by Kant, Komal
“Are you jealous?” I asked tentatively. “Is that it?”
Nick’s eyes widened in bewilderment, and his hands fell from my waist. “What? No. That’s not it.” He closed his eyes as if he was trying to wrap his mind around my words. “Why would you think that?”
“The way you warned Matt off me was absolutely ridiculous. I thought you and I were starting to form some kind of a connection.” I laughed, feeling stupid for even voicing how I really felt. It wasn’t like Nick cared, but I’d come this far so I might as well finish. “But after you brought that girl home last night, you don’t get to tell me what to do. I’m no one to you.” The words tasted like ash in my mouth.
Nick let out a frustrated groan as he looked away from me. He actually seemed uncomfortable with what I’d said. When he finally glanced back at me, there was a frown on his mouth.
“Sky, what I said last night was stupid. I was drunk and pissed off because of the text messages. I was being a jerk; I’ll be the first to admit it.”
His words blew me away. Was he actually apologizing to me? Had all the alcohol made him delusional? This was definitely out of character for him.
“Uhghf.” I made a weird gurgly sound, like I was rinsing my mouth out with mouthwash. I seriously needed to learn how to talk.
“I mean it.” He reached out and took my hand; his fingers grazed against my skin making me feel hot and cold, and everything in between. “I’m sorry, Sky. I have this tendency to fuck up anything that means something to me.”
I couldn’t help but feel bad for him. I’d been working my way to an apology yesterday—even though he’d said he had only been trying to have sex with me—until he’d brought that girl home.
“Yesterday wasn’t a good day for me, and messaging Erin was my way of venting. I’m sorry for saying those things about you.” I hesitated, unsure of whether to continue or not. Nick was still listening, so I went on. “But sleeping with a random girl shouldn’t be the solution to your problem. It shouldn’t be your way to get back at me.”
My head dropped—I couldn’t keep the sadness out of my voice as I spoke. What he’d done had hurt me in a way I couldn’t explain.
“I didn’t sleep with her.”
He whaaa?
My head snapped up so fast it felt like I was coming back to life. “You didn’t? Really?” It was hard to keep the surprise from my voice. I had not been expecting this.
“No.” His gaze was steady. I knew he was telling the truth.
“Why?” My heart was starting to flutter so fast it felt as though someone had injected adrenaline into me.
“Sky, you know why.” His eyes dipped to my lips.
I stopped breathing.
The air hummed around us.
“There is only one girl I want to lie beside at night and that girl is you.”
In that moment, in the blue of his eyes, I came undone.
Chapter Fifteen
Nick
Lying beside Sky was the most natural feeling in the world.
Being away from her for even a single night had been difficult. There was something familiar and comforting about her that I couldn’t quite explain. It was like the pull of two objects that were undeniably drawn to each other despite the consequences.
She could save me. I could ruin her.
What finally made it real was her voice whispering in my ear as we lay in her bed. At first it was just small talk—like we were testing the waters of our relationship, dipping in our toes tentatively in fear of getting wet—but that small talk with her made everything real. It made me wonder why I was so resistant about vocalizing what was going on between us.
But things were changing now. The whispered conversation in the darkness made me realize that Sky was someone I was starting to trust. She was someone I had feelings for.
“Middle name?” Sky asked.
“Hmm?”
Thrown off by her question, my hold on her arm slackened. She shifted around until she was facing me in the darkness. It was hard to make out her features, but I could see her dark eyes gleaming at me.
“I don’t know your middle name,” she elaborated. “I feel like I’m entitled to that information since I let you sleep in my bed.”
I felt a smile sneak its way onto my face. Sky had this way of saying the most random things that made me smile—she made me happy, weirdness and all. I liked that about her. I liked that she wanted to know these things about me. I honestly couldn’t say how long it’d been since a girl had wanted to know anything about me.
Sky was a change I welcomed. She didn’t hold back or try to please me. She spoke her mind—she was real.
That’s what my life had been lacking. I needed someone like her to remind me that I was being a jerk. I needed her to keep me grounded. Being with her gave me hope that I could go back to being the person I’d once been.
I hesitated. “It’s Wilfred.”
“Wilfred?” Sky snorted in disbelief. “Really?”
Heat crept up my neck. “It was my grandfather’s name,” I said as though it was supposed to justify having a middle name like that.
“Oh, I see.” Her tone was serious as she spoke. “Nicholas Winnifred. It has character about it.”
“Wilfred!” I corrected, to which she collapsed beside me, bursting into laughter.
“I’m sorry!” she said, as her laughter subsided a little. “It’s just I didn’t take you for a Wilfred. Womanizing Wilfred.” She started laughing all over again.
I couldn’t help it. I started laughing too. My name was ridiculous, especially when she put it like that.
As Sky’s laughter finally died down, she slipped her hand into mine, causing my skin to tingle at her touch. I wonder if she could feel it too.
“No, I really do like it. It’s…” She paused, as though searching for the right word. “Unique.”
“Unique? I can settle for that.”
After a stretch of silence, Sky said, “Your turn.”
For a second, I was confused until I realized she wanted me to ask her a question. “Um.” I wracked my brain, wondering what to ask her.
I normally didn’t make conversation with the girls I brought home, aside from talking dirty to them. I was going to assume that asking her if she wanted it harder wouldn’t go down so well.
“What’s your favorite movie?” I settled on something basic, something easy.
“Ooh, tough one. I’m going to have to go with Titanic.” Her voice became wistful, dreamy. “The way Jack sketched that portrait of Rose was so romantic. It was such a cute display of love.”
I had expected her answer to be something like that. She seemed to live anything in the romance genre.
“Wasn’t she naked? And didn’t she ask him to draw her?” I questioned. “Seems like she just wanted him to see the goods.”
“Stop!” She swatted me on the arm, letting her hand stay on my bicep. “It is romantic, okay?”
“If you say so.” I tried to sound nonchalant, but my entire attention was focused on her arms on the bare skin of my arm.
I wanted her to run her fingers over my arm. I wanted her to climb on top of me. I wanted her to touch me so bad, because goddamn I wanted to touch her.
“It’s my turn, isn’t it? Hmm. What’s something I don’t know about you?” she mused. “What about your favorite food?”
“Whiskey,” I said without hesitation, trying to douse my thoughts.
“That’s not food!” She shifted beside me, disapproval clear in her voice. “And excessive alcohol drinking is really bad for you.”
“Anything can be bad for you if you always look at the negative.” I paused. “A medium-rare steak.”
“Mmm, yum. With a side of garlic mashed potatoes?”
“Yeah,” I said, nodding, “and a glass of red wine.”
“That’s food porn right there,” Sky agreed with a yawn. “I like it.”
“I like you,” I whispered loud enough for her to hear.
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��d said it without thinking. I hadn’t meant to. The words had just fallen out of my mouth before I could filter them.
“I like you, too,” she whispered back, her tone tentative like she wasn’t quite sure what she was saying.
I wanted to say something else, something a little more reassuring than a simple “I like you” but I wasn’t sure how to vocalize all the things that tumbled through my mind when I was with her.
I wanted to tell her that because of her, my favorite scent was now jasmine. I wanted to tell her that first thing in the morning, as the sun crept across her face, she took my breath away. I wanted to tell her that her smile was so warming it slowly put the broken pieces of my heart back together.
But I didn’t say any of those things. I was scared—scared I would lose her. So I stayed silent, entangling my fingers with hers instead.
After a few of minutes, Sky’s breathing became slow and rhythmic and I knew she’d fallen asleep.
I lay there for a while, listening to her steady breathing, before a sense of peace descended over me and I let sleep overtake me, too.
Sky
Nick and I had talked last night. We never talked.
I wasn’t sure if it was a fluke or if this was the natural direction our relationship was going in—the right direction.
At least he was making an effort and slowly opening up. It made me feel like he actually did care. Since he’d started sleeping in my bed, he’d never once tried to make a move on me. I wasn’t sure what he was waiting for. A part of me wanted him to make a move, but another part of me was terrified of what would happen after the move was made.
Nick and I were very different people with very different lives. Then there was the whole thing where I worked for his family. His evil mother was also an issue. There was just no way a relationship would ever work between us.
I froze in the middle of pulling my shoes on.
Wow. I was actually thinking about being in a relationship with Nick. That would never have happened a week ago.
The sound of my phone ringing broke me out of my thoughts—which was lucky because my thoughts were starting to verge on ridiculous.
When I pulled it out of my pocket and saw a number I didn’t recognize flash across the screen. That was weird. The only person who ever called me was Erin.
“Hello?” I said uncertainly, not sure who to expect on the other end.
“Hey there, Nanny,” came a smooth voice I was becoming well-acquainted with.
“Matt?” I asked, surprised to hear his voice.
He chuckled on the other end. “Well, don’t blow me away with your enthusiasm all at once.”
“Sorry, I didn’t expect it to be you.” I sat myself down on the edge of the bed, staring down at my feet that only had one shoe. “Is it about that time I file a restraining order? How did you get my number?”
“I promise, I only watch from a distance. I’m harmless, really.” Matt laughed again. “I asked Emily for your number, actually. I wanted to know if you were interested in going out to dinner?”
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” I said, chewing on my bottom lip uncertainly.
I did like Matt. He seemed like a genuinely nice guy who knew how to have fun. But I didn’t want to rub Nick the wrong way. It was obvious he had a problem with Matt. After the blowout last night, I knew he would get mad if I hung out with Matt.
“If you’re worried about Nick, that’s who I wanted to talk about,” Matt hurried on. “I think you and I could find some clarity if we spoke to each other.”
On the other hand, there was a lot more to Nick that I wanted to know, especially why he was so cold towards Matt. Maybe Matt would confide in me or at least point me in the right direction.
“Fine,” I agreed slowly, reaching for my other show, “but if you wanted to ask me out on a date, you should’ve just said so.”
Matt and I had built this kind of relationship where we were comfortable with joking with each other about this kind of things. Things were never awkward between us; the conversation just flowed.
“Ah, damn,” he said, his voice full of mock embarrassment, “you caught me! I don’t know what to do now.”
“Just pick me up eight and bring flowers. I like lilies.” With that I hung up.
***
When I went upstairs to wake up Madeline, I was surprised to find Nick was already in the room, sitting on the floor with her playing with Barbie dolls.
They didn’t notice me right away, so I lingered in the doorway watching the incredibly cute exchange between them.
“What should we do today, sissy?” Madeline asked, bobbing her blonde Barbie close to the brunette one Nick was holding.
“I know!” Nick said, his voice high-pitched and girly. “Let’s go shopping and then get our nails done.”
“Good idea!”
I stifled a laugh as Nick and Madeline sat their Barbies down in the pink toy car and Madeline started pushing it around while Nick made ‘vroom vroom’ sounds. I was impressed with how well he was doing with Madeline now. She seemed to have opened up around him as well.
As though sensing my presence, Nick’s eyes fluttered to the doorway. He gave me a small smile as I straightened up and walked into the room.
“Playing Barbies without me?” I asked, tucking a strand of loose hair behind my ear.
“Sky!” Madeline jumped up in excitement and ran to me, nearly knocking the air out of my lungs as she hugged me with too much strength for a four-year-old. “I’ll get you a Barbie so you can play, too!”
“Okay, sounds good,” I said, barely managing to ruffle her hair before she bounded off to her dollhouse.
“Hey,” Nick said, getting to his feet and approaching me while I waited for Madeline, “you have the night off, right?”
“Yeah, I do.” I nodded.
He seemed nervous, glancing off to the side as he ran a hand through his hair. “Do you want to go out to dinner? There’s a seafood restaurant on the boardwalk that has I really like, or we could go to Arby’s this time? We could watch one of your girly, romance movies afterwards?”
I opened my mouth to say yes, but then stopped myself as I remembered that I was having dinner with Matt tonight.
“Uh, I can’t.” Heat pooled in my cheeks. “I have plans already.”
“With who?” Nick scrutinized me with a tilted head, and I suddenly felt extremely self-conscious.
“Um, uh,” I stammered, feeling flustered, “with Matt.” I practically whispered his name, but judging from the way contempt filled Nick’s face, I knew he’d heard me loud and clear.
“Right. Okay.” His jaw tensed. His eyes grew cold. “Have fun.” His tone dripped with sarcasm.
I knew I’d done something wrong. I knew I should apologize or say something to reassure him. But I was so frozen by his coldness that I couldn’t bring myself to say anything to make the situation better.
Muttering something under his breath that sounded very much like a curse word, he turned and walked away just as Madeline ran up beside me.
“Sky! You can be Jessie,” she said, holding out a Barbie with red hair.
I managed to give her a meek smile in return, even though my insides had curled up into the fetal position and were left aching with Nicholas’ departure.
Nick
My fist slammed into the wall.
The pain barely registered. I couldn’t see clearly, that’s how furious I was. Anger was throbbing throughout my body as Sky’s words repeated in my head, like an echo I couldn’t escape.
I couldn’t believe Matt had the nerve to take Sky out on a date, even after I’d told him I didn’t like them getting close.
What had me in even more disbelief was the fact that Sky had said yes. Why would she do that when she and I, well, I wasn’t sure what to call it. There wasn’t a label in the world to define our situation right now.
I couldn’t say for sure if we were quite friends. We definitely weren’t a couple. We
definitely weren’t friends with benefits. I’d initially been so adamant about not labeling our relationship, not stopping to think that maybe one day I’d want to define it myself.
It absolutely bothered me that Sky was going out with Matt and that something might happen between them. She had no reason not to kiss him or do more if the opportunity presented itself.
The thought of her kissing Matt made my blood boil, and I clenched my fists so I wouldn’t punch the wall again.
If Sky got serious with another guy, things would be over between us. I would lose the comfort I found with her during the night. I would lose the moments I got to spend with her. I would lose her.
And I couldn’t let that happen again. I couldn’t lose her when I’d only just found her.
Chapter Sixteen
Sky
Here I sat, palms clammy, watching Matt from across the table as he ordered a fancy sounding wine that I was confident I wouldn’t be able to pronounce. It had sounded suspiciously close to ‘bronchitis’, but I wasn’t going to make a fool of myself by asking him the actual name.
I wasn’t nervous exactly; I was verging on impatient and stressed, hence the gross palms. I hurriedly wiped them on the napkin I’d laid across my lap.
When the waiter walked away, Matt’s gaze returned to me. “I like a good red wine with my meal,” he informed me.
I honestly didn’t care for small talk. I did like Matt, but I’d risked upsetting Nick by going to dinner him. Call me bitchy, but I was impatient for Matt to get to the point.
“That’s nice.”
With a sigh, I let my eyes wander around the classy, Italian restaurant Matt had brought me to. There was a delicate, glass chandelier hanging in the center of the room, the floor was a beautiful marble, the waiters were impeccably dressed—this place was beautiful, but my heart just wasn’t in the moment.
I wanted to be out of the moment. I wanted to be at home with the people who were starting to feel like family. Most of all, I didn’t want Nick to be mad at me.
“I guess you want me to get to the point, huh?” Matt asked, giving me a small smile when my eyes fell back on him.
