“What a beautiful name. Are you interested in breastfeeding or bottle or both?”
“I want to breastfeed unless I can’t.” I said, watching Lucy in her little bassinette through the clear sides.
“Well, I can show you some different types of breastfeeding positions and give you some tips. Have you had any leaking from your nipples?”
“No, I don’t think so.” I said, feeling my cheeks burn with embarrassment as my father stood nearby.
“I’m going to go get some coffee downstairs.” My father abruptly interrupted as he disappeared just as quickly.
“Oh thank goodness. I’m a bit embarrassed talking about that stuff with my father in here.” I said, looking at my mother and Teyah.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” Teyah apologized.
“Oh no, it’s okay. He was probably just as embarrassed.” I said as my mother and I let out a giggle.
“Most women’s milk takes a few days to come in after childbirth but that’s okay because you are producing colostrum which has the important nutrients your baby needs now. It’s not much but Lucy’s tummy is so small that for the first few days she only needs a very tiny amount to satisfy her. Also, a newborn will sleep quite a bit the first few days—recovering from the birthing process. So, you do not need to worry about her not eating much as long as she is wetting her diapers regularly.” She finished.
“That’s good to know because I don’t think my milk has come in and I was worried.”
“I can show you some breastfeeding positions right now if you’d like. We can wake up Lucy.” Teyah suggested.
“Okay, mom will you hand me Lucy?” I asked ready to take Lucy back into my arms so I could cradle her and kiss her tiny face again.
“Sure, nana will hand you Lucy.” My mother smiled, looking down at Lucy as she took her back into her arms.
“Thank you mom.” I said as Lucy’s tiny figure melted into my embrace.
“Okay, the first position is the traditional nursing hold that you see most of the time.” Teyah said as she propped a pillow below my left arm and positioned Lucy right at my breast.
I heard Teyah speak almost as a bystander. I ran through the motions all the while adoring this most perfect being in my arms. I was so tired and felt like I was on sedatives—feeling a slight wooziness as I attempted to breastfeed Lucy for the first time. I heard her cry again as we nudged her gently awake from her deep sleep to feed. She opened her little mouth wide and latched on after a few moments before crying some more and again finding her way back to my breast. She kept her eyes closed with her tiny hand perched on my chest as if she were holding on.
“She seems to be nursing but it’s a little uncomfortable. Will it always feel this way?” I asked hoping the soreness would go away.
“You’re doing great.” I heard Teyah say. “It is normal for your nipples to be sensitive especially as a new mother. It will get better with time.”
“Oh good, thank you,” I said yawning.
“Knock, knock, food service. Your dinner is here.” A lady in a white apron announced as Lucy jumped with the sudden break of noise.
“Oh good, I’m so hungry.” I exclaimed smelling the medium-well done burger wafting in my direction.
“I will be back tomorrow and will check on you two. If you have any questions about breastfeeding the nurses are pretty knowledgeable so you can ask them or let me know tomorrow.” Teyah said as she backed away from the bed.
“Thank you for your help.” I said as I concentrated on the bedside tray, with my food, rolling towards me.
“You are welcome. She’s beautiful and you’re doing a great job.” Teyah smiled as she neared the door.
“Thank you, have a good night.” I called to her.
“You too.” She said disappearing quietly.
“I’ll take her if you want to eat.” My mother offered.
“Thanks. I wonder where CeCe is. I thought she was coming right back.” I said, stuffing a ketchup-soaked French fry into my mouth.
“She’ll be back soon, I’m sure.”
“I’m sure she will. I just wanted her to be here.” I said, feeling slightly annoyed that she was here briefly and gone already.
I inhaled my burger as if I hadn’t eaten in weeks. My fries were gone within a minute or two of finishing my burger. I had never been that hungry. The energy it took to bring little Lucy into this world had taken just about all the strength out of me. But she was here, finally, and she was so beautiful and so tiny. I sat back and drank my grape juice while my mother hummed you are my sunshine to Lucy.
“When you were little I use to sing you are my sunshine to you too.” My mother said looking up at me with a smile.
“I know, I remember. You would sing it to me after my Bible story until I fell asleep.” I recalled fondly.
“I sure did. I know Lucy will bring as much joy to you as you continue to—to us. Parenthood is not for the faint of heart but it can be very rewarding too.” My mother said in her gentle and wise way.
“I’m sure I’ll screw up. You’ve always been a great mom.”
“Not always. I make mistakes and you will too. But if you ask God for wisdom and direction and not beat yourself up when you make a mistake, you’ll do just fine.” She said looking down at Lucy.
“Thank you mom for everything—especially for helping me through all of this. I couldn’t have done it without you. I still feel alone in this but I’m so thankful for your support.”
“God knew what he was doing when he created mothers and fathers. I’m here for you and I’ll always be your biggest fan. One day, I know, there will be the perfect guy for you and Lucy. God’s always got a plan for us even when we don’t see one—He’s the God of second chances.”
“Thank you mom, I may need these reminders for a while. I know God has the best laid plans for us—I just don’t see one yet. And I’m thankful for Lucy; I still can’t believe she’s here. She’s kind of intimidating, I mean, I just want to do right by her and I still have a happy ever after. I wish Skylar was here.”
“All good things in good time. For now, you have a beautiful gift in a tiny package.” She grinned, flashing our infamous dimples that Lucy shared with us.
“I know; she’s kind of awesome isn’t she?”
“Hi there,” Amber popped back in. “I need to take Lucy back to the nursery for just a little bit and then I can bring her back. How are you feeling?”
“I’m sleepy but I feel so much better. Dinner was good for hospital food.” I yawned.
“You could probably benefit from some rest. We can keep her in the nursery tonight if you want to try and get some sleep.” Amber offered.
“I’m not sure. I just kind of want her to be with me. Is that okay?”
“Sure, we’ll continue to check on you every few hours for vitals and make sure the bleeding stays under control. If you decide you need help, then we can take her back to the nursery.” She replied.
“Okay, I guess that works.”
“Char, once you get home, it’ll be a while before you get normal sleep. And then normal sleep becomes a different kind of normal sleep.” My mother interrupted.
“I’ll think about it.” I said leaning forward to smooch Lucy before Amber rolled her to the nursery.
“I love you Lucy. Don’t you go talking to any boys in there,” I jokingly whispered.
“Unless it’s your papa,” My mother chimed in.
I leaned back watching Amber roll Lucy out of the room.
“You could take a little nap while she’s in there. I’m going to go find your dad and see where your grandmothers and brothers are.” My mother said standing up to kiss me.
“That sounds good, I guess. I’m so tired.” I yawned again.
I pulled the covers up to my neck and positioned the pillows under my arms just right and squirmed into a comfortable position. I don’t remember my mother leaving and I was out shortly thereafter.
“Char, let’s make tonight last a lifetime.”
I suddenly saw Skylar’s bronzed face appear. I was speechless. The cabana—the smell of warm vanilla and beach sandalwood—it was all floating around my head. He was wearing the cardigan and holding a bouquet of flowers.
“What’s happening? Where have you been? Skylar?” Confused, I looked around.
I reached out to grab him and suddenly found myself nearly falling out of bed.
“Ouch.” I writhed back in pain. I was quickly reminded that I had just given birth a few hours ago.
I had only been dreaming. Why now? I hadn’t dreamed of Skylar in so long. It had helped that I hadn’t. Every time I dreamed about him it brought me back to that night. As much as I tried to let it not affect me my heart still ached when I thought of Skylar. A dream was worse—he was so real and close, again. I sat there, silent, for several moments arguing, internally, whether or not I wanted to feel that part of myself or to fight it so I could protect my heart. I looked over at the clock. It was 7:30 PM. Wow, I had fallen asleep for some time. Where were Lucy and my parents? Where was CeCe—did she ever come back? I sat up and contemplated getting up. It was so quiet. I spotted balloons and more flowers over in the corner by the window. Someone had been here. The bassinette was still gone. I reached behind me and felt my cool skin. I found the strings and tied the hospital gown as tight as possible. I pivoted my legs over the side of the bed. I could feel the ice had melted somewhat. I wanted to go find Lucy and my parents but I didn’t want to drip water down the hall. I pushed the call light to the nurse’s station.
“Hello,” a nurse called back over the speaker.
“Hi, I want to get up and go to the nursery but I need to use the bathroom first.”
“Okay, I’ll be right down.” She replied.
I sat there with my legs dangling. I was still a bit lightheaded. Images of Skylar flittered through my head while I waited. I could smell his scent—the one I smelled on his sweater and neck that night and a strange feeling of contentment fell upon me.
“Hi there, I’m Rebecca. Amber’s shift ended and you were sleeping so she didn’t want to disturb you. I will be your nurse till seven AM tomorrow morning.”
“Okay, thanks. I want to go to the nursery, if that’s okay and see Lucy.”
“That’s a pretty name—is that what you named your little one?” Rebecca asked.
“Yeah, Lucy Grace,” I smiled, attempting to stand.
“What a sweet name. I’m going to help you over to the bathroom and we can get you all cleaned up and then you can walk down to the nursery if you’re feeling well enough.”
“Okay.”
“I will be out here and you let me know if you need anything. I’m going to get your bed ready again for when you come back.” She said from outside the bathroom door.
“Alright,” I said feeling a chill from the cold tile floor.
I sat on the toilet, resting a moment, and flipping back to the Skylar, standing on the beach, with flowers. I hadn’t seen him with flowers before. Usually he didn’t speak and it was just a quick image of him before some other bizarre part of my dreams took over. It was the most I had seen of him since that night. It was vivid and I could almost feel the emotion that filled his eyes that August evening. It was painful thinking of him, knowing he was supposed to be here with me for this monumental moment. I would think of him every day when I looked at Lucy. I hadn’t thought about it till this dream but that one event caused our night to last a lifetime with this small, sweet soul I was responsible for raising, now. Had he known something that I didn’t? Had he planned on getting me pregnant? I wondered. I guess I’ll never know I thought to myself as I smiled thinking of Lucy’s tiny fingers.
“Are you Okay?” Rebecca asked. “I’ve made your bed so it will be ready when you come back from the nursery.”
“Thank you, I’m done; you can come in.” I said, abruptly dismissing my previous thoughts.
Rebecca helped me get ready and back on my feet.
“Do you think you can walk down to the nursery? It’s not that far but I want to make sure it’s not too much for you.” She said tying my gown a little more snugly.
“Yes, I’ll be fine.” I said as I put my feet in the blue colored hospital socks.
“I believe you have some family members down there.” She said, trailing me out the door.
I slowly walked down the long beige hallway. It was as quiet as if it were the middle of the night. We passed the nurse’s station and two nurses were chatting as we neared. As we caught their attention they stopped, smiled, and said hi. I smiled and said hello back as I now trailed Rebecca, in tow to the nursery. As we came closer, I saw the almost 360 degree glass nursery. On the other side of the glass circle stood four tall young men, two older ladies and a gigantic tan teddy bear. My brothers and grandmothers had shown up and I could see their lips moving as they all looked down into the glass window in front of them. Suddenly, I saw CeCe’s head pop around the teddy bear. She had spotted me. She pointed to the teddy bear and then towards the glass and smiled her over-exaggerated smile showing both her upper and lower teeth. I smiled back feeling a quick warmth zip up the back of my gown. She hadn’t left for Paris yet. In fact, she was better than I gave her credit for—reappearing hours later with the biggest teddy bear I’d ever seen.
“I’m going to bring her to you so you can take her back to your room and visit with your family before visiting hours are over. Just remember to keep her in the bassinette until you get to your room; it’s a hospital rule to keep her safe.” Rebecca issued.
“Okay, thank you. That sounds good.” I smiled back at CeCe.
“She’s so pretty honey.” I heard my grandma Rose say as she walked towards me with grandma Evi beside her, holding her hand.
“Thanks grandma.” I said holding my arms up to hug both of my grandmothers.
“You feel okay, you look a little pale.” Grandma Rose said sizing me up.
“I’m a little weak; I guess I lost a lot of blood. It’s okay though, I’m on iron supplements.
“I heard you did good sis.” Edward, my oldest brother, said from the clan of my family and CeCe that were following our grandmothers.
“Yeah, I didn’t have any pain medication to deliver that little squirt.” I smiled looking down at Lucy, lying perfectly still all cozied up in her bassinette.
“She was a rock star in there!” CeCe said loudly from behind the massive teddy bear that seemed to be taking her for a walk.
“Here are some flowers for you and Lucy? Is it?” Jason, my third oldest brother, asked, as he handed me a bouquet of fresh pink Gerber daisies with white and light green mums of various sizes.
“Yes, it’s Lucy Grace and thanks Jason, you’re my favorite brother.”
“Wait a minute—those are from all of us and I’m your favorite brother.” Richie said pushing his index finger into Jason’s chest before quickly moving away from any retaliation.
“Thank you guys; you’re all my favorite brothers.”
“That’s better—you mean I’m the most awesome and they’re okay.” Richie shook his head.
“I need to sit down. Do you guys want to come to the room? Then you can sit and hold her if you want but you have to wash your hands first. I don’t want any pesticide on her.”
“Don’t worry; momma and Grandma Rose already told us we had to wash up and change our clothes before we came down here.” Peter, my second oldest brother and Edward’s twin, stated.
“Oh good,” I said turning Lucy’s bassinette towards my hospital room as our mom and dad entered through the double doors down the hall.
“Perfect timing, we are going back to the room with Lucy.” I shouted to them.
“Where’d you guys go?” I asked as we met up by my hospital room.
“We just needed to finish up a little business.” My mother said trying to be inconspicuous.
“Business?” I pushed.
“Yes, something came up that your dad and I needed to take care of it. We figured you
needed your sleep so we let you be for a little bit.” She pushed back, gently.
“Alright,” I said leading the pack into the room.
I got back into bed, with my mother’s help as the rest of my family ogled Lucy. It felt good to be back in bed. I had started to feel the soreness creep up again as I stood in the hallway. Rebecca came back in while I was getting into bed and offered more pain medication to help with the soreness and swelling. She also made the rest of the group stand outside a few moments while she re-checked me and iced me all over again. The coldness shook my system before eventually comforting me.
“Okay, I will let the others in.” Rebecca notified me. “Is there anything else I can get you right now?”
“No, I’m good. I’ve still got water. Thank you though.”
“Sounds good, if you need something just push your call light.” Rebecca pointed towards the remote connected to my bed.
“Thank you, I will if I need to.”
“Okay y’all—you can come in now.” Rebecca instructed as she stepped out of the room.
I sat back, comfortably propped up by the bed full of pillows everywhere, as my brothers, grandmothers, parents, CeCe and a very large teddy bear filed into the room. All the chairs and most of the floor space, in the room, were now taken up. I was so tired and ready for bed but I watched quietly, like many times in the past, as my family laughed and told stories and now—admired Lucy. I sat still appreciating the peace in the midst of my loud, Southern, family. It was like old times. No one was whispering or avoiding eye contact with me. Lucy had brought us together again with her small but vibrant light.
“Hello?” I heard a full-bodied voice call into the room.
“Oh Father John, come on in!” My mother exclaimed, happily, as she rose up to greet him.
“Hi Charlotte, congratulations! Your mother called me and asked me to come down and say a prayer over Lucy. Is that Okay?”
“Sure, that would be great. Thanks Father.” I said, surprised by his appearance.
“Here she is Father; her name is Lucy Grace.” My mother said, carefully handing Lucy over to Father John’s embrace.
“Hi there young lady, you sure are a beauty.” He said to Lucy as he swayed her gently in his arms.
Southern Belles, a Novel About Love, Purpose & Second Chances (9781310340970) Page 20
