She made a face. Not likely and she wasn’t nearly brave enough to ask. Wasn’t brave enough to even explore her own feelings in this moment. So she didn’t. Instead she slid down his body and let herself be swept away by his touch and his taste.
Tomorrow. Tomorrow would be soon enough to deal with her feelings.
Unfortunately tomorrow came all too quickly with the bright sunshine streaming in through the window and Aidan’s angry voice carrying from the living room.
Blinking open sleepy eyes, Cara pulled on the shirt Aidan had discarded the night before and padded down the hallway to investigate.
Aidan was wearing his old board shorts and nothing else, the phone attached to one ear and his morning coffee gripped in the other.
‘He won’t get it. I’ll make sure of it.’ He paused. ‘Yes, personally. Have Sam ready the plane. And set up a meeting with the AFL board first thing tomorrow morning.’
When he rang off he tossed his phone onto the dining table and that was when he noticed Cara standing in the doorway.
She tried not to think the worst, but her heart was hammering inside her chest.
‘Problems?’
‘You could say that.’ He took a gulp of coffee and grimaced. ‘I have to return to Australia.’
‘Yes, I heard.’
When he didn’t say anything more, just stared out the window, Cara felt a chill come over her body. ‘What’s the AFL?’
He didn’t turn around. ‘The Australian Football League.’
‘And they’re in trouble?’
‘No, we’re in trouble.’ His words were clipped. Impenetrable. ‘KMG has had the AFL broadcasting rights for sixteen years. It’s the most lucrative TV deal in the country and now Martin Ellery has put in a hostile bid for it.’
‘Martin Ellery?’
‘I don’t want to discuss it, Cara.’
He stalked past her and the chill she’d felt moments before turned to ice. All of a sudden she felt like they were back at the casino and he was once again the man who had dragged her to his room and looked at her with such contempt.
Power and focused determination vibrated in the long lines of his lean body and she felt a little bit like a prisoner walking towards their own execution as she followed him into the main bedroom. ‘Is that why you dislike him so much?’
Aidan threw his clothes out of the cupboard and onto the bed. ‘I told you I don’t want to talk about it.’
Cara stood poised in the doorway, unsure about what to do. Unsure about how to reach him, or if she should even try. His attitude had relegated her to the slush pile along with all the other hopefuls in his life.
‘I have the Demarche launch in two days,’ she said, hating the tentative note in her voice but unable to change it. ‘I thought … I thought you were going to come with me.’
He looked up, but Cara sensed that he wasn’t really seeing her. ‘I can’t now. This is important.’
‘You can’t delegate?’ she asked lightly. ‘I mean, can’t Ben go to the meeting? He seems really capable.’
‘No,’ he said, too softly. ‘Ben cannot stand in for me. Nobody else can do it. I have to.’
‘Why?’ she asked. ‘Why does it always have to be you?’
‘Because if you’re not in control things go wrong.’ The look in his eyes was hard and flat. Unreachable. ‘This week, I’ve let things slip and … that’s never a good thing.’
‘Did that happen to you in the past?’
He looked like he was grinding nails, his frustration at her continued questioning palpable. Cara had to fight her instinct to bury her head and walk away. This seemed too important for her to do that.
‘It happened to my father.’ He paused. ‘You want to know why I hate Ellery?’ He ran an agitated hand through his hair. ‘Twelve months ago almost to the day my father took his own life and it was Ellery’s fault.’
‘Oh, Aidan, I’m so sorry.’
Aidan continued as if he hadn’t heard her. ‘He never regained consciousness after swallowing a bottle of pills, although the hospital was hopeful at the time. I sat with him for three days, watching him die.’
He wasn’t looking at her now and Cara held herself completely still, waiting for him to continue. When he didn’t she moved closer to him. ‘Why did he … Why …’ Cara didn’t know what to say in the face of such a tragedy. ‘Did he leave a note?’
‘He didn’t have to,’ Aidan said bitterly. ‘He killed himself because my mother wasn’t coming back.’
‘You mean because she died.’
He nodded curtly. ‘Even though she had left him years before, he let his feelings for her dominate his whole life.’
Cara’s brow pleated. ‘Oh, I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say.’
‘There’s nothing to say. Fourteen years ago she saw a better deal and she took it and my father fell apart. Then he killed himself. End of story.’
But it wasn’t the end of the story and something in Aidan’s voice alerted her to the sense that there was more going on here.
‘You said he died because of Martin Ellery. He was the man your mother left him for, wasn’t he?’
‘Give the girl a gold star,’ he said bitterly. ‘Yes, my mother left with him. He was my father’s business partner and friend before he embezzled money and nearly destroyed my father’s company.’
‘Oh, that’s horrible.’ Cara went to his side and laid her head against the rigid wall of muscles on his back. ‘I can see now why you haven’t been able to move on from this. Why you don’t want to let him win.’
‘Can you?’
‘Yes, and I’ll come with you.’
Aidan tensed and turned towards her. ‘You’ll what?’
‘I’ll come with you. I didn’t like Martin Ellery on sight and I want to support you.’
He rubbed a hand reflexively over his pectoral muscles. ‘What about the Demarche party?’
‘I think it’s more important to be with you at a time when you’re so emotional.’
He stepped farther away from her and Cara’s palms felt instantly cold without his heat against them.
‘I’m not emotional, Cara. I’m never emotional about business.’
‘Aidan, I—’
‘I thought your career was important to you.’ He paced across the room, his normally loose-legged gait stiff in his agitation. ‘I thought the whole purpose of you being here was to save your reputation and impress your father.’
‘It was…. ’ Cara swallowed, her head swimming at the implication behind his less than enthusiastic response to her suggestion. ‘I just … I thought …’ What had she thought? That this had become real? That he returned her feelings? God, she felt like an idiot.
He was rejecting her. The man who always kept his promise had broken the one he had made to her….
Cara turned away and caught sight of her reflection in the glass windows. She was naked except for his shirt, but it wasn’t her attire that caught her attention. It was her hair. Brown. Like her eyes. It hadn’t been like that for five years. She’d been every shade of blonde. She’d been red, burgundy, black, pink….
She stared at her pensive expression, her neat hair.
She looked like a Stepford wife in training.
Wife?
A harsh sound of humiliation nearly broke from her throat. Aidan wasn’t offering her marriage. He wasn’t even offering her a real relationship. He had done her a favour in bringing her to Fiji. Then he’d decided to take some time out from his busy schedule and because he’d asked her to stay she had started spinning castles in the air.
Oh, God. She shook her head. It was time to reassert herself. Time to start living her life again. If she didn’t, if she went with him now and waited for him to end it with her … She shuddered as pain lanced her heart. Already it was unimaginable to be without him but she knew that feeling would fade.
How often as a young girl had she dressed in a pretty dress anticipating the arrival of her father at Chats
field House and been quietly devastated when he had barely acknowledged her and kept on going. He’d never drawn her into a hug, or swung her in the air, or tugged her onto his knee.
She’d gotten over that, hadn’t she?
She heard Aidan curse behind her and she tried to clear the mental fog her mind wanted to curl up and die in.
‘You’re right,’ she said woodenly. ‘I don’t know what I was thinking.’
‘Dammit, Cara, don’t look at me like that. We can talk about this another time.’
Instinctively striving for calm, Cara knew it was time to grow a thick skin. ‘Talk about what?’
‘Look, I need a clear head right now and getting mired down in … this isn’t doing it for me.’
He said ‘this’ as if it was a different kind of four-letter word and it gave Cara the strength to finally face reality.
‘Well, this.’ She mimicked his tone lightly. ‘Meant quite a bit to me. More, clearly, than it meant to you.’
‘Oh, hell.’ He plunged two hands through his hair at once. ‘We agreed to keep things simple, Cara. Remember?’
‘By simple I take it you mean that I shouldn’t care about what happens to you?’ Her smile was hollow. ‘Sorry. I didn’t get that part of the memo.’
‘Cara, you’re a wonderful girl. You’re smart and funny and loyal and …’ His frown deepened. ‘You deserve to find someone special. Someone who loves you.’
Cara felt like someone had just punched her in the stomach. Could he make it any plainer that he wasn’t that man?
‘I agree.’ She strove for calm so that he wouldn’t guess that she felt completely numb inside. Physically and emotionally numb, her brain swirling like a plastic bag in a tornado. ‘So thank you for rescuing me and for the wonderful week. I wish you … I’ll just …’ She took a deep breath. ‘Grab my stuff.’
She didn’t hear him come up behind her in her room but she felt his frustration in the bite of his fingers on her shoulders. She welcomed the small pain because it gave her something to focus on other than the pain in her chest.
‘Cara, I just can’t handle emotional complications. I need a clear head.’
God, so did she. She needed a clear head to get over him.
‘I understand.’ It’s not me, it’s you. If it hadn’t hurt so much it might be funny. ‘And it’s fine. Really. I just forgot that I had promised myself I wouldn’t get involved with a man who proved my sister’s rule but I did. My fault, not yours.’
‘Rule? What—? Oh.’ His brow furrowed and then she saw the moment he remembered their earlier conversation about love and commitment. ‘That rule, right.’
He glanced away from her and that was the nail that sealed it for her. They both knew without having to verbalise it that this had only been short term. Cara had pulled the blinkers over her eyes for a time but in the end it had gone exactly as she had known it would. ‘Goodbye, Aidan, and … good luck with Martin Ellery.’
He didn’t look at her, just continued to stare out the window, and as the silence grew, Cara willed him to turn around and tell her that he’d just realised that he couldn’t let her go. That life wouldn’t be the same without her. That he wanted her beyond measure.
‘Take the jet.’
And there it was. Irrefutable proof that fairytales, in fact, did not come true.
‘No, your situation is more important than mine. I’ll catch a commercial flight.’
Trying not to let him see that her world felt like it had just broken open like a fissure in an earthquake, she started moving her luggage to the door.
‘Leave those. I’ll organise it.’ He sounded frustrated and irritable but when Cara glanced up at him his face was completely devoid of emotion. It gave her the confidence that her decision was the right one because eventually she knew that being with someone who locked himself so firmly away like that would eat away at her self-esteem. ‘And, Cara, take the damned jet.’
When she was on the plane she caught sight of her reflection again and that was when she realised that she had stripped herself bare for him. She had stripped away every one of her protective layers and he still didn’t want her. She didn’t think she could cry all the way home, but apparently she could.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
THE DAMNED WOMAN hadn’t taken the jet. It still irked him that she had disobeyed him like that. When his pilot had called with the information, Aidan had tried to contact her but he didn’t have her mobile phone number.
He’d nearly laughed. He’d been intimate with her—hell, he’d told her things he’d never spoken about to another living soul—and he didn’t even have her damned phone number. It seemed somehow absurd.
And what was even more absurd was that he was in the middle of heated negotiations to save his rights to the AFL broadcast and all he could think about was Cara.
His gut tightened. He could still see the hurt expression on her face when he’d told her to take the jet. But, hell, what else was he supposed to have said? He knew she’d wanted him to go to London with her but … he couldn’t. He’d had to fight Ellery on this. Especially since the week before he’d let him win. He couldn’t do that again.
He pushed up from his chair and the conversation floating around him ceased. He looked down at twelve pairs of eyes staring back at him. ‘Keep going,’ he said, crossing to the window and staring out at the Sydney Opera House shining in the sun.
And she was dead wrong in what she had said. He wasn’t emotional over Ellery. Yes, he blamed the man for what he’d done to his parents but …
Hell.
This was emotional.
How could he deny it when his gut churned every time he thought about it? It was the same sickening feeling he’d experienced when he’d watched Cara try to hold herself together the day before.
And where was she now? Back in England? No, she wouldn’t have landed yet. Was she upset? Worried about the launch party tomorrow night?
The trouble was he’d gotten in too deep with Cara. He’d known that the minute he’d wanted to haul her into his arms to take the hurt out of her eyes. But how could he do that when making things right for her was completely wrong for him?
Relationships just weren’t his thing. After his parents’ divorce he’d vowed to never let emotion drive his decision-making. Seeing his father fall apart after he’d nearly lost everything had gutted him.
It had hardened him. And yesterday he’d realised that he had needed to cut ties with Cara or he’d be no better off than his father, a man he’d loved but who he had ultimately not respected…. Pain swelled behind his breastbone.
And why couldn’t he stop thinking about this? He was in the middle of a meeting, for God’s sake.
‘I can see why you haven’t been able to move on from this. Why you don’t want to let him win.’
Hell, yes, he wanted justice.
The hollow feeling he’d experienced at the casino table right before he’d thrown Ellery’s money back at him returned.
Because no matter what he did to Ellery it wouldn’t change the past. Nothing could do that. And Aidan realised that pursuing him with such focused determination made him no better than the man he was chasing.
Forgiveness.
The word whispered over him as if Cara was actually in the room with him.
And that was when he realised why she had scared him so much. Why he felt like he had been running from the minute he’d met her. He’d fallen in love with her. And dammit if she wasn’t right. When you fell in love, truly in love, you couldn’t not be with that person.
‘Aidan?’
Aidan looked across the table at Ben and realised he had no idea what was going on in the meeting.
He leaned back against the window and gripped the ledge. ‘Gentlemen, if you would all excuse me, I would like to speak with Ben James alone for a moment.’
The board members blinked almost in unison, then one by one they slowly rose and exited the room.
Ben let out a low w
histle. ‘I’m not sure anyone’s ever asked the AFL board to wait in the hallway like that before. Hell of a way to convince them to reject Ellery’s bid. What the blazes is going on?’
Aidan pushed away from the window and reached for his jacket. ‘I need you to run the meeting.’
‘You need me to …’ Ben stopped. ‘Why?’
‘I have somewhere I need to be.’
‘Right now?’
Aidan gave him a faint smile. ‘I made a bad decision yesterday and now that I know it I have to fix it straightaway.’
Ben shook his head. ‘Do I know about this decision? Do you need my input?’
Aidan smiled. ‘Only to hold the fort while I’m gone.’
‘What if we lose the bid?’ Ben said quickly. ‘I can tell you, Aidan, I feel pretty confident to stand in for you on most things but I know how important this is. If I lose it …’
Aidan buttoned his jacket. ‘It won’t matter.’
Ben stared at him. ‘Mate, are you sure you’re okay?’
Aidan smiled. ‘Yes, I think, finally, maybe I am.’
‘Are you sure you’re okay?’
Cara looked up at Lucilla, who had insisted on accompanying her to the Demarche launch party. Despite the slight tiredness around her sister’s eyes, Lucilla looked stunning. She’d look even more so with her hair down but no amount of nagging could convince Lucilla to do anything other than tie it back out of her way. Sighing, Cara wondered how to answer her sister’s concerned question.
Yes, she was okay, even though she felt slightly sick in the stomach. The model she was competing against to win the contract was one of the most beautiful women Cara had ever seen. And one of the nicest. On a scale of one to ten Cara put Serena Bhattessa at eleven and herself at maybe a seven. On a good day.
In fact, Cara wasn’t even sure why she was in the running anymore and it bothered her that she wasn’t more bothered by the thought of losing the contract. This was what she wanted, wasn’t it? This was why she had left Aidan.
Well, no, this wasn’t why she had left Aidan. In fact, she hadn’t wanted to leave him. She’d wanted to go to Sydney with him. And she probably would be there right now if Aidan had wanted her with him.
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