‘What tests were Lucy and the other girl using?’ my sister quizzed then. ‘If they were the cheaper versions off the internet you mightn’t have had enough pregnancy hormones in there for it to show up yet. Some tests pick up ten microunits of hormone and some won’t pick up anything till you’ve got at least twenty-five miu in there…’
‘The tests worked well enough for the other two girls,’ I’d pointed out. ‘And I can’t imagine Lucy picking up any cheapo internet test kits. I can’t remember what make they were.’
‘I want you to do it again for me,’ Hollie had begged. Five o’clock this morning it was, still dark, and she wanted me to pee on a stick. ‘Your hormones will be more concentrated in the morning,’ she’d insisted. ‘Even at this low level, the kit I want you to use should pick it up.’
And I’d felt so goddamn awful, what was wrong with her? Couldn’t she tell that I wasn’t even seeing straight this morning? So I’d gone into the bathroom and opened up one of her test kits and run some tap water over it, just to please her. ‘Not pregnant’ it announced to both of us ten minutes later. And she’d sat down on one of the dining room chairs and just looked at it in silence for a very long time.
Then she took Ruffles out in the freezing cold and she’s been out for ages. Too long really, but I haven’t got any more time to worry about her; I have to get away.
She’ll be fine, anyway. I just heard Rich go out after her. I popped my head round the door and one moment he was standing in the hallway in nothing but his PJ bottoms and the next he was gone. I barely had time to come out and speak to him and I would have liked to. I know how much he wanted that baby too.
But anyway. That’s over. And I’m glad it’s over. I’ve been feeling such relief since yesterday when I found out. I don’t know how I would have gotten through it, if I’m honest. Listening to Lucy and Roma and all of them banging on about pregnancy last night, well, it put me off the whole idea even more.
I spoke to Barry earlier and he filled me in on the changes that are happening over there. I’ve got it all scribbled down on my writing pad. European…what were they called? I crane my head to see what it was I wrote earlier: ‘European Alliance Group have temporarily taken over our patch of the forest and are defending it against all-comers.’ I smile, imagining a band of well-fortified and well-meaning Belgians and Germans wearing headbands and khaki trousers and wielding sticks. I’m not sure how long they’ll be able to help us out for but they mean well.
I grimace as a sharp pain jabs my temple. My head feels like someone’s tried to stave it in with a hammer. I need to rehydrate, I need some water. I need some coffee. Maybe some Alka-Seltzer? I drag myself into the bathroom.
At least Barry sounded as if he was pleased that I’m coming back. Two of their part-timers have left and they’re really short on the ground right now. He admitted they are barely keeping track of the Yanomami. And some of the tribe – including José’s dad, Tunga – look like they’re about ready to leave the forest, which would be a complete disaster. It happened once before with the tribe Eve and Barry were working with before I came along. Once the men start to leave, the tribe gets dissipated and disbanded and their knowledge gets lost forever.
Hollie’s bathroom cabinet is so jam-packed full of stuff for all eventualities that I just know she’s got to have some Alka-Seltzer in here. It’ll be all in some kind of order no doubt but I don’t know her system. All I can see in here is a load of pregnancy testing kits! I reach my hand in to see what might be lurking at the back and no less than three test kits fall into the sink.
Man, that was weird what happened at Lucy’s house yesterday. Me picking up her pregnancy wand by mistake – that nearly gave me a heart attack. Thank God it wasn’t mine. I know mine didn’t have any line or any message on it. I was pretty sozzled, but I know what result I got, and it wasn’t a positive one. I didn’t want any of them jumping to the wrong conclusion.
I don’t know if I want that Alka-Seltzer after all. Maybe I should just have some coffee? Or maybe I should go back to bed right now, I’m sick as a dog and my stomach’s still in a whole load of pain. I perch on the edge of the closed loo seat and just sit there, holding onto my stomach. I don’t normally get sicky crampy pains like this. That’ll teach me to try and get pregnant. Never again. And thank God it didn’t happen. What the hell was I thinking of, anyway?
If I’d been in my right mind I would never have offered to do it. But that’s what being here around Hollie and Rich does to me. It takes me away from who I am and who I want to be; I get caught up in stuff that’s…well, it’s not mine.
The front door goes and I lock the bathroom door. I don’t want to talk to either of them right now. It sounds as if only one of them has come back in – only one set of footsteps. Maybe he never caught up with her after all?
I close my eyes, wishing that I felt better. I wish I could fast-forward the next few hours to the point where my head was back to normal again. After a while I lift my fingers away from my face and stare at Hollie’s three test kits that are still sitting in the sink, the cardboard getting all damp. I should fish them out. Do these things even work? How reliable are they anyway?
I can’t honestly remember what I did yesterday. I should do it again, like Hollie asked, I suppose. Just for thoroughness. I pull out the leaflet with shaking fingers and skim through the instructions. That’s all exactly what I did yesterday. Right. That’s simple enough. Pregnancy hormones human chorionic gonadotropin…blah blah…only present during pregnancy, so if it’s picked up you get the word ‘pregnant’ and if not you get the words ‘not pregnant’. Pee on the stick, put the wand in during mid-flow, etc. etc. – all what I did yesterday. Easy as pie.
So I do it again. I wait for mid-stream flow and then I pee liberally all over the bit where you’re supposed to and put it down in the sink. I have to wait ten minutes. Thought I might as well check it just to be doubly doubly sure.
I want to go home, back to Brazil.
My phone beeps and I fish it out of my pocket. It’s Guillermo again. He’s sent me a big love heart text and a picture of a bunch of flowers. I cannot wait… he’s written underneath. Neither can I. I’m dying to go home.
The front door goes again and someone else comes in. I should get out of here, really. Somebody might need to use the bathroom. I haul myself up and remember to pick up the wand and its packaging with me. I’ll dispose of all of that in my room. No point in getting Hollie’s heart racing again, is there?
Back in my room with a large glass of water and a cup of steaming coffee, I’m aware that the cottage is extraordinarily quiet this morning. No loving endearments being called out from Rich to Hol and vice versa, none of the cheerful banter that usually goes on between them. I shrug, picking up my mobile which is beeping again. They could have argued or they might just be so disappointed they don’t want to talk. I glance at the little screen at the front of my phone but I don’t recognise the number calling.
‘Scarlett Hudson?’ The curt, clipped tones of the woman at the other end takes me by surprise.
‘Speaking.’ From my bed, sick as a dog, so if this is some kind of ‘courtesy call’ you’d better hang up…
‘This is Gillian Defoe from the European Alliance Group. You might have heard we’ve just taken over the day-to-day running of PlanetLove activities in Yellow Zone from Chiquitin-Almeira?’
‘Oh. Hello.’
‘I understand you’re on leave in the UK at the moment but you’re expecting to return to work shortly, is that right?’
‘I…yes, it is.’ I thought the European what-not were just holding the fort in our patch – I imagined in some sort of voluntary capacity. What does she means they’ve taken over from Chiquitin-Almeira? I sit up a bit straighter, take a sip of my water. I need to pay attention. It’s all happening this morning. ‘I’ve been checking up on the flights back to Brazil this morning,’ I add when she seems to go quiet for a bit.
‘That’s fine. We�
��re hoping that as many of the original staff as possible will stay on. You know the ropes and you’ve got the contacts, so that’s useful to us. I’m just reading up on your file here. I see you were sent a letter from PlanetLove just before Christmas in which they ask you to contact them. Is that right?’
Crap, not that again.
‘Yes, and I have contacted them, several times, about it. But everything in Berkeley Square is at sixes and sevens and nobody seems to know anything about it.’ I’ve phoned half a dozen times, it’s true. ‘My project sponsor Professor Klausmann had no idea what it was about either.’ I pause significantly here, just so she knows I have friends in high places.
‘He wouldn’t, Ms Hudson. He sponsors your place but he doesn’t have anything to do with the running of PlanetLove.’
‘But…he’s already signed all my forms for me,’ I run on. ‘We think it was some sort of mistake.’
‘I hope so. That’s what we’re looking into at the moment.’ She goes quiet again and I imagine she must be reading my file.
‘Hello?’ I say after I’ve been hanging on in silence for a while. ‘Was there anything else?’
‘I’m just looking at the notes that have been written down here, Ms Hudson. I see Eve Mitcham has marked you down as an exemplary employee, showing enthusiasm and dedication to your job.’
‘Thanks.’
‘But I’m sure you understand that we’ll need to look into these mysterious question marks that have appeared over your profile. It’s probably nothing to worry about, but we have to check it out before your employment with our outfit can be confirmed.’
‘Oh. Can you tell me what the problem is at all?’
‘I’m afraid at this stage I actually have no idea. I’ve only just taken up this post so I can’t help you there. But I’m sure it’ll all be sorted soon. You might want to delay booking your flight over till it’s resolved, though. Naturally we can’t offer you back your old post till we’ve put this thing to bed.’
‘That hardly seems fair,’ I start. ‘I have tried to contact the PlanetLove offices to get to the bottom of it and now you won’t even tell me why…’
‘Is that all right with you?’ She carries on over me as if I hadn’t spoken.
‘It’ll have to be, won’t it?’ I tell her through gritted teeth. ‘So, what do you want me to do?’
‘Nothing at all, for now. I’ll conduct my investigations and then get back to you if I need to or if I have any questions for you. It’s probably, as you say, just an administrative error. But we need to make sure everything’s correct, you understand?’
‘Fine.’ I take a long glug of coffee. Then I take some more water for good measure. I can still fly out to Brazil. I can go and catch up with Guillermo. If these people have taken over the ‘outfit’ as she calls it, do we still even need those funds I’ve been working so hard to acquire? Maybe we don’t. And as I’m not pregnant, maybe that’s just as well. I don’t think I like the sound of this European Alliance Group. Something tells me there are going to be big changes in my job when I get back and I’m not going to like them.
‘I’ll speak to you soon, then?’
‘As soon as I can, Ms Hudson. Good to talk to you, and have a good weekend.’
‘Yeah, you too.’ Even though you’ve just pretty much ruined mine, I think crossly. What am I supposed to do now? I was about to book my flights for early next week. I suppose I should carry on and do that. They’ll soon figure out that they need me over there. They won’t bother with carrying out any investigations for too long, I shouldn’t imagine.
‘Hello?’ Hollie’s knocking so softly on my door I can barely hear her.
‘Hi. Won’t be a second.’ I stand up, still feeling groggy, and the pregnancy wand falls off the edge of the bed where I’d dropped it. Just as well, too, because I’d forgotten all about it and she would have seen it when she came in and then there would have been all sorts of explanations needed.
I bend to pick it up, bloody thing.
That’s when I catch sight of the unmistakable single word running through the little window of the wand.
Pregnant.
Hollie
‘Can I come in?’ I open the door a fraction but it won’t go very far because Scarlett has her belongings scattered all over the floor. I push a bit harder, stooping to pull out a pair of socks that have got wedged under the door.
I’m going to ask her if she will do this. I’m going to ask my sister if she will sleep with my husband before she disappears out of my life for another two years and before anything that Richard’s just said to me has a chance to filter down to the common-sense part of my brain.
It is madness. I know it. Even if she agrees, it’s going to lead to the most uncomfortable dynamic imaginable between us all. If she does not agree I will only have succeeded in angering and disappointing Richard, because he’ll see this as evidence that my desire for a child is greater than my desire for him or for us. Even though that isn’t true – he’s wrong and the fact that I’m willing to try this route is testimony to how much I trust them both.
I trust Rich because he loves me. I trust Scarlett because -well, because she has no interest in Rich. He’s my husband and he’s ten years older than her and she’s got her own, very full life. I know she isn’t interested in having any part of mine. I’ve got to stand fast now and remember that.
‘I see you’ve managed to get quite a lot of packing done?’ I stand on the small patch of carpet by the door which hasn’t yet been covered with books and papers and underwear and rub at my arms because I’m still feeling frozen from my walk earlier. Numbed, more like. What I have had to request this morning has somehow left me numbed, right to the very core. And now I’m going to have to do it all over again.
What have I got to offer her when Brazil is beckoning – judging by the state of her packing – in a few short days’ time?
‘Have you booked your flights yet?’ I press when she doesn’t answer. Scarlett turns from where she’s just thrown some rubbish into the bin. Christ, she looks rough. If this is her hangover from last night then she’s already more than made up for the alcohol-free Christmas I made her have. She looks as pale as the grey sky outside, and just as washed out. She shakes her head a fraction.
‘Are you OK, Scarlett?’ Rich hasn’t been in here and told her already, has he? Surely not? A cold fear runs through me at the thought. My sister grimaces and sits down on the edge of the bed, scattering a pile of papers as she does. She holds her hands over her stomach.
‘Are you going to be sick?’
‘I was already sick,’ she admits.
I fold my arms, feeling far from sympathetic.
‘I just heard from the people who are taking over PlanetLove,’ my sister croaks. ‘They sound like a right bunch of tossers…’
‘Do they?’ I sit on the little chair at the bottom of her bed and the cold breeze from the open window blows onto the top of my head. The flash of irritation passes in an instant. It doesn’t matter today. Not today. Today only one thing matters.
Scarlett grimaces. ‘I was looking for some Alka-Seltzer and a whole load of your stuff fell out of the bathroom cabinet,’ she gets out.
‘That’s OK. Would you like me to find you some?’
She shakes her head. ‘I got some water and some coffee. I think maybe I’m going to need an aspirin. I don’t know.’
‘Headache? I’ll get you a painkiller,’ I offer, standing up. ‘So, what’s up with the new people?’ I look at her curiously without making a move towards the door. Scarlett waves her hand dismissively, but, boy, does she look ill…
‘It’s all changing,’ she gets out at last. ‘Everything I left behind. By the time I get back it’s going to be gone, all of it.’
‘You’ve only been away for a few weeks.’
‘And in that time the PlanetLove base camp has been raided and changed location, our unit has been taken over by some kind of European alliance, the woman runni
ng it has decided she needs to investigate something to do with the job application I made to them over two years ago…’
‘Oh, how ridiculous!’ There’s a faint alarm bell ringing somewhere in my head but I am too taken up by my own concerns this morning to take heed. ‘It’s probably all just red tape and administrative hold-ups. Somebody forgot to sign and date a form somewhere along the line…’
‘Probably, yeah. But they don’t want me back there till they’ve checked it all out.’
‘They don’t?’ I sit back down on the chair, the thought of getting her an aspirin instantly slipping from my head. ‘What did your boss Eve say about it all?’
‘She sent me a text recently but she was a bit vague, if I’m honest. I get the impression it’s the other lot who are running the show now.’
‘So…you’ll be staying on here for a bit longer, then?’
‘Ha!’ she says in response, lifting her hands to her head.
‘Scarlett – I’ve been thinking about what you told me this morning. Are you one hundred per cent certain that you did that pregnancy test properly?’
She nods at me, her face ashen. ‘I know what you want to hear, Hollie,’ she says at last. ‘But it’s no use…’
I hang my head for a minute, taking in the finality of her words and dredging up the courage I need to ask her the next thing.
‘Then I have to run something past you. I’ve…I’ve had another idea.’ My sister gazes up at me through bleary eyes. ‘I don’t know if this is something you’d ever consider doing for me.’ I look at her helplessly. ‘Under the circumstances, I know that your answer is more than likely to be no. But I’m going to ask you anyway.’
Scarlett picks up the large tumbler of water by her bed and drains it. She glances at me for an instant, her cheeks bulging with water before she can manage to get it all down.
‘I’m going to ask you to consider staying on for a bit and trying out…what Mr Huang suggested.’
Her eyes widen.
‘I’m saying I think we should try the “natural method” of conception.’
A Sister’s Gift Page 18
