She whispered, “Hello,” and then looked back over to Carter, who began crying and then the robust sounds of laughter escaped him. He leaned in and placed a kiss to her cheek before rising from the grass and reaching for me.
“Unbelievable, Thea. I can’t believe she said hello to you. The last few trips up here, she smiled but never uttered a word to me. I guess my expectations for today were low, and then when she said hello to you, I just couldn’t believe I was hearing the sound of her voice again, even if it was only one word.”
“Oh, Carter, this is not something I know anything about, but I am not blind to notice that she sees you behind her blue eyes. She knows you are here. I can feel it.”
“Thank you, Thea. I couldn’t have come up here today without you.”
“There is no place I would rather be. Now, let’s go back and talk with your mother. We have a lot to catch her up on.”
Jane checked on Clarissa, even taking her vitals to make sure her blood pressure was stable enough after we talked with her. She seemed content sitting in her chair with the sun on her face. She didn’t say any more words but looked over to Carter a few times, and he got treated to one more smile, which he described as heaven sent.
After we had lunch, Carter walked the grounds with Clarissa, and I stayed behind with Jane. We had tea in the gardens, and she told me more about his mother’s condition.
“Thea, thank you for staying behind with me.”
“Of course, I want Carter to have as much time with her as he can.”
“I want that as well, but for different reasons that he does not know about yet.”
“What are you talking about?” I questioned.
“Clarissa has passed the point of mid-stage and is now entering the last stage of her disease. This year alone, she has suffered through two very big rounds of pneumonia, and you may have noticed the wheelchair. She no longer has the faculty to walk and balance on her own. She was deteriorating slowly, but now has lost complete function. Clarissa reaching for your hand was a complete shock and totally out of character for where she is with her Alzheimer’s. In my most professional opinion, I would have to say that was pure divine intervention. I can find no other way to explain it.”
“Jane, what does all of this mean?”
“It was a breakthrough, and a blessed one, but the facts remain the same. Clarissa is slowly dying, and she may appear to be one way on the outside, but on the inside, it is very different. I call it a victory just to get some warm tea in her today; usually it is quite the battle. Don’t worry, dear, everything I have told you I will share with Carter. I just felt if you knew, you could help him through it. He’s going to need you more than ever before. He is very close to her, and I see the anguish on his face every time he leaves her.”
“Here they come,” I said as Carter approached us with his mom who had now fallen asleep.
“You wore her out,” I said to lighten his mood.
“It appears that way.”
He kissed her again on her cheek and another nurse took her back to her quarters. I said my goodbyes and prayed this wouldn’t be my only opportunity to see her. Carter asked for a few minutes with Jane, and I gave them to him after saying goodbye.
What felt like hours ticking by was only less than twenty minutes before Carter returned, and we began driving away from the palatial facility. When he wasn’t shifting, his hand was on my thigh and gently squeezing it until he needed to shift his car into another gear.
I wanted to talk with him, but I knew he was processing what Jane shared with him about his mother. This was not the typical silent treatment couples faced from time to time; this was very different.
Carter was processing all that he was told today and coming to terms with it all. He said he was thankful he had today with his mother and how grateful he was not to be alone. We arrived back at my condo and still remained quiet with each other, but not awkward, just peaceful silence.
He showered and declined dinner. He asked if I would join him in bed where all he wanted to do was hold me in his arms, which I immediately agreed to without hesitation. And that’s exactly what we did. I held him as my beautiful strong man cried and cried until he had no tears left to shed. He whispered that although his mom was still with him, another part of him was mourning her loss. I promised him a better tomorrow and would do everything in my power to believe it for not only Carter, but for me as well.
The next morning when I woke, Carter was already missing from our bed. His gym bag was gone from the closet, along with one of his suits. I was up with him practically the entire night until I finally felt him drift off to sleep. It was restless, but it was still sleep. He couldn’t have gotten no more than a few hours, and now he was probably pounding his heartache away on the treadmill.
I knew his routine all too well. He would put in hours at the gym and then run for a few more miles through the park near my building. He said it was the only way to relieve his stress, well not the only way. I laughed and was happy he was out running because I didn’t think my vagina could take another all-day sex-a-thon with Carter. After my shower, I began making some coffee and found the note he left for me.
“Oh baby, I love you. Please be okay,” I sighed and then poured my travel mug full of coffee and headed out to work.
My phone was buzzing in my bag, and I was hoping it was Carter, but then I smiled when I saw it was mama calling. It’s like she knew I needed to hear her voice.
“Hi, mama. Good morning.”
“Good morning, darling. Hope I didn’t catch you at a bad time.”
“You didn’t, but it’s pretty early where you are. Is everything okay?”
“I’m fine, honey, couldn’t sleep.”
“Mama,” I enunciated slowly, “you are okay, right? When we speak on the phone, I want to believe that you are telling me the truth when I ask you how you are feeling.”
“Thea,” she scolded me, “I am not someone who needs fixing. The stroke I had was barely readable on paper. I am fine, and my sugar is under control. And when have I ever lied to you?”
“Okay, never. I’m sorry, mama. I live three thousand miles away, and I can’t help but worry about you. I also was reminded this weekend how precious life is and not to take the people you love for granted.”
“What’s wrong, baby?”
“I met Carter’s mother.”
“Oh really? That’s great. Tell me about her.”
“She has Alzheimer’s and is in a care facility up in Santa Barbara. Oh, mama, she’s beautiful. He resembles his father, but also shares physical features with his mother, especially in the eyes. It just broke my heart to see how much he loves her and is helpless against this disease.”
“Poor Carter, is there anything I can do for him?”
“Not at this time, but I’ll let you know. He was very upset when we left after hearing an update on her health. He cried, mom. He cried practically all night in my arms.”
“Is he there? I would love to say hello to him.”
“He’s out for a run, and then he’s going to work.”
“You give him my love, and please tell him that I am praying for him and his mother.”
“I will, mom. I really need to be off to work. Can I call you later?”
“Thea, before you go, I did call you for another reason.”
“Okay, what is it?”
“Do you remember me telling you that I was to have dinner with Stella over at Nick’s home on Friday night?”
“I do. Did you have a good time?”
“Under the circumstances, I did.”
“Mama, what are you trying to tell me?”
“Okay, I’ll tell you, and the only reason why I am going to tell you is because I believe he needs a friend right now. I know you are with Carter, and Nick is with Karen, but you were friends for a very long time, and he needs one now.”
“Mama! Will you please just tell me?” I hated to raise my voice, but she was stalling and I
was getting frustrated.
“While we waited for Nick to come home, we got a phone call that he was hurt and at the hospital being treated for burns.”
I covered my mouth to halt myself from crying, or overreacting. I knew we would never be together again, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t worry for him. His job was dangerous and unpredictable. We understood that more than anyone.
“How is he now?” I asked calmly.
“He’s okay. He did suffer a second degree burn on his neck and was treated and released. He came home later that night and joined us for dinner, even though he was very tired.”
“Leave it to Nick to never disappoint and miss out on Stella’s cooking. I am happy he is okay, mom. Okay, I really have to be going.”
“Thea! Please, one more thing.”
I sighed and then listened.
She said, “Nick was very upset when he got home, and not because of his own injury, but one of the newer candidates. Not sure if you met him at the luncheon, skinny kid named Dawson.”
“I’m not sure, mom. That day was a big blur.”
“Well, anyway, he ignored Nick’s commands and was badly injured in an explosion. He’s alive but will no longer be able to become a firefighter. He was severely burned on one side of his face and lost use of his eye.”
“That’s awful, mom. I will certainly keep that poor boy in my prayers.”
“Thea, you could call Nick. Just a friendly phone call between friends.”
“Mama, I can’t, and you know why. Please, if you respect my relationship with Carter, you will not ask me to do something I am not comfortable with, especially knowing how it will affect Carter.”
“It’s one phone call, Thea. How is that so bad?”
“It’s about moving on from my past, mom, and Nick is part of my past. For weeks now, he has been front and center in my relationship with Carter, and I will not hurt him again by throwing Nick in his face. And before you ask, I have my reasons, and you just need to respect them, okay?”
“Okay, I understand, and I am sorry.”
“Please don’t apologize, mama. Just be on my side, okay?”
“Always. I understand, and I will not bring it up again. You better go now. I have kept you long enough. Have a great day at work. I love you.”
“I love you too. I’ll call you in a few days, but if you need anything before then, don’t hesitate to call me, okay?”
“Okay.”
What is it with Monday’s? I swear I need a do-over already, and I haven’t even left the house yet. By the time I made it into work, Carter was in a meeting going over tonight’s broadcast, and I was headed straight for the craft service table. I needed chocolate, and stat!
“Drop that donut, missy! How are you going to fit into a wedding dress eating that crap?”
“I love you, Sally, but I need this donut like you wouldn’t believe.”
“Okay, because it is Monday, you can have it, but tomorrow we are running during lunch, okay?”
“Sure, okay.”
I devoured the sugary treat and didn’t feel one ounce of guilt over it. Sally poured me a fresh cup of coffee, and we went over my day as we walked back to my office.
“Did you happen to see Carter this morning?” I asked Sally as I finished off my donut and tossed my napkin into the trash bin.
“I did when he first came in all sweaty and shiny. Damn girl, it must have been one hot morning.”
I said, “Shut up and stop making my ears bleed. FYI, he left early this morning to work-out and get a run in.”
“Yeah, okay, stick to your cover story. I’ll just be sitting over here and dreaming up ways to torture you.”
“You are terrible, but I love you, Sally.”
“Yeah, and I’m single too and it’s been a while, you know. Damn, I need to get laid. Have you given any consideration to having a bachelorette party? Because if you say yes, I am hiring some seriously hot and oil-slicked strippers.”
I laughed out loud because Sally really was funny, and she always had a way of making me laugh, until I looked up to see Carter standing in my doorway, not too happy about what I knew he heard.
“Hey, babe, morning!” I said a bit too cheery.
“Good morning, love of my life and Sally,” he said with a raised eyebrow. He walked over to me and kissed me without caring that we were not alone.
“Okay, boss, we can pick up after lunch,” Sally said as she grabbed her tablet and closed the door behind her.
“Hey, babe, how are you? I missed you this morning,” I said.
“It’s good to be missed, and I will not leave you again. I just needed to clear my head after everything I heard yesterday. I mean, I wasn’t expecting Jane to blindside me like that.”
“Carter, she told me that she was trying to get in touch with you for a while now, including follow-ups with e-mails and messages.”
“I know, I saw them.”
“And? You didn’t feel you needed to return them? Carter, what were you thinking?”
“Thea, your line of questioning is the last thing I need this morning.”
“Babe, I’m not trying to upset you. I just want to understand why you were not in touch with Jane sooner. I saw firsthand how you were with your mother, so I’m curious why you avoided going back up there.”
“Thea, Alzheimer’s is beyond cruel and unforgiving. You know we have done dozens of stories on adults and kids who have suffered and overcome the worst of circumstances, and I never thought something like this would ever touch my family. It’s my mom, Thea, the one person who knew me better than I knew myself and never ever disappointed me.”
I tried not to take the last part too personally, even knowing I had hurt Carter in the past by denying what he wanted most, but that was behind us now. We were engaged and would be married soon.
“Hey, where did I lose you?” he asked.
“You didn’t, Carter. I’m right here.”
“I know you are, and I love you for it. Thank you again for this weekend and meeting my mom. I know I am struggling with my words right now, but I am thankful you were there.”
“Where else would I be? I just hope we can go soon.”
“Yeah, I want that too! Okay, call Sally back in to discuss your bachelorette party, minus the strippers.”
“I knew you heard her. Carter, please don’t believe that I want that. Sally was just playing around. You know that, right?”
“I know, but you have any kind of party you want. You only get married once, and I don’t want to be the one to stop your fun.”
“Okay, but I would rather have the hot kinky fun with my fiancé, okay?”
“I can do kinky,” he winked.
“I know you can, that’s why I said it. Now, kiss me and go be fabulous.”
“Oh, baby, you flatter me,” he said. “I’ll see you tonight.”
Damn! I can’t wait to marry him. Life with Carter and signing on for forever with him will certainly never be boring.
“What are you doing here, Chief?” Leslie asked as she entered my office and was stunned to see me sitting behind the desk.
“I work here, Leslie, and the job doesn’t stop because of what happened yesterday.”
I knew I sounded like a dick, but I was not in the mood to be coddled, not by my mother and not by my assistant, who stood there speechless in front of me.
I said, “I’m fine, Leslie. Will you please gather up everyone for a meeting in about five minutes? I have a call to make, and then I will be there.”
“Will do, boss. Can I get you anything?”
“No, I’m fine. Just please gather the guys.”
She said nothing more and did what I asked. I sat there with my head in my hands with pain coursing through my neck. I didn’t change the dressing this morning, but I would get it taken care of when visiting with Dawson after this morning’s roll call and meeting.
I picked up the phone to dial Karen, and then I slammed the phone down. Fuck!
How did everything go from bliss to doubt? I don’t have time for this.
Tony and Spinelli met me in the hall before I entered the meeting room. Leslie was already in there to record the minutes.
Tony asked, “Hey man, how are you doing this morning?”
“Not great, Tony, but I’m still standing.”
“Thank God for that.”
Spinelli slapped my back, and we all walked in together. Spinelli was in charge of squad, and Tony was in charge of truck. They would continue on once I finished saying what I needed to do. After pleasantries were exchanged, my guys were attentive with their backs straight and all eyes on me.
“Good morning. It’s a somber one, this I know. We’ve been here before, haven’t we? One of our brothers has fallen, and now we are here to pick up the pieces, me more than anyone. This house has always prided itself as a brotherhood. I don’t know one firefighter that doesn’t believe that to be true. In this house, we are a family, and we stick together, no matter what. Through the good times and the bad, we stick together. Sam Dawson and his family will need us more than ever as he recovers from his injuries. He will need us when he comes to terms with the reality of what he has suffered. He will no longer be able to fulfil his dream and commitment on becoming a firefighter. The injuries he sustained yesterday in the chemical explosion saw to that, but what I need to make clear that it wasn’t only the fire that took him from us. The official report will be released, and the hidden truth will be revealed. I see no point on keeping them from you now with the understanding that we keep it in this room. Understood?”
They all agreed together. I asked Leslie to stop recording and to step out from the room.
I continued, “As Battalion Chief of Company Ladder 4, I have never faced what I am going to tell you. It has shocked me, to say the least, and made me question to what I might have missed. Did I drop the ball? How did I not know? Dawson successfully completed his training and all tests that got him accepted as a candidate and assigned to this house. What I did not know was he concealed something so damaging about his health, which could have put innocent lives in jeopardy, as well as the safety of his fellow firefighters. He ultimately paid the price of his actions yesterday by not giving full disclosure to this house and the powers at be.”
Revive Page 29
