom, because I’m not bloody sure at all.
“I trust you. I want this to be with you. Only with you.” She moves toward me, her wet suit hitting my naked chest as she presses up on her toes and lays a gentle kiss on my lips.
In the back of my mind, I wish that I was only hers too.
Her skin is hot and flushed against the coolness of her wet bathing suit, and I peel it down, removing it like a second skin from her body. She’s all small curves and long lines … her tits just a handful each, my thumbs pressing against those nipples that always seem to be ready just for me. Nora lets out a sigh and I wish that I could record that sound, play it on a loop in my head for hours. My mouth is hot and greedy on her cool skin, and I trail kisses from her neck down over her collarbone, over one breast and then the other. The action works me up, my cock hardening painfully in my still wet swim trunks.
“Mmm, yes …” Nora’s whisper hits my ears as my lips cross the invisible line at her hips.
Her body vibrates with arousal, and I fear that if I do what I want to in this moment, she
won’t be able to stand. Gently, I push her back toward my big king bed, and lift her up and onto it so that she’s sitting with her feet dangling over.
And then I travel down, planting an open mouth kiss on her wetness.
Nora lets out a sharp wail, and I wish I could watch her face the whole time I feast on her because just the sounds are driving me out of my mind. She’s sweet and pure, like unfiltered honey. I lap at her, my blood boiling to the point of explosion, my cock thick and painfully throbbing in my shorts. I release myself, my thumb sweeping over the wetness already collected at the head.
“I … want …” She starts to reach down, taking her juicy core away from me.
Her small hands grip down my body, as if she is going to return the favor. I lift her back up, planting her securely on the bed.
“No, this is about you.”
It has to be about her. If I let her do anything for me right now, pleasure me or make any second of right now directed toward me … I don’t know if I could keep from breaking down. I have to give her this, sacrifice before I break her world in two.
“Then I want you, all of you.” Her face is earnest, not a shred of doubt or fear crossing in her eyes.
My soul twinges, knowing that evil lurks just around the corner and that I’m going to bring the sky falling down on her head. But I push the thought out, also knowing that I can’t stop now even if I tried. She’s perfect, lying there beneath me as I crawl over her body, reaching to my drawer for a condom.
My wet bathing suit hits the ground with a thud, and Nora arches her back, her tits pushing into my chest as I pinch the head of my cock.
“You tell me if I hurt you. Tell me to stop.” I wish she would, right now. I wish she knew it all, and that she’d slap me across the face right now and leave.
“I trust you.” The way she says it, she might as well have said those four little letters that can bring a man to his knees.
The twinkling rays of midday sun beat through the room, her hazel eyes shining up at me so clearly. She doesn’t cover herself, doesn’t shy away. Nora is a completely different being than I ever assumed, and in the back of my mind, I repeat those four little letters.
I don’t dare say them.
I fist myself, positioning at her entrance. Sweet, fiery burn runs through my veins, making me high on Nora. That first push, the first suction of her on me … it chokes me. Grabs me by the throat and won’t let me breathe properly.
I’ve been with other girls, slept with models and princesses and girls who would blow any man’s bloody mind. But I never realized how empty those nights all were. How lazy I’d been, how much I was letting those girls and those moments pass me by. And it hits me … I’ve never felt this way about any girl. About anyone. She could destroy me, already has, and doesn’t even know it.
Nora is so tight that I have to clench my teeth, use every ounce of strength in my body to keep from coming. Inch by inch, I cant my hips, thrusting so slowly inside of her.
“Ah!” Nora cries out when I’m about halfway in, twinges of pain crossing her face.
“I’m going to push all the way in.” I hold her face in my hands. “It will only hurt for a minute.”
I don’t give her time to digest this information, I just push, fully sheathing myself in her. A pained scream tears from her lips, and I swallow it, covering her mouth with mine.
I suck and nibble at her lips, coaxing and heating them … my heart rate notching even higher as she starts to respond. Nora breaks our kiss, breathing into my mouth as she wiggles her hips, testing out how we felt connected.
My cock twitched inside of her, making me clench my arse to keep it together. “You can’t move like that or this will be over way too soon.”
“It feels so … good.” Her whisper tickles my ear.
That sets me off, a jolt of electricity racing down my spine. I move, dragging out and thrusting back in slowly. Nora moans, her eyes rolling back as I bottom out inside of her. My hips move of their own accord, repeating the motion, building us both up to the inevitable cliff we would fall back down.
“Asher … Asher … Asher.” Nora chants my name over and over, the word dropping like fuel to my rhythm with each syllable.
I’ve never worried about the pleasure of my partner, about whether or not she came at all. But I told Nora this was about her, and I wasn’t lying. For once in my life, I hadn’t lied.
“Get there, Nora … I want to feel you.” I suck on her neck, earlobe, jaw.
Her moans come closer together, everything in her beginning to tighten.
I feel it, when she unravels, when her body spasms and clutches at mine. When she talks in half-sentences, the walls of her core gripping me. And I can’t hold back any longer, my cock pummeling into her as her eyes latch onto mine. Staring at me, like she’s seen another universe that only she and I exist in.
I combust, blasting apart with such force that I can’t catch my breath, can’t figure out which way is up. My world spirals, ecstasy coursing through my flesh with Nora’s eyes the only thing grounding me.
She’s going to hate me.
It’s the last thought I have before I collapse into her shoulder, smelling her hair and wondering what the hell I’d done.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Asher
As I’d sat down at the grand dining table in their apartment at Kensington Palace, Bennett still didn’t recognize me.
It was the first time I’d been invited over for dinner with the whole family, and it was surreal finally sitting across from the man who had ruined my father’s life. His soon-to-be wife sat next to him, looking adoringly into his eyes as he told some bloody story.
Nora listens on with interest, and they both laugh when he gets to the punchline. I follow suit, not having heard a word over the blood whooshing in my ears. I’d spent the entire past twelve hours staring at the ceiling of my bedroom, wondering what the fallout would be after tonight’s dinner.
Where would the pieces land? Would he finally be as miserable as me? Would Nora look at me like I was a monster?
Three delicious courses had already been served, and we were waiting for dessert to make its way out from the kitchen. The candles, dozens of them lining the table and surfaces around the room, twinkled off of the mirrored dining room walls.
I place my napkin down and survey the table, finally ready to break Bennett McAlister. My conscience struggles, tearing in two. On one side, my vendetta against her stepfather keeps me grounded. But on the other, Nora’s small, warm hand is placed on my leg under the table. Her fingers flirt innocently with the fabric of my pants; I don’t even think she’s aware that her thumb is stroking back and forth.
In my kamikaze mission to take them all down, I didn’t realize I’d actually fall for her. For this firecracker genius of an American, with her blunt ways and innocent assumptions of the world. Last night had been our final happy moment together, not that she had realized it. She’d thought it had brought us closer together, that I was a permanent object in her life that she would always be able to count on.
That was all about to come crashing down.
“You don’t recognize me, do you?” I stare at Bennett, my nerves cooler than ice water.
He laughs a little, and Nora squeezes my leg. “Only so much as I’ve seen you around my house, mate.”
I don’t smile. “I don’t look like anyone to you, maybe someone you knew in your past. Take a hard look.”
His eyes roam over my face, not catching anything that he sees familiar. “I’m confused …”
“Asher, what is this about?” Nora’s voice is friendly but nervous.
“I thought you would have seen her in me somewhere. You do remember Jane, don’t you?”
Her name seems to spark him, and I see the color drain from his features. White hot vengeance circles in my stomach, and my heart is singing with evil glee.
“I’m sorry … I’m not sure what you’re talking about.” Bennett’s eyes are
shifty as the two women watch the exchange.
His denial kicks me in the gut. “You’re a swine, a privileged pretty boy who took what he wanted and threw it away when he’d used it up!”
Nora’s face wears an expression of sheer confusion and raw upset. “Asher … what are you even talking about!?”
I take a deep breath, trying to collect my thoughts. “Ten years ago, your stepfather was the reason that my mother died. He’d started an affair with a married woman, one who loved him so dearly that she nearly abandoned her infant son and husband to carry on the tryst. You kept her dangling.” I turn to the accused now, my words molten lava. “Bringing her close, making her promises, and then cutting her off because you knew the bloody royals would turn on you if they ever knew what you’d been doing. You ruined her, turned her into a desperate, shell of a person. That night you called for her to come, she drank too much, and threatened you. Didn’t she?! She wanted to expose your relationship, to run away with you. I know all the details, I’ve obsessed over my mother’s murder for ten years. You told her to get out, that you were ending things and you’d deny it all if she went to the press. You basically put the keys in her hand, made her drive into the pitch black night while she was legless.”
Rachel makes a choked, strangled sob, her eyes glued to Bennett as he stares straight at me. Nora is silent, and I can’t turn to her because I don’t want to see the look on her face.
“What do you think her last thoughts were before she hit the water? When she went over the side of the bridge, do you think she saw my face? Or do you think she was still crying over you breaking her heart?”
Sour spit coats the inside of my mouth, and a giant ulcer-size hole in my stomach burns with the relief of finally getting all of the built up rage out of my system. My bones feel tired, my shoulders sag with cathartic pressure.
“Bennett … what is he talking about?” Rachel mumbles through the fist that is raised to her mouth, her teeth making indent marks in the skin.
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