I had an incredible evening tonight with Karen, and that alone should have brought my ass home and made me smile for the rest of the night, but instead, I was here with Thea and her new fiancé. I could always call the hospital in the morning to get a status on Frannie. I had to get the hell out of there before I really lost my fucking mind.
I found my voice and then got down on my knee so I could be eye level with Thea, and the hell with what he thought.
Ignoring the glares he was giving me, I quietly whispered to Thea, “Hey, I’m going to take off. Please tell your mom that I am thinking of her and will be keeping her in my prayers. My mom is away, but as soon as she calls me, I will let her know about Frannie, okay?”
“Okay. Thank you, Nick, for stopping by.”
Pretty much what I expected Thea to say, especially in the presence of her very possessive guy.
“No need to thank me, I would do anything for your mom, and you too,” I whispered softly.
She smiled and wiped away her tears.
I told her, “You have my number. Please call me anytime, day or night.”
“Thanks, I’ll let you know about mama when I hear some news.”
I got up from the floor and I knew I shouldn’t have done it, but I was being pulled in like a storm cloud. I leaned down and placed a kiss down to her head with my hand brushing over her arm. Yeah, that was me being a dick, but he deserved it. This guy hated me on sight. He gave me the biggest “fuck off” look, and then I turned to leave. I didn’t miss how she curled in closer to him. He took her tea from her and wrapped his arms around her, delivering another message: He was her man, and she belonged to him, not me.
As if the last few hours weren’t emotional enough, now add Nick to the mix. He was the last person I expected to see on this impromptu trip home, but there he was in the middle of the emergency room, asking about my mom.
This was not how tonight was supposed to go. Mama was to open her front door with a huge smile on her face, surprised to see me and Carter. Once invited in, I would introduce my fiancé to her, and Carter would give her the biggest hug and hope to be welcomed as her soon-to-be son-in-law.
I was racked with guilt for not being here for her. Then I had to go through the most awkward moment with Carter meeting Nick, and all that we discussed came rushing back as he shot daggers at Nick. How the hell did I get here? I mean…is the universe playing a sick freaking joke on me? I am finally happy and giving in to the happy instead of running away from it, and now the only person I care to share my news with is fighting for her life right now, and all I am thinking about is if I am about to become parentless.
I couldn’t take Nick being here, not with Carter by my side. Two worlds were colliding, and two very big parts of my life were in the same room. I felt as if I was about to be sucked out in a funnel cloud. Thank God he left when he did because I really thought Carter was going to snap if Nick stayed one minute longer.
“Your tea is cold,” Carter said.
“What?”
“Baby, your tea. You didn’t drink any, and now it’s cold. Can I get you another? Or perhaps something to eat?”
“No thank you, babe. I just can’t think straight until I hear news on my mom.”
“It’s going to be okay. It has to be. Your mom loves you and needs to wake up to see you smile, and in turn, she will too.”
“I may cry first, and then smile,” I said.
“That’s okay, tears work too, as long as they are happy ones. Come here, baby.”
Carter opened his arms wide to me, and I wanted to crawl inside of him and stay in his protective embrace. This was always what I needed when I was sad and down. I needed to be held. Carter had the natural ability to read me like no other, and tonight, I was never more thankful for him being here. He was trying to make it better, picking me up when all I wanted to do was fall.
I must have fallen asleep in his embrace. I blinked my eyes open and jerked away from him.
“Hey, it’s okay. I’m here,” Carter said.
“Carter, it’s been over two hours. Why haven’t they told us anything?”
“Shhh, Thea, you need to sit back down before you fall over. You are beyond exhausted and hungry, so please sit down and I will try to find someone that can help us. Okay?”
“Fine! You have five minutes to charm the panties off that nurse over there, or I swear I am going to lose my ever-loving mind up in here.”
“Up in here? Who are you right now? My name is Thea, and I come from the streets. Does being back in the old stomping grounds bring out your street cred?”
“I am so happy I can entertain you Carter, but I am really not in the mood for jokes right now, so if you please, go find a doctor for me.”
He wryly smiled and responded, “Sure, how about a psychiatrist?”
God! He was so fucking irritating to the point that I wanted to punch him really hard, but I knew his game by now. This was Carter, and this is what he did. He took the most horrible situation and spun it into a positive. He would jump as high as he could to catch the moon if I asked him to, so when I was feeling incredibly low, this was his way of trying to build me up.
“I love you,” I said to him. And I pray to God that he knows how much.
“I love you too.”
I burrowed my face in his chest and allowed my tears to fall until I felt better. He stroked my back in even circles and then whispered in my ear that the doctor was making his way toward us.
“Carter, does the doctor look sad or hopeful? Because if he looks sad, then the prognosis is not good, but if he looks hopeful, then mama has a shot.”
“Thea, he looks serious, but focused. Now turn around and don’t make any sudden moves, or you’re going to make that poor schlep wet his pants. I can say this because I know you are on the edge, so I’m trying to pull you back.”
“Carter, I have interviewed heads of state, world leaders, and the biggest divas in Hollywood. I can certainly take on one doctor, so please give me some fucking credit.”
“Okay, baby, then turn around and talk with him.”
I dried my eyes and gave Carter my best reassuring look that I was okay. I turned around to go ask the doctor about my mom, and then I lost my freaking mind.
I can’t really say what happened next because all I remember was Carter calling out to me and then feeling something hard beneath me. When I opened my eyes, I realized I was lying on the floor. I must have passed out. Yup, that’s keeping it together.
Before I could say a word, I was lifted and held against Carter. He carried me over to the chairs in the waiting room while a nurse was handing me a cup of orange juice.
“Drink it, Thea, and once you do, I am taking you to get some food before you pass out on me again.”
I downed the juice, and then Carter handed me a piece of dark chocolate to nibble on.
He said, “Your mom is resting comfortably in her room. She did suffer a mini-stroke, but the bleed is under control and she regained consciousness soon after they finished in Radiology. Her sugar was dangerously low, which caused her to fall into what they call a diabetic coma. She’s receiving the insulin she needs and should sleep for the rest of the night. The doctor said you can see her now. Are you okay to do that?”
“I am. I guess you probably knew I was lying back there when I said I was okay?”
“Nah, I gave you the benefit of the doubt, but if it matters, you went down like a champ.”
I asked, “What room is she in?”
“Fourth floor, blue wing, room #3456.”
“Will you come with me?”
“Thank you,” he responded.
“For what?”
“For asking.”
Hand in hand, we took the elevators up to the fourth floor and down to mama’s room. She looked peaceful as she slept, and some of the color was returning to her cheeks. Bags of fluid were hanging all around her, and she was on several monitors. Carter released my hand and picked up a chair for me to
sit by her side. He stood behind me while I clutched her hands and placed my head down onto them.
I whispered, “Please come back to me, mama. I can’t lose you too. I love you. Please wake up so you could meet Carter. Yeah, he’s here, the very one you have a crush on. I have something to tell you too. We’re getting married.”
Hours had gone by, and mom was still not awake. Carter finally pushed me out of the room with the veiled threat that he would beat my ass down if I didn’t try to eat. Okay, not literally beat, but turning my ass pinkish was enough to get me up. I knew I was too stubborn for my own good, and he was right. Damn! I hate that.
I don’t know how he knew it, but instead of eating in the crappy cafeteria, he had sandwiches brought in for us from my favorite deli. I can’t remember the last time I had a roast beef on rye, and I ate every last bite. I splashed cold water on my face and brushed out my now tangled hair. I pulled it back in a ponytail and then wrapped it up in a bun. I was going to reapply some make-up, but one look at mom and I knew I would begin crying again.
Carter was waiting for me outside of the ladies’ bathroom. I didn’t know what I would have done these last hours without him.
“Are you feeling better, hon?” he asked as he took me in his arms for a hug.
“I would feel better if mama was awake.”
“I know. The doctor said it could be anytime now.”
“Yeah, that’s what I am trying to believe. Carter, would you mind going back in there to sit with my mom until I get back?”
“Sure, but where are you going?”
“To the chapel. I am going to light some candles and do something I haven’t done in fifteen years.”
“I can go with you.”
“No, stay with mama, please. I’ll feel better knowing she is not alone.”
“Okay, take your time.”
Thankfully, the heavens didn’t come crashing down on me as I entered the chapel. I recited a prayer to St. Jude, how I remembered it was beyond me. I wasn’t lying to Carter when I told him how long it had been since I prayed last. When my father died, I lost everything that I valued and believed was important. I didn’t go so far as blame God for taking my father, but going to church soon after his passing never felt the same for me. Mama never forced me, and she was one that always believed that God is everywhere and you can talk to him in anyplace, but doing so in his house would be better. She never hesitated to slip that last line in, so I did try on the holidays. My faith had been reduced to the two times a year parishioner, and then when I moved to California, it ceased to exist. So now I was here, praying to the same God that I abandoned. I took a pew up front and kneeled before the overpowering cross that commanded the room.
“Hi, it’s Thea, and I know I don’t deserve any special favors right now, but God, this one is not for me; it’s for Frannie. My mom means everything to me, and I am not ready to lose her, so please God, don’t take her from me. I know daddy misses her and is waiting, but mama is needed here with us. She does so much for so many people in our community and never once asks for anything in return. She volunteers down at the women’s shelter two times a week. She heads up the local garden club that helps keep the neighborhood clean and always planted with flowers and plants. She still teaches Sunday school and in her free time, knits baby blankets for all the new moms from our church.”
I continued, “Now, that’s a lot, God, even for her, but does she complain? She never does. So, please, don’t take her from me. I have some pretty great news to share, which I know will make her so happy. It’s what she has been hoping for. And if Carter has his way, another thing she has been wanting is to be a grandmother. Please, God, she can’t be these things if she is not here, so please for Frannie, watch over her and give my mom the strength she needs to get well. I know I haven’t been the greatest daughter in these last years, but I promise you that I will change and never take her for granted again, or Carter, for that matter. I know how lucky I am to have all the good things in my life, but my mom is part of that, so please make her well. Okay, I know I sound like a broken record, but I am just a daughter who is begging for her mother’s survival. Thanks for listening, God. In Jesus’s name, I trust. Amen.”
After my prayers and lighting of more candles, I must have drifted into sleep. This close to God, even in a hospital chapel, just brought peace and relaxation.
I felt hard and calloused fingertips stroke my face, and for a brief moment I was scared, but then I opened my eyes to find Nick staring back at me.
“Nick? What are you doing here?” I asked in a hoarse voice.
I was so exhausted, I thought I might be imagining him, and then he touched me again, and I knew he was very real. He can’t be here, not now. I turned away from him, hiding my torn face and even more, my broken heart. I wasn’t going to fall apart, never again in front of Nick Bartelli.
I remained quiet and listened to Thea pour her heart out to God. Of all people, I knew how much this act was costing her. She would do anything for her mother, even throw herself down on His mercy for her mom to live.
I wanted to pull her in my arms and do what I always used to do when she would have a nightmare when we were kids. I would hold her and tell a story to get her mind off the one thing that hurt her the most, and then once I knew she was okay, I would walk her home. We only lived a few houses apart, but that didn’t stop Thea from visiting me from time to time when she needed me. When I bought the house from my mom, I almost thought about cutting down the tree with the tree house that our dads built for us. The tree had a huge, heavy branch that connected to my balcony outside of my bedroom window. Thea never cared how high she was, she would climb that tree and literally leap over to knock on my window. After 9/11, I stopped locking my window because the nightmares increased, and I was the only one that could make them go away for her. I had my own demons that scared me at night, but I put them aside for Thea.
How was it that after all these years living separate lives, I felt like I was back there again in my room, holding her in my arms and chasing the bad dreams away? I waited until she was done praying and wanted to go in then, but she grew tired and fell asleep right in the pew. I should have gone to tell her fiancé, but I wanted these few stolen moments with her. So I walked in and tried to wake her as gently as I could. Before I could stop myself, my fingers instinctively went to her cheeks. She awakened suddenly and sat up abruptly.
“Nick, what are you doing here?” asked Thea.
It was after two a.m., and I’d left here a few hours earlier.
“Shhh, don’t be frightened. I had to come back.”
“Why? Did you not believe me when I told you I would call about mom when I knew something?”
“Of course I did, but that’s not why I came back here.”
“I have to get back,” she said as she looked at her watch.
“Thea, please, will you give me a few minutes?”
“Nick, I don’t have a few minutes. I need to get back to my mom.”
“Your mom is still sleeping. I passed her room, and he was in there with her.”
“He has a name, and it’s Carter Newbanks, my fiancé. I can’t do this right now with you. Please let me pass.”
“I felt the same way when I saw you at that luncheon, but the judgment I should have used was nowhere to be seen, so I stayed. And then you know what happened next.”
She responded, “Yes, I do, and it was a mistake, one I will not repeat again. Nick, I am sorry I left and in the way I did, but all of that is irrelevant now. My mom is sick and is my only priority.”
“And I don’t want to be the person to stand in your way, but Thea, there are things to say. Before you get back on a plane to California, you need to hear them.”
“Like I said, I have to get back to my mom,” she said as she brushed past me and was gone.
Dammit! This was not how I wanted this to go. She’s treating me as if I am a fucking stranger, and not her friend. Way to go, Nick. Way to go.
When it comes to Thea Falcone, well, she makes me lose my mind. She always has.
I was so wired and didn’t want to go home. I went for a run at One World Trade Center. If I couldn’t be with Thea, then this was the next best place. It was hallowed ground with ghosts from the past and masked with a beautiful new Freedom Tower in place of the two we lost. What was I doing there? Looking for some kind of sign?
If only he could help me now. If anyone could, it would be my father. I found his name along with the other 342 firefighters we lost that day. I slowly ran my fingers over each letter, and my breath caught in my throat as I whispered my father’s name. My mom believed he was up in heaven watching over us, and I guess it was the same for me whenever I ran into a fire. I felt his presence every single time.
“Hey, Chief, kind of early for you to be strolling in,” Tony called out as I parked my truck.
“Yeah, I know, but I had no other place to go.”
“Something going on?”
“You can say that. Grab us a few cups of Joe, and meet me in my office.”
The change of shift wouldn’t be happening for a couple of hours, so I had the time I needed to get a few things off my chest.
A few minutes later, Tony returned with two cups of coffee and said, “Here you go, boss. So, what’s up? Did your date with Karen not go as you’d hoped?”
“The date was fine. We had a few blips in the beginning, but the rest of the night was great. We went to dinner and talked for hours. Happy looks good on Karen, and I was definitely looking forward to being the man that could continue to do that for her.”
“…but? Now you’re not?” he asked.
“No, I’m not. I am so fucking pissed that I just want to punch myself in the face. Thea is back again, and this time, she brought her fiancé with her.”
“Holy fuck! She’s getting married?”
“Yes, she is, and to not just anyone, but the anchor of ABC’s Primetime News.”
“Wait a minute, you don’t mean that guy…Carson, no, Connor something.”
“Wrong and wrong. His name is Carter Newbanks, and he looks as if he should belong on the cover of GQ, not sitting behind a freaking news desk. And he’s got my number, that’s for fucking sure. You should have seen how he wouldn’t take his fucking paws off her.”
Revive Page 13
