by Lili Valente
I thought I knew everything I needed to know about intimate sex. I’d assumed that spending nearly a decade with the same person, exploring every part of each other with the enthusiasm of teenagers and then the more patient love of adults, had given me a thorough education in making love.
But nothing I’ve experienced before can hold a candle to the bliss of being inside Zoey, to the humbling honor of knowing she’s welcomed me not only into her body, but her heart. Being this close to her—so close I’m completely surrounded by her warmth and utter goodness—makes it clear I’ve still got so much left to learn. I didn’t know it could be like this. So close. So open. So completely shameless and pure that when I brace myself on my arms to gaze down into her eyes, we communicate without saying a word.
She simply smiles, and I know that she felt it, too—that oh-so-right, oh-so-wonderful feeling.
And when I kiss her again, she tastes like everything good and safe, everything natural and right. She is the clearly marked path I’ve been too stupid to see through the jungle, the answer to the questions I’ve been too stupid to ask.
But I’m not lost or confused anymore.
I’m found, here in her arms, and as I make love to her again, I’m filled with a gratitude that takes my breath away. As I roll beneath her, letting her set the pace, I give thanks for my painful breakup and all the hellish grief that came after. It was all worth it—every second made precious because it’s what it took to get me here, in bed with this woman who is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside.
I come again, lifting Zoey into the air as I arch my back in a desperate attempt to get closer, already knowing that I’m never going to get close enough.
Chapter 13
From the texts of Violet Boden
and Zoey Childers
Zoey: Violet are you awake?
Violet: Is it four thirty in the morning? Of course, I’m awake.
Better question, why are you awake at this ungodly hour, sweet pea? Don’t tell me the insomnia monster is after you, too.
Zoey: No. I mean, I haven’t been able to sleep, but I haven’t really been trying.
Right now I’m in the kitchen eating cheesecake, but mostly I’ve been lying awake, staring at the ceiling, trying to memorize every second of the most amazing night of my life…
Violet: Well, I’m assuming you haven’t won the lottery…
Zoey: That would be hard to do since I never buy tickets.
Violet: Right. And you weren’t accepted as a contestant on the next season of Master Cook, Home Chefs’ Edition.
Zoey: Again, hard to do, since I didn’t apply.
Violet: Though, you should. You would totally win.
Zoey: Thank you, but I hate reality TV and getting yelled at, and that guy yells a lot.
Violet: He does, but not at the kids on the Little Cooks version of the show. He’s actually really sweet with them. It changed the way I think about him.
Zoey: Good to know. If I make a wish on a fortune-telling carnival game and wake up back in my twelve-year-old body, thereby finding myself eligible for Little Cooks, I’ll remember that.
Violet: Stranger things have happened.
Zoey: Oh, they have not! Now make a serious guess, Violet!
If I don’t get to spill this news to someone soon, I’m going to explode, and you’re the only person I trust who’s awake at this hour. You’re also my only friend who also knows the other person involved in the most amazing night of my life.
The person who made it completely, wonderfully, incomparably remarkable…
Violet: I don’t have to guess, babes. I already know.
You finally slept with Tristan!
Zoey: I DID! AND YOU KNOW I DON’T USUALLY KISS AND TELL, BUT THIS TIME I HAVE TO TELL BECAUSE IT BLEW MY MIND, VIOLET! MIND. IS. BLOWN!
Violet: Lol! Oh good, I’m so happy for you, babes!
Zoey: Me, too! So happy! I had no idea it could be like that, Violet!
It’s been three hours since we finally agreed to stop pouncing each other and get some sleep, and I still can’t feel my toes. And I know he was right and we need rest, but I don’t want to sleep now, or ever again, because sex is the best thing ever!
Why didn’t someone tell me it was the best?
Or that I’ve been doing it all wrong?!
Violet: What do you mean you’ve been doing it wrong?
As far as I could tell, you haven’t been doing it at all, honey. Unless you’ve been having hot hookups after hours and not telling your Aunt Vi about them.
Zoey: No, you’re right, I’ve been a hermit lately. But my college boyfriend, Bear, and I had sex pretty much constantly for two years—indoors and outdoors, in his truck, in my car, in the shower and the rain and on a train and in a box with a fox.
Violet: I’m assuming that’s a Dr. Seuss joke and not an actual sex thing I’m too old to understand, right?
Zoey: Yes, it was a joke, but the rest of it wasn’t. Bear and I were insatiable, and it was great—fun and relaxed and he always made sure to you know…
Take care of me…
Violet: He made you come. You can be frank with me, honey. I’ve heard it all.
Zoey: Yes, he took care of that. So I thought I’d had a pretty good sex life, you know? I mean, obviously I’ve been in a drought for a while, but my boyfriend in high school and I had fun, and Bear and I had fun.
But none of that was anything like this…
Violet: Well, Tristan’s a man, babe, not a boy. There’s a difference.
Zoey: Such a difference… Just the way he looked at me was almost enough to get the job done if you know what I mean. So intense and intimate. Like he could see through me in the best way and knew exactly what I wanted, what I needed…
It was just…beautiful.
Wonderful.
Amazing and perfect and the
Best.
Banging.
Ever.
Violet: Sounds more like making love to me.
Deep feelings make a difference, too, you know.
Zoey: Oh no, Vi. I mean, I know he cares about me, but this was his first time since he and Kim broke up. He hasn’t been with anyone in over a year, either! So I’m sure that had a lot to do with how epic it was for both of us.
At least, I hope it was epic for both of us…
Surely, it was epic for him, too, right? Or it wouldn’t have been that way for me?
Shit, now I’m nervous…
Violet: Don’t be nervous, and don’t write off love so fast. You two have been good friends for a long time. Sometimes it doesn’t take long to fall when you’re so close to begin with. My ex and I were friends first. Chemistry entered the picture later.
Zoey: I’m not writing off love. Not for me, anyway. You know I’ve had feelings for him for a long time. I’m just not sure that’s on his radar yet.
We ran into Kim and Bear at the square tonight…
Violet: You think he’s still holding on to old feelings?
Zoey: No, not at all, but seeing her again got me to thinking about how long they were together… It just has me confused, I guess. I don’t understand how someone as smart and wonderful as Tristan could be taken in by this woman.
Violet: Men can be dumb when their cocks are involved. And you don’t know—his ex might have been really good at faking being a decent human being. At least when she was with him.
Zoey: I can see that, I guess. All our professors in college loved her. She could totally turn on the charm when it suited her.
Violet: Most sociopaths can, and Tristan wouldn’t be the first otherwise smart and savvy guy to be taken in by one.
Zoey: She probably is a sociopath, Violet. For real. She’s absolutely a horrible person. But apparently now she’s pulled the wool over Bear’s eyes, too. I mean, my ex isn’t the brightest light on the Christmas tree, but he’s a solid guy with a good heart. I can’t understand what he sees in a person who spent our college career spreading rumo
rs about me sleeping with guys for beer money and having multiple venereal diseases.
Violet: Yikes! That’s awful! Does Tristan know she did that?
Zoey: No, and I don’t want to tell him. If I tell him about the way she treated me, then I’ll have to tell him what started it all, and I don’t want to hurt him like that.
If he learns she cheated on him with half the University of Sacramento, it’ll break his heart all over again. Or, at the very least, make him feel like a fool.
Violet: He shouldn’t feel like a fool—she should be ashamed of herself for lying and betraying his trust—but I see where you’re coming from.
No need to introduce more pain into a person’s life unless you absolutely have to.
Especially not when he’s finally ready to fall in love again…
Zoey: Oh, stop. Don’t get my hopes up.
Violet: Do it, honey. Get your hopes up. Soar on the wings of love and anticipation and enjoy every fucking minute of it. Take it from someone who’s seen the best and the worst of what love has to offer—it’s worth it. Even if it fades or falters, love is always worth the risk. I wouldn’t take back a single minute of my life with Grant. We had an amazing fifteen years together before things went to shit, and I still treasure every second of that…
Even after being dumped for a much younger, much stupider woman, who won’t stop trying to mother my teenager despite being all of nine years old than Adriana.
Zoey: Ugh. I’m sorry. So that situation hasn’t gotten any better, huh?
Violet: No, but Addy is off to college next year, and she’ll be able to tell all the bossy mother-figures in her life to back off and leave her alone. And Tracy means well. She’s just inexperienced and has the IQ of a sea cucumber.
Zoey: Did you know that the sea cucumber can expel its internal organs and then regenerate them later? It’s part of their self-defense system. They’ll hurl an organ out into the water to make a predator think it got all the good, juicy stuff so it’ll swim away and leave the rest of the body alone.
Violet: Like…here’s my liver, go get it?
Zoey: Exactly like that. And sometimes tiny fish use the sea cucumber’s anus as a sanctuary from predators. Sometimes they’re mannerly about it, but sometimes they’ll swim up too high and start eating the cuke’s internal organs, too.
Violet: So, a sea cucumber’s innards are tasty is what I’m hearing.
Zoey: I suppose so. They are featured in some Asian cuisines as well as eaten medicinally in China, so…
Violet: So, Tracey is nothing like a sea cucumber, as she is neither useful nor medicinal.
Zoey: Well, sea cucumbers also breathe through their anus—in addition to having tiny fish up in that action—so maybe there’s an area of similarity there?
Violet: You know more about a sea cucumber’s anus than I know about my own. Seriously. You should be on Jeopardy.
Zoey: When they decide to do an animal-trivia-only episode I’ll be the first in line to apply. Right after I win Master Cook.
Violet: I’m holding you to that.
And I’m ordering you and Tristan to both call in sick today.
Zoey: Oh no, it’s fine, Violet. I can go without sleep for one night and still function the next day. It’s not a big deal.
Violet: It IS a big deal, and you and Tristan should take the day to sleep in and enjoy your newfound bliss. I’m already up anyway. I’ll take care of the morning feeding and medicine-ing. There aren’t any adoptions on the schedule today, so I’ll be able to handle walk-ins until Mary and Virginia get there in the afternoon for their volunteer hours. It’s fine.
Go crawl back into bed and order Tristan to take the day off.
You’re his boss now, so you can totally do that.
Zoey: Probably not the best way to prove I’m boss material…
Taking a personal day my first week on the job…
Violet: Your first personal day in forever! You haven’t taken a day since you were sick as a dog last spring. Go. Sleep in. Wake up and get a leisurely breakfast with your hunky new boyfriend. Enjoy the gorgeous weather.
It’s supposed to be perfect today, sunny with a high of seventy-two.
I know this because I’m so old I watch the weather channel for entertainment these days. My heart can’t handle much else.
Zoey: You are not old! Stop it! And the weather channel is fascinating.
Violet: Almost as good as managing my fiber intake, my other favorite new pastime ;). Now, go get some rest girl so you can wake up refreshed and enjoy your sexy new boyfriend.
Zoey: My boyfriend…
Is it okay that I have the biggest, goofiest smile on my face right now?
Violet: It’s more than okay, honey. It’s perfect.
Chapter 14
Zoey
Perfect…
Everything is perfect…
So perfect I can hardly believe this is my life.
I’m floating on air as I tiptoe back down the hall in the dark, my head so high in the clouds I nearly trip over Luke before I see him curled up on the carpet. He’s camped outside my door, his new sock-toy between his paws. When he sees me, he lifts his head sharply and his tail thumps the carpet.
“Hey, buddy. How did you get out of your kennel?” I lean down, giving him a good rub behind the ears. “I’m not in there tonight. I’m sleeping in your dad’s bed.”
I am. I’m going back to sleep in Tristan’s bed, where Tristan is currently passed out without a stitch of clothing on.
Be still my heart. And the rest of me…
Just the thought of the man who made me see stars a few hours ago is enough to fill my chest with a swarm of happy bees. God, I can’t wait to be next to him again…
Luke apparently feels the same way. The devoted darling follows me down the hall to Tristan’s room, whimpering softly when I duck inside, careful to keep the door closed enough to keep the sad puppy on the other side. “Sorry, baby. You know your dad doesn’t like dogs in his bed.”
Luke whimpers again.
“I know, I know. I’ll work on him, I promise.” With one last neck rub, getting deep into the fur the way Luke likes, I close the door and pad across the thick carpet to the bed.
“Work on me, huh?” Tristan asks sleepily, making me jump as I pull back the covers.
“God, you scared me,” I whisper, laughing softly. “I thought you were asleep.”
“I was, but then I woke up and you weren’t there, and sadness consumed me.” He reaches for me, drawing me into the cocoon of warmth under the blankets and against his hot, irresistible skin. “I was about to come looking for you. Make sure I hadn’t scared you off.”
“Why would I be scared off?” I ask, blood pumping faster as Tristan tucks me against him and I rest my cheek on his chest.
“Because I’m an insatiable sex fiend who can’t get enough of your body?” His hand skims down my back to cup my bottom, building the ache already pulsing between my legs. “I’m not usually like this. You’re just so…delicious.”
I prop up on my arms, gazing down at him in the dim light coming through his bedroom window. “Don’t tell me you’re not usually like this. I like you like this.”
“Hopelessly addicted to every inch of you?” His palm glides under the waistband of the pajama pants I slipped on before heading into the kitchen for my late-night snack, his hand on my bare bottom making my breath catch.
“How do you do that?” I ask, my heart hammering as the desire building inside me surges from cool to scalding hot in seconds.
“Do what, sexy?” Tristan brushes my hair from my face, cupping my cheek as he guides my mouth closer to his.
“Make me desperate for you with just a touch?”
“You do the same thing to me.” His hand slides down, over the curve of my ass, finding where I’m already so hot and wet. “God, Zoey, I love your body. I love how wet you get for me.”
I whimper softly in response as his mouth claims mine, kissing m
e in that gentle but relentless way of his that makes me burn. His tongue strokes against mine as his fingers press inside me, making me even wetter, hotter.
“I need to taste you, beautiful,” he says, his voice tight and hungry. “Can I taste you? Make you come on my mouth?”
