“How is she?”
“Honestly, I don’t think it is wise that I came here. She took it to mean I would be with her; I told her differently. I told her it was not like that, but she could reach out to me if she needs help with the arrangements. Now come on, we have to make it home through this weather so you can rest.” Janine doesn’t resist, and we make our way at home. On the rough ride home, I inwardly pray for Monica to have peace of mind and comfort for her soul.
Episode Sixteen
Seth
The ride home from the hospital is tense as I maneuver Janine’s Range Rover through the storm that will not ease up. I regret going to the hospital. I know Janine meant well when she insisted I see Monica. I know Janine; she has a good heart. It doesn’t matter that my actions with Monica violated our marriage. She hates to see anyone suffer alone, her husband’s ex-mistress included. However, I should have known better than to go. I spent two years in my affair with Janine. I promised that girl so many lies concerning a future together. I never meant a word I uttered to her, but she believed them because I showed her generosity. I was willing to say and pay to continue to have the physical gratification that Monica gave to me. There was nothing she wouldn’t do, and that is what I loved, not her. Some of the things I did with Monica sexually, I would never ask of Janine, not because she wouldn’t do it, but because I don’t want her to. That was my thought process until my counseling sessions with Pastor Caine.
I drift back to the night he asked me, “Why not with my wife?”
I sat there, with a deer caught in headlights expression, as Pastor asked me, “Why not ask your wife to fulfill your sexual desires?”
I rubbed my hands down my face, trying to come up with the answer to the question. Pastor Caine looked at me like he just asked about the weather. I sighed as I talked out my jumbled thoughts.
“Pastor, Janine has always been so pure. She was a virgin on our wedding night. I wanted—I want—to keep her that way. I don’t want her doing anything in bed she is not comfortable with. I make sure our sex life is full of passion and love; that is what she deserves.
“What I did with Monica could be considered debauchery. I don’t want to make Janine feel cheap.”
Pastor Caine took off his glasses as if what I just said clouded them. He leaned forward as he responded.
“Seth, how do you think she feels after your affair?” I dropped my head in response, and he continued. “Homework for you—talk about your sexual desires with Janine. Explain them to her, and let her determine what she is willing to do. Read Hebrews 13:4 with your wife, and discuss how marriage is honorable in all and the bed undefiled.”
I completed my homework from Pastor Caine, and Janine was willing and even aggressive in trying out new things in the bedroom. It could be her pregnant hormones, but she has met my every need. I used Monica for two long years when all along I had a wife who was willing to grant my every desire. I am disgusted with myself for the time I cheated on my wife and gave another woman money.
I know the money I gave Monica was to lift her financial burden in caring for her mother, but it was mostly to ease my guilt. The money I gave her was not enough to make me blink, but to Monica it meant everything and caused her to believe my empty promises. I am sorry for my actions with Monica because that has added to the pain of her losing her mother and our baby. I am saddened by the death of Mrs. Snipes and loss of the child I was prepared to care for. I would be lying to myself if I didn’t admit that I’m not devastated. In fact, there is a sense of relief that I won’t have to co-parent with Monica, and Janine will be the only mother of my children. These thoughts make me feel like crap. I am so lost in my thoughts and driving through the storm that I miss what Janine is saying to me.
“Seth, are you ok?” I quickly look at her pensive stare before reverting my eyes back on the treacherous road conditions.
“Yes, I’m fine.”
“Are you mad that I asked you to go to the hospital?”
“No, honey, I’m not mad. It’s just, I have to be careful not to lead Monica on.”
“Lead her on? What could you be leading her on about?” I don’t have to look at Janine to hear the confusion in her voice.
“Lead her on to thinking my visit was anything other than me checking on her after the loss of the baby and her mother.”
“What else could it be, Seth? I mean, it was your child too. Why wouldn’t you go to the hospital?”
My wife doesn’t get the Pandora’s box I just opened by comforting Monica. I let out an exasperated sigh, not at Janine, but the situation. I pull in our driveway and push the button to let up our garage. I don’t want to continue this conversation. Janine’s tone has transitioned from confused to annoyed. I turn off the ignition of the truck and open my door to assist Janine out, only to have her get out on her own. She always waits for me to help her out. She stands in the garage with both her hands supporting her back as she continues this fruitless conversation.
“Tell me, Seth, what could Monica think your visiting would mean?” I close the space between us and reach for her so we can go into the house just to have her take two steps backward. I drop my head in defeat as I rub my hand from the front to the back. This is going to be a long night.
“Sweetheart, please . . . you need to get off your feet. Let’s go into the house.”
“No, I’m not moving. I get the feeling I’m still ignorant to what all has happened between you and her. So I’m not moving until you tell me.”
She crosses her arms across the sacred place where my children are growing. Simultaneously, thunder roars, and it feels like the foundation we are standing on is going to crack. It mirrors what this conversation could destroy, but she is standing her ground, so I throw caution to the wind.
“Okay, Janine. It was dangerous for me to go and comfort Monica because, for two years, I promised her a future. I pledged to be there when she needed me. I told her my marriage would never interfere with my being there in her time of need if her mother were to pass. I promised her those things, and so much more, so she could keep giving me what I wanted. I knew then, like I know now, that I didn’t mean one word of it, but she doesn’t. Monica believed every lie I told her.”
I can see the light dim in my wife’s eyes as she understands I had a more than a sexual affair with Monica; I had a relationship. None of our counseling sessions led to me revealing the things I shared with Monica, so at this moment my wife realizes what a lying piece of scum I am. This revelation does not slow my trip down memory lane for her; the lid has been opened, and all my dark secrets pour out of my mouth. My wife’s tears stream from her eyes and disappointment washes over her face.
“When I opened that hospital door, Monica thought I was coming back to her. She even said we could work on having another child. You know why she said that? Because I allowed her to weep in my arms. I did it out of habit; she held on tightly because of her love for me.”
Janine raises both her hands gesturing for me to stop, and I comply.
“Stop, I get it. I understand. Please excuse me, I have to use the restroom and lie down.”
Janine pushes past me and enters the house and gently closes the door behind her. Again, I feel like crap. If only the raging wind outside could sweep me away from the disaster I’ve created.
Janine
I try to rest, but my mind won’t allow it. Seth has blown my mind with the intimate details of his relationship with Monica. I have a hard time swallowing all the information he fed me. I know I asked for it, but Good Lord, it feels like I’m looking at the pictures of his affair for the first time. Only this time, each picture has a caption written on it, making their relationship reality. I don’t know what to do, or how to feel. I have to check myself. If I’ve forgiven him, should the details of the affair bother me? I have to admit to myself that it does bother me. Seth did not come clean in the beginning, and now, I have to deal with the new revelations of his affair. This is hard to swallow, a
nd there is a part of me that just wants to throw my hands up, but the larger part can’t bear the thought of a life with my children and no Seth. I don’t know what else to do other than praying for the Lord to help me. Seth and I have come so far since the discovery of his affair. I have to accept that I pushed him to see her. However, I didn’t say anything about holding her, and he is wrong for doing so.
At the end of the day, I forgave Seth, so I can’t hold any act in that affair against him. I urged him to visit Monica. I shouldn’t have had to give him a list of dos and don’ts. I have to think about the babies in my womb. I can’t be stressed out about how he comforted her. Although he didn’t love her as he loved me, she meant something to him. I don’t want to know what. It is clear; I can’t handle the details of the affair. Seth has lost a child, and he is trying to hold on to our family. I can’t make it difficult for him. Lord, you have to help me. I feel sorry for Monica’s loss. I would die if I lost my babies, and I can’t imagine losing either one of my parents.
“Lord, help me!” I cry out loud because I need him to lift this burden off of me.
Instantly, a scripture drops in my spirit, and I pick up my phone to read it on my Bible app. 1 Corinthians 13:5: Love is not rude, it is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrong. With that word of God, I know I have to continue in His perfect love in forgiving my husband. I rise from the bed and search for my husband. I find him in his study on bended knee praying. I call out to him, and he immediately looks up with a questioning glance.
I walk over to him and reach out my hand. He takes it, and I say, “I’m sorry for being angry at you for telling me what I asked to know.” He stands up and enfolds me in his arms and kisses me on the side of my face. He then looks directly in my eyes.
“Janine, there is nothing to forgive. I’m sorry for all of this mess, and I promise I am going to be better.” I respond with a kiss on his lips that he turns more passionate than I meant, but I receive him all the same. He is my beloved, and I am his.
Episode Seventeen
Monica
It has been nine weeks, three days, and eleven hours since I buried my mother, a little longer since I memorialized my son. I have cried until my eyes were swollen shut and my stomach was sore from my sobs. I was beyond hurt when Seth didn’t attend my mother’s funeral or our son’s memorial. Instead, a flower arrangement was sent to both services. The cards attached were signed “With our deepest sympathy for your loss, Mr. and Mrs. Seth Owens.” I ripped both cards to shreds during each service. If it weren’t for my friends, I don’t know how I would have made it through those dark days. I knew my mother’s time was short and discussed it numerous of times with Seth. He promised me he would be there for me, but he wasn’t, and that has caused a never ending ache in my heart. However, the act that finally shattered all my desires and dreams of Seth returning, and forced me to drop to the floor in despair, crawling to my bed where I stayed for days, was when I received a certified letter through courier from Attorney Edwards. It was the worst day of my life. It detailed the new terms of an agreement between Seth and me. The proposal offered me one year of rent to be covered, utilities, cable, insurance and a one-time payment of twenty-thousand dollars. If I cashed the check, it would be the acceptance of the terms offered for the pain and suffering caused by the resolution of the relationship between Seth and me, and for the grief I experienced due to the loss of my son. Faye and Tamala said I should just take the money and use the next year to move on and view the cold-hearted proposal as closure. I deposited the check, and I understand Seth may have meant it for closure, but that proposal was an opening for my revenge. I quit my job and have spent the last few weeks stalking the man that has ruined my life. I no longer know who I am.
I stalk the Owens’ home on Ridgewood Drive. I watch them come and go. Sometimes they are alone, but mostly they are together. I follow them when they go to the store, to the doctor, to lunch, to his parents, to church. I have never made my presence known. I just watch them from a distance allowing a perfect hatred to bubble up inside of me.
However, today is different. They are in a baby store, and it tears a hole in my soul. I get out of my car, and I head into the store. I hold my purse close to my chest. It’s heavy with the loaded nine-millimeter Luger inside of it. I plan to have my closure today.
Seth
“Seth, do you think we have too much pink?” Janine asks me as she puts two pink diaper jennies into our cart. I have no idea why we need two, but whatever she wants she can have. I won’t tell her our daughters’ room is going to look like Pepto-Bismol. She has been in such good spirits lately, and I won’t do anything to ruin that.
“No, sweetheart, no such thing as too much pink for little girls.” She raises and eyebrow at me questioning how truthful I’m being. I wink at her. She smiles and turns and starts piling in more items for our girls. I am following behind my wife without a care in the world until I hear someone screaming my name. I turn around and can’t believe my eyes. It’s Monica standing in the baby store with a gun pointed in my direction.
“Did you think I was just going to let you get away with what you did to me?” She yells as she walks near me. I immediately get in front of my wife as I take in the screams of the shoppers in the store. I put my hands up in surrender as I try to remain calm. It’s hard because I’ve never had a gun pulled on me in my life.
“Monica, you don’t want to do this. This won’t end well for you.” She gives me a sinister smirk while she shakes her head back and forth. I feel Janine tugging on my shirt and hear her praying, “Lord be a fence all around us, cover us with your blood, please touch Monica Lord, In Jesus name.”
“No, love. This is not going to end well for you and your wife today. See, my life has already ended. It ended the day my son died, and you thought twenty-thousand dollars was enough to replace him and you.”
I don’t have a chance to say anything because an officer appears out of nowhere with his weapon drawn on Monica. Monica looks at me, and then she closes her eyes as she pulls the trigger of her gun. The officer fires and she falls to the floor. My life flashes before my eyes; it goes by quickly. I don’t have the time to say proper goodbyes, or Lord, have mercy on my soul. I can’t ensure my wife’s safety. I feel a hot burning sensation go through my body before it all fades to black.
Episode Eighteen
Janine
It's all happening so fast. Monica appears out of thin air; Seth pushes me behind him, I am stunned. I can only think to pray. The other shoppers are screaming, “She has a gun!” I can't hear what Monica and Seth are saying, the sound of my heart booming in my ears is deafening. I feel a sense of relief when I see the police officer come into view with his weapon drawn. For a split second, I think Monica will lower her gun and give up. I am wrong. The rest is a blur. The next thing I know I’m riding in the ambulance with my husband. I try to think back.
The officer said, “Ma'am put down your weapon.” Then I heard three shots being fired, and before I can react, Seth falls backward causing me to fall with him. I was helped up by a man and his pregnant wife only to see my husband bleeding from his shoulder. I turn to see Monica lying on the floor with blood pouring from her head. Did she kill herself or did the police officer? I don’t want to think about it; I have to make sure my husband is alive. I grab a baby blanket out of our cart, and I drop down beside my husband to apply pressure to his wound. I will not lose him. I begin to sing “No Weapon” by Fred Hammond as I apply the pressure. I ignore the crying and the pandemonium surrounding me. I focus in on my Beloved and pray to The Merciful Savior that Seth’s life is spared.
I don’t know how much time passes before the medics arrive, and Seth is loaded onto a gurney; Monica is zipped up in a body bag. I hate that her life has ended in this tragic way.
My attention is called away from the lost life when one of the medical staff in the ambulance says, “He is waking up.”
I rush to Seth’s
side and hold his hands. I am so happy to see his brown eyes looking up at me.
“Janine, are you okay? Are our girls okay?” He speaks just above a whisper.
“Yes, honey, I’m fine, and so are the babies. You’re going to be fine, also.” I lift his hand to the side of my face. I just need to feel his touch. He uses his thumbs to wipe a tear that escaped.
“I’m so happy you and the babies are okay. I-I was so afraid.” He is trying to fight back his tears. I lean in and kiss his forehead, trying not to get in the way of the medic who is cleaning his wound.
“Shhh, honey, save your energy, rest.”
“What about Mon-ica?”
“I’m sorry, sweetheart; she didn’t make it.” Seth closes his eyes and tears stream down his face. He tightens the grip on my hand, and I feel his pain. I sing. No weapon formed against us shall prosper the rest of the way to the hospital.
Episode Nineteen
Seth
Heavenly Father, I thank you for sparing my life. Thank You for Your mercy, abiding presence, and amazing grace. Thank you, Lord, for allowing me to survive what could have been my end. Thank you for the doctors and surgeons being guided by Your hands. Father, I cast all my cares, fears, grief, and anxiety to You. I thank You for Your forgiveness and giving me Your peace. I will continue to submit my will, and my way to You, because when I was heavy laden with guilt, You lifted my spirit and I’m grateful for Your grace, Your yoke is easy, and the burden is light. I praise you because You alone are worthy. I once doubted Your realness, but now I know You are real because I feel You and Your spirit in my soul.
Thank you for giving me peace in through the storm that my actions caused, thank You for looking beyond my faults and seeing my need. Father, thank You for touching my wife’s heart, thank You for making her my missing rib. I’m eternally gratefully to You, In Jesus name, Amen
It Won't Prosper: Parable On Infidelity In Marriage Page 5
