by Debra Elise
“You don’t have to say anything. I’m aware of how you feel about kids. And I’m not here to pull what your mother did on your father, I just … well, you need to know.”
Yeah, his mother. Of course, she’d think of that. But he didn't believe she was anything like his mother. He was more interested in what she wanted. Did she want marriage, money? Maybe she wanted nothing at all or maybe, she didn’t want the baby. That last thought made him ill and he discounted it because he knew Noel. She’d want this baby.
He was, why wasn’t he flipping out? He blew out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. Hell, had he changed his mind because he had feelings for Noel? Okay, he needed to think, he needed time, yeah, they both needed to time.
“I… don’t know what to say. Can I have some time? I need to figure this thing out and—” TS threw his hands out and couldn’t finish his the damn sentence. For the first time in his life, he was at a loss for words.
In mid-stride, she looked up at him; her face fell at his words. He’d hurt her. Somehow with his words or the wrong words, he’d failed whatever test or expectation she’d had when she walked in and told him he was going to be a father.
He knew anything he said to her now would sound insincere. He was screwed, no matter what.
“Noel, maybe we each need some time to let this sink in. I, ah, could you maybe give me a couple days, I’ll look into setting up a trust fund and then we’ll get together and hash it out.”
Before his eyes, she schooled her features. He could no longer read her.
“Sure. Whatever works for you. Because it’s not like I haven’t been puking for two days straight or anything. My god, I thought I had the flu. Nope, just a baby making its presence know. So yeah, I’ll set aside my life and feelings for a couple of days while you decide what you want to do about it. Take all the time you need, TS.”
Stunned, he watched her walk out his door. It had been open the entire time, and he stood still as she walked to the waiting elevator, slammed her hand on the buttons. She remained facing the back wall of the elevator as its doors closed.
“That went well.” He grabbed his phone to call… who? Who was he going to talk to about this?
He picked up a pen and threw it across his desk and watched as it bounced off the wall. He leaned back in his chair and ran his hand through his hair. Dammit, TS, you totally screwed that up.
Lois entered his office wearing a frown. Laser-focused, she dropped a stack of papers on his desk and stuck her finger in his face. “You need to fix this.” She crossed her arms and stared him down.
“That’s what I’m trying to do.” His mom may still be alive, but he didn’t count her as anyone who gave his feelings a second thought. Not like Lois.
“Well, you sucked at it.”
He did. But damn, he’d never seen her really mad before. And never at him.
“I know. But to be honest, I don’t have any experience with … you know, female feelings and—she’s pregnant, Lois.”
“I heard. You forgot to close the door. And for what it’s worth, I think those female feelings you’re worried about dealing with are about love.” Lois uttered the word he was unable to say.
His secretary’s face softened into a smile. Thank God. She wasn’t really mad at him. And he ignored her word choice. Not going there.
“Lois.”
“Don’t Lois me. She loves you. She might not be ready to say it either, but that beautiful girl that you just made cry is having your baby. And you need to fix this situation. Oh, and congratulations, by the way, although at this moment, I think she could do better.”
“Hey.” He rubbed his chest. Where was she going with this because at the moment all he wanted to do was run? It was the where he couldn’t decide.
“She needs you to go after her. Beg for forgiveness and for God’s sake, don’t say anything more to her about money or trust funds.”
“And what would you suggest I do when I catch her?”
“Men.” Lois rolled her eyes. “You grab her, hold her, and don’t let go. Then you get over your rotten upbringing and forget what your father ever said to you. TS, you need to open your heart to her. She deserves it.”
He stood and turned to look out than down at the baseball field. His favorite view. Damn, he loved baseball. It was the only true love he’d ever found. And now he was going to have a kid. And Noel, he was in love with Noel.
He waited for denial to rear its head, but nothing. All he felt was if she wasn’t in his life, he’d go back to being someone he no longer wanted to be.
“TS?”
“Yeah?”
“You do too. Love doesn’t have to hurt. Your parents were the worst examples someone could have. Falling in love is easy, it’s staying in love that takes work. But when you find someone worth fighting for, worth doing the hard work for and with, then it’s worth all the pain you ever went through.” Lois stepped behind him and placed her hand on his shoulder.
“That’s pretty profound. I had no idea you were so smart; well, I did but not about this.” He ran his hand through his hair and wished he could take back the last ten minutes. He needed a do-over. “What if I screw it up?”
“Look around you. Look at everything you’ve created. You built your company without any help from your father, then you sold it and built a corporation most couldn’t on their best day. So, take my advice, you won’t screw it up. Go after her. She’s the only woman you cared enough to let your guard down with, TS. Doesn’t that tell you something?”
Was he ready to be the hands-on father she just requested? More importantly, could he trust her with his heart; could he trust himself not to screw things up like his father had?
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
He found her. Thank God. She exited the ladies' room on the main floor and turned toward the door to the parking garage. He watched her stiffen when she saw him. Shit. He had no clue what he was going to say. And he no longer had the time he wanted to wrap his head around the fact he was going to be a father.
“Noel. I’m not good with relationships and everything that comes with them. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but I don’t want to upset you anymore than I have. I just, Hell, I don’t know what I need. And I didn’t even ask what you want. Can you help me out here?”
She’d listened to him but showed little emotion, which was freaking him out. He tried again, “Look, I’m going to be honest with you. I can’t make any promises. I’ve lived so long with the hate and disappointment from my father that it’s not going to be easy for me to switch gears and think I can make this thing work.”
Her nostrils flared, and she dropped her purse on the floor. The noise echoed off the walls. Dammit, he’d said the wrong thing again. Lois had put too much faith in him. He was screwing things up and fast.
“Our baby isn’t a thing, TS. He’s going to need both of us, and whether we’re a couple or not, all I need you to do is the best you can. I’m not expecting you to turn into super dad. A child has simple needs. To be fed, clothed and cared for. To be loved and have his parents spend time with him.”
“I know this is not what either one of us wanted or expected considering we used protection, but its real and I’m having this baby.”
“How long have you known, Noel?”
“Three days.”
He rubbed his face. Okay, so she hadn't been holding out on him. Unlike his mother who’d waited until she knew his father couldn’t force her to get rid of him. His gut roiled at the thought.
“Seven weeks. I had a sonogram done. I could show you the pictures if you want. He looks a bit like a blob right now, but the nurse assured me that in another couple of months we’ll be able to make out features. They don’t usually do sonograms so early in the pregnancy but I needed to see the baby, our baby.”
“He? It’s a boy?” His voice cracked. He didn’t sound like himself.
“Um, no. I’ve just been thinking of him as a boy. Twenty weeks is wh
en they’re usually able to tell the sex of the baby.”
“Okay, so seven weeks, huh? That means it happened at the cabin.”
She nodded. “If you ask me if the baby is yours, I swear to God I’ll kick you, TS.”
“What? No. I’m not worried about that. I know the baby is mine.”
She looked around and sighed. “Maybe this isn’t the best place to be having this discussion?”
It wasn’t, but he couldn’t let her leave thinking he didn’t want their child or her.
“I think you’re right about needing time, TS. I’m suddenly exhausted. You didn’t say anything when I told you I’m keeping the baby. And if you fight me on this, I’ll win. I mean it.”
I might not have wanted kids either, but now that I’m pregnant, well, this baby will never know it wasn’t wanted. So, you think about how much or how little you want to be involved and let me know.”
He looked at her. Really looked at how she was holding up. Yes, she looked tired, but she was so damn beautiful. His heart squeezed at the thought of hurting her any more than he already had.
She was strong and fiercely independent, and if he’d been given a choice as to who would be the mother of his child, it would be her hands down. But he’d be damned if he told her he loved her for the first time in the parking garage.
He just hoped he wasn’t making a mistake by letting her leave without him.
***
A day later, TS called in the troops. He needed advice and fast.
Maverick, Luke, Blake, and Connor arrived in record time. He had purposely kept the reason from them in the group text. The less they knew he reasoned the more honest their opinions would be when he dropped the truth.
Blake arrived last, and as soon as he sat down with the others in his game room, TS made the announcement. “Noel’s pregnant.” Sure, he could have eased into it, but time wasn’t his friend right now.
To say he caught them off guard was an understatement.
“Whoa.”
Luke, Maverick, and Blake’s jaws dropped.
Luke was the first to recover, “Did your condom break too? That’s how it happened for Lara and me, but hey we have Andrew and it’s good, man. Fatherhood is the best.”
Maverick elbowed Luke. “Let’s all just take a moment. TS how ya doing, over there? You look, ah a bit green.”
Blake sat back and crossed his arms, “When did all this happen. I thought you two, well, you tell us. What has been going on with you and Noel? Besides the knocked-up part.”
TS felt green and nauseous, and his head had been pounding non-stop since Noel walked away from in the garage. Mostly, he was confused. Somewhere along the way, he took to the idea of being a father and it didn’t freak him out. What freaked him out was not having Noel in his life or only through mediators and agreed-upon exchanges when they handed off their kid. Which wasn’t going to happen—no way in Hell.
“Listen, I asked you guys here to help me come up with a plan. You’re all experts, well okay, you have experience with women and babies and I’m pretty sure Noel hates me right now, and I want to fix this.” TS ran both hands down his face. He needed more coffee or maybe whiskey. Lots of whiskey.
“She can’t hate you too much, she let you see her naked.” Luke laughed.
“TS, what about you know, your anti-relationship stance? You sound like maybe that’s not the case here. So, we’ll shut up,” Blake glared at Luke, “and you tell us what you need help with. Whatever you want, we’ve got your back.”
He knew they did, thank God they did. Blake’s declaration made him feel ten times less freaked out. “Okay, the meat of it is she wants the baby, but not me. She’s all set that we’re going to do this on paper. Because, dammit, I never gave her any reason to think I wanted anything more from her. So that’s on me, but I need to let her know that’s not where I’m at, not anymore.”
“Not anymore? As in you used to want to a different woman in your bed every night, but now you only want Noel?” Maverick let out a low whistle. “Uh, oh, gents. I think Mr. Bachelor over here has done the unthinkable.”
Three sets of eyes stared back at him, waiting for him to acknowledge Mav’s statement. Well, TS couldn’t believe it either, but it was true. He didn’t know exactly when it happened, but he wasn’t going to say it out loud in front of them when he hadn’t even said it to Noel.
“Damn, it’s true. You’re in love. Noel’s done the impossible—she’s hooked the unhookable, king of the one-night stands, the country’s most eligible billionaire who made it known far and wide that marriage was for suckers and fuck you on that one by the way. So, TS now that the mighty have fallen, what are you going to do?”
He deserved the dress down and yeah, Noel had done the impossible. But he wasn’t going to let her or his screwed-up philosophy on relationships be the reason she used to give him an out on being in his child’s life. Or hers.
“I’m going to convince her that I’ve changed.”
Blake looked skeptical, but he offered what in the end, was the agreed-upon approach. The kiss method, “keep it simple stupid.”
It took two days to make it simple. The one part of the plan that wasn’t so simple was getting Noel to go to the location where she wouldn’t see it, or him coming. And he knew just the person to make it happen.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
VALENTINE’S DAY
“How’d you know I was here?”
TS allowed himself to take in the picture Noel made sitting on a bench at the city park, huddled in a bright red parka, lips blue from the cold. He noticed her spine go rigid as he approached. The bench she chose was located behind the cement wall separating the beach below from the park, and its endless snow-covered acres of grass. To the east was downtown Pineville, with The Resort located right up to the lake’s edge. In between was an open-air skating rink with a handful of skaters braving the subzero temperatures.
This was Noel’s favorite place, according to Kelsey. A place she went to think over significant decisions in her life. The bitter cold hadn’t kept her away and it wouldn’t deter him.
The day called for chocolate and flowers, but he’d foregone the typical Valentine’s Day offerings and hoped what he had would be accepted. He rechecked his pocket to make sure it was still there. He’d purchased a ring yesterday, an emerald cut diamond solitaire. He planned on winging the actual proposal, but not before he told her what she been waiting to discuss concerning their child and what he needed to say to her—what she deserved to hear.
“A mutual friend ratted you out. And before you get all pissy about it, I’d like you to hear me out—”
“I don’t get pissy. I get even.” Noel’s gaze darted between him and then back out to the lake.
Great, she was determined not to make this easy for him. “Oh, I don’t doubt it. How about you postpone getting even for a bit. I’m hoping we can work out what’s best for the baby and for us.”
The wariness in her grey eyes was still there, but she had stopped looking at the lake and focused a suspicious gaze on him.
“So, you must have had your lawyer work something up, huh? You didn’t have to deliver it in person. In fact, I’d prefer it in the future if we not see each other and—”
“You know I’m not your father, Noel. I admit I should have handled the news differently, but I don’t run when life doesn’t go as planned. Especially when it involves someone I care about.”
He paused, waiting for a snarky comment. When she remained silent, he felt a weight lift from him.
“I’ve had a lot of time to think. About you, the baby, and about us. And something new happened while you were ignoring my texts and phone calls. I realized I missed you. I missed your smile. I missed you putting me in my place, and yes, your snarky comebacks. And yes, I missed how you felt lying next to me, under me and how you taste.”
And it’s so much more, Noel. It’s everything I never knew could be missed. About you turned into an aching and empty sp
ace that I never realized had been there. I had spent so many years telling myself I didn’t need anything, anyone on a personal level, to feel or to add to my happiness. Everything has finally clicked into place for me and I’m hoping it's not too late.”
“Who are you, and what have you done with the real TS?” Noel wiped her tears.
“The new me. A better version. The one who broke all of my rules, let you in. No one else could have done what you did, Noel.”
“What do you mean? What did I do for you?”
The need to touch and comfort her increased, but if he did, he wouldn’t be able to finish telling her everything that had been building up inside of him since she stopped speaking to him.
“You didn’t try to make me into someone else, Noel. You took me warts and all. You showed me with how you treated everyone around you that you still believed in love, no matter how much you denied it to me, you made sure everyone knew no matter how bad things got, something better was sure to come along. You have no idea how incredibly special you are to all of our friends; to me.”
If I could go back to that day in my office, I would. I’d come up with the right words to tell you that all that mattered was you. I should have run after you and convinced you that we could work through all the doubts. I’m sorry I hurt you.”
He lifted her chin with his free hand and captured her gaze. “It seems I’ve spent the two years chasing you, wanting you, loving you.”
“You what?” Stunned, she opened her mouth to say more, but TS leaned in and touched his forehead to hers
“I want it all. You. The baby. Us.” He kissed her, sweet and slow. And when Noel put her hand on his shoulder, pulled him closer, demanded more, he obliged. He kissed her deep until they both ran out of breath.
“Now what?” Noel whispered.
“Noel, I need you. I want our child, and I want him or her to have two parents living together. And—I love you. In case you didn’t hear me before.”
