by Kant, Komal
At the same time, I didn’t want to cause a scene either. Chloe already thought the worst of me, and finding Nick banging on my bedroom door wasn’t going to erase her suspicions.
Brushing aside my tears, I hurried to open it before anyone came to investigate the source of the noise.
When I pulled open the door, Nick’s face was purple-red. Swearing under his breath, he stormed inside and slammed the door shut behind him. He was mad, he was furious, he was downright scary.
“Why the fuck was your door locked?” he demanded, spitting rage in his eyes.
I shrank away from him, but he grabbed my arm so I couldn’t retreat.
“Answer me, Sky!” There was no gentleness in his voice—he was too consumed by his emotions.
Not meeting his eyes, I cast my gaze around the room instead. “You heard what your mother said to me today.” My voice shook as I recalled her cruel words.
Damn. Those tears were forcing their way out again, wanting to escape.
“And you let her get to you?” There was disgust in his voice. “I thought you were stronger than that.”
He wasn’t making me feel any better. As usual, he was making me feel worse. I shouldn’t have let him in here. Nick wasn’t exactly the person you went to when you needed a pep talk. He was worse than Erin.
Speaking of Erin, my phone was vibrating in the palm of my hand. Erin was probably returning my missed calls and the messages I’d sent her complaining about Nick and his mother.
Wrenching myself free from his grasp, I declined Erin’s call and walked over to my bed, placing the phone down on the bedside table.
Nick wasn’t far behind me—he spun me around, grabbing my face with both hands so that I was looking right into his eyes. There was no disgust in them, only anger, and a touch of something else I couldn’t put my finger on.
“Talk to me, Sky.” His tone was a little softer now, coaxing me to speak.
“She called me a whore. I’m not a whore.” My voice trembled, and the floodgates burst as tears poured from my eyes.
Nick’s grip on me slackened, and I used that opportunity to pull away from him and climb onto my soft bed. I didn’t want him to see me cry. God knew what he already thought of me; I didn’t want ‘emotional train wreck’ added to the list.
Crawling under the covers, I turned on my side so I couldn’t see him anymore.
I didn’t care for Nick tonight. I really wanted him to leave. He was always so emotionless and this was exactly the kind of situation he didn’t flourish in. I didn’t need his cold, sarcastic remarks tonight. I just needed comfort. As soon as he left, I was calling up my best friend and crying myself to sleep.
I knew he would leave. He wouldn’t know what to do to console me, and he was selfish enough not to get involved. He was exactly like his mother.
The bedroom light turned off, throwing the room into darkness, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Thank God he was leaving. Now I could actually cry freely and feel miserable in peace.
That was when the bed dipped.
What the hell? Was he sticking around to antagonize me some more? Well, I wasn’t having any of that. I had indulged him with this ridiculous sleeping arrangement for too long. I’d had enough.
“Don’t get into my bed,” I warned, not bothering to turn around. “I don’t need you.”
Obviously, Nick had hearing problems because he shifted around on the bed until he was lying right beside me.
“Nick!” I kicked his leg with mine. “Get out!”
He didn’t move away. Maybe I hadn’t kicked him hard enough.
“Stop throwing a tantrum,” he whispered in my ear, placing his arm over my body like he always did.
Sleeping beside me was what he usually did—the only difference was he’d spoken. We never spoke to each other in bed. Ever. I’d always been worried that if I said anything it would shatter the magic of the spell we created as our bodies intertwined in the darkness.
“I’m-” I started to say, but he cut me off.
“Sky, listen to me.” His voice was low and calm in my ear, like a comforting blanket wrapping itself around my fragile mind. “Someone once told me that we are only as good as we believe ourselves to be. I’ve let myself forget for too long. Don’t let yourself forget who you truly are because of something my mother said.” He sounded wistful, sad even, which truly surprised me.
Hs words caused my chest to stumble to its feet and then leap. It was the nicest thing he’d ever said to me—the depth of his words was reassuring. For a second I wanted to ask who had said that to him, but his wistful tone made me hesitate.
“Yes, but-”
“No buts, no excuses. Live life to your expectations, not anyone else’s.” He pressed his lips against the side of my head. “I know you’re not a whore and trust me, I know whores.”
Even though it was coming from Nick, it actually meant a lot to me. A smile was blossoming in the center of my chest and spreading onto my face. Nick was actually taking away the bad feeling in my body and replacing it with something positive.
Who would’ve thought?
“Thank you,” I said finally, not knowing what else to say.
Minutes passed, and I thought he had fallen asleep until his breath tickled my ear again, making my heart somersault in my chest.
“And Sky?” he asked, his voice soft.
“Yes?”
“Maybe you don’t need me, but I need you.”
I stayed silent. I wasn’t sure what all this meant, but all of a sudden this arrangement between us didn’t seem so bad. I had come to rely on him in a way I couldn’t fully comprehend.
Instead of speaking, I responded by tucking my body closer to his. That was all that needed to be said.
My chest squeezed as he slipped his hand into mine.
In that moment, I didn’t feel like I was beneath him. I felt like we were equals.
***
Yawning, I rolled over to my left, expecting empty space to greet me.
I froze when something solid obstructed my path.
My eyes flew open.
Nick was lying beside me, breathing heavily, both of his arms tucked close to his chest as he slept.
Quickly, I scrambled into a sitting position, blinking several times to make sure my eyes weren’t playing tricks on me.
It was really Nick in all his half-naked glory.
Yes, he was half-naked. I’d never seen him like this before since he never stayed the morning in my room before. It was like this was our secret that we kept hidden away from the rest of the world. At night as he held me close to him, it felt real, but in the morning it was a fading dream that I struggled to hold onto.
The sunlight sneaking in through the gap in my blinds danced across his bare chest, gleaming along the deep grooves on his six-pack. His thick, muscular arms were taut; the tan deep where the sun hit them. The clear cut abs formed a perfect ‘v’ before being cut off by his navy blue, boxer briefs.
I wasn’t going to lie—I was staring at his package. It looked like he had morning wood and he was, um, ginormous.
I know. Kick me in the face. I was staring at Nick’s package like a nutso. What was nutsier was the fact that he was still here.
I didn’t know if I should say something—plus, I didn’t know how far my morning breath would project. I needed to keep mints on my bedside table for emergencies like this.
Nick had no doubt felt the bed shift, because he let out a sexy, sigh-groan sound that only a man could make, and slowly opened his eyes. Blinking away the sleep from his eyes, he studied me as though making sure I was really there.
“Hey,” he whispered finally.
He even smiled.
That smile blew me away. It was like someone had captured a jar of sunshine and slowly let it spread across his handsome face.
“Hey,” I replied, feeling shy all of a sudden.
This felt so intimate—a moment between two people who had shared something special.
What we had was sweet, innocent—something that I wanted to protect because it was in such a vulnerable and tentative stage, like an infant taking its first steps.
Yet in this moment, it felt like he was mine; like we were a couple waking up together with years of practice behind us. I didn’t know how I could feel so uncertain, yet so sure of something in the same instance.
Maybe Nick was right. Maybe we didn’t need to label this. Maybe I just needed to let things be.
My phone’s message tone went off, disrupting my thoughts.
“Could you hand me that, please?” I asked Nick, realizing I’d left it on the bedside table that was on his side of the bed.
“Sure.” He reached over and picked it up, his eyes flickering to the screen as he passed it over to me.
Then his hand froze mid-air, his jaw tensing as he saw something that he clearly didn’t like.
My heartbeat accelerated.
What had he seen? I’d only sent Erin a bunch of messages last night and-
Oh, no. Oh, crap. Crap, crap.
I’d messaged Erin about Nick, telling her how obnoxious he was. How he was being a creeper by climbing into bed with me every night. How I wouldn’t get with him if he was the last guy on the planet. How he disgusted me.
“Nick?” I prompted, almost afraid to rouse him.
Snapping out of his daze, he handed me the phone and got up from the bed so fast, like he’d been zapped by electricity.
My eyes darted to the phone’s screen and my stomach dropped. There were four messages from Erin visible on the screen and they were all about Nick.
You’re right, he is a douchebag and u should stay away
He’s hot but he sounds selfish and immature
And agreed! He’s the whore! Can’t believe he didn’t defend u
If he’s as much of a jerk off as u say then u should tell him to piss off
“Nick,” I started to say as my eyes shot back to him, hoping they conveyed how sorry I was, that I’d been angry and upset when I’d messaged Erin.
“I don’t wanna hear it,” he growled, his tone low.
A vein was throbbing in his neck as he stared at me—his gaze was piercing. It was hard to describe the look on his face, but it looked like he wanted to break something in half. The way his well-muscled upper body heaved in and out in anger, I didn’t doubt his ability to break something in half.
His reaction was freaking me out. I’d done this to him. I could only imagine how he felt. I knew I’d be angry and hurt too if I found out he was bitching about me to his friends.
“I didn’t mean it.” I climbed off the bed, reaching out for him, but he pulled away from me.
He wasn’t even looking at me anymore. He was staring at a spot on the bed as he spoke, hands balled at his sides. “You’re entitled to think whatever you want, Sky. It’s not like I care.” His nostrils flared just the slightest as he gestured a hand between us. “Don’t let yourself get caught up in this. I was just trying to get you to sleep with me, but you’re not worth the time anymore.”
The blow of his words slammed against my chest, and I felt like the air had been knocked from my lungs. He didn’t mean those things. He couldn’t. He was only saying these things to me because he was angry.
As he turned away from me and stormed out of the room, I staggered back onto the bed, feeling winded.
Even though I knew he’d said those things to me in anger, it still felt like something inside my chest was breaking, shattering like fragile glass.
Nick
I should’ve known that all this was too good to be true.
I staggered into my room, heading straight for the liquor cabinet and pouring myself a glass of my favorite whiskey before collapsing into my armchair, feeling exhausted.
For most people, it was too early in the morning, but for me it was never too early for whiskey, especially when this was the easiest remedy to my problems.
Across the room, my reflection stared back at me from the mirror that hung above my dresser. There was stubble across my jaw, my expression was defeated, my eyes downcast—I looked like I’d lost a war.
In a way, I had.
Here I was, a fucking dumbass, throwing away my time with a girl who didn’t give a damn about me; a girl who thought the worst of me.
Normally, I would’ve laughed it off, told her to go fuck herself, and then gone and fucked someone myself. But this time was different; I couldn’t shake off the sick feeling that still lingered. The messages on Sky’s phone had crawled into my head like a worm, eating away at my thoughts.
Douchebag
Selfish
Whore
Jerk
Those were the things her friend had said about me—was that really what Sky thought of me?
I knew I’d been a jerk to Sky from day one, but lately I’d actually been trying with her. I never tried with anyone. I knew my methods weren’t exactly traditional, but in my own way I was trying to show her that I wasn’t who she thought I was.
But I was kidding myself. I was letting myself feel things that I usually shut off.
If that was what Sky really thought of me then that was what she was going to get.
Sky
My book was absorbing.
As I sat curled in the armchair in the library, it took my mind off my Nick problems.
Honestly, I wasn’t even sure why I had Nick problems. Smart girls avoided Nick problems, but I just let myself get drawn further and further into the complex web of his personality.
I wasn’t even paying attention to my book anymore. I was being stupid and sitting here thinking about Nick again.
What was wrong with me? I wasn’t a boy-crazy girl, and up until my arrival at the Ruggarson mansion, I’d had a pretty vanilla kind of life. I’d been raised by a single mother and we’d struggled with money growing up, but I had never let that get to me.
I was that girl who didn’t want anyone’s help—I worked hard to get the things I needed. That was why Chloe’s accusations had cut me deep. That was why I’d been so frustrated with Nick and the entire situation with him that I’d sent Erin messages venting about him.
If I’d known that Nick would ever lay eyes on Erin’s responses, I would never have sent her messages about him in the first place. I didn’t want to hurt him, even though he shrouded himself in an air of indifference. Maybe that was what was drawing me to him—deep down I thought I could fix him, that I could be that girl to change him.
Maybe I was crazy. Maybe it would be to my detriment.
The sound of voices approaching drew my eyes to the doorway of the library. The door was slightly ajar, not enough for me to see who was walking by, but I could clearly distinguish that one of the voices belonged to a woman—an intoxicated one.
My skin crawled.
Nick had brought someone home.
My gut clenched as the door to the library swung open and Nick appeared in the doorway, his expression stony.
“Oh, it’s you,” he said, his voice so cold it sent shivers down my spine.
Nick’s eyes flickered over me, making me squirm in my chair, as a woman stumbled into the library, behind him.
If I had a match and gasoline, I would’ve burned her outfit. Her red dress was so short that I was pretty sure if she tilted too much in one direction, I’d be able to see her vajayjay. She looked like a hooker and not one of those classy ones either. More like the ones with gingivitis who smelled like a toilet.
“Who’s she?” the slutty girl slurred, falling into Nick.
“No one; she works here.” He took a deliberate step away from her, studying her in disdain. “Let’s go to my room. I wanna see if that dress looks just as good off as it does on.”
Our eyes locked, and anger tore through me like a whirlwind as they left the room, the stupid girl giggling at nothing. I couldn’t believe he’d just said I was “no one”. I mean, I didn’t care what the slutty girl thought of me, but it made me angry that he’d even s
aid that.
How dare he bring a girl home when he’d woken up in my bed that very morning. What was he trying to prove? That I could be easily replaced? That I was disposable?
I shouldn’t care so much. It wasn’t like this was news to me—I’d known from the beginning that Nick was a man whore. I was not going to let this get to me.
Who was I kidding? I had every reason to let this get to me. Last night had been something special. Last night, with just the exchange of a few words, we’d connected like we never had before, yet he was going to completely flip the next day over a few, silly text messages?
We had both messed up, but Nick had just taken the lead in the ‘petty and pathetic’ poll.
Nick
This woman disgusted me.
She smelled like sweat and booze, and dressed like a cheap hooker. Her makeup was starting to rub off and I wasn’t finding her attractive in any way. Yeah, I’d put on this act in front of Sky, trying to make it out like this girl and I were going to get it on, but that wasn’t true.
At first I had gone out with the intention of bringing home a random girl, rubbing it in Sky’s face, and then fucking said random girl. But when I’d come home and finally found Sky in the library—under the guise of giving the random girl a tour of the house—I’d quickly changed my mind.
Maybe it was the way Sky had been curled up in the armchair by the window, with a book in one hand and a box of macarons sitting beside her on the window sill. Maybe it was just the fact she was here, in my home as a steadying presence I couldn’t ignore.
She wasn’t out getting shitfaced drunk, hooking up with guys, or doing anything crazy. She was content being on her own reading a book and that appealed to me for some reason.
Which was why the girl sucking on my neck had to go.
“I need you to leave,” I said, pushing her off me.
I wasn’t sure what her name was. She’d shouted it at me in the bar, but I hadn’t cared enough to hear it. It could’ve been ‘Tessa’.
The girl’s face fell and she struggled to sit up. “Why? We’re having so much fun.” Her hand drifted down my shirt and to my belt.
