by Kant, Komal
I was like those flowers in the dying garden. I’d come into this house feeling bright and alive, but now I was dead. I was numb. I felt so confused over everything that had happened that I was sure I was still dreaming and very soon I would wake up from what had quickly become a nightmare.
My biggest problem was that I was in love with a jerk. I was in love with the Coffee Shop Jerk, and he had turned out to be even jerkier than I’d ever imagined.
The kind of love I’d had for him had crept up on me. I never knew love could be like that—I’d always imagined love to be like a shock to my system, complete with a soaring soundtrack, and a grand romantic gesture.
This love was built on comfort. It was built on need. That didn’t make it any less valid than the love I found in fiction. This was just our version of love.
Even though Nick had kept a secret from me, even though he had refused to let Madeline into his life, that didn’t mean I had no love for him. I cared so much because I did love him.
“If I sit with you, do you promise not to run away?”
Nick’s voice made me jump to my feet. I spun around to find him standing a few feet away, an uncertain expression on his face as he studied me.
For some reason I was breathing heavily, as though I’d just run a few laps around the garden. I needed to calm the heck down.
“That depends,” I said slowly, resuming my seat on the bench again as I tried to compose myself. “How many other children are you keeping a secret?”
The corner of his mouth twitched as he approached. “Well, there was this one girl a while back who stalked me for a few months and said she wanted to have my babies. She always had this wide-eyed stare that made me feel like she was plotting to kidnap me.”
I tried to act cool. “Interesting.”
“Ben was praying I would end up with her, but only for the entertainment he got out of her craziness.” Nick sat down beside me and stretched out his legs in front of him.
“Hmm.”
“Here,” he said, holding out something towards me.
My eyes dropped to his hand and I saw that it was a Burger King bag. “Um, what?”
I was confused for a second. Was he encouraging me to eat my feelings? Because I was pretty damn emotional right now and could eat my weight in all the feelings I was experiencing.
He shrugged and simply said, “It’s our thing.”
My brows shot up as I took the bag from him. “I guess it is our thing,” I said with a dry laugh, pulling out an onion ring and popping it into my mouth.
The crunchy, greasy bite of deliciousness was exactly what I needed. Why did the good tasting food also have to be the food that went straight to my already thick thighs?
I placed the bag down on the center of the bench so that it was acting as a buffer between us. Then I waited for Nick to speak; I knew he wouldn’t have sought me out if he didn’t have something to say.
“What are you doing out here?” he asked finally.
“Thinking about what a jerk you are,” I blurted out immediately, not really caring if I hurt his feelings or not.
He laughed. “I figured as much.”
“Is there something you want to say?” I asked, growing impatient.
The cold was finally getting to me, and I wanted to hide away in the safety of my room for the rest of the day curled up with a cup of hot chocolate and possibly a romance novel with no happily-ever-after.
“You’re angry at me?” he asked, tilting his head to the side to study me.
This actually annoyed me more because his chocolate-colored hair fell into his eyes, making him look even more attractive. Damn him.
I took a steadying breath, gripping the edge of the cold bench with numb fingers. “I have every reason to be mad. I have every reason to be upset. I thought the feelings we had for each other were real, yet you kept something so huge from me. You even kept it from your own daughter.” My voice had risen as I spoke, but I didn’t care. He had to know how much he’d hurt me.
He buried his head in his hands, mussing up his hair. He was obviously frustrated, but so was I.
I didn’t have time for this. I had my own things to figure out, and being around Nick clouded my judgment. Just seeing him like this, so agitated, made me want to comfort him, but I couldn’t do it. I had to do something for myself.
I made a move to stand up, and the sound must’ve alerted Nick because his head snapped up immediately.
“Sky, wait!” he cried, jumping up and advancing towards me.
“No, just stop!” I yelled, holding out a palm in front of him as I took a few steps backwards, stumbling a little.
Within seconds, Nick had pushed my hand aside and wrapped me up in his arms. He pressed his forehead against mind; his sapphire eyes seemed to be peering into the depths of my soul.
I shivered against him, but it wasn’t because of the cold. It was because my feelings for him were undeniable. Where his skin touched mine, my body felt alive. Every inch of me was yearning for him, despite everything.
“Just hear me out, just this once,” he whispered, his eyes desperate. “Then you never have to have anything to do with me again if that’s your decision.”
There was no way I could refuse him when he looked at me like that, as though I was the only thing that mattered.
“Fine,” I muttered, a stubborn edge to my voice.
He smirked at that, then loosened his hold on me a little, but not enough so that I could get away if I changed my mind.
“I built the last few years of my life around a memory that I would never get back again,” he began, his voice gentle, his eyes piercing. “That memory was Celia. She was my everything up until the day Madeline was born. When I lost her, the only way I could cope was by losing myself.”
“Yes, but what about Madeline?” I demanded. “She needed you. She needed her father.”
He sighed, dropping his arm away from me. “I know that now. Back then I was younger, I was stupid, and I was selfish. All I cared about was my own pain and numbing it somehow. I didn’t care about the pain of anyone else around me. But I’m going to change for my daughter. I’m going to change for you.”
He whispered that last part, his words hanging in the air between us. I didn’t know how to respond to that admission. I was still hurt that he’d kept me in the dark.
“Nick, I wish you would’ve told me this sooner.” I couldn’t keep the judgment out of my voice. “I would’ve understood. I know what it’s like to lose someone. I told you about my mother. I trusted you. Why didn’t you trust me?” Tears pricked my eyes and I turned my head away, unable to look at him.
His hand touched my cheek as he turned my face back towards his. That single touch had me trembling, making me lean into him to steady myself. This man had the power to unravel me completely, but he also had the power to hold me together.
“I do trust you, Sky. I was just scared I’d lose you if the truth came out.” His breath caressed my lips, and a part of me desperately wanted to kiss them.
“I-I feel so stupid,” I stammered, trying to push away the urge to touch him. “I don’t even know if I can stay.”
“No,” Nick growled, his grip on me tightening. “You have to stay. I need you. Madeline needs you.”
“I don’t know.” I bowed my head. “I don’t know if I can work here after knowing what I know.”
And that was the truth. That was what had been stewing on my mind for the last few days. As much as I adored Madeline, it would be impossible for me to continue working here and being around Nick.
“I don’t want you to stay here as an employee.” Nick’s words startled me for a second, and a sick feeling set in. “I want you to stay as a part of my life.”
The sick feeling dissipated and instead I was soaring. To hear those words from him meant more than I could articulate.
My body turned into his, the firm muscles of his stomach pressed against me. “You know, you always seem to do things the wro
ng way.” I knew my expression was harsh, but inside I was melting away from the intensity in his eyes.
“Baby, you should know that about me; I’m a screw up. I’m always going to screw up. Fifty years from now, when we’re old and grey, I will still screw up.” His face was flushing from his own words. “But that doesn’t mean I will love you any less.”
His words made my head spin like it was on a merry-go-round. There was him saying “love” again. The man who only had one nights stands and drunken flings was telling me he loved me.
“You love me?” I breathed.
He touched his forehead to mine again; his blue eyes were all I could focus on. “Yes, Sky, I love you, so tell me you feel the same way about me.”
“Yes,” I nodded, watching his eyes grow. “I love you.”
Nick’s arm tightened around my waist; his other arm found its way up my arm and around the back of my head. My eager lips met his; his mouth was soft, yet urgent against mine.
His fingers entangled themselves within my hair, he pushed me back down on the bench, my sweater riding up a little as he sought to touch the skin underneath. My skin flushed hot and cold—I pulled him closer, not wanting his mouth to slip away from me.
As we pulled apart, there was lust in his eyes, and I knew he was controlling himself. I was a little disappointed that things hadn’t gone further, but I could feel the cheesy grin spread across my face from the aftermath of the kiss that promised more.
I knew there would be more. This was not the end. This was the beginning.
“Come here for a second,” Nick said, moving away from the bench and coming to a standstill by one of the dead rose bushes.
Curious, I followed him and waited for him to explain.
“I’m sorry for not being honest from the start.” His chest heaved as he took a deep breath and his eyes were uncertain. “So maybe we can try this again?”
My brow furrowed. I had no idea what he was talking about. How could we start again and take back everything that had happened?
He extended a hand. “Hi, I’m Nicholas Ruggarson.”
My heart fluttered wildly, like a hummingbird had been trapped inside my chest. This was Nick trying to make a change, and I was willing to make it with him.
As he took my hand in his, a shock shot through my body.
“I’m Sky Hudson, nice to meet you,” I said shyly, shaking his hand.
We grinned at each other.
“I can tell we’re going to get along really well, Sky.”
He pulled me to his chest, and when he kissed me, gravity ceased to exist. The sensation was like floating on air as the world erupted into chaos around us. But he was my anchor, pulling me back to earth—he was my home.
Epilogue
- One Year Later –
Nick
Madeline ran ahead of us, the bouquet of colorful flowers swinging from one hand as she made her way along the snow-covered grass.
“Be careful!” Sky called out after her, a worried crease appearing on her forehead as her eyes followed Madeline.
“She’ll be fine,” I assured her.
I took Sky’s hand in mine as we trudged up the hill through the thick snow. The cold wind bit at our faces, but it was important we do this today.
“C’mon!” Madeline cried, waving at us impatiently.
When we reached her, she looked up at me expectantly. “Daddy, can I do it now?”
“Yes, kid,” I said, reaching over to ruffle the snow out of her hair.
She took a deep breath and pulled a piece of paper out of her pocket. It had a picture of all of us on it, including Celia with angel wings. “Happy birthday, Mommy.”
Madeline’s expression was somber as she bent over to brush off some snow from the ground, and laid the picture down on the grave before placing the flowers on top of it. She rearranged it several times before finally seeming satisfied and stepping back.
“Do you think Mommy will like it?” she asked us, looking concerned.
“Of course, honey,” Sky said, pulling Madeline into a one-armed hug against her growing belly. “She’ll love it.”
As my eyes fell on Sky’s stomach—and the beautiful girl I knew was inside—my heart filled up with an unexpected joy I had never experienced before. I was surrounded by all the women in my life that I loved more than anything else in the world.
Living, unborn, or dead—they were all pieces of me.
My gaze drifted to Sky who was smiling at me sadly. She was the one who had put all the pieces of me together again. She was a blessing when my life had been cursed.
My Sky was different from your sky.
She wasn’t a clear blue on a summer’s day. She wasn’t a cloudy grey before a terrible storm. She didn’t rain or hail or snow.
My Sky was the earth—gentle, nurturing, full of life. My life began and ended with her. She reminded me every day that there was good in me.
And she never let me forget.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Beneath Him is one of my oldest stories. I first began writing it way back in 2004/2005 when I was in high school. Over the last nine years the story has changed considerably—Sky was originally an intern working for Oscar, back when the book was titled Aristocrats. It was hard for me to let go of that title, but I tried to keep as much of that original story as I could. I’m so glad I could finally share it with all of you.
Michelle Flick, Erica Cope, and Autumn Doughton—this book would never have happened with your support, feedback, and pushiness. You ladies constantly checked in on me when I needed the push, and I will forever love you for it.
A huge thank you to Eden Crane for once again designing the most perfect cover for me. You still owe me a bagel.
Thank you readers for being the best readers a girl could ever ask for. I wish I could give you all big hugs.
And, Chase, thank you for being the pushiest of them all. Love you.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Komal Kant is the best-selling author of WRONG SIDE OF TOWN who writes Contemporary Romance and Paranormal novels. Her other books include IMPOSSIBLE, FALLING FOR HADIE, RUNAWAY MORTAL, and UNFAMILIAR (co-written with Erica Cope). She currently lives in Sydney, but wishes she lived all over the world.
Komal enjoys super geeky things like Pokémon, Call of Duty, and Final Fantasy. She figures she has too many Huskies, but as a result also has lots of Husky kisses. You can often find her swooning over fictional male characters who smirk a lot, superhero-related movies, and her readers.
You can find out more about Komal on her website: http://komalkantbooks.com/
Or sign up for her mailing list to receive updates on her books: http://eepurl.com/7Z4VP
OTHER BOOKS BY KOMAL KANT
With Me Series (Can be read as stand-alone novels)
Impossible
Falling for Hadie
Wrong Side of Town
Runaway Mortal Series
Runaway Mortal
Stand-alone novels
Unfamiliar
Beneath Him
Sneak peek of Unfamiliar by Erica Cope & Komal Kant
Available now on Amazon!
Prologue
Chase
Something was gnawing on the edge of my mind.
I couldn’t quite put my finger on what exactly was bugging me, but it was there just out of reach.
Something didn’t feel right. Something hadn’t felt right in a long time and I wish I could figure out what it was.
Trying to shake the feeling away, I headed upstairs to my girlfriend’s apartment. We had a concert to get to and I had to focus since I was the one performing.
Heather and I had been together for three years now and despite our problems, I was committed to her. She was the one familiar thing in my life that I wanted to hold onto.
Stopping outside her door, I knocked on it twice and waited for her to answer. Several long minutes passed before Heather finally answered—her thick, dark hair was messy and she was
n’t even dressed yet. All she had on was an oversized t-shirt.
“Baby, you’re early!” Heather looked flustered as she stared out at me. “You said six.”
I shrugged, suddenly feeling awkward. “Yeah, I thought we could spend time together.”
Things hadn’t been great between us and I didn’t want Heather to think that I didn’t want to be around her. Especially when she was going out of her way to be supportive and go to the concert with me. I knew music wasn’t really her thing.
“Oh, uh, okay.”
She seemed nervous. Heather was never nervous. She was always confident and sassy, and never let anything bother her. She was acting weird.
“Everything okay, baby?”
“Yeah.” She seemed irritated now, so I guess she was back to normal. “You should’ve called.”
“I’m sorry, it slipped my mind.” I gave her a small smile. “Can I come inside now?”
She glanced over her shoulder before turning her head back to me and nodding. The nervousness was back again and I couldn’t understand why.
“Uh, sure.”
As I followed her inside, I knew immediately that something was wrong. The cushions from the couch had been knocked down and there were clothes strewn across the floor. Heather wasn’t a messy person—this mess wasn’t like her.
“What happened here?” I asked, an uneasiness building up in my chest.
That gnawing began on the edge of my mind again, like it was trying to tell me something.
“Nothing happened.”
But I knew she was lying. Her eyes were darting all over the apartment, like she was searching for something. And then suddenly she froze. Her fists clenched and she her normally tan skin turned pale.
Following her gaze, my eyes fell on something lying by the foot of the couch.
It was a shoe. A guy’s shoe and that guy wasn’t me.
