The world—and all the new information that accompanied it—was spinning around my head as I reluctantly let go of Jess’s hand and followed Drew through the dark. Everyone was waiting for us, even the empty soda pop bottle was looming in the dead center of the carpet. Jess and I took the last two places in the circle on the floor, and Lauren announced the rules (as if anyone really needed them), and the spinning began.
Kit went first, insisting that he had the most experience and therefore could teach everyone else how it was done. The bottle landed on Lauren, and when he aimed his lips for her mouth, she giggled like a little girl and turned her head so his lips landed on her cheek.
It was Lauren’s turn to spin the bottle next. There wasn’t a person in the room who didn’t know what she was after, and no one said a word as that bottle spun round and round, deciding who to land on. It landed on Drew. “Respin,” Lauren said happily, and she bent forward to grab the bottle.
“No way,” said Kit. “You have to kiss the closest guy to her right. That’s how it’s played.”
“Since when?” Lauren said.
“Since forever.” Kit took the bottle out of her hand. “Go on, kiss Trace.”
Trace folded his arms over his chest. “It’s okay, Lauren,” he said tersely. “You’re not the first girl who’d rather be with somebody else besides me.”
I glared at Trace across the circle but was distracted when I caught hold of Jess’s eyes watching me from behind his propped up knees.
“Whatever.” Lauren got on her hands and knees and crawled across the circle to Trace. She kissed him on the lips. It wasn’t long, but it wasn’t exactly short either, and from the way she eyed Jess on the way back to her seat, I gathered the longer kiss was meant to make him jealous.
“Trace, your next,” Kit said since he was apparently the master of spin the bottle.
Trace spun and the bottle landed on me. He came toward me and kissed me on the lips, and though he lingered for a moment, I pulled away quickly and reached for the bottle. My spin landed on Bryce and Bryce’s landed on Lauren. Lauren’s landed on Trace again, and Trace’s landed on Drew. When Drew’s landed on Jess, Lauren watched carefully as Drew crawled across the circle and kissed him quickly on the lips. It was quick and platonic. It was perfect.
“How long are we going to play this?” Kit finally asked though everyone was thinking it. With only seven people at the party, the game was getting old pretty fast.
“Just a few more rounds,” Lauren said, and she sneered at the bottle as though it was purposely out to get her.
I suppose I watched as Jess reached for the bottle though most my thoughts were held hostage by what had just happened between us in the kitchen. All that time, all the pain, and both of us had just wanted the same thing. Each other.
I should have been paying more attention to the bottle and the people around me. But I wasn’t, not enough anyway. I was thinking about Jess and the thunder storm and his closeness in the kitchen. I was thinking about what he said and what I said and the outpouring of confessions. I was thinking about how perfect and strong his hand looked as he spun the bottle and rested it on the carpet waiting to see where it landed. And then it landed on me. Not on Lauren like it was supposed to.
But on me.
There were a million things I should have done that I didn’t. I should have looked at Lauren and remembered how much she liked him and how good of a friend I was supposed to be. I should have thought about the other people in the room that were watching and witnessing and waiting to see how we would respond. And I definitely should have considered the consequences.
When Jess followed the rules of the game and crawled toward me, I should have smiled politely and given him a friendly kiss, because it was only a game of spin the bottle and Lauren was right there, and even though all is fair in love and war, for some reason, it didn’t feel fair to anyone but me. I shouldn’t have waited, cross-legged on the floor, with so much anticipation. But then again, he shouldn’t have come at me either, not with such deep and determined eyes. I shouldn’t have allowed my heart to beat a million times a minute, and he shouldn’t have taken such a deep breath. Our eyes were locked on each other, and for a moment, I honestly forgot that there was anyone else in the room. I honestly forgot that there was anyone else in the world. For that one priceless second, he and I were all that existed. All that mattered. I shouldn’t have looked in his eyes. I shouldn’t have lightly glossed my lips with the tip of my tongue, and I definitely shouldn’t have thought about that perfect night in the rain and the first time we kissed. I should have pursed my lips. I should have turned my head and let him kiss my cheek. But I didn’t, and neither did he. He went for my lips, and I silently begged for him to do it, and time stopped because we were kissing and we were together, again, at last.
But we should have pulled away—when the universal allotted time for a spin the bottle kiss was over—we should have pulled away. But neither one of us did. Because neither one of us could. The past seven months of heart ache, confusion, and torture that we both had been bottling up was now exploding from within us. Our lips were certain and inviting, and I only realized that we had been kissing for an entirely inappropriate amount of time when Drew gasped and Bryce cleared his throat and Lauren ran from the room, crying.
Drew didn’t even look at me when she bolted after her, but Jess watched me with intense apologetic eyes before following Lauren and Drew down the hall and into the darkness.
“Now this is what I call a party,” Kit said with a big grin.
“Shut up,” Bryce said.
“Who needs alcohol,” Kit continued, “when you have a girly cat fight to heat up the night?”
“I’m serious,” Bryce warned. “Shut up or I’ll deck you.”
“I’m going to go,” I said gravely. I hesitated for a moment. Lauren was already so mad at me, maybe leaving her birthday party early would hurt her more. “No,” I concluded. “I’m definitely going to go.”
I grabbed my coat off the hook in the entry way and opened the front door. I could hear Drew and Jess calling Lauren’s name upstairs, and I contemplated helping them find her. But I was the last person Lauren wanted to see. Sticking around would only make things worse.
I stepped into the cold night. Lightning flashed over a distant mountain, but for the most part, the storm was over. I headed down the porch steps and down the long driveway toward my car. I was just about to pull my dad’s car keys out of my coat pocket when I saw Lauren sitting on a rope swing that was hanging from a huge elm tree not far from where I was standing.
“Lauren?” I hesitated. “Are you okay?” My question was hollow, and I felt foolish for even asking it. Of course she wasn’t okay. I was a horrible, horrible person, and no one knew that more than she did.
Her back was to me as she swung lazily back and forth, back and forth. She didn’t say a word.
I stepped closer to her. “Lauren, I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine what you must think of me right now.”
Silence.
I inched closer, and by this time, I was coming around to face her. “There’s so much history between me and Jess. But that doesn’t make what we did okay. I’m…I’m so sorry.”
I heard a rattle coming from the direction of Lauren’s lap. She was staring at whatever the object was that she was holding in her hands. She finally spoke in a cold whisper. “I knew it was you.”
I stepped even closer, and now it was clear that the object in her hand was a bottle. A light-brown medicine bottle, one you’d get from a pharmacy.
“All this time, I could tell there was something holding him back. Someone holding him back.” She laughed a sardonic laugh. “You said something stupid a few weeks ago at the lockers when he was there. You were trying to be funny, but it was so lame.” She licked her lips. “I saw the way Jess looked at y
ou. The way he ate up every word you said. I knew he was still in love you.”
“Lauren,” I said watching the bottle in her hands, “we should probably go inside. Drew and Jess are looking for you.”
“Oh good,” she said too loudly. “Finally I found a way to make Jess Tyler come after me for once.” She clenched the cap of the medicine bottle. “Ow! Dang it!” she groaned. “I hate how hard these things are to get off.”
“Come on.” I reached for her arm.
“Don’t touch me!” she roared, and the medicine cap snapped off. She laughed again. “I love these things.” A strange smile was spread across her face. Like the one earlier when she was talking to Jess—only tainted now with darkness and pain. She shook the bottle a bit then peered into it with one eye. “They make me feel so resistant.”
“Why don’t you give me that,” I said, leaning carefully over the bottle.
“You want to know a secret?” She circled the rim of the bottle with her index finger. “I did it on purpose.”
“You did what on purpose?”
“That game. That stupid, stupid game.” She laughed out loud and rested her head against the chain on her swing. “I wanted to know the truth. I wanted to know what would happen if the bottle landed on Gemma.” She poured the contents of the bottle into her open hand. At least ten to fifteen small blue pills were heaped in the crevice of her palm. “So really, the joke’s on you.”
I reached forward. “Please give me the pills, Lauren.”
This time, she smacked me across the face. Her ring dug sharply into my skin. “Get out of here, Gemma Mitchell! I hate you! I never want to see your face again!”
I clenched my bloody cheek in one hand. As I looked back up at Lauren, I saw her hand go to her mouth. Within seconds, the pills were gone.
“No, Lauren!” I leaped at her, but it was too late. She was pushing me away with both hands while laughing and chewing and swallowing. I heard the front door open. Jess called my name.
“We’re over here!” I yelled back. “Hurry!”
“It’s not like it was rat poison.” Lauren laughed and hunched over forward in the swing. “I’m not suicidal if that’s what you’re afraid of.” She swayed in the swing. Back and forth, back and forth. “I wouldn’t dare be suicidal. They’ll lock you up in the nut house for something like that. You must be crazy if you love someone enough to make you act like this. Crazy.” She became sullen as she twisted the empty bottle in her hands. “They’re just antidepressants. Antisadness. Antiheartbreak. Anticrappy friends.” She looked up at me with glossy eyes. “Anti-Gemma Mitchell.”
A moment later Jess was at my side.
“I tried to stop her,” I stammered. Jess looked at the blood on my cheek, then at Lauren and the empty bottle.
“Lauren,” he said in defeat. He immediately bent down and picked her up in a cradle hold. I was surprised that she let him, but by the way her body fell limp in his hands, I wondered if she had the power to resist.
Jess put her in the back of his car, and Drew slipped in next to her, letting Lauren’s head fall onto her lap. I instinctively climbed into the passenger seat, though I knew if Lauren was more conscious, she wouldn’t want me to be there.
Jess drove as fast as he could to the community hospital in Franklin. Drew had called them on our way, so the ER was expecting us. Before I had a chance to unbuckle my seatbelt, the paramedics had Lauren on a gurney and were rolling her through two sets of double doors.
I sat in the waiting room with Jess and Drew for what seemed like an eternity. Bryce showed up sometime in the middle of it all, and around eleven o’clock, Drew and Bryce walked over to a vending machine and stared blankly through the glass while talking in low voices.
“I shouldn’t be here,” I said when Jess and I were alone. Jess was sitting in the seat next to me with his head resting tiredly in both of his hand. He turned to look at me as I spoke. “She wouldn’t want me to be here. I did such a horrible thing. We did such a horrible thing. “
Jess sat straight up and rubbed one finger along the bandage a nurse had put on my cheek. “This isn’t the first time this has happened.”
“What do you mean?”
“She’s overdosed before. About a month ago. She got a C on her algebra test. That was all it took.”
“I had no idea.” I looked up at Drew who had come back in the room and was listening to our conversation. “Why didn’t anybody tell me?”
“She didn’t want us to,” Drew said as she sat down next to me with her arms folded tightly over her chest. “She didn’t want us to tell anybody.”
“We didn’t really know what to do,” Jess said. “So we were just trying to be there for her as much as we could.”
“Until tonight.” Drew glared at Jess.
“I know.” Jess clasped his hands in front of his face. “That was bad. I wasn’t thinking.”
Drew continued, “She’s been dealing with depression for a long time. It’s pretty severe. Her dad wanted to admit her into a hospital to try to help her, but Lauren’s mom didn’t think she needed it.”
Jess added, “That’s why they left Iowa and came here to Franklin. They were trying to get away from him.”
I couldn’t believe there was so much to Lauren that I didn’t know. It was true, the two of us had never really bonded nor had any heart-to-heart moments. But I couldn’t believe I had been so blind. How could I not even know that she had overdosed or that she was so depressed? I looked at Jess. “Is that why you asked her to the Christmas dance?”
Jess nodded. “After we went out the first time, I decided not to ask her out anymore because I didn’t want to hurt you. But she started calling me every day and telling me about all of her problems.”
“I feel bad saying this,” Bryce said. “Especially considering that she’s in the hospital and all. But Lauren can be pretty manipulative.” He nodded at Drew. “You even said that yourself.”
Jess took a deep breath. “That’s no excuse for what I did though. I’ve been telling her all along that I just wanted to be friends. That I just wanted to be there for her if she needed me. But I knew how she felt.” He looked at me. “And I shouldn’t have kissed you, not right in front of her.”
A nurse stepped into the waiting room, and all four of us looked at her. “You kids are here for Lauren?” she asked politely.
“Yes,” Drew answered for all of us.
“Well, she’s doing better. Her mother is here now. But she has asked that you all leave.” She furrowed her brow and pressed her hands together as though she were about to pray. “I can’t make you leave, but it’s what she wants. You won’t be able to see her tonight anyway, so you might as well go on home now and get some sleep.”
We shamefully picked up our jackets and left the way we had come in three hours before. Drew waved sadly at Jess and me as she and Bryce walked to his car on the opposite side of the parking lot. Jess opened the passenger side door of his car and waited until I was all the way in before carefully closing it and climbing in on the other side. When he was situated, he let his car keys rest on his thigh, and he let out a deep breath.
“You okay?” I asked, wondering why he wasn’t starting the car.
He turned to me, and when our eyes met, his shoulders fell, and he relaxed against the back of his chair. “It’s been a crazy night.” He reached toward my lap and took my hand in his.
I squeezed his fingers between mine and a million tiny goose bumps tingled my arms and head, “It’s been a crazy year.”
“I can’t believe you thought I broke up with you.”
“I can’t believe you told me you wanted to go back to being friends without seeing a need to give me any more of an explanation.”
Jess shut his eyes and shook his head, “I thought it was so obvious. I thought for sure
you wanted to be with Trace. When he came over that night with that present, I felt so stupid. I felt like the third wheel. Then the next morning, it felt like you were avoiding me. I thought I was making things easier for you.”
“But what about later? Trace and I weren’t even dating, and you still just talked about wanting to be friends all the time.”
He let his head fall back against the seat rest. “You said you were on a break from dating. I took it as a hint.”
“I only said that because—”
“Because you thought I broke up with you.”
“I wanted you to think that I’d moved on.”
He squeezed my hand with a faint smile. “You did a good job of making me think that.” I was just about to lean across the arm rest and put the past mistakes where they belonged when Jess’s back stiffened, and his eyes turned outward into the dark night. “There’s something that I need to tell you,” he said slowly. “I’d really rather not, but not telling you is only making it worse.”
“Okay.” A pit began forming in the middle of my stomach.
“I made the mistake of not being straightforward with you last summer when I had to go to California,” he started, “and I don’t want to make that same mistake again.”
“No no no no no. You are not going to California again. I thought you only had to go there one time.”
Jess smiled softly. “I’m not going to California, Gem.”
“You’re not.” I took in a sigh of relief. “Okay, well as long as we’re together, then whatever it is can’t be that big of a deal.”
Jess let go of my fingers and rubbed his hands along his thighs. “Things haven’t been going well for my family this year. My mom can’t find work, the small amount that I bring home from the auto shop isn’t enough, and my dad doesn’t even give us enough alimony to make the house payments.”
“Jess, I’m so sorry.” I felt horrible. All this time I had been so wrapped up with what Jess was or wasn’t doing with Lauren that I hadn’t been there for him when he needed me. I hated to think about what Jess and his family had been going through across the street all this time when I had been so oblivious. “What can I do to help? My parents don’t have a lot, but I’m sure—”
Second to No One Page 18
