‘You think?’
‘Sure. Take a few days off work. You two can go out to places together, keep her calm and happy. Do a bit of sisterly bonding – whatever it is that girls do. Keep her calm and happy.’
‘Fine. I can do that.’ Not the best time in the world for me to take leave, what with all the problems on the bridge, but I’ll do what I can. I look at him suddenly, remembering how this conversation all began.
‘Rich. Did you really mean what you said just now about wanting to move to Italy?’
He shrugs, lays his head gently back down on the pillow. And then, because even after ten years of marriage he’s never quite got over his shyness enough to actually say when he wants us to make love, I slide back under the duvet gratefully. I know what he wants. It’s what I want too.
I might not have had my mum around as a child and I may never get to hold my own baby in my arms either. But at least I’ve got Rich. He loves me and I love him and I need to appreciate that.
Because nobody’s ever going to take him away from me, are they?
Hollie
‘I haven’t heard anything from Gui all week, do you know that?’ Scarlett clicks off her phone crossly, hoisting her feet up onto my dashboard, and I look at her in surprise. It’s the first time she’s given any inkling she might actually be missing her boyfriend.
‘You’ve been in fairly close contact up to now,’ I remind her. Whenever she’s not sitting there texting her friends, she seems to be on the phone to them. Him too, surely? ‘Maybe work just got busy or something?’
She rolls her eyes. ‘Maybe he’s just got pissed off ’cos I keep putting off the date when I tell him I can come home?’
‘Oh, Scarlett,’ I say feelingly. ‘Are you worried he might be…well, drifting away? Because you’re not there?’
‘He’s a man, isn’t he?’ She looks at me sharply. ‘I don’t suppose he’s going to wait forever.’
What does she mean?
‘He does know, doesn’t he?’ The thought hits me suddenly. She must have told him by now. She shakes her head, her eyes suddenly watering and vulnerable.
‘I didn’t dare, Hollie. I know I said all that stuff about not being his property and all that, and I’m not of course, but I have been worried about how he’d take it. I thought I’d rather make sure it had happened first – before bringing it up.’
‘Oh.’
‘It’s not been easy for me, being here either. Seeing the way you and Rich are with each other – especially after he came back from Trieste the other night. I know you two little lovebirds can’t bear to be parted from each other. Just because I’m not in a steady relationship doesn’t mean I don’t wish that I was.’
‘I’m sorry, Lettie,’ I bluster. ‘I never knew you felt that way. I assumed you had Gui in the wings and…’
‘He mightn’t stay in the wings too long if it turns out I am pregnant though. Don’t you see?’
It looks as if she’s backed herself into a Catch 22 situation. What can I say?
‘How about Rich?’ She looks at me suddenly. ‘He’s been a bit quiet recently, hasn’t he? He’s hardly spoken to me for days…’
‘He’s just preoccupied at the moment. Work and his dad and all. Honestly, I don’t think he’s given you a second thought…’
She shoots me a dark glance.
‘I didn’t mean it that way,’ I placate. ‘What I meant was, he’s not available for anyone at the moment because he’s got so much on his mind. He was even talking about us relocating to Italy the other day,’ I share. ‘That’s how worried he is.’
‘I got the impression he’d love to move abroad.’ Scarlett winds down the window on her side and sticks her face out towards the cold breeze.
‘You did? When? Have you two spoken about it before, then?’
‘Not exactly spoken about it, but it was sort of intimated.’ I watch her take her gum out of her mouth and roll it up into a little ball. ‘He’s not such a stick-in-the-mud as you are, Hol. I think he’d rather like a bit of adventure in his life.’
I feel my shoulders stiffen.
‘The nearest you ever come to having an adventure is going for an acupuncture session with your Mr Huang,’ she taunts now.
She didn’t have to accompany me on my acupuncture visit this morning. She wanted to come. She insisted. Just because time is going so painfully slowly for both of us at the moment. Every hour on the clock takes an absolute eternity to tick by. And for the whole of the past week we’ve both been waking up so early, too, as if there aren’t already enough hours in the day to have to get through. I keep expecting her to tell me, any minute, that her period has come and that my hopes are dashed again. I don’t want to think that. I want to stay positive, but I have had this happen to me so many times. Part of me can’t believe that it could ever be any different, that anything could ever change. So at the moment, because it is my day off and I have no work to distract me, we’re just waiting, finding things to do to fill in the time.
After I’d driven Scarlett up to the two grammar schools along Maidstone Road like she wanted and she’d dropped off those recruitment cards for Eve (‘Come and work in the wonderful Amazon rainforest during your gap year…’), Scarlett hadn’t got a clue what else she was going to do with herself for the rest of the day, so she tagged along with me for my appointment at Mr Huang’s.
‘We could go back to the swimming pool after the acupuncture,’ she suggests now. ‘There shouldn’t be too many people around at this hour. You could have another go at it.’
‘Well, thanks for the offer, but…’
‘You should take me up on it,’ she urges. ‘While I’m still here in England to help you.’ There’s a pause as we both absorb what she’s just said. Her acknowledgement that she might well not be hanging around for much longer. ‘Learning to swim is really easy, Hollie. To tell you the truth…’she reflects for a moment as our line of traffic moves forward an inch, ‘I don’t even remember ever learning how to swim. I just did it. That’s how easy it is.’
‘You were a water baby,’ I grant her. ‘I remember Bea’s teenage nephew Tim used to come and take you to the pool every other weekend, didn’t he?’
‘You should have come with us. Why didn’t you?’ Scarlett looks at me pointedly now. ‘Then you’d have learned at the same time. Then it wouldn’t have become such a big deal.’
‘Ha.’ All very well for her to say, but by the time she was four or five and learning to swim, I was into early adolescence and the thought of going to the pool with her and Tim didn’t appeal. Tim was always sullen and sulky towards me anyway.
‘The thing is, Scarlett, I don’t just need to learn how to swim. It’s much more than that. I need to overcome my fear of water. It’s a different thing entirely.’
‘It’s a circular argument, Hollie.’ She shrugs. ‘You’re frightened of the water because you don’t swim. You don’t swim because you’re frightened of the water. You need to just do it, OK?’
‘I can’t.’
‘You won’t,’ she taunts. Scarlett folds her arms tightly in front of her, and looks out of the window again, the expression of a caged animal on her face. ‘I don’t know how you put up with all this, Hol.’
‘With all…?’
‘All this.’ She indicates with a hand out of the window. ‘This – traffic. This life. Waiting in traffic jams. Waiting to find out if you’re pregnant. Waiting to find out if I’m pregnant. Waiting for the guy to tell you your energy is right so you can take the first steps and actually learn how to swim.’
‘I can’t be you, Scarlett,’ I tell her after I’ve recovered my composure. ‘Scarlett…’Our line creeps forwards another three cars before the lights change again and the car in front of us slips through on full red.
‘Go, just go!’ She turns on me in frustration as I put my foot on the brakes. ‘Whatever are you waiting for?’
‘Well, the lights were—’
‘Who cares what they
were? You could have taken a risk and put your foot down. You’d have got through there. It’s what everyone else is doing. You can’t faff around taking forever over things in your life.’ She turns to me insistently. ‘I mean, what’s your fall-back plan if it turns out I’m not expecting after all?’
‘My what?’
‘Your Plan B. You know. If I’m not expecting a baby – what’ll you do with the rest of your life?’
‘I don’t have a Plan B.’ I look at her in consternation. ‘Are you not…do you think you might not be…?’
‘We’ll find out soon enough,’ she shrugs, but I get the impression nothing can happen soon enough for her.
At Mr Huang’s, Daisy-Lou opens the door to us, her mother laughing silently behind her as she gestures in a perfect imitation of her father. ‘Please come in.’
‘Oh, she’s a cutey!’ Scarlett warms to her immediately and the ice which has built up between the two of us on the journey down here starts to thaw. ‘Sometimes,’ my sister says disarmingly, bouncing Daisy-Lou on her knee as I go in for my treatment, ‘I can actually see what it is you’re making all the fuss about.’
Ha! My sister isn’t actually getting a glimpse of what it’s like to be broody, is she? That would be a turn-up. Maybe it’s a good sign, I hardly dare to let myself hope, maybe she is pregnant and those are her hormones kicking in.
‘Ah, so, stress levels very high.’ Mr Huang nods sympathetically when I’m sitting there five minutes later explaining that we’re currently waiting on results for Scarlett’s second pregnancy attempt. When he takes my pulse today he emphasises it with a ‘Yes, very high’, as if he can feel my stress levels through the pulse in my wrist. ‘And sister? Stress levels very high too?’ he enquires in his soft voice. ‘Needs to get back, yes?’
‘Back to Brazil,’ I nod. He gestures her over and she comes and sits down with little Daisy-Lou still clinging onto her arm, laughing, and Mr Huang takes her pulse too.
‘Sister has good chi,’ he tells me matter-of-factly when he’s done. ‘Good for having babies. Should happen most easily under the right conditions.’
‘Well…that’s good to hear.’ Scarlett’s grinning from ear to ear. ‘I’ve got good chi,’ she tells me proudly. ‘Shall I take Daisy-Lou back out of here now?’
‘Most kind of sister. I will place needles now please.’ He indicates the couch and I jump up there, face down, pulling off my top as I go. After while I hear the faint tearing of paper and I know he’s getting his hair-thin needles ready.
‘So, sister works in jungle?’ His voice has softened in interest. ‘Many birds there. Different kinds of birds we don’t see in the cold weather.’
I guess so. I lift my head and look at him blankly.
‘She’s a seed conservationist,’ I tell him. ‘She collects seeds for the PlanetLove foundation. Her work is very important to her,’ I add, as he seems to be considering all this very thoroughly. Or maybe he’s just concentrating on where he’s placing those needles.
‘Then sister most kind to do this work for you. To try two times,’ he says after a while. ‘This is good way. If jealousy not too high, ha?’
‘Why on earth would I be…?’ I stop, realising that we’re veering off into personal territory I’d rather not venture into.
‘When man to sleep with wife’s sister – can be big problems. Have to trust, ha?’
‘Mr Huang…we’re not doing that.’ My eyes open wide with the realisation of what he’s thinking. ‘We used…artificial methods. My husband didn’t actually sleep with my sister!’ I give a little shake of my head, feeling myself colouring at the thought.
‘Ah,’ he says, pensive. ‘Artificial methods not so good. Lose vital chi. Not so good conditions. If time short, better to use natural way.’
If time short…
He switches off the bright overhead light and I know he’s going to leave me for twenty minutes now to let the needles work. After what he’s just told me, it’s probably just as well because I’m not sure what I’d be able to say in response. I let my eyes close, my head against the pillow on the couch but my mind is racing.
So is that how they came to have Daisy-Lou? I wonder if they used a family member too? Good God, I’d have to really be in a state to do that. I lift my hand to stifle an embarrassed cough.
Damn. All my hopes that it might work out so easily using Scarlett are down the pan in an instant. If it hasn’t worked this time she’ll be back to the Amazon and her boyfriend in a flash. Even – I suspect – if I did agree to sell the cottage. And even then, it might still all be in vain. Mr Huang’s revelation has left me feeling crushed. Ever since January I’ve been clinging onto the wonderful thought that Mrs Huang only needed one attempt, even though time was running out for her. I had no idea they’d used the ‘natural way’ as he put it.
I couldn’t bring myself to ever do that. Have them sleep together, even assuming they could ever be persuaded to do it, which of course they wouldn’t. No. Never. I’d never ask them anyway. I’d have to be desperate.
I turn my face to the wall, a strange stinging in my eyes as he leaves me alone for the acupuncture needles to take effect and in the darkness the realisation creeps in to haunt me.
I am desperate.
Scarlett
‘I’m feeling pretty upbeat, to be honest.’
God, I am so relieved! I watch as Lucy slices an orange segment carefully then slots it over the edge of a lime-green cocktail. She slides it along her kitchen counter to me.
‘You’re sure you’re not expecting?’ she frowns.
‘I’m ninety-nine per cent certain that I’m not.’ I’ve been suffering with cramps all day. I know that feeling. Thank God. I’m three or four days late and every passing hour had brought me closer to the terrifying thought that I might be pregnant after all.
‘Vodka?’ I pull a face and then the heat of the alcohol hits the back of my throat in a none-too-unpleasant way. I haven’t been allowed a drink since I made that first pregnancy attempt, I realise suddenly. ‘How about you?’
My diminutive friend smiles mysteriously. ‘We’re still waiting to see. I bought a test kit yesterday…’
I let out an excited squeal. If she’s pregnant, then that’s cool. It’s what she wants. If I’d been pregnant – well, I know it’s what I set out to do but it was never something I wanted, was it? Right at this moment I feel as if I’ve made a lucky escape. I’m sad about the fact that I won’t get any of the money Hollie would have made from the house but losing the terror I’ve felt over the past few days at the thought I might actually have a baby inside me more than compensates for it. I’ve tried my best. The vodka is also helping me to feel pretty chilled.
‘So…’ I try and size her up, but in that floaty chiffon top she’s wearing there is no way I can spy any bump. ‘When are you planning on actually using this test kit?’
Lucy tucks her short blonde hair behind her ears. ‘That’s what I was about to tell you. D’you remember Roma Kelly? She was in the year above us at Fort Pitt.’
Vaguely. I nod her on.
‘Well…she’s maybe pregnant too. I thought all three of us could check out our luck together when the girls came round tonight, what d’you think?’
I let out a snort of laughter. ‘I wouldn’t want to waste one of your precious test kits, Luce! I’m pretty sure I’m out of the running, so to speak…’
‘Pity.’ She sips at her banana smoothie, looking a bit disappointed.
‘For Hollie, yes,’ I admit. ‘And I did want to do this for her. But – hey – it wasn’t meant to be, obviously. It’s more of a relief, to be frank. I’ll be booking my flights back to South America tomorrow.’ I take another vodka-and-orange-laden sip through my straw, relishing the taste. ‘I got all my visa renewal papers and work permits through this morning.’
‘That was quick.’
‘Thanks to Professor Klausmann’s efficient secretary, yes.’ I had to phone her as soon as she got back fro
m her break but once I’d explained the urgency of it she was straight onto it.
‘But now it means you’re going to leave us again all the sooner.’ Lucy grimaces and comes round to give me a regretful hug. ‘That means this’ll probably be our last get-together with the girls for a while. Let’s make it a good one. Hey – here they are now…’
We both look up as Toni and our old friend Jules and a couple more girls – including Roma, Luce nudges me – troop into the kitchen, laden with wine and snacks. Roma, it turns out, remembers everything we ever did at junior school, though I can barely recognise her, so Lucy leaves us reminiscing while she wanders off to find some bowls for the dips and cashew nuts.
‘Scarlett Hudson,’ Roma drones. ‘The original bad girl. D’you remember the time you climbed back into school over the locked gates because you’d left a packet of ciggies behind in your desk?’
‘That wasn’t me.’ I shrug at the others. I never smoked at junior school. I did other stuff, but I wasn’t that bad, surely? I get the feeling Roma will have probably have tagged everyone else’s misdemeanours along with mine.
‘You made up names for all the teachers though, didn’t you?’ she insists. ‘You had us in stitches – Mrs Hogg became Miss Piggy, our French teacher became Kermit, of course, and…’
I roll my eyes at Toni. I’m going to need a few more of these green cocktails to help me loosen up, I decide. And why not? I haven’t been plastered for a long time. I can’t even remember how it feels. I glance at the intimate picture on display of Lucy and Dave snogging on their honeymoon and the thought occurs: I haven’t been laid for rather a long time either. Even if I have been trying to get pregnant.
‘You went abroad, didn’t you?’ Toni is back in the conversation. ‘I heard you got some fantastic glam job saving the rainforest?’
Everyone turns to look at me and Luce pipes up, having returned with her dinky bowls.
‘Scarlett’s been living with an Amazonian tribe for the last eighteen months. She’s working to save their ecosystem from destruction,’ she announces proudly, licking chilli dip from her fingertips. ‘Isn’t that right, Scarlett?’
A Sister’s Gift Page 15
