by Robyn Nyx
Landry stroked the top of Jade’s hand, following the raised veins with her fingertips and feeling how soft and vulnerable she was despite her smart-mouthed exterior. “You make a difference in other ways. You inspire people to take up a sport, and you bring them together as a community.”
Jade nodded. “I know. And I value that. I’m privileged to get to play basketball and be paid to entertain people. It’s just that in comparison to what you’re doing, it feels as valuable as pole dancing.” She put her head on Landry’s hands and groaned. “I’ll get over it. It’s just some days, what you do really hits home.”
Landry pulled a hand from beneath Jade’s head and slowly ran her fingers through her hair. This was the first time Jade had shown her vulnerability. It struck her that this was what serious relationships entailed, the ability to be completely open without fear of judgement. “Thank you.”
Jade looked up. “For what?”
Landry leaned down and kissed her. “For trusting me enough to share your fears.”
“This relationship stuff really is new to you, isn’t it? You’re not even acting.” Jade stood, moved around behind Landry, and wrapped her arms around Landry’s waist. She began a trail of slow kisses across the back of Landry’s neck.
“It is new. But I like it.” She turned on her stool to face Jade and pulled her closer.
“Like is a very muted word. I like that I can order groceries without leaving my sofa.” Jade bit the side of Landry’s neck, and she sighed in response. “I like that my TV has three hundred channels.” She placed her hand between Landry’s legs and pushed firmly on the seam of her jeans. “I like that I can clap my hands for the lights to go on and off.” Her other hand squeezed Landry’s breast. “But I love this.” She kissed her hard and pulled on Landry’s bottom lip with her teeth. “And I love the way you soften in my arms when you’re horny.”
Landry stood and picked Jade up. She wrapped her legs around Landry’s waist and twisted her hand in Landry’s hair.
“What do you want me to say?” Landry whispered, her voice husky with desire.
“You should know exactly what I need to hear.”
Landry pressed Jade against the fridge door and traced her tongue around Jade’s ear. “Even though I’m new to this? You don’t think I should get some more lessons before I’m expected to know exactly what to say?”
Jade squeezed her strong thighs around Landry’s stomach, and she could feel Jade’s heat against her abs. It was almost too tight to breathe easy.
“I think you’re a fast learner, and this comes naturally to you.” She pulled Landry’s head back by her hair and caressed her lips with her thumb. Landry nipped at it, so she drew it away and pressed her lips to Landry’s.
“How about I take you upstairs and you come naturally for me?” Landry probed her tongue between Jade’s lips, becoming more passionate. Landry broke off. “I love you, Jade Carter.”
Jade released Landry’s hair and used both hands to hold Landry’s face. “That’s what I’m talking about.” She grinned widely.
Landry hitched Jade up farther into her arms and headed out of the kitchen to Jade’s bedroom. This was the hero’s welcome she needed.
Chapter Thirty-three
Delaney woke from her dream sweating. For a good while now, that hadn’t been a good thing. Reliving her missions invariably focused on the dire elements of her actions. She grinned as she sleepily realized Ilsa had visited her for a few hours, and she tried to grasp on to the memories of their encounter as they slipped away as if fog in the wind. Her grin faded into a grimace. How could she be satisfied with unconscious trysts for the rest of her life? Maybe wiping her memory of Ilsa would be the best course of action. Knowledge was only useful if it didn’t torment every waking moment.
She swung her legs out of bed, grateful that she’d been allowed to return to her house while the board discussed Landry’s proposal. It was one of the few places she could truly relax. Here, she could imagine pulling Ilsa into her body, as close as two people could be, and falling asleep with her head against Ilsa’s back. It felt permanent in a way no other place did, and if she tried hard enough, she could almost smell Ilsa’s delicate perfume.
Delaney pulled on a pair of sweats and swapped her tank for a fresh one. She headed to the kitchen for some breakfast and thought again about leaving the island. If she wanted to, she could get off this place with relatively little effort, but she’d promised Landry that she’d wait for the board’s decision. She’d drifted to sleep wondering if she’d made the right call. Her thoughts of Ilsa didn’t help, but there was no way she could get back to her, not without hijacking a jump room and sending herself back to 1942. She opened the fridge door and pulled out a bottle of fresh orange juice. Would that even be possible? Their first mission had run with just Jenkin and Elena in the room. If she could figure out how to open a time circle and program it to the time she left Ilsa, they could be together again. If she took a PRU with her, could she program it to take them back to a place other than to Pulsus?
Someone knocked on the door, startling her into nearly dropping the juice. She looked around the fridge door to see Landry. She’d probably think Delaney was crazy to be entertaining these thoughts. Delaney had kept her deliberations to herself last time and no good had come of it. She approached the door to let Landry in. Should I let you in my head this time?
“Shit, shower, and shave time, buddy. The board wants to meet us at eleven.”
Landry looked relaxed. Delaney wished she could feel even half as comfortable. “Do you know what they’re going to say?”
Landry shook her head. “Mom called to let me know about the meeting, and I said I’d prefer if I came around to let you know. That’s okay, right?”
“Sure, but I thought you’d still be busy off-island with Jade.” Delaney raised her eyebrow, certain that Landry would’ve been getting down and dirty with Jade if she had the chance. The grin on Landry’s face confirmed her thought.
“We spent the afternoon and night together, but I grabbed the train home as soon as Mom called.”
Delaney smiled at the easy exchange. There were no loaded or barbed comments, and it felt good not to feel jealous of Jade anymore. She couldn’t help but be envious of their relationship though. She was sure she and Ilsa could’ve had something similar, given the opportunity.
“Are you okay?” Landry asked.
Delaney snapped back to reality. “Other than the obvious, yeah. Why?”
“You were looking right through me…” Landry walked beyond her and sat on Delaney’s couch.
Delaney didn’t fill in Landry’s deliberate pause. She had to find out what the board decided before she continued to contemplate her earlier musings. Love was making her irrational, but if there were no other options, irrational could be the only way to go.
“Juice?” Delaney wandered back to the kitchen and pulled out two glasses.
“That’s good to hear. No whiskey chaser?” Landry relaxed back into her seat and put her feet on the table.
“I’m saving that until after the meeting.” She poured the juice and came to sit on the chair opposite Landry. “How did things go with Jade and the kid?”
Landry took a long drink before she answered. “You really want to know?”
Delaney could hear the hesitation in Landry’s question and didn’t blame her. It hadn’t been that long since she’d threatened to have Kondo commit unspeakable acts on Jade. “I really want to know. Living vicariously is all I’ve got for the moment.” She tried to bite back the sadness of her statement, but she could see from Landry’s expression that she hadn’t managed it.
“It’s going to be okay, buddy. I promise.”
Delaney smiled. “I know.” One way or another, maybe it will. “Now spill.”
Landry put her glass on the table beside her and stretched out. “Everything with Jade is going great. It’s weird, opening up and being exposed, but feeling stronger for it.”
“And the sex?”
Landry grinned. “Off the fucking charts amazing…are you sure you want to hear this?”
Delaney nodded. “I do. Honestly, I’m over you, hotshot. I told you that.”
Landry stared at her intensely. “And Ilsa?”
Delaney tensed at the question. “I’ll never be over her. She made me want to be a better person. I wanted her to be around to see me do exactly that.” Landry sat up, reached over, and caught hold of Delaney’s shoulder. Delaney was grateful for the contact and smiled. “I wish there was a way I could work this out and still be with her.”
Landry tilted her head and looked apologetic. It wasn’t her fault that she’d found happiness with Jade off-island. Nor was it her problem that Delaney had fallen in love with someone on one of their missions. But Delaney knew that Landry always felt responsible for her team, no matter what happened or whose fault it was.
Landry let go of Delaney’s shoulder and relaxed back into the couch. “Maybe we should just send you back to 1942.”
She was clearly joking, but it jerked Delaney to attention. “That would solve everything.” She searched Landry’s expression for any hint of seriousness to her statement.
“And it’d be a hell of an expensive romantic gesture.”
Delaney laughed. “Maybe I could pay Pulsus back in installments.”
“Would you go back if you could? Leave everything you know behind and start again in the middle of a world war?”
Delaney didn’t need to consider her answer. It tripped off her tongue with urgency. “Hell, yes. Wouldn’t you, if you had to? For Jade?”
Landry looked contemplative and didn’t answer immediately.
Finally, she blew out a long breath and shrugged. “Yeah. Maybe. I don’t know. I’m just starting to get back on track with my mom. And with Jenkin. Priscilla and the girls are a big part of my life.” She ran her hands through her hair, tilted her head back, and stared at the ceiling for a long moment before returning her gaze to Delaney. “I love what I do. I love the missions.”
“Do you love Jade?” Everything Landry was saying made Delaney think that maybe this wasn’t the real thing for Landry. And if it wasn’t, she had no idea what Delaney was going through.
“I do. With everything that I am.” She leaned forward and adjusted her belt buckle. “But this love thing, it’s scarier than any enemy we’ve ever faced.”
Delaney nodded. “Sure it is. But it’s also the best thing we’ve ever felt.” She imagined Ilsa’s small hand wrapped in her own, thought of them walking along the beach, maybe even with a puppy. She couldn’t help the smile that formed.
“What’s funny?”
Delaney laughed. “The stupid things that pop into my head. I think about me and Ilsa being together, building a life. I fantasize about coming home from work to find she’s cooked my favorite meal and is waiting for me with a cold beer in her hand…stupid things that will never happen now.” She clenched her jaw and rolled her neck. She was being ridiculous and torturing herself for no good reason. “At least you’ve got the chance to make it work.” She had no desire to lecture Landry, but if she did love Jade, there shouldn’t be anything she wouldn’t do for her.
“I will. And I would give up everything if I had to. I’m hoping I don’t ever have to make that choice.” Landry yawned and covered her mouth. “Sorry. Didn’t get much sleep.”
Delaney reached over and punched her in the thigh. “Don’t rub it in.”
Landry jerked away and rubbed her leg. “Make up your mind. You wanted to know the details a few minutes ago.”
She grinned and sat back in her chair. “I changed my mind.”
“Seriously though. I won’t fuck this up. I can see that you’d give anything to be in this position with Ilsa.”
Delaney smiled, though it was the last thing she felt like doing in response to Landry’s statement. She wanted Landry to be happy, for sure, but whether or not she fucked up what she’d been lucky enough to stumble on with Jade didn’t concern Delaney. It wouldn’t bring Ilsa back to her, nor would it magically transport Delaney to Germany. There’s only one way that’s going to happen. She picked up the thought and tossed it to the back of her mind. “I’m going to clean up to face the board. Let’s hope it’s good news.” She stood and began to head for the bathroom, before turning to face Landry. “You’ve still got my back if they don’t go for your proposal, don’t you?”
“Whatever you need, buddy.”
The look of sincerity in Landry’s eyes was unmistakable, and Delaney could see she was prepared to do whatever was necessary to keep her safe. But would you help get me back to Ilsa?
Chapter Thirty-four
Landry swallowed down the uncertainty that sat like a lump of unbaked sourdough in her throat and threatened to choke her. She was sure that keeping Delaney around made perfect sense, but she couldn’t negate that some members of the board might be inclined to simply cut out what they saw as a cancer in Pulsus before it had the chance to spread again. And while Delaney wasn’t successful in her coup, the fact that she tried to overthrow the Pulsus management would be enough for a lot of people to condemn her. Her reasons had been noble, if a little misguided. Landry hoped that the board would give due consideration to Delaney’s sacrifice to save Landry’s life.
She opened the door and motioned for Delaney to enter first. The board was already seated and most welcomed them with smiles or nods.
“Thank you for coming,” Jenkin said as they sat in the only two unoccupied seats at the foot of the table.
“Nowhere else to be,” Delaney muttered just quiet enough so that only Landry could hear.
Landry jerked her knee into Delaney’s thigh. She needed to be contrite, not cocky. If any of the board had doubts, Delaney having an attitude wouldn’t be helpful at all.
“We’ve spent most of the night deliberating your proposal, Donovan, and we have some questions, mostly for Delaney. Shall we begin?”
Delaney nodded at Jenkin, and Landry saw that she took the time to make eye contact with everyone else on the board.
“Of course. Fire away.”
“We’ve listened to your interviews with Dr. Castillo—thank you for your honesty—you were very clear about your motives for wanting to take over Pulsus yourself. Have those desires faded?”
Landry bit the inside of her cheek. She’d prepared Delaney for this exact question on the way over, and her response hadn’t been the one the board would want to hear. But she knew what she needed to say, even if she didn’t completely believe in it.
“I no longer want to run Pulsus, my way or any other way.”
Perfect. Landry relaxed in her chair a little.
Jenkin continued. “Things here will be changing, but slowly. We have to ensure everything we do is as safe as it can possibly be. We believe we’ve learned, both from our mistakes and yours, and we want to ensure we don’t go down the same path.”
Jenkin paused to look around the room, and Landry could tell she wasn’t just addressing Delaney. Their discussions clearly hadn’t been simple or easy.
“Do you feel able to assure us that you won’t go down the same path as before?”
Delaney took a deep breath before she responded, and Landry instinctively put her hand on Delaney’s shoulder. She wanted the board to see Delaney had her full support.
“You’ve heard my story. I was mentally exhausted. My brain’s like a sponge. Every time I got back from a mission, I tried to squeeze out all the putrid water, but some always stayed.”
Delaney clenched her fist around an imaginary sponge to illustrate her point, and Landry had to suppress a smile at her imagery. A year ago, they both would’ve balked at using psych metaphors to describe their emotions. Hell, a year ago they wouldn’t have acknowledged having any emotions at all.
“I came back from every mission and tried to do the same thing, but the shit just kept on building. So I started drinking to block out the nightmares. One shot
soon turned to a bottle, and none of it was working.” She glanced at Landry. “Landry tried to help, but I was too far gone. I was delusional, thinking that only I had the solution to the problem, and that solution was taking over Pulsus. I risked everything and everyone that was close to me…”
Landry heard the slight crack in Delaney’s voice. God, she felt for her. Having to explain what was essentially a psychotic break to a roomful of geeks with IQs bigger than an oil baron’s bank balance was horrendous. But it was the only way Delaney would be able to get out of this situation with her precious memories intact.
“It won’t happen again. I won’t let it. I almost lost my best friend because of my condition, and that kills me. And I did lose two colleagues. You say you’ve learned from the mistakes too, and the mission mind wipes sound like a great idea. If you’re willing to ever let me back on active duty, I’ll happily take a mind wipe every time.”
Landry’s focus drifted as Delaney answered Jenkin’s questions with an ease and professionalism that looked like she was well on the way to convincing the board she was reformed. Landry continued to listen, but she found herself thinking about their earlier conversation. She’d never seen Delaney as despondent as she’d been this morning. There was no way Landry would’ve patronized her with the phrase “time’s a great healer,” and in this case, she couldn’t say it with any degree of certainty. She was beginning to see that nothing would make this situation better for Delaney.
Being with Ilsa had changed her, just as Jade had altered Landry’s view of the world and her place in it. Taking that away from Delaney with a full mind wipe would be wasteful of Ilsa’s life, particularly because their mission resulted in her death. But leaving Delaney with those memories was torturous. Every day, she’d wake and think of Ilsa and the life they could’ve enjoyed together if things were different. Would her memories fade and become less painful with time? Time. Something Pulsus could control, but only if the missions fit wider parameters, the bigger picture. In comparison, Delaney’s heartache was small fry and didn’t begin to justify the expense of a mission. Millions of people loved and lost every day. And they got over it. They loved again, or they shut down completely. But millions of people don’t have access to time travel…
