by Amy Knupp
“Yes, it’s hard on me. But that didn’t concern you when you were so bent on telling her.”
“I didn’t do this tonight, Savannah. You can’t lay it all on me.”
“Go, Jake.” She grabbed his arm and directed him toward the door. “You, too, Michael.”
“Call me when she wakes up in the morning, please. I’ll drive over,” her ex said.
“It’s going to take a while,” Savannah replied. “I’ll let you know.”
Michael glared at Jake and then left.
“Savannah, I’m sorry this hurts so much,” Jake said.
She eyed him, her vision blurring from the damn tears. He had to get out of there, because she wasn’t sure how much longer she could keep the sobs in. She tried to nod once, then just bowed her head instead, hoping to hide how close to losing it she was. She held the door open and silently begged him to leave.
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I can postpone my flight if necessary,” Jake said. He found a scrap of paper on the end table and scribbled his number. “Phone me if you need me before then.” He hesitated, then walked out the door.
JAKE MADE HIS WAY DOWN the busy hospital halls after leaving Savannah’s. This was an overdue visit, one he’d put off until the very last minute.
His dad was asleep when he walked in. Jake settled into a chair against the wall, prepared to wait as long as it took for him to wake up.
Their previous conversation about Jake’s mom and Dean’s inability to forgive her had weighed heavily on him. Why his dad had been so unforgiving and distracted for all those years made total sense now. That didn’t excuse him, by any means—it just made the matter easier to understand.
Recognizing the similarities between his dad and him had been rough, but they existed. Jake struggled with forgiveness, too. He’d thought about little else lately. The last thing he wanted was to end up like his father—unhappy, mostly alone, full of regrets.
Maybe all this thinking had spurred on his realization of how he felt about Savannah, or maybe he’d just been thick-skulled enough not to recognize he’d loved her for years. But whatever had changed, he felt a weight lifted from his shoulders by letting go of the past and no longer worrying about what he’d missed out on with Allie.
Instead of looking back, Jake was looking forward now. Not quite as enthusiastically as he had been twenty-four hours earlier. He slumped in the chair and closed his eyes, seeing Savannah’s face in his mind’s eye. He still didn’t accept her decision, but he wasn’t certain what his next move should be.
“Jacob? That you?” The voice was a mere echo of what it’d been two weeks ago.
He opened his eyes and stood. “Yeah, Dad, it’s me.”
The old man looked terrible, the worst Jake had seen yet. Emily was right—it wouldn’t be long now. His dad blinked repeatedly, as if trying to clear his vision, then lifted a bony hand to wipe his eyes. His arm shook with the effort and Jake felt something inside him sink. This really was the last visit.
He located a box of tissues and handed one to his dad. Then he sat on the edge of the bed and gently helped him wipe his eyes.
“Thank you.”
“I didn’t wake you, did I?”
Dean attempted to smile. “All I do anymore is sleep. I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me, too. I have some things to say.”
“Oh?”
His dad licked his lips repeatedly, and Jake retrieved the pitcher of water, pouring some into a large hospital mug.
“Let’s prop you up.” He wasn’t sure his dad could hold his head up otherwise. He hit the button to raise the bed, then held a straw so his dad could drink.
“All that stuff you told me about Mom the last time I was in…” He sat on the side of the bed again; there was plenty of room because his father occupied so little space. “It made a lot of sense. Hit home pretty hard, in fact. It seems Barnes men aren’t good with forgiveness. I just wanted to let you know…I’ve struggled with forgiving you.”
His dad nodded, the movement slight but unmistakable.
“When you apologized to me, I wasn’t ready to let go of my anger, but now I am. It’s in the past, Dad.”
Dean raised a shaky hand and gripped Jake’s weakly. Tears filled the older man’s eyes and Jake knew he understood. For the first time in years and years, the air was clearing between them.
“You’re a better man than me,” his dad said.
Jake studied him and saw he really believed that. “Nah. I just got some good advice.”
They sat there, not speaking but feeling more peaceful than they probably ever had together.
“I’ve got something else to tell you,” Jake said after several minutes. He checked to make certain his dad was still awake. Surprisingly, he was. “I have a daughter. An eleven-year-old little girl I never knew about until I returned to town. You’re a grandfather, Dad.”
His dad’s lips moved as if he was trying to speak, but nothing came out.
“Her name is Allie and she’s amazing.” He told him all about her and his dad paid rapt attention, a rusty chuckle emerging from him every once in a while.
“I wish you could meet her, but she kind of hates me right now.”
“Sounds pretty par for the course.”
“She found out tonight that I’m her father. It pretty much turned her whole life upside down, but I think we’ll be able to work through it.”
His dad nodded and they fell silent again for a long while.
“I’m considering moving back to town,” Jake finally said, amazing himself, since he hadn’t ever put words to the idea. “I want to be in her life, and that won’t be easy from twelve hundred miles away.”
Dean nodded. “If you move, you could see her every week.” His voice was more animated now than when Jake had first arrived, though still very weak.
“My company in Montana is just taking off, though.” Jake explained about his two Hollywood clients and how he hoped to build a name for himself with that crowd. He went on for longer than he’d intended, his excitement about his career fueled.
“So you’re torn,” his dad said when he’d finished.
Jake nodded. “That’s one word for it.”
“I can give you my opinion, if you’d like.”
Jake gestured for him to continue. “Shoot. Please.”
“You’re trying to choose between your family and your job, in essence. I had the same dilemma, though the circumstances weren’t so dramatic. I chose my job.” He shook his head sadly. “These past few years have been lonely, but the loneliness really hits home when you lie in a hospital bed for weeks, spending most of your time by yourself. Without family.”
Jake’s chest ached with sorrow for this man.
“None of that is your doing, son. All mine. I made a choice, and I feel confident telling you now it was the wrong one.”
He fell silent and closed his eyes. Jake didn’t move, suddenly afraid that this was it, that his father was going to take his last breath as he sat there on his bed. He covered the old man’s hand with his and sighed with relief when those eyes opened again.
“A job won’t keep you company on cold nights and holidays,” Dean said, and shut his eyes again.
Emotion roiled inside Jake. He sat there for several more minutes, watching his dad, thinking about his words, knowing what he had to do.
Then he stood and bent over his sleeping father. “I have to go.”
The old man’s eyes opened once more and he struggled to focus on Jake.
“Thanks, Dad. I love you,” Jake said in nearly a whisper.
“Love you, too, son.”
Jake brushed his hand over his dad’s wispy hair, then walked out of the hospital room.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
SAVANNAH WOKE UP before her alarm went off the next morning. Her head throbbed and her mouth was dry, as if she’d gone on one heck of a bender the previous night. She groaned as the evening came back to her.
Heart heavy, she jumped out o
f bed, grabbed her robe and dragged it on as she made her way across the hall to the kids’ room. The door was closed. All was silent and she instinctively knew no one was stirring.
Savannah quietly pushed open the door, needing to reassure herself that everything was okay for now, knowing when Allie got up the day would be one of the most trying of her life.
Logan, whose bed was opposite the door, sprawled diagonally across his twin mattress, blankets twisted at his feet. A sleeping child always brought a certain calmness to Savannah.
She glanced over to Allie, her lips still hinting at a smile—and her heart stopped.
Allie wasn’t in her bed. The covers were pulled up semi-neatly, free of child-size lumps. Not breathing, Savannah backed out of the room and did a frantic search through the other rooms of the house, her own included. Finding no sign of Allie, she raced back to the kids’ bedroom and whipped the closet door open, hoping…
To no avail.
Fear clogged her throat and threatened to choke her. An inability to accept the worst had her searching through the house again, this time checking under furniture and in all the other closets. When she passed the cordless phone in its cradle, she grabbed it, then held it as she continued her search.
Her baby girl. Where was her baby girl? God, please let her be okay.
Staring at the phone, she considered whether dialing 911 was the right thing to do. Her head felt as if it were full of molasses. Finally, Savannah acknowledged to herself this really was happening and that it was an emergency. She hit Talk and dialed.
“Nine-one-one, what is your emergency?”
Savannah swallowed hard. “My girl…my little girl is missing. I think she ran away.”
“How old is your daughter, ma’am?”
“Eleven.” Savannah was on autopilot.
“Did something upsetting happen?”
Savannah nodded, as if the woman could hear her. She couldn’t speak, couldn’t get enough air.
The dispatcher asked her several more questions and said a car was on its way.
Hanging up to face the too-quiet house triggered the tears, and her shoulders shook with her wrenching sobs.
Allie had to be okay.
Savannah couldn’t handle anything bad happening. Could not handle it.
Without thought, she hit the talk button again and dialed the number Jake had left for her last night. She told him Allie was missing. He inquired if she’d talked to Michael yet, then said he’d take care of calling him. In less than two minutes, Jake was off the phone and on his way over.
Savannah blindly dug a long-sleeved T-shirt out of her drawer and threw it on, then found sweatpants and socks. Standing in the center of her bedroom, she couldn’t seem to think where she kept her shoes. She turned in a slow circle to find them, trying to hold in the sobs. Her old tennis shoes in the corner by the closet door finally registered in her brain, and she stuffed her feet into them.
Without stopping for a jacket, she barreled out the front door to see if, by some chance, Allie hadn’t gone far. But no one hid behind the bushes or around the corner of the duplex. There weren’t any other places to hide in their yard, and Savannah couldn’t go any farther and leave Logan alone.
Helplessly, she went back, still scanning the area as she walked to the front door. Nothing was moving. It was a cold day and no birds or squirrels or rabbits had dared to venture forth to forage.
Where would Allie have gone?
Savannah dialed Lindsey, feeling dumb for not trying her earlier. But her sister hadn’t heard from Allie. She promised to drive over right away.
Logan rounded the corner from his bedroom then and Savannah hugged him to her, unable to speak.
“What’s wrong, Mom? Where’s Allie?”
That made Savannah’s breath catch on a sob.
“I’m not sure, sweetie. The police are coming to help us search for her.”
“Will they have their sirens on?” he queried somberly.
“I don’t think so.” Savannah fought down her panic and bent to her son. “Did you hear Allie make any noises in the night?”
Logan considered, then shook his head.
Within minutes, a policeman—Kurt Humphrey, whom Savannah had been a couple of years behind in school—was at the door to get information and start a search.
Savannah wished his presence made her feel better, but it was all she could do to sit and answer his questions, while her daughter was out there…somewhere. Possibly by herself. She refused to entertain any other possibilities because anything else would be even worse.
JAKE AND MICHAEL ARRIVED at Savannah’s at the same time. Judging by the cars in the driveway, they weren’t the only ones who’d rushed over as soon as they’d heard.
“Thanks for calling me,” Michael said as the two men went up the stairs.
Lindsey answered the door as soon as they knocked, and practically yanked them inside. Mr. and Mrs. Salinger sat at the dining room table, worrying. Katie and Noah were on the love seat.
Jake sought out Savannah, who was curled up in the corner easy chair. Her hair was a mess, her eyes looked as though she hadn’t slept and the worry etched into her face instantly made her seem five years older.
Instinct propelled him over to her. Ignoring her vibes, which said stay the hell away, he pulled her into his arms. He was shocked when she didn’t belt him or push him back. Instead, she buried her face against him and stood there, not crying, not moving. Not putting her arms around him—but that was okay. That she accepted his comfort was enough.
“It’s going to be all right,” he whispered. “We’ll find her, get her home and start helping her cope.”
Savannah hesitated, then nodded. He had the feeling she was fighting to keep from crying. He pulled her even tighter and kissed her forehead. Then he released her.
“Let’s get busy hunting for her. What’s the plan?”
“The police are out searching for her, but…”
“The rest of us will get out there and help,” he said. “You stay here in case she returns home.”
Savannah nodded again. Jake took charge, splitting up the town between Michael, himself, Noah and Katie and the elder Salingers. Lindsey would stay with Savannah and Logan. Apparently, Zach was already out searching, with the kids in tow.
“I’m going to borrow your van,” Jake said. Savannah handed him the keys without blinking. He held up his cell phone. “Call me when you hear something.”
She didn’t reply, and the terror in her eyes grabbed him. He went back to her and clasped her hands as the others left.
“We’ll get through this and everything will be okay. This is the worst part. Just hang in there. Allie’s going to need you.”
“I doubt she’ll let me in.”
“Eleven-year-olds get confused sometimes.” He gave her a brief smile, the words I love you on the tip of his tongue. But he kept them to himself. That was his problem—one he would reckon with later, after they’d found their daughter.
THE NEXT HOUR LASTED an eternity. Savannah paced, cleaned, answered Lindsey when necessary and made promise after promise to God if he’d only let her child return home safely.
“More coffee?” Lindsey asked her, carrying in a full pot.
Savannah picked up her mug from an end table so Lindsey could fill it.
“Sit down,” Savannah told her. “Your back has to be aching by now.”
“My back is always aching. If I sat down whenever it hurt, I’d never get up.” But Lindsey lowered herself to the couch next to where Savannah had collapsed yet again.
“I’ve never felt so helpless in my life,” Savannah said numbly.
“I know. It’s horrible just sitting here. But if she happens to come home…”
Savannah stood and opened the front door to the main hallway, then went outside on the front step. She shivered as the wind blew through her thin T-shirt. Seeing no sign of Allie, she went back inside.
She picked up the cordless pho
ne and pressed the talk button, then turned the phone back off. If anyone knew anything, she would’ve gotten a call. She paced to the kids’ bedroom and checked on Logan, who was busy drawing a card for his sister. Lindsey, bless her heart, had convinced Logan that Allie would be home very soon and that she would require some extra love and care for a while.
Savannah just wished she believed that as wholeheartedly as her son did.
The phone rang in her hand, making her jump out of her skin.
“Hello?”
“We’ve found her,” Jake said. “She’s okay.”
Savannah’s entire skeletal system failed her and she slid to the floor in relief. “Where?”
“She went to my grandma’s house to see me. Grandma phoned and I’m on my way there. She says Allie’s fine, a little cold and scared, but okay. We’ll be over as soon as I pick her up. Call Michael and tell him to get to your place, too.”
“Oh, thank you, God.” Savannah closed her eyes. Allie had walked to Odessa Levine’s? “How did she know where your grandma lives?”
“Phone book, apparently. Smart kid.”
Savannah nodded, unable to speak as tears rolled down her face. Lindsey moved toward her, her eyes questioning. She nodded and mouthed, “They’ve found her.”
Lindsey carefully sat on the floor next to her and threw her arms around her.
“Savannah?” Jake said. “You still there?”
“Yeah,” she squeaked.
“We’ll be over in ten minutes.” He hung up, and Savannah let out the sobs.
When her crying slowed down, she jumped up and went to the door to wait for them, asking Lindsey to call Michael.
Savannah watched her van whip around the corner a few minutes later and pull into the driveway. She ran down the concrete steps to meet Allie.
Wordlessly, she wrapped her arms around her daughter, and again tears fell. She’d never cried so much in her life, and right now she didn’t care.
“Thank God you’re all right, Allie,” she finally said, after a long look at her. “Let’s get you inside and warm you up.”
Allie started crying then, too, but she allowed Savannah to hold her hand. When Jake reached them, he lifted Allie, kissed her and carried her inside.
