by Kant, Komal
Was that really true? Did all guys just want to get you into bed? I didn’t believe that. I believed there were men out there who wanted more than just the physical. Nick was just trying to get under my skin the way I had no doubt gotten under his.
“Well, I’m holding out for that one guy. I’m waiting for the exception,” I said, staring him squarely in the eyes. “I want more than just a meaningless, one night stand. I want to be swept off my feet. I want someone to look at me like there is no one else in the room. I want to be loved. Now, good night, Nick.”
I was trying to dismiss him, but it obviously wasn’t working because he continued on.
“Well, you’ll be waiting for a long time,” he shot back, eyes blazing. “Because love is a fairy tale fed to us as children. It isn’t real. It’s fiction, like in those books you love to read so much.”
I wasn’t sure how he knew I liked to read, and the fact that he knew that about me was disconcerting.
To top it off, his unfeeling and uncaring tone only made me madder. What he believed was the opposite of what I believed. Love wasn’t a fairy tale; love was something tangible. You just had to reach out and take a hold of it.
“What are you doing here then?” I asked, flinging my hands to the side in question. “Did you not find someone to keep you company tonight?”
His jaw clenched and his gaze darkened.
“There are three girls in my bed right now waiting for me,” he responded, heading towards the door. “I just wanted to make sure you put your earplugs in, baby. Shit’s about to get crazy.”
Even as he disappeared out the door, for some reason I didn’t believe what he’d said. He wouldn’t have wasted his time coming to my room if he had three girls ready to please him.
I was pretty sure he’d only said that to affect me, and as much as I knew I shouldn’t let him get to me, he kind of had.
Nick
I didn’t know why I’d gone to her.
It had been a moment of weakness, a lapse in judgment, a fantasy.
I was glad she’d brought me crashing back down to reality.
Darkness consumed me as I hit my sheets.
Chapter Nine
Sky
The next morning, I was in a mild state of panic as I headed downstairs for breakfast.
Last night I’d said things to Nick that I probably shouldn’t have said. It was completely out of line for me to relay to him what Madeline had said, and it was definitely out of line for me to tell him how to spend his time—whether it was sleeping with random women or not.
What the heck was wrong with me? Nick’s life was none of my business. I shouldn’t even care who he slept with. I would not let it get to me. Nope. I was done butting in. Right after I apologized for butting in.
When I pushed open the dining room door, Nick was already seated at the table looking at something on his phone. No one else was there, so I figured why not use that opportunity to apologize.
He glanced up briefly at me as I approached him, but didn’t acknowledge me in any other way. Looked like he was in Jerkface mode this morning.
Clearing my throat, I fidgeted with the buttons on my blouse. Here I was being the bigger person. I doubted he’d ever do the same.
“I just wanted to apologize,” I said, choosing my words carefully. “I’m not sure how much of last night you remember, but I shouldn’t have said what I did about your personal life.”
I exhaled, feeling relieved that I’d gotten it all out. It wasn’t in my nature to keep things bottled in. Sometimes I did need a filter, but usually I just needed to verbalize my thoughts, like now for instance.
Nick’s expression was blank as he stared at me. “Do you think I actually care what you think about me? Trust me, your apology isn’t necessary. I wasn’t exactly beating myself up over last night.”
His gaze returned to his phone, acting like I wasn’t still standing there.
My mouth fell open at his callousness. I could feel the heat pooling in my cheeks. Here I was trying to be a good person by apologizing and he wasn’t even accepting it. Well, I was done trying.
“Fine, if that’s how you feel. I’ve said what I had to say.”
With that, I turned and stormed out of the room, wanting to be as far away from him as possible. I was pissed off with his dismissive nature. I think my apology had felt like a victory to him, as though he now had some sort of power over me. I’d probably done exactly what he was used to—pander to him.
I was so stupid. Nick wasn’t the type of guy to care about wrong or right, family and friends. He only cared about himself.
Nick
I hadn’t been expecting Sky to approach me and apologize. I figured she’d be mad about the way I’d shown up to her room drunk. I’d been so mad at her, though, mainly because she’d been right.
Then she’d pretty much rejected me, spouting some crap about love, and lying in bed cuddling, and puppies, and fucking rainbows.
It would make it easier for me not to give a fuck about her if she didn’t try so hard. If she just kept her distance and did her job then I would just disregard her like I did with most women. My issue with Sky was she cared, and no one had truly cared in a long time.
She seemed like one of those girls who always felt like she had to go out and save some tortured soul. Was I her next project?
Well, she was going to be disappointed. I was a bad person. I’d made a lot of mistakes. There was nothing left for her to salvage from the wreckage that was my life.
I was living in my own personal hell.
My phone rang out in the silence, rousing me from my depressing thoughts.
Glancing down, I saw Jessica’s name flash across the screen, and pressed the answer button immediately, wondering why she was calling me when I’d only seen her last night.
“Hey,” I said simply.
I was still annoyed with her and Lisa for inviting Matt without warning me that he was going to be there. Yeah, Matt was a good friend, but these days I would rather not be around him. It was easier that way.
“Hey to you, too, Mr. Anti-social,” she responded. “What are you doing?”
I paused, for a second wanting to confide in her about what had occurred with Sky. I knew it would make Jessica happy that I was actually thinking about a girl in a non-sexual way. It would reignite her hope for me, but I was still annoyed with her so I didn’t bring it up.
“Nothing. Having breakfast,” I said instead.
“Oh, okay!” Her voice was full of false enthusiasm, and I knew her well enough to recognize her discomfort. “Um, so about last night, how mad are you?”
Sighing, I pushed away the plate of eggs in front of me, turned off with my meal. Matt was always going to be an issue for me; a part of my life that I would never be able to get escape from. I was sick of talking about it. I’d rather everyone give up on me than bring up the same thing over and over again.
“I’m never going to be okay being around him, you know that. You and Lisa need to stop springing him on me.” There was a bitter taste in my mouth. “Was there anything else?”
My curt tone would have been enough to turn anyone away, but not Jessica.
“Sky seems very different to the girls you usually hang around with,” she said, her tone casual now.
Her nonchalance didn’t fool me. I knew her too well, and she wouldn’t be bringing up Sky unless she had a reason behind it.
“Come on, Jess, get to the point,” I prompted, becoming impatient.
If this was Lisa, she would’ve skipped the point and been at the conclusion by now.
I heard Jessica exhale, as though preparing herself for my reaction. “We like her, Nick. A lot. We like her for you.”
We like her for you. That wasn’t what I’d been expecting to hear. I’d never heard my friends say that before. I definitely hadn’t expected them to say that about Sky, a girl they’d only met once. A girl who worked for my family. A girl who made me feel.
“Jess, she doesn’t even like me that way.” I hesitated, not sure how much I wanted to let on. “In fact, I’m pretty sure she hates me.”
Saying that out loud bothered me. I couldn’t put my finger on the exact reason why.
“Yeah, and I’m sure you’ve given her good reason to feel that way about you,” Jessica scoffed. “Why don’t you actually be yourself instead of the jerk act you’ve had going on for the last few years?”
The problem with Jessica was she took a while to make her point, but when she finally did, it really hit a nerve. I didn’t like what she was saying and it might have been because she was very close to the truth.
“How do you know it’s an act?” I countered, not caring how abrupt I sounded. “Maybe this is who I was all along and the person I was before was the act.”
“Seriously, if you’re going to play games and act like I know nothing about you then go ahead.” She sounded frustrated with my lack of emotion. “But I saw the way you were looking at Sky last night. You didn’t look at her like she was your next conquest; you looked at her like she was something else.”
Damn. Was that what everyone had seen last night? Or was this just Jessica trying to get a reaction out of me? Well, I wasn’t going to play into it.
“I definitely wasn’t looking at her like that. You have an incredibly over active imagination.”
I was trying to sound as though what she was saying wasn’t bothering me, but all I felt was this unfamiliar stirring in the pit of my stomach, like something was tickling me. I wasn’t sure why talking about Sky was making me feel like this.
“Fine, deny it all you like, but I know what I saw.” She still wasn’t backing down, but I could tell the conversation was coming to an end. “All I’m saying is she’s a nice girl and we want to see more of her. Bring her to dinner next time, okay?”
“Maybe.”
“Promise me,” Jessica persisted.
“No promises,” I said, willing the feeling to go away.
I didn’t want to feel anything. I didn’t want to promise anything. To me promises were wishful lies that would one day become broken and hollow.
Sky
“Sky, look! Starfishies!” Madeline’s voice was full of excitement as she held up her drawing of three red, star-shaped things surrounded by green, vertical waves.
I was going to take a stab in the dark and assume that the green, wavy things were seaweed.
“Very pretty!”
She smiled at me, and it was so infectious that I couldn’t help returning it.
I wasn’t sure how I’d become lucky enough to babysit the sweetest, little girl in the world. She was quickly taking a hold of my heart in her tiny hands.
Madeline sat at her child-sized table and I sat down on the floor beside her, letting her imagination run wild. She was very creative and drawing was her favorite activity. Right now, she was in the middle of an underwater adventure.
The sound of someone clearing their throat alerted me to the fact that we weren’t alone.
Glancing toward the doorway, I saw Nick leaning against the doorframe, studying us. He’d only come by Madeline’s play room once since I’d started working here, and had left very quickly.
“Sky, can I talk to you for a second?” he asked.
What could he possibly want to talk about? I’d gone out of my way to clear the air between us this morning and he’d disregarded me like I was worthless—like I was so beneath him that what I said didn’t matter to him.
“Um, sure.” I glanced over at Madeline and saw her watching Nick closely, her features scrunched up like she was trying to figure out something about him.
“Hi,” she said to him, her tone shy.
Madeline wasn’t a shy child, so it was strange seeing her so introverted around Nick, her own cousin who lived in the same house as her. Matt had a better relationship with her and he was only a family friend.
“Hi,” Nick said, his features frozen as he stared at her.
Literally, his face had no expression on it. It was like he’d seen a ghost. Even his normally tan skin was turning pale.
A weird vibe was in the air and I immediately tried to dispel it. “Madeline, why don’t you draw something else?”
Thankfully, she broke eye contact with Nick and turned her attention on me, a crease appearing between her brows.
“Like what?”
“Hmm, why don’t you try and write something instead?” Nick said out of nowhere.
This was new. He was actually talking to her. Maybe he was trying to break the weird vibe, too.
Madeline wrinkled her nose at him. She was so stinkin’ cute. “What should I wite?”
“How about your name?” he suggested, and then did something amazing. He smiled at her. Not a smirk, a smile. A real one.
“Okay!” Madeline’s face immediately brightened at this, and she bowed her head as she got to work.
My heart felt a little lighter at their exchange. Maybe my words about Madeline last night had registered with him on some level.
“So what do you want to talk about?” I asked, standing up and approaching him, making sure to keep my voice low.
I was setting the tone for the conversation just in case he said something that Madeline shouldn’t be hearing. I never knew which Nick I was going to get—the sleaze, the jerk, or the nice one.
He leaned in toward me, frowning a little. Something about that look gave me a sense of déjà vu, but I was too overwhelmed by his scent to focus on the memory tickling my mind. Whatever he was wearing was infiltrating my senses; a combination of rosewood, sage, and something I couldn’t put my finger on. I wished he would hurry up so I could get away from him.
“Um.” He seemed nervous as he glanced to his right. It was the strangest thing because he was usually so cocky and self-assured. What could possibly have him acting like this?
“Yes?” I prompted, trying not to stare too much at his handsome profile.
I had to admit, jerk or not, Nick looked good from all angles. There was a light layer of stubble along his jaw that made him look all kinds of sexy. I loved a man with a little scruff.
“I was rude to you this morning when you apologized,” he finally said, looking back at me. The blue of his eyes were hypnotizing. Now I had to look away. “I wanted to say sorry.”
My eyes flew back to him, my mouth opening in surprise. Was he actually standing there saying sorry to me? I didn’t know what to say, so I kept my mouth shut instead.
He sighed at my silence and fidgeted with his Rolex. “Sometimes I find it hard talking about my feelings. It’s easier to act like I don’t care. I know I haven’t made a great impression on you, but I am being genuine about this apology.”
Okay, I believed him. He did sound sincere, and I could let it go. Holding a grudge only held you back from moving forward.
“I appreciate it, Nick,” I said. “I don’t think you’re a bad person; you just project yourself as an ass sometimes.”
He snickered, letting his eyes wander over me. Those wandering eyes were making my stomach do pathetic backflips. This was embarrassing.
I also noticed that he hadn’t brought up anything about coming to my room last night. I didn’t want to bring it up myself because it was awkward. It was possible he wasn’t bringing it up for the same reason.
“Nick?” Madeline called out.
“Yeah?” He seemed uncertain as she jumped up from her little table and ran over to him.
“I finished!” she responded, handing him the piece of paper. “Look!”
Nick took the paper from her, an amused smile appearing on his face. “Good job. I couldn’t write as well as you when I was four.”
“I know,” she said, a hint of pride in her voice.
Nick handed the paper back to her, and I stifled a laugh as I noticed that the ‘d’ she’d drawn looked like a ‘b’. Nick’s eyes locked with mine and we exchanged grins, like we were in on our own personal joke.
Just then Mrs. Potts walked in, carrying a large basket of laundry. The towels and blankets were stacked up so high I could barely make out her face over the top.
“Let me help you with that,” I said, immediately rushing over to her.
She placed the basket down and waved me away. “Don’t be silly, I’m fine. You’re done for the day, go and take a break. Do something fun that people your age do.”
“Fun? Um.” I wracked my brain, trying to figure out what could possibly be classed in that category.
I could always change into my PJs and put on a romantic movie. I was always in the mood for The Notebook or A Walk to Remember. Both those movies brought on the waterworks for me.
“Nicholas, what are you doing here?” Mrs. Potts asked, as though she’d just noticed him standing there.
“Uh-” he started to say, looking uncomfortable again and very unlike the smooth-talking Nick who’d first made an impression on me.
“I’m sure you have nothing important to do,” she continued, not waiting for his response. Her tone was brisk and her expression was serious, but I could tell she wasn’t actually annoyed with him. “Why don’t you make yourself useful and take Sky out to dinner?”
Oh, no. No, no. I was not doing this with Nick again. Once was enough and it hadn’t ended well. Repeating it wasn’t my idea of fun—it was pure torture. I wished everyone would stop setting me and Nick up on dates that neither of us wanted to go on.
“I’m sure Nick’s busy,” I started to say.
“Yeah, why not?” Nick said at the exact same time.
We stared at each other. Awkward.
“Good,” she said with a frown. “Take her somewhere nice.”
She spoke to him like a mother would. She definitely didn’t put up with his shit. I liked that.
“Yes, ma’am.”
He locked eyes with me, and my entire world spun out of focus.
This was a bad idea for a multitude of reasons, but the biggest problem now was that I was starting to have trouble separating my attraction to Nick from my dislike for him.
