“You feelin’ okay?”
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be, T?” I said as I slid off the bed and searched for my clothes with my cell phone light.
“What are you doing?” You could tell by his tone that he was obviously puzzled.
“Was everything okay?”
Why is it that guys always assume that it must be something that they did physically wrong if you don’t lay next to them like one of those movie stars in the old movies? You know the one where she is naked and looking as if she just had an out of body experience, so much so that she now has to light a cigarette to bring her back down.
“Everything was fine. I just need to head home now,” I said as I slide on my jeans and continue in the search of the rest of my clothing items and other shoe.
“Oh so you’re leavin’ no,.” He said it more so as a matter of fact statement versus a question. You could hear him on the brink of being pissed already.
“I have some things that I need to finish up before my upcoming meetings. Plus I have some things that my mother and my sister wanted me to take care of.” I said as a fastened my bra and slide on my shoes.
“What if I wanted to have another go, your know go for anotha round?”
I shot him a look that was truly wasted because it was so dark in the room. The silence as I slid my shirt over my head was all the response he needed.
I heard him climb out of the bed and make his way past me to the light switch on the wall. He flipped it on and there he stood stark naked, looking at me as if I just cut him.
“What?” I asked obviously enjoying this moment a little more than I should’ve been. Although standing there looking at him standing at attention and pointing directly at me was making it really hard to finish looking for anything of mine. I knew that I was missing something but at that moment I couldn’t recall.
He looked at me and pointed down. “What do you mean, what? Are you actually leavin’?”
“I have some things that I really need to take care of,” I said trying my best to keep my composure while I dropped to the floor to do a mad search for my panties, recalling that was what I was missing. This was a mistake on my part. He took it as an invitation to start up another round, when all I was doing was actually looking for my underwear.
“I really have to go now.” I said attempting once again to compile the clothes that were taken off of me in a mad dash at the pleasure zone.
“What’s going on?” He said laying flat on his back obviously satisfied with himself.
“Nothing. I have some things to take care of and I need to go home now to do them,” I said making my way out the door as I spoke.
He followed me. “So, you really have something to do or…?”
I just looked up at him as a grabbed my car keys and said, “Goodbye Thomas.”
I drove home that night and didn’t think anything of how I left things. I was so disgusted with myself for having let it get that far into something like that. I didn’t even think that he was worthy of me. As much as we had in common, we had even that much more not in common. I needed to be in a relationship. I needed to have someone make me feel special. I felt like I was a nonexistent being, especially when Thomas would pick and choose when it was convenient for him. He was never a part of my world and made it very clear that all he saw me as was the person who smoothed his rock for him.
I didn’t hear from him again for a while. I didn’t even try to call. Maybe his ego was hurt because someone finally did to him what he was doing to others. I hadn’t even thought about him much. I saw the co-worker that played matchmaker and she asked how we were doing. I told her that it had been a while since I’d heard from him. She said that he’d said the same when she asked him about us. He said that he wondered how I was doing. I thought well he must not have been that interested if he didn’t call. I thought about him a lot that night. I realized that it had been 3 months since we last spoke or even saw each other. It hit me then that I also hadn’t been visited by my Aunt since before then.
I took a test that I’d picked up on my way home. Are you kidding me? Now, I’m pregnant. Should I tell him anything? No. What difference would it make now? He obviously didn’t want to have anything to do with me, so why should I share this with him? I have to do it on my own. I might as well. I really don’t want to have to try and figure out life and custody with him. Even though it is his fault that I am. He was the one who didn’t put one on. You would think if someone was waiting on you to come over for that specific reason then they would cover up, especially since he practically attacked me as I walked thru the door. You could tell that he was getting restless waiting for me because I was naked within seconds of entering the front door. I thought things felt different that night, but I didn’t think anything of it. I am now though.
He and I ran into each other one day at the Plaza Downtown. He saw me pushing the stroller with our 1-year-old daughter in it. He looked down at her and then at me. He had a questioning look in his face, but never voiced anything. He squatted down to her and asked her name. “Jasmine Renee Smalls,” was my reply. I lied. I don’t know why I did, but I did. Her last name was the same as his. Being that he was her father after all. Harper was the last name on her birth certificate. His name was listed as well. He played with her for a little bit and stood up staring at me once again. He asked how old she was. I told him. He looked at her then me again as if to say, “Why won’t you just tell me?”
I still to this day don’t know why it came to me so quickly to not tell him that he had a daughter. I look back on it and wish I had. Maybe things would be different between them. Maybe she wouldn’t be so bitter. Maybe he wouldn’t be so distant. I guess we will never know.
Miss U of I girl
June 29, 2008
She and I grew up two doors down from each other. It is amazing to think that people actually live in apartments all of their lives. It seemed to me that one would want to move out of a small two-bedroom place and on to bigger and better things. Well, that is just what Miss U of I girl and I wanted to do; move on to bigger and better things. Please don’t think that we would ever, EVER want to remain in the same sad little place all of our lives. But I guess if all you know is a small town in Ohio, then that is all you know.
She and I were fast friends. Our brothers went to the same after school program. Our mothers, being the single women they were, had walked us with them to pick them up. We were told to play in the play area. Which looking back on it now, was one of the saddest “play areas” ever. It was comprised of a swing set that only had one swing, barely hanging on, a jungle gym that was spray painted and had graffiti everywhere, and a dirt box because there was no way that there was still sand in that thing. We both opted to get the leftover chalk on the ground and draw. She and I both drew large houses but mine was complete with a family and a dog. Her drawing included beautiful office buildings behind it. It also had beautiful landscapes, as well as an 8 year old could have drawn, especially with chalk.
When I think about it, I guess that was something that she always did. She was always etching buildings and cityscapes in art classes. She had a doodle book full of them by the time we were in the 7th grade. That is when we went on a class trip to a museum. She announced to everyone upon seeing the intricacy of the building’s design and the designs in the museum that this was what she was going to do when she grew up. She didn’t know what exactly to call it then, but she knew that was what she was going to do.
She and I saw a pamphlet about Chicago walking along one day in our little town. She fell in love with the buildings there and became obsessed with wanting to live there. She wanted to know everything there was to know about Chicago and the landscapes, buildings, and its history. She spent a great deal of time at the library and on the Internet. I was her welcomed assistant. I was the one there helping her write down information and collect all that she could. I was still set on the family and settling down only. I thought about other aspirations, bu
t nothing that compelled me the way this compelled her.
She was enrolled in an after school class in our junior year of high school that gave you a brief overview of the world of Architecture. She always came out of that class with a look as if the world was her oyster. She had the most beautiful smile and by her walk, she was on cloud nine. She would sit with me and show me all that she’d learned.
She researched the schools in the area and found U of I, University of Illinois - Chicago. We were both excited to visit the school so that she could see the campus and she was in love all over again. In her face, you could see the passion and love for what it was that she did. We were mesmerized as we walked the campus and took in the library and its extensive beauty. I was overjoyed when she went on to apply and as if there was any doubt in our minds; she was accepted.
We went shopping with the little money that we made from our after school and summer jobs. We spoke comprehensively about the goals that we’d set and the hopes and dreams for ourselves and the families that we would one day have. Her family would of course come after she’d completed her studies and made it as the most sought after Architect and Interior Designer. My family would come much sooner, if I had any say in it. She was so excited as she packed her bags and gathered everything for the bus ride to the school.
Annabeth Marie Johnston never got the chance to become Miss U of I girl, as I so affectionately began to call her when she was accepted. As a matter of fact, she never got the chance to get her bags out of her room. The day that she was supposed to leave for school an altercation happened between her cracked out brother and her mother. Her brother was trying to take one of the televisions, the one Annabeth was supposed to take to school with her, and her mother being the proud parent that she was, wasn’t going to allow him to take it. No one saw the gun, but everyone heard the shots.
Annabeth ran in to tell her mother that he could have it. She really didn’t need it. I watched as her brother turned and shot his sister fearing she was coming to fight him too and then shot his mother again and ran off with the t.v.
I withdrew my registration that year so that we could bury Miss U of I girl and her mother. I also changed my plans for my life. I became what she wanted to be and now hope that she is looking down on the work that I am doing with all the love and compassion she once did all those many years ago.
The End
Who’s Watching Me Now?
July 19, 2008
Charisma stares out of the window of the office building watching and waiting. She is waiting to see if her mind is truly playing tricks on her or if she is actually being followed. She has been sitting in this seat with her face pressed against the window for almost 10 minutes and she sees no sign of the black coat, black gloves, dark slacks, sunglasses, and skully on the person that she perceived was someone being every place that she was for the past hour.
“I must just be losing my mind then,” she says to no one in particular as she rises from the seat and proceeds into the brisk Seattle wind. She decides to continue on her journey and finish running errands. She wants to make sure everything is perfect for her dinner with Andre tonight.
She couldn’t believe that she was actually going to be alone with him. She had been working for over a month to try and get him to even acknowledge that she was a human being capable of being someone other than the person that brings him food from time to time. She was actually going to be sitting across from, next to, or at least at the same table with him. It was just going to be the two of them. She was going to have to do something special for Derrick because he’d put just about as much time and effort as she had in getting this to happen. He seemed just as happy as she was about this coming to fruition.
She wished that she could get Mel on the line so that she could share the news with her, but her office stated that she was out which was weird because usually if she was out then she was trying to make plans with her. She hadn’t heard anything from Mel in a while, come to think of it. Had she truly been that consumed with trying to get next to Andre that she hadn’t noticed that she hadn’t spoken to Mel in almost a month? They spoke in very brief stints. Long enough for one of them to fire off a quick hello and how are things, but never being able to complete the response or find out about the other individual. She realized that she was going to have to just stop by Mel’s office and find out in person how she was and what she’d been up to. She also needed to share the possibly great news and her disturbing feeling that she was being followed or at least watched.
She’d been getting the feeling for about two weeks now that someone was either directly on her heels or within touching distance of her. She felt like a car was following her a couple times. She tried driving on somewhat deserted roads to see if she could catch a glimpse of the person, but never could. She could swear that when she was at lunch with Derrick once that she saw a flash from a camera, but dismissed it when Derrick said that it was probably a reflection off of someone’s watch or something. She still couldn’t shake the feeling that someone was always behind her when she went shopping for a dress earlier in the day. She went shopping for a dress for her evening with Andre. When she hid around a corner to wait for the culprit to cut behind her, she nearly scared an older lady into having a stroke. She then thought that someone was hiding behind a column when she was in a store reading the latest issue of InStyle and went to investigate but found nothing but a black glove. She finally gave up and decided to go home.
Melody slid behind a column that gave her an amazing view of the Sky City building. She was reminded of the moments that she spent with Derrick taking in the view from the O deck. The sky was always so clear each time they went. Derrick had a knack for picking the perfect day to go and take in the beauty from that spot. Focus Mel. She was losing sight of the reason she was there and she needed to find out if Derrick was actually seeing her best friend or not. She believed that she was caught when Charisma suddenly looked up from the magazine that she was viewing in the store, but Mel guessed that Charisma thought it was nothing when Mel slid back into the shadows of the column. She then looked out from her hiding spot to see that Charisma was heading her way. She dropped down just in time to see a cab pull up and a man get out. She slid in and gave the driver a $20 to pull out and drive around the block.
She was almost caught again when Charisma kept looking behind her after trying on and purchasing this very slinky pink dress that made her breast look even more larger than life than usual. She was a knockout in it. The dress was her favorite color and was something that Mel would’ve wanted to borrow if she could fill it out the way that Charisma did. Charisma was walking to another shop and cut a corner. Mel didn’t hear the click of Charisma’s heels anymore when she cut the corner so she waited before she rounded it herself. She was glad that she did because Charisma jumped out in front of this older lady. Charisma looked just as shocked as the lady. The lady also looked as if someone had just shot at her. After she regained her composure, she took her purse, swung, and missed Charisma. All Rizzy could do was apologize and keep walking.
Melody had been at this for a couple weeks now. She started this secret agent, I spy, Columbo deal when she spotted her best friend and her ex-boyfriend, Derrick, at a restaurant looking rather cozy. Rizzy had told her earlier that day that she’d already made plans for lunch and couldn’t meet her to do a little shopping. So, Mel opted to do a little window-shopping along the Seattle Waterfront all on her lonesome. The museum wasn’t holding any events or new exhibits for another couple weeks, so now would be the perfect time for a bit of down time. Mel knew her afternoon would be light so she decided to take the afternoon off. As curator at the Seattle Art Museum usually her days and evenings revolved around the museum. That had been one of the reasons Derrick chose to let go of their almost 3 year relationship.
Mel caught a glimpse of her 5’2 stature, all dressed in black from head to toe. She didn’t want to stand out, but considering she was Hispanic and dressed in such a
dark color, mid-day, did seem a bit strange. The fit of her jeans made her butt seem twice its actual size. She usually didn’t wear anything that accentuated that area. Although anything that took the attention off her rather small chest was a welcomed feature. No matter what wonder bra she tried she could not get her breast to not look like they weren’t still in training.
She looked again at her reflection and sighed. She’d stuffed her jet-black, wavy, mid back length hair under one of Derrick’s old ratty skullies that he’d left at her house, which was beyond empty since he’d moved out 3 months ago. She didn’t think that she would be one of those women who couldn’t seem to let go of a past relationship. Derrick was so much more than that to her though. He was her world, even if it didn’t seem like it because of the hours she’d put in at the museum. She couldn’t help it if she enjoyed her job. She’d convinced herself that she wasn’t one of those women, in spite of what she was currently engaging in. She knew that she and Derrick weren’t going to be together and that they would move on. She just didn’t want him to move on so soon and definitely not with her best friend or soon to be ex best friend.
Derrick is a Zoologist and worked at the local zoo, Woodland Park Zoo. He’d been there working with the koala bears when she walked up to get a picture because that is one of her favorite animals. He turned and took all of her in when he saw the flash from her camera reflect off the glass. He came out of the area and right into her space and life. He stood a full foot over her and had curly blonde hair. His build was muscular, but not like one of those no neck body builders. You could tell that he spent some time working on his physique, but wasn’t obsessed with it. His lips were full and succulent. They weren’t chapped, which would’ve been a complete turn off for her. He had a freshly tanned complexion, but it wasn’t overly done. He had the most beautiful sea green eyes. On their first date he took her on the Underground tour. They whispered and giggled to one another most of the time, so much so that they had to repeat the tour to actually know what was going on and what it was they were supposed to be viewing and understanding the first time. Derrick was always doing stuff like that. He enjoyed the city of Seattle and took in the sights as if he were a tourist himself. He always said that “the sights of Seattle should not be just wasted on those who come to visit, but should be enjoyed by those who dwell here as well. For that matter, every city’s sights should be enjoyed by those who live there.”
A Dreamer's Today Page 3