He’d failed on so many levels.
And now the realization of how much both Connor and Skye meant to him was unbearable. He loved her. Connor, too. Even if he couldn’t be a part of Connor’s life anymore, he wanted Skye.
Not that she’d ever speak to him again after the horrible things he’d said.
But leaving town without telling her how he felt or at the very least saying goodbye made him feel like a coward.
And he didn’t need any more reasons to feel like a coward. He’d already spent weeks—no, make that months—fixating on his guilt and regret over not being able to say goodbye to Ryan or rescue him during the submarine fire. While those feelings had lessened slightly, it was still something he’d carry with him for the rest of his life.
He released a heavy sigh as he slowed to make a turn. What good did it do to stay in Merritt’s Crossing now? McKenna seemed determined to care for Connor on her own anyway. The thought of Connor growing up without a positive male influence in his life planted an icy ball of dread in Gage’s stomach. Ryan’s parents hadn’t filed for permanent custody—at least not that he knew of.
If he had a job offer in Merritt’s Crossing and stayed, but McKenna took Connor and moved away again, then he was stuck working in this place surrounded by painful reminders of all he’d lost—Skye, Connor and a chance to have a family of his own.
Maybe Wyoming was the better option. His only option now.
* * *
Standing under the gazebo in the community park, Skye bowed her head as the pastor prayed the benediction and the Easter sunrise service ended. A breeze blew off the pond, and she shoved her hands deeper in the pockets of her peacoat. If only she could shove aside the lonely ache taking up residence in her heart.
This was her last morning in Merritt’s Crossing. The car was packed. After church and brunch with her family, she’d be on her way back to Denver.
Leaving was the right decision, wasn’t it?
She turned her face upward to admire the pinks and oranges streaking overhead and savored the hum of quiet conversation buzzing around her as folks greeted each other. Uncle Milt’s familiar chuckle wafted through the small crowd and Skye felt a smile tug at her lips. For all the struggles and challenges of small-town life, this would always be home.
“Happy Easter.” Laramie walked up beside her, wearing a denim jacket over a yellow dress and a patterned scarf layered around her neck. “Is your family here?”
Skye shook her head. “I came alone. Mom was worried about standing too long, so she’s going to the ten fifteen service.” She gave her best friend a long look. “Jack didn’t come, either, in case you’re wondering.”
Laramie looked away, two splotches of color darkening her cheeks. “I wasn’t wondering.”
“Not even a little bit?”
She sighed, then lifted her chin, a hint of mischief glinting in her eyes. “Okay, maybe a little. I do have a thing for that particular handsome, brooding brother of yours.”
Skye flung her arm around Laramie’s shoulders. “Don’t give up. One of these days, he’ll come to his senses and see how amazing you are.”
“Doubtful but thank you. Too much history there,” Laramie said. “Speaking of coming to our senses, have you spoken to Gage lately?”
“No.” Her pulse ratcheted at the mention of his name. She’d thought about calling him. The days since the Easter festival crawled by, and every time a car drove past the house, she’d hoped it was Gage. Maybe he was fine with the way things ended. Maybe he’d made peace with the fact that McKenna and Connor were reunited.
Maybe he didn’t want her in his life.
That last part was the hardest for her to accept.
“C’mon, let’s talk.” Laramie’s gaze darted around the crowd. “Privately.”
Arms linked, they walked slowly across the lawn toward their respective cars. The pastor’s message about God being a good Father, one who loved unconditionally and didn’t hold her shortcomings against her, still resonated in Skye’s mind. Only this time, she let the familiar words blossom and flourish, instead of strangling the life out of them and pretending they didn’t apply to her. The realization that she’d allowed so much guilt and resentment to build up, keeping her from fully living—and loving—nearly stole her breath.
“Good message this morning,” Laramie said, picking her way through the grass in her peep-toe wedges.
“Uh-huh.”
Laramie stopped walking and faced Skye. “I’ll spare you the lecture, but I just want to say one more thing before you pack up and go.”
“Don’t use what happened with Connor as an excuse to push Gage away?”
Laramie’s eyes lit up. “Exactly.”
The breeze blew a strand of hair across Skye’s cheek and she carefully extracted it from her lipstick and tucked it behind her ear. “I messed up, Lare. I’ve let my fear hold me back, and now I’m afraid I missed out on a wonderful relationship.”
Laramie’s expression morphed into one of empathy. “I’m sorry that some of the men in your life have let you down. Everybody is going to mess up and disappoint us. That’s part of being human. Gage doesn’t seem like he has anything but your best interests in mind.”
“I know that now. Now that it’s too late.” She swallowed back the lump burning in her throat and dipped her chin. “I—I was afraid of losing my independence, and I didn’t want to be a victim, too weak to speak my mind or defend myself.”
“He might’ve been angry about McKenna taking Connor and said some things that were hard to hear, but he wasn’t demeaning.”
“And he was right about our family. We have enabled McKenna in so many ways for such a long time.” She cringed, thinking about how their efforts to help had often caused more hurt and dysfunction instead.
“On the upside, what if your independence and fierce love for your family is one of the things he really admires?”
“I’m not sure there’s anything he loves about me right now. I was an idiot.”
“But you don’t have to stay an idiot.”
Skye shot her a look. “Aren’t you clever.”
Laramie grinned. “That’s why I’m your best friend.” She gently steered Skye toward her car. “Why don’t you go tell Gage everything you just told me?”
Skye’s breath caught. “Now?”
“Yes, now.” Laramie’s tone was firm. Resolute. “Rumor has it he has a job interview in Wyoming this week.”
Adrenaline surged as she thought about showing up at Gage’s apartment, only to have the door slammed firmly in her face.
“I know what you’re thinking,” Laramie said, hands planted firmly at her waist and the skirt of her dress swirling around her legs. “But isn’t the risk of rejection worth the effort?”
Skye hesitated, then nodded slowly.
“That’s my girl.” Laramie swept her into an enthusiastic hug. “I’m praying for you.”
“Thank you. For everything.” Skye pulled away, more tears threatening to fall. “What am I going to do in Denver without you?”
Laramie shook her head and held up her palm. “We aren’t going there right now. You’re on a new mission, remember?”
“Right.”
Her heart in her throat, Skye climbed into her car and drove to Gage’s apartment. As she strode across the parking lot, she scanned the space for a glimpse of his truck. Nothing. She hadn’t called or texted first because she didn’t want him to have the opportunity to avoid her. Buoyed by Laramie’s pep talk, she hadn’t stopped to consider that he might not be home at eight thirty on Easter morning. Had he been at the sunrise service and she’d missed him? That couldn’t be. Laramie and her eagle eyes would’ve noticed.
She knocked on his door and waited. Please, please, please be here. Now that she realized how wrong she’d been, she didn’t want to wait ano
ther minute to apologize and tell him she cared deeply. That somewhere between the babysitting and their evening in Denver, she’d fallen in love with him.
When she knocked again, only silence greeted her.
With a heavy heart, she dug through her purse for a pen and something to write on. A text hardly seemed adequate at this point. All she found was a pen and a receipt from the coffee shop in Denver—the one they’d visited before their walk around the lake. She smiled at the bittersweet memory, scrawled a note asking Gage to call her, then tucked it into the door frame.
She sighed and returned to her car. Maybe this was a lesson learned—her fear had kept her from living openhandedly and receiving the blessing she’d been too guarded and resistant to accept—the love of a strong, devoted, wonderful man. And now it was too late.
* * *
Gage set a container full of leftovers from Max’s wife on the passenger seat of his truck, then slid behind the wheel and slammed the door. Spending Easter with Max’s family was a lot of fun, but he hated that he hadn’t spoken to Skye. Now it was too late. She was probably in Denver by now, getting ready for her first day back at work.
And he was alone.
Even the prospect of a road trip to Wyoming and a job interview first thing Monday morning didn’t brighten his mood. He huffed out a long breath and angled his truck out of Max’s long driveway. Their farmhouse—situated in the middle of several acres about forty-five minutes from town—was stunning, and Gage had enjoyed spending the day with Max and his family.
But it wasn’t the same as being with Skye and Connor.
Why hadn’t he made the effort to track her down and speak with her? To admit he’d said all the wrong things at the Easter festival, and that he wanted to be a part of her life—with or without Connor? While he’d convinced himself that letting her go was best for both of them, the loneliness and regret were eating him up inside.
The late-afternoon sunshine bathed the cab of his truck in a soft glow, and he reached for his sunglasses. As he merged onto the highway, his thoughts alternated between Skye and Connor. Occasionally, an image of the three of them together again materialized, but he didn’t allow himself to dwell there for long. What was the use? She was gone, and he’d been too stubborn to ask her to stay.
Lord, I need help. I don’t want to live like this—trapped in my own insecurity.
Up ahead, a vehicle on the side of the road caught his attention, and he merged to the right and slowed down. The small white car sat on the shoulder, its front end angled toward the wire fence dividing the pasture from the highway. As he eased in behind it and surveyed the scene, his heart lurched.
McKenna’s car. He’d memorized the license plate number.
“Please, please let them be okay.” Gage flung up the prayer, then jumped out of his truck and jogged toward the driver’s side. Through the closed windows he could hear Connor crying.
“McKenna!” Gage rapped his knuckles on her window. “Open up.”
She glanced up, eyes wide and tears evident on her splotchy cheeks.
Connor caught sight of him and screamed louder.
Adrenaline pulsed through Gage’s veins as he grabbed the door handle and tried to open it.
Locked.
McKenna looked down and a second later he heard the automatic locks release. The door sprang open.
“Are you all right?” he asked, scanning her face again for any sign of injury.
“I—I don’t—I don’t think so.” She shook her head and looked around.
Was she in shock?
“What happened?”
Her fingers trembled as she reached up and rubbed her forehead, a gesture that vaguely reminded him of Skye. “I must’ve fallen asleep for a second.”
“I need to get Connor out of his car seat and make sure he’s okay.” Gage kept his voice calm but firm. Did she really fall asleep? Should he call 911?
She glanced up at him again, her teeth chattering. “Th-th-that would be good.”
He hesitated. Were her pupils dilated? He couldn’t tell for sure. There wasn’t time to interrogate her anyway, not with Connor still screaming from the backseat. He had to make sure the baby was all right.
Gage lunged for the back door and yanked it open, his heart in his throat. Connor’s face was red, and tears clung to his lashes. He stretched his arms toward Gage.
“Aw, buddy. It’s okay.” Gage worked quickly to unfasten the car seat harness. He recognized the fear in Connor’s cry and the realization that he’d learned to differentiate made a lump form in Gage’s throat. Pulling the little guy into his arms, Gage pressed a kiss to Connor’s cheek and then nestled him close to his chest. Breathing in the scent of baby shampoo, Gage swayed gently, blinking back tears of his own.
“Is he okay?” McKenna asked, swiping at her nose with the back of her hand.
Connor’s cries quieted, and he drew several hiccupy breaths, while his fist clung to the lapel of Gage’s fleece pullover.
Gage cleared his throat. “I think so.” He carefully examined Connor’s face and hands. No scrapes, cuts or bruises. He shifted his gaze to check inside the car. When he saw the brown paper bag on the floor, his stomach plummeted.
“McKenna.” He could barely choke out her name. Worry shifted to alarm. “What’s in the bag?”
She didn’t answer.
“McKenna, have you been drinking and driving?”
She shook her head quickly. “I haven’t. I promise. You can look, the bottles haven’t been opened.”
“You shouldn’t have alcohol in your car.” Gage fought to keep his tone even. He didn’t want to lose his temper this time, but he couldn’t believe she’d started drinking again. Not when she was solely responsible for Connor.
“I wasn’t drinking. Not yet anyway.” She pressed her lips together. “On Saturday I—I tried to get my old job back waitressing at the diner in Limon, but they said I had to prove I had reliable child care first.”
Connor started to fuss again, and Gage shifted him in his arms and kept swaying gently, hoping to soothe him.
McKenna glanced up at him, squinting in the sunlight. “He isn’t very easy for me to take care of, and he isn’t sleeping well at night. I—I don’t know who to ask to babysit him that I can trust, either.”
“That still doesn’t explain why you have alcohol in your car.”
“I’m getting to that part. After I left the diner, I was upset that they’d told me no. Connor fell asleep in his car seat, so I went into the liquor store and...stocked up.” She ducked her head. “But I didn’t open them. You have to believe me.”
The hum of another vehicle approaching kept Gage from answering. He circled around the front of McKenna’s car to find a safer place to stand. The truck slowed, but Gage gave the driver a thumbs-up, and the truck kept moving.
McKenna got out of the car and faced him. She wrapped her arms around her torso. When her gaze met his, he saw only defeat and sorrow etched in her features.
“Will you please drive us to my aunt’s house? I think I need her and Skye to take Connor for me.”
“Skye’s gone.”
Surprise popped in McKenna’s eyes. “Denver?”
He gritted his teeth and nodded slowly.
McKenna shivered and stared off in the distance. “Can you take me to my aunt’s house anyway? I need to find someone to take Connor. Permanently.”
Gage’s breath caught. “Are you sure?”
She glanced at him again, tears clinging to her eyelashes. “I can’t be his mother. At least not the mother he needs and deserves.”
“If you’ll hold Connor, I’ll transfer his car seat to my truck.”
“All right.”
While Gage got Connor and McKenna situated in his truck and made arrangements to have her car towed, his mind raced ahead to possible sce
narios. Skye had said she didn’t want to be a mother. Was that still true? Would she change her mind if she knew McKenna was ready to relinquish her rights? Ryan’s parents and their attorney would certainly be thrilled to hear the news.
His gut tightened at the thought of Connor moving to Illinois permanently. While he’d promised Ryan he’d look out for Connor, deep down, he didn’t believe Gerald and Irene were the best long-term caregivers. As he drove back to Merritt’s Crossing, McKenna and Connor both fell asleep, and he relished the peace and quiet, seizing the opportunity to pour out his heart’s desire to the Lord. He wanted to be more than a male role model or a family friend. He longed to be Connor’s father, and he’d give anything to make that a reality.
Chapter Sixteen
Exhausted, Skye carried the last box of her belongings from the elevator to the door of her apartment in Denver. What a marathon, trying to unpack the car by herself. She fumbled in her handbag for her keys. Her back ached from heaving her overstuffed suitcases in and out of the trunk, and her head felt like it was caught in a vise grip. Even though she didn’t start back at work until tomorrow, her stomach twisted as she thought about the impossible-to-meet sales goals, the benefits of a new anti-inflammatory medication she was supposed to start promoting to physicians right away, plus her new territory, which was much larger than her manager had initially indicated.
Suddenly, returning to work didn’t seem as exciting as she’d hoped. Right now, she’d give anything for another afternoon at the furniture store and a simple spreadsheet of last year’s earnings and expenses. Or another day with Gage and an opportunity to tell him how she truly felt about him. Why had she given up so easily?
Her phone buzzed again, and she groaned. That was probably her manager or her sales team asking her to meet for dinner tomorrow night. No, thank you. She’d let the call go to voice mail. Just like the six other calls that came in while she was driving back from Merritt’s Crossing today. Her phone had fallen from the center console and slid under the passenger seat about forty minutes into her trip and she’d ignored it the rest of the way to Denver. All she wanted was to get settled and take a luxurious bubble bath.
Their Baby Blessing Page 17
