by Aimée Thurlo
He nodded slowly. “All right. It sounds like a good plan. I know just the right place, too. It’s private and quiet. I went there a lot after the death of my partner when I needed to spend time alone and get away from my well-meaning friends.”
“But it’s bound to be filled with bad memories for you then. Maybe we should pick another spot.”
“No. It’s the perfect place and it’s time I went back.” The truth was that he wanted her there. He hadn’t been able to help his partner, a woman he’d cared about deeply, but he would help Hannah. If that sacred place soothed her soul as it had done his, then it would be renewed in his mind as a place of healing instead of one of sorrow.
Hannah’s silence stretched out, but when she spoke at last, her words were quiet and filled with understanding. “She was more than just your partner, wasn’t she?”
He started to answer her question, then stopped. “You shouldn’t let your thoughts get sidetracked right now.”
“I thought you and I were way past secrets.”
“If I’ve kept things from you, it’s only because my past is over and done with.”
“Not if you still carry the scars. And you do,” she replied quietly.
“You’re right,” he answered slowly. “It’s just difficult for me to talk about.”
“If you really don’t want to—”
He held up one hand, interrupting her. “No, you’re right. It’s time I told you,” he said. “The Navajo way says that for there to be harmony, everything must be in balance. I know about you, so it’s only right that you know about me.” He paused, then continued. “Nicki was far more than just my partner. I cared a lot for her and she felt the same way about me, but nothing ever happened between us. Her little boy was her world, and she didn’t want anything more. She’d tried being married, and it hadn’t worked out so she didn’t want to go that route again. I respected that. At the time I was pretty wrapped up in my work, and I really wasn’t ready for any kind of relationship myself. It was enough to know that, while on the job, we could count on each other totally. Then one day, everything came crashing down on us. You know what happened.”
“Do you still love her?”
He shook his head. “She’s gone and there’s nothing left of her in my life.”
“Except memories.”
“Those will always be a part of me, but it is my past. You’re what matters to me now.”
“Our lives both have shadows we can’t seem to outrun,” she said softly.
There was so much Daniel wanted to tell her. He wanted Hannah to know how after Nicki had died, he’d sworn never to care for anyone again. But from the day Hannah had come into his life, nothing had been the same. Through her, he’d found his heart again. “There’s a lot I need to say to you, but this isn’t the right time. You have to find your answers now and I need to help you do that. That’s got to be our first priority until this case is closed.”
She looked at him directly, her eyes wide and sad, and nodded. “I know.”
It took over an hour to reach their destination. Northwest of Bloomfield and Blanco stood Navajo Dam, and beyond it for more than twenty miles lay Navajo Reservoir.
The road led across the enormous rock-lined dam, then into the forest that surrounded most of the lake. In the distance was a lighted marina where dozens of small boats were tied up for the evening.
Daniel found a small graded road and turned off to the right. After traveling another quarter of a mile, he stopped the SUV beside a steep slope that led down to the lake, a shimmering mirror now in the moonlight.
The gentle sound of water lapping against the shore was a comfort to them as they left the SUV and walked carefully down the slope to the water.
Wolf stayed at Daniel’s side, relaxed but not totally off-duty. His expression was alert as he matched their pace.
Daniel led the way to a circle of tall piñon pines clustered on a shelf of the hillside thirty feet above the high-water mark, and sat down on the ground. “I used to come here as a kid even though, by then, the lake formed from the new dam had already covered the sacred junction between the two rivers. The stories about this place just drew me here and it became my favorite spot to visit when I needed to sort things out.”
“You mean stories about the dam?”
Daniel smiled, and shook his head. “Before these canyons were filled with the waters held back by Navajo Dam, this place was called Shining Sands. Our medicine men would come here during trying times to divine the future. The hataaliis would purify themselves, then move to the meeting place between the rivers. There was a sandbar there at a point where the waters met. Our Singers would leave offerings of corn pollen, white shell, turquoise and abalone, then come back the next day. They would then read the ripples in the sand and predict great events that would face the Navajo tribe.” He glanced back at her with a sad smile. “It’s just another sacred spot that isn’t there anymore, sacrificed to progress. But it’s a place still worthy of respect.”
They sat beside each other silently for a long time. Wolf placed his head on her lap, and as she began to stroke his massive head, he closed his eyes.
“Let’s place an offering in the waters like your people did before the dam, not for answers, just to pay respect to the past.”
He smiled his approval. “Wait here.” He climbed back up to the SUV, and returned with his medicine bundle. Together they walked down to the narrow strip of shoreline. Taking a pinch of the bundle’s contents, he placed it in the palm of her hand, then took a similar amount for himself. Together, they scattered the mixture of pollen and shells onto the water. The offerings rose and sank with the rippling of the waves for a moment, then disappeared from view.
“That was beautiful,” Hannah said. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. I was surprised that you asked, to be honest. I know you don’t believe in our ways.”
“But I do believe in traditions and in honoring them. Your people were here first, so I’m your guest. A good guest respects the ways of her host.”
Hannah’s words touched him deeply. This woman was meant to be his. He could feel it with every breath he took. It was like finding the only part of himself that mattered.
His eyes found hers, but no words came. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be a time for words. He sat beside her and allowed the calmness of the waters to give them peace.
With a sigh, she closed her eyes, sitting with knees clasped against her chest. As the silver glow of the moon worked its way through the branches overhead, he studied the graceful lines of her face. She was perfectly formed and impossible to forget, even if he lived to be a hundred.
Almost as if sensing his gaze on her, she trembled. “You were right to choose this place. There’s a certain magic here. It’s as if the breeze itself is saying that it’s okay for me to remember now, that I’ve got nothing to fear.”
He hadn’t intended to touch her, but some instincts were impossible for a man to deny. He shifted and moving behind her, placed her between his thighs, then pulled her back until she rested against his chest.
Daniel wrapped his arms around her waist, cursing himself for still wanting her even though he knew she was off-limits.
“You’re safe with me,” he said, his voice quiet and reassuring. “Reach into your thoughts and just let things come to you. And if something is frightening, feel me close to you, and know that you’ve never been safer.”
He’d protect her, even from himself. He was on fire, and it was killing him by inches to hold her so close to the center of his body, and not be able to take it further. The pleasures he could give her, the pleasures she could give him, weren’t theirs to take—not now, maybe not ever again.
“The memories are there. I can almost touch them.”
“Listen to the sound of the waves touching the shore, and let your thoughts flow as easily and naturally as the water,” he murmured.
She shifted in his arms, turning toward him, and wrapping o
ne hand around his neck, pulled up to kiss him.
He’d wanted to hold back, to brush her lips only enough to reassure her that this wasn’t a journey she’d travel completely alone. But her mouth was impossibly soft. When her tongue darted inside his mouth, he groaned, his entire body aching to take her.
It was killing him, but he let her set the boundaries. When she pushed him back onto the soft sand, he allowed her to lead him and take what she wanted from him.
As her body seemed to melt into his, their kiss turned hot. He couldn’t breathe, but he didn’t want to. Just being with her was enough. It made him crazy to feel her pressing into him so intimately. She’d settled naturally between his thighs, her hips pushing into him instinctively.
With a groan ripped from his soul, he rolled over, pinning her beneath him, and kissed her again. It was a slow, hot, lingering kiss meant to last a lifetime. But he had to stop. And now.
As he pulled away from her, a shudder racked his body. “We can’t do this, Hannah. You’re either mine or you’re not. There’s no halfway for us, not anymore.”
She held his gaze as if hoping he could see into her heart. “I care about you Daniel, but love can only be given when the heart and the soul are whole. I can’t offer anyone anything—not even myself. Until my past is settled, I have no future.”
He nodded. “And that’s the problem, Hannah, because I want more. If we ever make love again, it’ll be because we both know we’re meant to be together and because we’re willing to do whatever it takes to see that it happens for us. There’s no room in my heart, or in my life, for anything else—not when it comes to us.”
Stone-faced, Daniel returned to the SUV and began to unpack some camping gear. Her words had ripped through him, reminding him that he’d promised to help her find the answers she needed, and that she deserved far more from him than responses fueled mostly by hormones, in spite of the fact that he cared for her too. But just being close to her made it difficult to hold a thought. A restless energy burned within him.
Moonlight bathed the area in a bright glow as they set up camp for the night under the stars and among the trees. “Will it be possible for us to stay here again tomorrow?” Hannah asked.
“No. Remember the weather report on the radio coming here? We’ll want the heat inside the safe house then. At this altitude it’ll reach freezing.”
He watched her brush her hair, ready to settle for the night and realized that lack of heat wouldn’t be a problem for him, not as long as they were together. At the moment, he wanted her more than he wanted to take his next breath, but watching her would have to be enough.
“Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever have a normal life,” she mused, crawling into her warm sleeping bag. Wolf had found a spot to lie down by her feet.
“You will,” he said with unwavering determination.
Hannah glanced over at him and smiled. “Sleep well.”
“Good night, Hannah.” There would be little sleep for him tonight. He’d need to come up with a solid plan. He’d promised her a victory and he would come through for her—no matter what it cost him.
SHORTLY AFTER DAWN, Hannah woke up. Daniel was already busy, packing up their gear and putting it back into the SUV.
Hannah got to her feet, and was helping him stow things away when her stomach suddenly growled loudly. She laughed. “I guess that tells you what my first question’s going to be.”
“When’s breakfast?”
“I’m really starving. How about you?”
Daniel reached into his back pocket and retrieved his wallet, checking to see how much cash he had with him. Seeing it was almost empty, he pulled a padded envelope from his backpack and extracted a handful of bills. “There are fast-food joints in Blanco and Bloomfield, or we can wait until we reach Farmington. We can stop anywhere you want.”
Hannah stared at the envelope, mesmerized. Concerned, Daniel studied her expression. He started to say something, but then stopped, obeying an instinct that told him not to interrupt her.
“The envelope I mailed… It was like that one—padded and brown. I’d stuffed it with the cash I found.” She looked up at him, her eyes alive with an inner fire. “I remember, Daniel. I put the videotape in it, too.”
“And the gun?”
“No, I kept that and showed it to my uncle, demanding he explain. We argued then. He wanted the money back, but I wouldn’t tell him where it was. It was too late anyway, I’d put the package in the mailbox right before the mailman came, and it was gone.”
“Who did you mail it to?”
She narrowed her eyes, thinking hard, but finally shook her head. “That, I don’t remember. But Daniel, that wasn’t the entire construction fund. There were a lot of bills, but mostly in small denominations. It was petty cash in comparison.” She took a deep breath. “I know I’ve been right about another thing, too. My uncle is not a thief. That’s not what this was about. There’s something more—and less.” She shook her head. “It’s a gut instinct, not a memory, but I’m sure I’m right.”
Daniel grasped her by the shoulders and forced her to turn around. “No, Hannah. Don’t give up. Stay with it. You can remember.”
She looked away. “No, I…”
“Hannah, look at me,” he ordered. The impact of those hazel eyes socked him squarely in the gut. “Face it head-on, sweetheart. For both our sakes.”
For several moments she stood perfectly still, her gaze on his. Then, like ripples across a still pond, her expression slowly changed and recognition flashed in her eyes. “I had a terrible fight with my uncle that day. He was furious with me. He demanded that I turn over the money and the videotape to him. He said that I was wrong about him and that I was about to ruin the only chance the church had of getting their construction money back.”
“From whom?”
“I don’t know. Someone came in then. Men, at least two or three of them, I think, but I can’t remember their faces.” Her breathing became ragged and her hands began to tremble. “I remember their guns clearly, then something happened—something really terrible. I can’t visualize it but I can feel it in my heart. What I do remember is knowing with everything in me that if I didn’t run, I’d die.”
Daniel tried to gather Hannah into his arms, but she pulled away. “No. I’ve let down every person who has ever cared about me. Like my father before him, my uncle was in some kind of trouble and, instead of helping him, I just made things worse. I won’t let that happen with you, too.”
He reached for her hand and brushed the center of her palm with his lips. “You can’t let me down. By giving me something to believe in again, you gave me back my soul.”
She stepped away from him though every feminine instinct inside her urged her to do exactly the opposite. “I care for you, Daniel. You know that, but I can’t pull you even deeper into my life—not until I know what’s there. I have to finish what I’ve set out to do, and that means I’ve got to go talk to my uncle, the sooner the better.”
“He has a lot of security around him, Hannah. You’re more likely to get arrested than anything else. Let me follow up on a hunch first. I’d be willing to bet that one of the men who came into your uncle’s office that day was Pablo Jackson. We already suspect your uncle’s been blackmailing him. I think Jackson may have countered by stealing passwords and making it look like you two were taking church money. The tape was probably the evidence your uncle was using against him, and may prove that Jackson is the real thief. Let me drop you off at the safe house with Wolf, then I’ll go pay Jackson a little visit.”
“No. I’m going with you. We can’t split up now. I’ll wear my wig, but I’m not staying in the background anymore.”
“All right, but remember you’re wanted for questioning. That means that whether you like it or not, you can’t fight this battle in public.”
“I know. But this isn’t the time to stop taking risks. It’s the time to go for it.”
“All right.”
They finished loading the SUV and then Daniel whistled for Wolf to get in the back.
Hannah watched the dog sit up straight instead of lying down as he normally did. “He’s tense,” she observed.
“I’m sure he’s reacting to us. We’re tense and he can sense it. We’ve got to be careful what signals we give him. If he’s edgy, he’s more likely to act on his own accord and take a bite out of anyone who gets too close to either of us.”
Hannah called the dog and Wolf pushed his head between the seats to look at her. “Relax, boy. We need you focused, but not anxious.” She scratched the special spot behind his ears, and he sighed contentedly and closed his eyes.
“You can wind any male around your little finger, you know that?” he observed with a gentle smile.
“It comes down to treating people and animals with understanding and kindness.” She smiled ruefully. “Of course that works a little differently when dealing with a person who has little except anger and deceit in his head. When a person like that attacks others, as he’s bound to do, he’s more likely to expect a good offensive and respect nothing less.”
“Being in tune with your opponent is the only way to stay ahead of his game.” Daniel gazed admiringly at her. Hannah mixed gentleness with courage in a way that never ceased to draw him to her.
As they drove west, stopping only for a takeout breakfast at Blanco, a heavy silence fell between them. The sun was already over the horizon, and the day promised to be clear and cold.
“Why don’t we go over to Jackson’s office now and see if we can look around before anyone arrives?” she suggested. “It might really help to have a look at his files and computer,” she said. “But it would mean breaking into the place. What do you think?”
“Lumberyards open really early for business, usually by seven. We’re already too late for that kind of operation. Let’s wait until later this morning. Jackson’s bound to have several things on his mind by then, and having him distracted might work to our advantage.”
