“Yeah,” he said, putting his hand on the gear shift. “Fun.”
Eighteen
Friday night
“Where’s your man?” Dare asked, pointing his beer bottle at Cam, clearly letting him know he was talking to him.
Cam didn’t say anything, preoccupying himself by drinking his own beer.
“Uh-oh,” Teague offered. “Trouble in paradise?”
Cam’s gaze slid to Roan. He found his best friend studying him intently.
“No trouble,” Cam said, merely to get them off his case.
“He’s in Cali, right?” Dare asked.
Cam nodded.
He did not want to think about Gannon at the moment. Didn’t want to think about him several states away, where Cam couldn’t see him. Didn’t want to let his fears get the best of him.
Last night, when Gannon had reminded him that he was going to California, something had broken inside him. One minute his switch had been on, the next … off. He’d driven home in a fog, numb from the information. And most of the day, he’d attempted to process it, to no avail.
He knew he owed Gannon an apology. His abrupt turnabout had been unfair. He couldn’t deny that. But he couldn’t bring himself to answer his phone or return any of Gannon’s texts, either.
No one said he was acting rationally, but the only thing he could think about was Gannon in Florida. No. Not Florida. California.
Cam took a long pull on his beer, trying to dislodge the knot of emotion from his throat. He’d been choking on it all damn day while endless questions ran through his head.
What if something happened to Gannon?
What if he was sick?
What if he had a brain aneurysm and died while alone in his hotel room?
His throat was dry, his palms sweaty. He was choking on the hot ball of fear that seemed to be permanently lodged in his throat. Cam drained what was left of his beer, then grabbed another.
No, he wasn’t going to think about any of that.
Hell, it was bad enough that he’d had a nightmare last night, waking up in a cold sweat. He’d dreamed that someone had called him to let him know that Gannon’s body had been found in a hotel room. He’d died of a brain aneurysm.
The same way Cam’s mother had died. Hundreds of miles away. Alone.
“When’s he comin’ back?” Teague asked.
“Tomorrow,” Roan offered, meeting Cam’s gaze.
“Can we talk about somethin’ else? Seriously?” Cam didn’t want to dwell on this anymore.
Sure, he’d missed a call from Gannon earlier, and he’d received a few texts, but at the moment, he wasn’t in the right frame of mind to talk to him or about him. Shitty as it was.
“Dude,” Dare began with a smile, “did y’all see that hot guy who came to talk to Hudson today?”
Grateful for the change of subject, Cam watched Teague’s head snap over to Dare and had the urge to rub his own neck. That had to hurt.
“When?” Roan asked the question Teague clearly wanted to ask but didn’t.
“This mornin’ sometime. Holy fuck.” Dare let out a long, low whistle. “Not sure what they were talkin’ about, but Hudson looked happy.”
Cam couldn’t help but notice that Teague did not. Look happy. Not at all.
“Looks like the dry spell might be over,” Dare added. “At least for some of us.”
Cam looked away when Dare pinned him with his hazel gaze. He wasn’t going to confirm or deny that. At this point, he didn’t know how things stood between him and Gannon.
Sure, they’d rocketed out of the gate, hot and heavy, and he’d enjoyed the hell out of the time he’d spent with Gannon. But now … his fears had gotten the best of him.
As he’d always known they would.
And though he’d traveled himself, that didn’t bother him. It was when the people he cared about ventured out on their own, leaving Cam at home to worry whether they’d ever come back again.
He could still remember that horrible day, sixteen years ago.
“When’s Mom coming home?” Holly asked, passing the green beans over to Cam.
Looking up at his father, Cam waited, trying to do the math in his head. She’d left yesterday? Or the day before? He wasn’t sure. His mother took frequent trips for her job, so having her away had become the norm for them. Sometimes to the point that they didn’t get the details of the trip.
“Tomorrow afternoon,” his father told him, sipping his iced tea.
“Did you talk to her today?” Holly asked. “Is she having fun in Florida?”
Michael shook his head. “Not yet.” The smile on his face said he looked forward to hearing from her. “She’s having dinner with some colleagues.”
“Well, hopefully she got to go to the beach,” Holly said, stuffing chicken into her mouth. “I’ve always wanted to go to Florida.”
For the next few minutes, Cam listened to his sister ramble on and on about how great Florida was and how cool it would be to visit. How one day, when she got married, she wanted to have her honeymoon at Disney World.
“Who’s got the dishes tonight?” Cam’s father asked when they finished their meal.
“It’s my turn.” Holly frowned.
“Good. Cam, help your sister clear the table. I’ll be in the living room.”
Cam nodded, then began stacking the plates. As he was placing them on the counter beside the sink, there was a knock at the door.
Glancing over at his sister, he lifted an eyebrow, silently asking if she was expecting someone.
Holly shook her head.
Wiping his hand on a dish towel, Cam went to the bar that separated the kitchen from the living room, watching as his father made his way over to the front door. After a quick look through the security hole, Michael glanced back, meeting Cam’s eyes.
That was when Cam knew something was very, very wrong.
With his heart in his throat, Cam stood there as his father opened the door to reveal two uniformed officers standing on the porch.
Cam recognized them as a couple of guys his dad worked with. He couldn’t imagine what they’d be doing there. It wasn’t their regularly scheduled poker night, and not once had Cam ever seen them show up in uniform.
Afraid to move from his spot, Cam stood in the doorway, straining to hear what they were saying, but their voices were too low. When his father’s legs gave out and the two officers reached for him, holding him up, Cam knew that the news they’d brought hadn’t been good.
“What’s going on?” Holly whispered, coming to stand next to Cam.
He shrugged.
Before he could stop her, Holly took off toward their father.
“Daddy, what’s wrong?”
Michael muttered something, and when Holly turned to look back at him, Cam wasn’t sure he wanted to know what he’d said. His sister’s eyes widened, her chin trembled, and then she screamed, a horrible sound that had echoed through the entire house. When she crumpled into a heap, one of the officers managed to grab her, easing her down onto the couch.
Cam waited, his heart pounding in his throat. He didn’t want to know what they’d said. If he didn’t know, whatever it was hadn’t happened.
“Cam,” Bruce Derby said, moving toward him.
Cam shook his head adamantly. Whatever it was, he didn’t want to know.
Bruce’s eyes were sad. “It’s your mom.”
Cam’s heart stopped beating at that moment.
“She didn’t come into the office this morning. After a few hours, they got worried, so they sent one of her coworkers over to her hotel to check on her.”
Cam’s chest began to burn. He wasn’t breathing.
“They found her—” Bruce swallowed hard, then cleared his throat. “They found her body. Medical examiner said she’d suffered a brain aneurysm.”
From that point on, everything in Cam’s memory was a blur. At least for the few days that followed.
His mother had been away on busines
s.
Alone in a hotel room.
And she’d died.
They’d never gotten to say good-bye.
“How’s Cam?” Milly asked, joining Gannon at the hotel bar. “Hear from him today?”
Gannon shook his head, wrapping his hands around the tumbler of scotch sitting in front of him.
The bartender strolled over and Milly rattled off her order before turning to face him.
“Talk to me,” she encouraged.
That was when Gannon accepted that the woman sitting beside him wasn’t his assistant, the woman who’d flown to California with him early that morning so they could spend a couple of days working on the marketing plan for the next game rollout. No, sitting beside him now was Milly, his friend. The woman who knew more about him than anyone on the planet.
“I tried calling, but he didn’t answer,” he admitted.
“Did you text?” she asked, thanking the bartender when he delivered her apple martini.
“Yeah.”
“And?”
Gannon lifted his head, looking directly at her. “I think he’s got an issue with me traveling.”
“Why do you think that?” she questioned, sipping her drink and blowing her bangs out of her face.
“Last night…” God, he didn’t even know how to explain what he didn’t understand. “Last night, after you went to the car, I was saying good night. Things were fine. Right up to the point I reminded him I had to come here. To California. Then it was weird. He just shut down, retreating into himself. Just like the last time.”
“The last time?” Milly’s ice-blue gaze settled on Gannon’s face.
“The first time I mentioned that I travel, he acted … strange.”
“You think maybe he’s just worried about you?”
Gannon shook his head. He tried to see that angle, but he didn’t think that was it. It was more than that.
“Didn’t you say his mom died?” Milly took another sip of her drink, crossing her legs and adjusting her skirt.
Nodding, he lifted his glass to his lips.
“How’d she die?”
Gannon shrugged. He didn’t know.
“Ever thought maybe you should ask him?”
Of course he had. He’d wanted to ask Cam, but after that first night, when he’d seen the sadness that had dimmed the light in Cam’s eyes, he hadn’t wanted to risk seeing that again.
“Want me to ask him for you?” Milly’s chipper tone said she’d do it in a heartbeat if he let her.
Gannon’s head snapped up, his eyes slamming into her face. “Don’t you dare.”
The smile she shot him was mischievous.
“I’m never letting the two of you in the same room together again,” he noted.
“Well, that’s good. ’Cause I’ve got a lot of questions for him. Last night, I was just being nice.”
“Like?” Gannon knew he shouldn’t encourage her, but what the hell. He was sitting at a hotel bar in California, and he wasn’t going back to Texas until tomorrow afternoon. Cam wasn’t answering his phone, so there was nothing stopping him from getting blind drunk at the bar and hashing out his problems with his closest friend.
“For one, why the hell hasn’t he jumped your bones yet?”
Gannon was grateful he hadn’t been taking a drink. He would’ve shot it out of his nose.
“And I’d ask him if he has any hot straight friends.”
“He doesn’t,” Gannon told her.
“And how do you know that?”
“Because I’ve met his friends.”
“And they’re all gay?” Milly didn’t sound convinced.
“The ones I’ve met, yeah.”
“Well, shit.” Milly grinned, lifting her glass to her lips.
Gannon chuckled.
“Did you tell him about your parents?” Milly inquired a moment later, her tone less enthusiastic.
“Not yet.”
“But you plan to, right?”
“Eventually.”
“So, all this take-things-slow crap, I thought it meant with the sex. But clearly the two of you haven’t shared some important details.”
“We’re getting there.” At least Gannon had thought they were.
“Well, don’t get all freaked out,” Milly told him, patting his thigh. “You’ve only known the guy for two weeks. I’m sure he’s just got something going on and that’s why he hasn’t answered.”
He hoped she was right, but he didn’t say as much.
“So, I think it’s time you put that dopey grin back on your face and buy me another drink.”
“Another?” Gannon grinned; he couldn’t help it.
“Of course. You didn’t think I was gonna buy my own drinks tonight, did you? Just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you get to take a lady out and let her pay her own way.”
Gannon laughed, as he knew Milly expected him to. She was really something else.
And that was one of the many reasons he loved her.
Nineteen
Cam rubbed his face, narrowing his eyes to look at his alarm clock.
Two twenty in the morning.
Who could possibly be calling him?
Grabbing his cell phone, he read the blurry information on the screen and swallowed hard.
Gannon.
For a moment, he considered not answering it, but his need to know that Gannon was all right won out, and he hit the talk button. “’Lo?”
“Cam?”
“Hmm?”
“Did I wake you?” There was a slight slurring to Gannon’s words.
“Yeah,” he told him, rolling onto his back.
“Sorry. I just needed to hear your voice.”
Cam squeezed his eyes shut. He had no clue what to say to that. Ever since he’d come back to his apartment after having beers with the guys down by the lake, he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Gannon. Wondering what he was doing. Worrying that something had happened.
“Did I do something wrong?” Gannon asked, the concern in his tone making Cam’s chest ache.
“No,” he finally said, releasing the air from his lungs. “You haven’t.”
Silence greeted him, and they sat there like that for a few minutes until finally Gannon’s voice filled his ear.
“I miss you,” Gannon whispered.
Cam swallowed past that knot that was still blocking his airway. “I miss you, too.”
He knew he should’ve told Gannon about his reason for being so standoffish, but the truth was, he didn’t want to do it while Gannon was away on business. He didn’t want to think about how fucked up his world would be if Gannon didn’t come home.
He’d survived his mother dying in a hotel room, hundreds of miles away from home on a routine business trip. He didn’t know if he could survive it again.
And yes, he knew it was illogical. Lightning didn’t strike in the same place twice, or so the theory went, so surely Cam wouldn’t have to endure it more than once. But still. His rational brain didn’t hold a candle to the overpowering fear.
“Can I see you on Sunday?” Gannon asked. “Dinner at my place?”
Cam squeezed his eyes shut again, his chest feeling so full of emotion he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do with it. Somehow, he managed to force the words out, “I’d like that.”
“Okay,” Gannon said. “I’ll let you go.”
“’Kay,” Cam agreed.
“Cam…”
“Hmm?”
“I really do miss you.”
“Yeah. Me, too.” More than you know.
After hanging up, Cam rolled over onto his side and stared into the darkness.
Over and over, his mind continued to replay Gannon’s words, spoken in that smooth, sensual tone.
“He’s coming back,” he said aloud, trying to reassure himself, something he’d done numerous times throughout the day.
Well, that wasn’t completely true.
For a few hours that morning, Cam had tried
to convince himself that this thing between him and Gannon was over. That he could walk away now that they were apart for a couple of days and he wouldn’t have to look back.
Only that was when he’d realized he was in deeper than he’d thought.
Much deeper.
Two weeks with Gannon had been like a lifetime. During that time, he’d felt so much for the man. Far more than he’d wanted to. But somehow, Gannon had broken right through Cam’s defenses, and here he was, anticipating the moment he would get to see him again.
Closing his eyes, Cam gave in to the mental exhaustion, but not before he whispered once more into the darkness, repeating the words that were now imprinted on his brain.
“He’s coming back.”
While Gannon lay in his hotel room, staring at the ceiling, he was glad he’d finally given in to Milly’s insistence that he try to call Cam again.
Hearing his voice… God, he’d never tire of hearing Cam’s voice.
It had soothed something inside him, made him feel whole once again.
Truth was, he’d been tempted to go to the airport, hop on the first flight back to Texas, and go straight to Cam’s to confront him. He still didn’t know what was bothering Cam, but he honestly believed it had something to do with him traveling.
Was he worried Gannon was going to cheat on him?
He could easily assure him that would never happen. Not only because he didn’t want anyone else but because that wasn’t the way he was programmed. Perhaps that was because Gannon had rarely allowed anyone to get close to him. After he’d been shunned by his own parents, it hadn’t been easy for him to get close to people. Other than Milly, Gannon hadn’t had any close friends through the years.
And maybe that was why he’d buried himself in work. He could keep his relationships impersonal.
But then Cam had walked right into his world.
Well, technically, it was the other way around, but from the moment Gannon had looked into those blue eyes … he’d been lost.
He would never cheat on Cam. Never.
Other than that, though, he couldn’t understand why Cam would try to push him away. They’d been doing well, or so he’d thought. Sure, he noticed that when things moved too fast, Cam started to back off a little, but Gannon understood that. Getting too close, too fast… That could easily blow up in their faces.
Reckless (Pier 70, 1) Page 15
