by Kant, Komal
He took a step closer. “Sky,” he whispered, causing me to close my eyes as I waited for him to do something. “I want you.”
My breath caught in my throat as a drum pounded inside my chest. With a few simple words, he made me feel whole yet fragile all at once.
I was like stone—strong, resilient, unwavering. He was the wind—wild, harsh, unpredictable. He had the power to wear me down, slowly yet surely. And finally he had worn me down.
“I want you, too,” I whispered back.
When his fingers brushed against my skin, I crumbled.
Nick
Every part of me wanted to have sex with Sky—to hear her moan and scream my name as she writhed beneath me.
But something stopped me.
I wanted her to know that this meant more to me than a quick fuck. We had already waited so long; one more night was not going to make a difference.
And, besides, I had slept alone for a whole week. Tonight I just wanted to hold her close.
Taking a shaky breath, I used all my self-control to push all those dirty thoughts away and take Sky’s hand.
“I just want to lie with you, Sky,” I said, leading her back to my bed. “Is that okay?”
Holy fucking shit, I sounded like an inexperienced, little boy. But I didn’t give a fuck.
Things were starting to make sense to me—things that I should have realized a long time ago. It didn’t matter if I slept with twenty girls because nothing would ever come close to the feeling I got from just being and existing in the same space with someone who truly cared about me.
That someone was Sky.
“Nick,” she said, her voice gentle, “anything is okay.”
I think that was when I knew. In that moment, in the muted darkness, with her soft features lit up by slivers of the moon, I knew that Sky was the girl I never thought I’d have in my life ever again.
And I would not lose her.
Sky
I woke up in Nick’s arms, wrapped up in his crisp, soapy scent.
Boy, I liked the way he smelled now. It was a nice change from the cigarette, booze, and cheap whore smell—yes, ‘cheap whore’ was a legitimate smell—that usually lingered around him.
His eyes fluttered open at almost the exact same time and two blue orbs peered at me in confusion, like he was trying to make sense of what he was seeing.
“I thought you were a dream,” he said in a low tone.
“Really? Why?” I asked with a laugh.
“Because,” he said, covering his mouth to yawn. “We haven’t spoken in a week.”
“And why is that?” I asked, propping myself up on an elbow. “Why do you do this thing where you run away and never confront anything?”
Nick mimicked my position, studying me coolly. “Hey, you didn’t exactly talk to me, either.”
When I shot him an unimpressed look, he heaved a sigh and sat up properly. “I don’t know, Sky. It’s easier for me to run away, I guess. It’s what I’ve always done.”
I sat up too and fixed him with a firm stare. “Then stop running away. Face your fears or your issues, whatever’s bothering you, just fucking deal with it.”
He stayed silent, but I could see the frustration creeping into his face. He knew I was right, that’s why he wasn’t saying anything.
I hesitated, wondering if I should bring up the other night. I didn’t see any reason not to. We were practically naked—what was the point of holding back?
“The other night you ran away after we kissed. That’s not a normal reaction after kissing someone.”
I was actually mortified about that last part. What if something was wrong with me? Maybe that’s why he’d run away.
Nick mussed up his dark hair, his brows knitted. “It’s complicated, Sky. It’s just, you make me feel.” His eyes met mine, and he looked torn for a second. “I don’t remember caring about anyone like this in years. I’ve taught myself not to care because that way I won’t get hurt.”
His words touched me in a way like nothing else he’d ever said had before. He actually cared about me, and I had a feeling he didn’t throw that word around to every girl he was with.
With a sad smile, I crawled over to his side of the bed and grasped his face in my hands. His eyes grew in surprise, but he didn’t pull away.
“It’s okay to care,” I said fiercely. “It’s okay to be hurt and to feel pain. That’s how we grow. I don’t know you are the way you are, but one day you have to move on from the person you are now.”
He gave me a smile that didn’t quite meet his eyes. “Sometimes I wonder how you came into my life.”
“Well,” I mused, pulling away from him, “I yelled at you in a coffee shop and then ended up being your employee.”
“Lucky me,” he said, his eyes crinkling at the edges. I could tell he was feeling better now. “Do you want to go down for breakfast?”
“Sure,” I said with a nod. “Let me go to my room and get changed really quickly.”
“Okay, see you soon,” Nick said, tucking a loose curl behind my ear.
As I hopped off the bed and departed his room, I shot him a look over my shoulder, knowing that he was still holding something back from me.
Nick
I had come so close—so close to telling her the truth about my life.
Yet, once again, I had failed to get the words out.
I should know by now that Sky wouldn’t judge me, but what worried me was what came after I told her everything. I had become so adjusted to living this oblivious life, avoiding my responsibilities, dancing around the truth. I didn’t know how to do things differently.
What worried me was change.
Sky
I was probably the unluckiest person in the world.
When Nick and I walked into the dining room, the delicious smell of breakfast wasn’t the only thing that greeted us. Everyone was there—Oscar, Chloe, Madeline, Mrs. Potts, Emily, Lisa, Ben, Jordan, and Jessica. Like I said, everyone.
Chloe looked like she was being tortured, that’s how pained her expression was. Oscar, on the other hand had this smug look on his face, like he had just won a secret war no one knew about. Nick’s friends were staring around at each other with wide eyes, while Emily was the only one who seemed calm and at ease.
It was like the walk of shame, except I wasn’t doing it alone. It didn’t make the sinking feeling of embarrassment in my stomach go away, though. I knew what everyone was thinking even though they were wrong. Nick and I had not slept together.
“Why are they holding hands?” Madeline asked in her candid way.
Realizing Nick still had a hold of my hand, I quickly tried to escape it. But he held on and refused to let go.
I turned and shot him a withering look but he only shrugged a shoulder in response. He didn’t care what anyone thought. This was new. I wasn’t expecting him to be so open about this. I liked this side of Nick. Honestly, I liked any side of Nick that wasn’t the rude and arrogant side.
“Because they like each other,” Mrs. Potts explained kindly.
“Oh,” Madeline said loudly, staring between the two of us in fascination. “Okay!” She promptly returned to eating her pancakes as Nick and I walked over to the food table.
I was hoping everyone else would follow suit and return to their conversations, but we weren’t so lucky. Everyone was still staring at us like we were extraterrestrials. I couldn’t blame them. Right now I kind of felt like I was from outer space.
My hands were shaking so badly as I starting scooping something onto my plate that Nick, who I hadn’t even realized was beside me, had to serve me instead.
After Nick poured us both cups of coffee and grabbed himself a breakfast muffin, we walked over to the dining table. Chloe shot me daggers as Nick pulled out my chair for me, before taking the seat beside me. He did all this with a cool demeanor, like he could care less what anyone in the room thought.
“Did you enjoy your night, dear?” Oscar asked me in
his usual pleasant tone.
“Oh, I bet she did,” Jordan teased from my left, digging his elbow into my side.
I shrank away, mortified. “Um.” I tried not to choke on my pancake. “Yes, it was great.”
“Great, huh?” Ben asked with a wink from across the table.
“Stop it, you two!” Jessica chided. “I think it’s absolutely adorable.”
“So, it’s official, huh?” Lisa asked, a grin spreading across her face.
Everyone was talking at once and I was starting to feel overwhelmed. I didn’t really know how to respond to any of their questions, so I just continued to let a hot flush creep onto my face. Up until now, Nick hadn’t said a word. It was like he was letting everyone get their questions and comments out before he said anything.
“If I had to put a label on it then ‘official’ seems appropriate,” Nick said, completely calm as he drank his coffee.
Even my mouth dropped open at that. Nick had never even admitted to me what we were—we were kind of just taking each day as it came.
“That’s so exciting!” Emily cheered, which resulted in everyone talking all at once again.
I noticed Chloe’s bottom lip curl as she watched us with cold eyes. I didn’t think she felt ‘official’ was appropriate at all, but she pursed her lips and said nothing. On the other hand, Oscar looked like Christmas had come early.
“I’m so glad that you’ve found a wonderful, young lady,” he said, looking at Nick.
Nick gave his dad a slight head nod before looking at me out of the corner of his eye. He reached for my hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze, and I immediately relaxed.
Last night had cemented something in our relationship—something that up until now had been unsaid, almost like it was a dirty secret. The fact that he had said this in front of everyone was a little dizzying and kind of awkward. I still couldn’t believe he’d done that. I had definitely not been expecting it. I guess in a way it affirmed that the time we spent together really did mean something more to him, that it wasn’t just a game.
I knew it sounded bizarre and crazy, but I was starting to have feelings for Nick too. Real, actual feelings where I didn’t just want to high-kick him in the face. Which I did still want to do from time to time, but now I actually enjoyed his company. Now he was a constant.
“We’re going out to Shockwave tonight,” Lisa announced, changing the subject. “You two should come to celebrate your officialness.”
I had no idea what Shockwave was or if ‘officialness’ was a real word.
“I don’t know if I want to go to a club tonight,” Nick said slowly. “I was going to take Sky out to dinner.”
Oh, it was a club. Yeah, definitely not my thing.
“You can meet us there afterwards,” Lisa said, her tone steady as she fixed her deep blue eyes on Nick. “Be there or I’ll hunt you down.”
Nick didn’t say anything, but from the way the corner of his mouth twitched, I could tell he was amused by his friend’s comment.
“You too, Emily,” Jessica said, fixing her with a stern gaze. “We expect you there considering you’ve bailed on us multiple times already. Just because you’re eighteen now and in college doesn’t mean you stop having fun.”
Emily let out a tinkling laugh, not seeming offended at all by Jessica’s comment. “Alright, I guess I can make time to go.”
“I’m not even going to ask how my eighteen-year-old daughter will be able to get into a club,” Oscar said, rubbing the side of his head with two fingers.
“Good idea, Mr. Ruggarson,” Ben grinned, a twinkle in his eye. “There are just some things you don’t need to know.”
Chapter Twenty
Nick
Later that night, as the darkness of the sky settled in around us, we sat side by side on the hood of my BMW eating out of a Burger King bag, our feet dangling off the edge.
I wasn’t sure if eating fast food had become our “thing”, but honestly I didn’t care. I would eat a hundred onion rings for this girl every day for the rest of my life it that’s what it took to make her happy.
I guess my spot had kind of become our spot now, and I honestly didn’t mind sharing it with Sky. I was perfectly content sitting here in the silence, gazing at the stars scattered across the dark canvas above us.
I couldn’t remember being this happy a long time ago, not worrying about anything, being myself as the conversation flowed easily. I had never been able to put my finger on exactly what it was about Sky that had initially drawn me to her, but now it was finally dawning on me that she reminded me of a girl I once used to know. A girl who had left and broken my heart.
But I was slowly starting to realize that I couldn’t let the girl from the past haunt me. At some point I had to face my demons and learn to live again.
I turned to her, tilting my head to the side as I watched the way the gentle breeze teased her inky black hair. It hit me that there was so much more I wanted to know about Sky, but had never asked her.
“I want to know you,” I told her, wiping my greasy fingers on a napkin and tossing it back into the bag. “I want to know more about you.”
She turned to me in surprise, chewing on an onion ring as she paused. “There’s not a lot to me. I’m an only child, was raised by a single mother, and I’m good with children.”
“What’s your story then? There must be something wrong with you. No one can be that perfect.” I knew I sounded stupid as soon as the last few words left my mouth.
“Perfect?” Her eyes grew wide. “You think I’m perfect? I’m not perfect, not even close. I wish I was out there doing what I really wanted to do with my life, not working as a nanny. I wish we’d had more money growing up. I wish my mother was still alive.” Her eyes fell away from mine and she seemed lost—lost in the life I knew nothing about.
“You lost your mother?” I asked, my chest constricting painfully.
She nodded. “A year ago. I barely made it through financially and emotionally. My friend, Erin, had to take me in. So don’t tell me I’m perfect, because I’m not; I just decided I wasn’t going to be a victim and let my worries get the better of me.”
She gave me a pointed look and I caught her meaning. My heart was sad for her, sad for her loss; it was something I could relate to.
“You don’t know what I’ve been through.” My tone was defensive and I realized how childish I sounded. I was not smooth, suave Nicholas Ruggarson tonight—I felt more vulnerable because I could perceive Sky was trying to see into me and figure me out.
“And I don’t need to know,” she said with a shrug. “I can see you’ve been through something difficult, but our problems are only as big as we let them become.”
I lifted my head up into the sky. “Someone once told me that we are only as good as we believe ourselves to be. I’ve let myself forget for too long.”
I had to crawl out of the dark hole and find the light again. I had to go back to being that person I had once been—the person that Sky had never met but kept believing was in there somewhere.
“That someone was right,” she said, her dark eyes finding mine.
All of a sudden, something came over me, like if I didn’t kiss Sky in that moment then something would be lost. I wanted to kiss the girl I held every night before I closed my eyes. I wanted her to know that the nights I couldn’t fall asleep because my thoughts tortured me, she was the only one who could calm me down.
Without really thinking, I pulled her to me. My mouth found hers—slowly, softly, Sky’s lips parted, then fused with mine like they’d always been one. I could feel her chest pounding against me; our breathing became one; I could feel her heartbeat in my throat.
It wasn’t a desperate, wild kiss—it was slow, it was searching. It was a kiss that was telling a story without words—it was telling our story.
Kissing Sky was like welcoming the spring after a harsh winter—she was ice melting; she was flowers blooming; she was the smell of fresh earth—she
was life. And, right now, that life was finding its way through my body, touching my very core.
I felt like I could breathe, after so many years of meaningless sex, of being alone, of trying to distract myself instead of facing my past and owning up to my mistakes; I was finally finding myself again.
Sky
There was only Nick and me, and serenity.
There were only his lips and the warmth cascading into my stomach from his touch.
This moment was perfect. This moment was ours.
The sky, the stars, and the darkness were above us. And I—crumbling, melting, unraveling—was beneath him.
***
Clubs weren’t my favorite place to be. They were too noisy, smelled like a combination of sweat and puke, and there were always people in your personal space. I happened to like my personal space very much.
So, how had we decided to round up our perfect evening? Yep, at a club. I would have preferred eating my Burger King and then curling up in bed and watching a movie, but Lisa had been adamant that we join her, and I liked her too much to refuse.
To be fair, Lisa hadn’t picked a seedy club. This was one of those nicer, upscale ones where the interior wasn’t cheap and the restrooms didn’t have pee on the floor. It was clear that this was where the wealthy Beverly Hills partiers hung out. I was pretty sure I’d even caught sight of that girl with the beehive who was on a trashy MTV reality show.
Currently, I was lurking in a quiet corner by myself. Nick, Ben, and Jordan had gone outside to smoke and then were going to the bar to get drinks, and I could just make out the girls letting loose on the dance floor. Literally. Hair, boobs, ass—everything was letting loose. Lisa and Jessica were dropping it like it was Sahara desert hot and they didn’t care.
Emily had gone to the restroom, probably because the club scene wasn’t really her thing either. She was a book worm like me, and I could tell her idea of a good time was to do a quiet activity.
My skin crawled as someone grabbed my ass from behind, and I turned around and shot them the dirtiest look that was in my arsenal, getting ready to sock them right in the nose.
