“Okay, I see that I am not needed for wedding planning, so can we go down to the beach? I remember you telling me how much you love it down there.”
“Carter, are you thinking what I am thinking?” I asked.
“Absolutely, yes, let’s go later after the broadcast.”
Mom had no clue on what we were talking about, but she would love it once we got there.
Sally kept my mom busy with a tour of the studio and then took her downtown to lunch while I finished up my last day at work. She arrived back in time to watch Carter do his live broadcast. It would be his last one until after the wedding. Mama stood silently in awe watching Carter do what he loved and watching me in action too. It was a rare moment for mama to take in. This is the first time in all the years I lived out in California that she visited me and now observed me at work. I think I may have gained a fan too.
I watched my mom smiling as she listened intently as Carter closed his broadcast. I leaned in closer to her, and that’s when she looked at me with such pride.
“You did good, Thea, not only with Carter, but all of this,” she said as she waved her arm around the studio and then back to me. “Your father would be so incredibly proud of you. You are an amazing woman, my Thea, and I love you very much.”
“I love you, mom. Thank you for saying that. I know daddy is watching over us. I feel him here in my heart.”
We hugged and then remained in our embrace as we watched Carter close the show.
“From all of us here at ABC News, have a good night.”
Carter remained in position until he got the all clear. He smiled in his so sexy panty-dropping way. Damn, my man was hot. He disconnected his mic and then made his way over to where mama and I were waiting.
“Another great show, babe,” I said as he took me in his arms, kissing me with no care of the audience we had.
“Okay, you two, save it for the honeymoon,” mom said.
“Well what fun would that be?” Carter said as he winked over at me.
Oh, these two! Thank you, universe, for giving me this amazing man who gets along perfectly with my mother. I grabbed the rest of my things, and we said goodbye to our team with tons of hugs as we made our way out of the building. Stan wanted to announce us on the air and make a big deal out of our wedding, but we said no. We wanted our wedding to be private and belong just to us.
Ever since Carter decided we marry at his home in Malibu, he was more comfortable with us living there after the wedding. We were holding onto the condo for the time being, but my heart was at the beach, and over time, I hoped it would be for Carter too. Rosalyn and her team had free reign to create our “Night to Remember.” Yeah, Carter came up with that. I laughed and let him run with it. Rosalyn had everything under control.
Mama’s eyes lit up as we made our way down the driveway that led up to Carter’s home. The entire three level home was covered in white lights. New shrubs had been planted and arranged perfectly all around the property. We saw a makeshift path assembled that would lead down to the beach where I would walk to Carter. He wanted to marry under the moonlight with the waves crashing in the background. He was a forever romantic, and all mine.
“This is just breathtaking. Oh, Thea, what an enchanting place to be married. It is going to be magical,” Mama said, as Carter parked the car in front of our ocean view oasis.
“I could not agree with you more,” I said as we all walked down to the beach before making our way inside.
It had been years since mama had been to the shore, and Jones Beach did not count. When I was little, we took a family vacation to Florida, and then we took a cruise over to the Bahamas and spent the day. Just me, mom, and dad. It was wonderful, one memory I would never forget. I looked over to mama, and I knew at the moment we were sharing the same memory. She was smiling as she looked out to the ocean, and I couldn’t miss her wiping away a few tears.
“They’re happy tears, darling, I can tell,” Carter whispered close to my ear.
He wrapped his arms around me, and I fell into his warm embrace where I’d never felt so much love and protection. Carter was all my dreams come true, and I wiped a tear of my own as I envisioned this view on Friday night.
“I love you, Carter.”
“Not as much as I love you, but I’ll take whatever you want to give me.”
I turned in his arms and lost myself in his beautiful eyes.
“Carter, I never want you to believe that I love you any less than you love me. I know I lost my way for a while in our beginning, but I am all in with every fiber of my being. This is where I want to be, and you are the man—the only man—I will forever want.”
“How do you do it, baby?”
“Do what?” I smiled up at him.
Mama was long gone and kicking up the water that was crashing on the beach. She looked amazing.
“Say the perfect words that my heart craves to hear. You make me whole with just the sound of your heartbeat next to mine. I love you. I don’t care how you got here. All that matters is that you are here in these arms, and it’s forever where I want you to be.”
Predictability does not describe Karen; it never did. I sat literally in pain while a thousand scenarios raced through my mind on what she was going to say to the girls, and there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop her. Trinity looked oblivious to what was going to be said here. She was so little and innocent, just holding her Barbie and believing it was the best thing in the world.
Gigi was the serious one. She had senses like Spiderman. One look to her mother, and I knew that she was bracing herself for something big. This was wrong, so fucking wrong to put her through this. I tried with all my effort to make Karen look over at me, but she kept her eyes on her girls, effectively blocking me out. I guess if you are going to crush my heart, it might as well be in my own house. Yeah right. Nick, tell a joke when the life you imagined having with them was about to go up in a fiery wall of flames.
“What is it, mommy?” asked Gigi.
I watched Karen hold onto the piece of paper in her hand as if it was her lifeline.
Karen sucked it up and said, “Okay girls, what mommy has to say is going to be hard for you to hear, but always know how much I love you, and grandma loves you. We are here for you.”
“You forgot about Nick. Nick loves us mommy,” Trinity said, as she looked over to me with her big bright eyes filled with love.
“You’re right, baby girl, Nick loves us very much, especially you and your sister.”
“Then why are you crying mommy?” asked Gigi.
“Come here, babies. I’m crying because mommy is sad, very sad. I received some bad news today while you were out, and now I don’t know how to tell you.”
“Just say it. Grandma always says that you should treat the bad stuff like a Band-Aid. If you pull it off really fast, then it doesn’t hurt as much.”
“You’re right, baby. She does say that. Actually, your grandpa used to say it all the time when I was little. Okay…Alex…your father…daddy…died.”
Time ticked on beat by beat until all the air was sucked out of the room and my throat began to constrict. Trinity immediately came over to me and wrapped her little arms around my neck. She held onto her doll and to me. Gigi was another story. No tears, no words, and I wasn’t sure which was worse.
Gigi asked, “Mommy, can I go upstairs now?”
Before Karen could respond to her daughter, Gigi took the stairs two at a time and was upstairs in her room before either one of us could make a move. On instinct, Karen wanted to go to her, but she remained back and came over to me and Trinity.
“Trinity, are you okay?” she asked.
“Is he in heaven, mommy? Isn’t that the place where you go when you die?”
“Yes, it is, honey. He’s in heaven with the angels.” Seriously? Alex Mancini was no angel. He put you through hell. He nearly killed me. He doesn’t deserve your kindness.
“Okay. Can I go upstairs to play wit
h Gigi?”
“Sure, go on up.”
I waited until I heard the door close.
I asked, “Do you mind telling me what the hell that was back there? I mean, what the fuck, Karen? How could you do such a thing and not give me a heads-up as to what you were going to do? Did you see the look in Gigi’s eyes? Without thought, you just tell those precious girls that their father is dead. Have you forgotten what he did to Gigi? He made her cry. He showed no mercy at all for the daughter he claimed to love, and you just made him sound like a fucking saint!” I shouted.
“What did you expect me to do? They had a right to know about their father.”
“I can’t fucking believe this is happening. After everything we have been through, you just decide this all on your own and not consider how I felt about it.”
“I’m their mother, Nick, and it is my right to do what is best for them, not you. Don’t you think you have done enough?”
And there it is…moment of truth. I hate this part.
“What I’ve done?” I took a deep breath and held my head as I paced my living room in fury. “You blame me for Alex’s death, don’t you?”
“I’m sorry, Nick, I shouldn’t have said that.”
“But you did, and it’s out there now, so you might as well be honest with me now.”
“Okay, I blame you, at least for part of it. I didn’t want to have a plan when it came to Alex, like some secret undercover mission. This was my life, Nick, and it has been spinning out of control since the day he came back into our lives. I meant what I said. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. I wanted to believe that he might have changed and loved his family more than his selfishness, but the joke is on me, right? He played me good. He sucked me completely down the rabbit hole again, and now I’m left to pick up the pieces.”
“No, baby, we will pick up the pieces. Together. You are not in this alone. I’m here for you and for the girls.”
“Yeah? For how long, Nick? Come on, be honest with yourself. Did you honestly think this through? You know I’m a train wreck on a good day. Just a few months ago, you were still pining away for Thea, and now you are playing house with me. Your mom was right, you should have taken a little more time before you jumped right into the deep end of the pool.”
“That’s not fair, and if I’m being honest here, it’s incredibly cruel. Karen, you are incredible. When are you going to realize that? We are not just messing around here. We are building a life. And, my relationship with you is none of my mother’s business or anyone else, for that matter. And please can we keep Thea out of it?”
“Heaven forbid I hurt Thea’s feelings,” she said sarcastically.
“Karen, she has nothing to do with what’s going on here, and even less when it comes to my feelings for you. What I had with Thea is in the past, and it will remain there. You need to stop finding ways to end us. We are worth fighting for. Please, babe, come here and let me hold you, please.”
“I can’t, Nick. I need some time.”
“No, that’s the last thing you and I need. We promised no running, and if you think for a second I am going to allow you to pull away from me now, then you’re crazy.”
“I’m crazy now? Is that what you just said to me?”
“You better fucking believe it. We said no running, and if Karen Lombardi does anything spectacular is run. Here’s the thing, I am not going to allow you to do it.”
“Okay, noted. May I go upstairs to check on the girls?”
“Can I join you?” I asked.
“Do I have a choice?”
“You do. You always have a choice, Karen, and what happened here today was one that you did not have to make alone, but you did it anyway. You left me out of it. I get it. You’re so scared about depending on someone else that you would purposely push me toward the nearest exit.” Before she could bolt, I grabbed her by her arms and made her look at me. She was so stubborn and fought me every step of the way.
“Look at me, dammit!” I said, as I waited for her to respond, and once she did, what I saw looking back at me was breaking my heart.
“What do you want from me, Nick? What do you want?” she began to cry.
“I want you. I want the girls. I want us to be a family, a real family who loves each other, depends on one another, and is there for each other. All in, baby, I want everything with you. I get being alone is all you know to do and how to be, but that part of your life is over. I am sorry you ever had to ever be alone for one single day. All I can say is that I promise to always be here for you, Gigi, and Trinity. You can trust me with them and believe that what we have is very real and strong. It’s strong enough to handle anything life throws our way, even what happened with Alex.”
“How? Please, Nick, how do we move on from Alex?”
“I wanted to do this differently, babe, but with you telling the girls, we just have to be there for them and help Gigi and Trinity with any grief they may have. We will be there together, and help them in any way they need. I love you, Karen. I love you so much.”
“I know you do, and the girls love you too. I think they already feel as if you are their daddy. They might not have said the words yet, but you would have to be blind not to see how they look at you or look up to you. You are their hero.”
“Can I be yours? Because, babe, there is nothing I want more in this life.”
“You don’t know how much I want to say yes to you,” she said.
“What’s stopping you? Come on, you can tell me.”
“I’m afraid. Afraid that everything is just going to blow up in my face. I mean, look at what’s happened. I have to live with this for the rest of my life, and it is going to break my heart every time I look into my daughters’ eyes.”
I said, “They are so young, and I’m really not trying to sound like a dick here, but they hardly knew him. I can love them with all that I have and promise to be the best father I can. Please just give me a chance to do so.”
“Okay, but on one condition. If you say no, then it’s a deal breaker for me.”
“Anything, I promise,” I said.
“I know we went back and forth on this issue, but now I really mean it. I promise to not run, but in order for me not to do that, you need to give me time. I can’t fast forward to the happily ever part. I’m not ready for it and everything that it means to be. I need time to process Alex’s death and put my girls first and their feelings, whatever they might be. I need to figure out what I am going to do with the salon, because I am not sure if I will ever be ready to go back there. I just need time to figure it out.”
“Okay, yes to all of it. You can have as much time as you need, but I need to make one counter on yours.”
“I figured as much.”
“It may be more than one, just saying,” I said.
“Go on.”
“You can have the time, I mean that. I just need to know while you are taking the time that I still get to be a part of it. Will you continue to live here with me?”
“You still want me to live here with you?”
I closed my eyes and tried not to react to her ridiculous question. When I opened them, she was again guarded and preparing herself for the bad instead of the good. I placed my hands on her face and leaned in for a kiss, slowly making her submit and open up for me. When she did, I swear I felt her entire body relax and accept the kiss. She let out soft moans of pleasure as we continued to kiss and fight for everything we had. When it ended, she let out a soft breath and placed her cheek on my chest with her hands tightening around my waist.
She said, “I love you, Nick, and I promise I am in this with you for as long as you want me. I’ll do better, I promise.”
“Look at me, please.”
She did but not before wiping away her falling tears.
I continued, “I want you for life. No more questions, and no more doubts. I’m here, and I am not going anywhere but upstairs with you, so we can be with the girls and just love each o
ther.”
“Thank you, Nick.”
“For what, baby?”
“For not giving up on me. You stayed, and no matter how much I fought us, you didn’t leave. I probably don’t deserve you, but I’m done questioning us. I believe we are going to be okay. I believe in you.”
I wanted to talk, but she silenced me with a kiss and then took my hand as she led me upstairs to be with the girls. This was Karen’s way, and her eyes never lied. She was here with me, and although it scared her, she finally let her defensives down and trusted where her heart was leading her to go.
I would give her the time she asked for, as much as she needed, as long as she was here with me. I knew I couldn’t take it if she left. To be in this big house alone after it came to life with the girls being here would just destroy me. It took a lot for Karen to trust me, and this was me trusting her.
I wasn’t who I used to be, but neither was Karen. We had already faced so many challenges in our relationship and were still standing as proof to the love we had for each other. We had to risk falling apart to realize how much we needed to fall back together.
“You look so beautiful, Thea, maybe even hotter than I looked on my own wedding day. Who knows? It’s like 50/50,” Trudie said.
“I’ll take that, friend. Having you here with me means so much. You know I couldn’t do this without you, so if you hadn’t made it, then Carter would have been one angry but still very sexy man.”
“Well, hallelujah to the travel gods that got me here on time. You know I would have moved heaven and earth for you.”
I said, “I do know that. Okay, this is it.”
“It is, so let’s get you married. You have the love of your life waiting on you, and he has been since the first time he laid eyes on you.”
“Yes, he has. I love him so much, Trudie.”
“I know you do, and so does Carter.”
I smiled and then needed to catch my breath for a moment or two. Our day had finally arrived, and I just felt swept off my feet. Trudie went ahead and sensed that I needed just one more minute on my own before following the path that would bring me to Carter. I knew he was probably bursting at the seams, but I just wanted one more moment to give thanks to the one person who I had hoped would be looking down on me today…my father.
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