"I take it you're impressed," he yelled over the music.
"This is way better than The Club," I told him. He laughed loudly and took a gulp of his drink.
"Welcome to the city Lil," he said and kissed me thoroughly on the mouth.
* * *
We club hopped until around three in the morning and we were both sincerely toasted. I could hardly walk and Decklin had his arm wrapped around my waist, supporting me. Luckily he held his alcohol better than I did. I am not a light drinker by any means, but I had a lot to drink that night, more than I had consumed in a long time. We took the subway home and sadly I was too far gone to really enjoy it. I wasn't even paying attention to where we were going my eyes were all on Decklin. If any guy could be called beautiful it would be him. Had he grown? He seemed massively tall. Had his shoulders always been so broad? Had his smile always been so bright and his eyes so blue? All those questions ran through my head. I was awe struck by his beauty. If we ever had kids, they would be the most beautiful kids the world had ever seen.
He looked down at me with amusement shining in his eyes. "You are currently undressing me with your eyes Lil," he said with only semi-slurred words.
"No I was thinking that if our genes were to mesh, we'd make beautiful babies," I said with many slurred words. Then I panicked. "Not that I want to have kids with you," I added. Then hit my head. "Not that I don't want to have kids with you either, it's just that… Well I was just-" he cut me off with a kiss.
"You, my lady, are thoroughly sloshed. I won't take anything you say seriously now. Well, besides the fact that we would make pretty babies if either of us wanted them," he said, nuzzling my neck.
"Oh, I do someday," I said with a vigorous nodding of my head. "Not right now though," I proceeded to shake my head. He laughed a drunken laugh at me. I smiled fondly at him. He really was a picture of perfection. I wondered why I was noticing all this in my drunkenness. Usually even when I got drunk I was not a touchy feely person. But I really wanted him in that moment.
* * *
By the time we got back to his condo the cool air had sobered me a little bit. Enough to know that I would not give myself to him just because I was drunk and a side effect of that was being horny. I was not that kind of girl. But when his lips landed on mine and his hand went into my hair, pushing my face towards his harder I decided it wouldn't be too bad to grant him a heated make out session…
Which ended up with both of us on his bed with his shirt discarded and both of our hair messed up. He was working my shirt over my head when I pulled away. He whined but leaned back to look at me questioningly. "We're both drunk, and I'm a virgin. Really no one has ever gotten past making out with me because I have extreme self control," I told him in surprisingly clearly pronounced words.
"Okay?" He said, unsure of what I was implying.
"So, I'm going to tell you straight. I'm not going to have sex with you. Not now, probably not even a month from now, and if all you are looking for is sex, we can stop right here and be friends if you want. But nothing more," I said firmly. He looked up at me dazed for a minute before shaking his head.
"The bartender told me, in not so nice words, to not expect anything sexual from you. So believe me when I say, I'm not in this for the sex, although it would be nice I'm sure," he said slowly. I raised an eyebrow at him.
"What exactly did the bartender say?" I asked, sitting back a little bit. I was straddling him and he was laying on the bed. I felt his aroused state, but did not feel guilty at all for not fixing it for him unlike most girls would. Did that mean I didn't care about him?
"Something about you being as shut off as an out of order building I think," he said amused. I was glad he was amused because I was not.
"Wow, he couldn't come up with a better comparison than that? No wonder he's nothing but a bartender," I said shaking my head slightly. It really didn't matter what he thought about me, most people thought I was a prude. It wasn't true. I just cared about myself and wasn't going to let some guy think he had rights to me and then leave me in the dust. I was going to be sure of commitment.
"Well, how far are you willing to go?" He asked as his fingers began rubbing circles on my skin. I sighed.
"I like you Decklin, but I don't want to regret anything, you know? So, we can continue this and see where it leads, but when I say stop, you have to stop," I said. He just looked at me for a minute, I thought I glimpsed respect in his eyes, but I wasn't sure. He leaned up and kissed me.
"I don't want you regretting anything either. And though most of the times in my life that I've regretted things it's because I didn't do them, I know it wouldn't be the case in this situation. So I say we stop here until you trust me more, and I'll wait. I'm not going anywhere," he said kissing me again. I smiled at him, gaining new confidence in him. I gave him permission to go further than any guy ever had, and he chose to stop, because he didn't want me to regret anything. He was looking out for me and I think that might have been the moment I fell in love with Decklin Brown.
Chapter Eleven: It All Starts NowAlthough many of us avoid the subject, death is a potent element in our everyday life. We're not necessarily aware of it all the time, but it has infused our language.
–Michael Largo, Final Exits: The Illustrated Encyclopedia of How We Die
Lillian
Waking up in Decklin's arms is something I wholeheartedly enjoyed. I wouldn't have guessed he was a snuggler, but I was pleasantly surprised when I found out he was. I smiled and burrowed into him more. One of his arms came up and his hand moved my hair from my neck and he kissed it. I smiled and sighed contentedly.
"Morning," he said quietly and continued kissing me. I decided I loved his morning voice. It was deeper and it sent chills up and down my body. I turned to face him.
"Morning," I said smiling brightly. He kissed my mouth and attempted to make it deeper, but I kept my mouth firmly shut.
"What's wrong?" He asked.
"Morning breath," I said. He rolled his eyes and kissed me again, forcing my mouth open with his tongue. "Decklin!" I said, pulling away and scowling. He laughed.
"Obviously I don't mind morning breath," he said.
"Well, maybe I do… Not mine, but yours," I said with a smirk.
"I don't have morning breath," he said and breathed in my face. I crinkled my nose up.
"And I suppose you think your shit doesn't stink either?" I said with a laugh. He sighed.
"Fine, no kisses until after brushing teeth," he finally relented. He rolled out of bed and I followed suit. He had stripped down to his boxers last night and I had thrown off my leather pants. I studied him as he walked towards the bathroom. He turned around and caught me staring. He smiled and turned to face me, arms spread out. I shamelessly let my eyes wander. He was ripped, not overly so, but he had muscle and really nice abs. His legs were strong, with light hair dusting them and even his feet were beautiful. "Do you approve?" He asked, his eyes not meeting mine but running over my body. I smiled.
"Do you approve?" I turned his question on him.
"Oh yes," he said. I saw the hunger in his eyes and glanced downwards and was feeling rather smug that just looking at me had that effect on him.
"Maybe you should go take a cold shower," I said in amusement. He blushed lightly.
"Answer me first," he insisted. I stood up and walked over to him, running my hands over his abdomen, his arms, his shoulders and back. Feeling him twitch underneath my touch gave me a sense of power, and even more so when I heard him suck in a breath as my hands ran over his hip bones and the trail of hair that disappeared below his boxers.
"I definitely approve," I whispered. He gave me a tight smile and stalked off to the bathroom.
* * *
After we were both showered and dressed we decided to go out to breakfast. I was glad I had brought a big purse because I had a lot to carry, including my dad's gun (which I still thought was ridiculous). We ate breakfast at a nice restaurant. I felt weird
, eating somewhere for breakfast, other than home, and in such a fancy place, but it was so different that it was refreshing.
Afterwards I made him take me to all the parks and took pictures of the different statues and people. I was so enthralled by everything and I was sure that Decklin was amused by it. He was nice enough not to look bored by everything I was sure he'd seen almost every day of his life. I tried to make it fun for him, but it was hard because I was so into myself at the moment. He assured me that it was fine and that he was having fun.
I didn't expect it, but Decklin actually liked museums. He took me to a couple of them and we snuck through a couple of the ropes to get pictures next to dinosaurs and stuffed history figures… We then proceeded to get kicked out when caught. It was a lot of fun and I never wanted the day to end. I was shopping when Decklin got a call from his uncle. He told me he had to go meet him real quick and to stay on the street I was on already, to just shop in the stores there until he got back. I agreed because there were a bunch of interesting stores. He kissed me quickly before leaving.
I went to a few stores before I saw a homeless person sitting in an alley way. I have always had a heart for homeless people so I went to the café next to the alley and bought a sandwich and some coffee for him, I hoped he liked coffee. I then went and gave it to him, sitting down across from him with my own cup of coffee. He was extremely nice. His name was Peter and had lost his job and then his home when the economy started going bad. He lived in an alley a few blocks away by himself. He had lost his kids along with everything else, his ex wife had evidently gotten over their divorce really fast and ended up marrying rich. He said he was upset, but at least his kids had a good home. He just wished he could see them. The story broke my heart. How would I feel if I lost everything? I started crying and the man patted my shoulder.
We talked for a long time, while I was still looking for Decklin to walk by, but he didn't. Finally I decided it'd be best if I checked out a few other stores, but not before giving the kind man a hug and slipping him four hundred dollars, he needed food and a warm place to sleep more than I needed new clothes. Four hundred wasn't even a dent in my pocket, but it's all the cash I had on me, the rest were just credit cards. The tears in his eyes showed the gratitude that he couldn't word. I watched as he walked off. Once he disappeared I leaned against the wall closing my eyes, I really wished I could house all of the homeless people in the city, but I couldn't.
I was so lost in my own thoughts that I didn't hear anyone come up to me. What I did notice was something cold being pressed to my neck and a hand being placed over my mouth. I didn't fight, it would be useless to at that time. They walked me back to the further, darker part of the alley before letting go of me. I turned around and came face to face with a dark haired man in a business suit. He held a gun pointed at my head, and behind him were three more men who looked almost identical to him. I was afraid, but I tried not to let it show.
"What are you doing with Decklin?" He asked in a gruff voice. My brow furrowed.
"Who are you?" I asked. He cocked his gun.
"Don't make me ask again little one. I wouldn't want to have to do any damage to that pretty face of yours," he said.
"I'm here for a vacation, and you're completely ruining it," I said annoyed. He laughed at me, his followers joining him.
"Leave it to Decklin to find a feisty one, someone needs to tame him. It looks like someone needs to tame you as well little girl," he said with a fierce glare. He started walking towards me and I heard the click of a gun behind my head. I didn't dare turn around, but the man in front of me froze.
"If you want to keep your life, Rodger, it would be wise to not step any closer to this woman," I heard Decklin's voice behind me, masked in coldness. I finally turned to see him. He was holding a gun out in front of him with a murderous look on his face. I had never found him frightening before that moment and I was sincerely thankful that I was not on the receiving end of his wrath. I walked towards him and stood beside him. His arm came protectively around me, pulling me behind his body.
"You know who she is, don't you?" Rodger asked him. I was thoroughly confused by now. Of course he knew who I was, how did this other guy know?
"Who she is, is no concern to you."
"She's on the other side!" He exclaimed. Then he paused and scowled. "Oh, that's right, you guys have some sort of alliance. You guys are scum, your whole family. We would never let one of ours betray us and get away with it," he said disgustedly. He spit at the ground by Decklin's feet. "You're going to fall soon Decklin, and I truly hope that I'm there to see it. Hard to believe that your family use to be the most respected, until your dad had to go and fuck it all up," he growled. I was shaking and Decklin's grip on me was almost painful. "You're trash, just like your mother was, just like your father was, and just like the rest of the gang is. You're all vile garbage. One day I'll see to the death of you all and then we'll be on top, and no one will walk all over us," he spit out. I looked up at Decklin and if possible, his gaze was even more fierce than before.
"And you forget, I'm the guy with the gun," he said cockily. And before I could comprehend what was happening, I heard the shot of the gun and watched Rodger fall to the ground. I watched his blood pour out around him, oddly enthralled by it. I think I might have been in a state of shock, I didn't scream or cry or anything. I was frozen, unable to move or really think about anything except how pretty blood really was when it came straight from a life source. "Any other douche bags want to talk shit about my family? I will put a bullet straight into your brain," he threatened. This happened every day, people died on the streets and most of them didn't even make the news. Yet, I just witnessed it and I knew, I wouldn't turn Decklin in. I knew then, that if it were me in his place, I would have killed for him to, and I had a feeling it would have felt almost natural.
* * *
I don't remember getting back to Decklin's condo or drawing a bath or getting into it. But the next time I was fully aware of my surroundings, that's where I found myself. In a steaming hot bath with bubbles in it, and candles around it. Where had the candles come from? I heard a knock on the door and looked down at myself to make sure all the bubbles were covering anything needed to be covered before I told Decklin he could come in.
He came in and sat at the edge of the tub. He had a hot cup of tea in his hands and he handed it to me. I reached out shaky hands to take it. "Thank you," I whispered. My voice was hoarse as if I hadn't used it in awhile. Decklin ran a hand through his hair.
"Lillian, I'm so sorry you had to see that," he started. I just nodded absentmindedly.
"Did you," I cleared my throat because my words weren't coming out at a level he could hear them. "Did you really have to kill him Decklin?" I asked, looking up at him.
"Yes," he answered without hesitation. "Lillian, I lied to you again. And I'm going to keep lying to you because I can't tell you the truth. So maybe it's best if we just end this now," he said quietly. Tears unwillingly came to my eyes. "Oh, don't cry Lillian, you're stronger than that. I'm really not worth it. It'll be dangerous if we stay in this relationship, and I can't do that to you."
"I don't care about danger, Decklin. I truly don't. I've grown up my whole life trying to be protected from it. I just want a chance to prove to people that I can take care of myself. As for the lying, just tell me the truth," I told him.
"Oh, you can take care of yourself? What the hell would you have done if I hadn't come down that alley earlier Lil? They would have killed you. They wouldn't have thought twice about it. They don't give two shits about who gets hurt, even if the person is innocent. And I hate to break it to you, but the lying isn't going to stop. This whole relationship has been a lie."
"Deck, I feel like I just got you. I'm not ready to let you go yet," I said softly, not daring to look at him. I should have walked out right then, I have never tolerated liars, but Decklin was something special. Someone I could stand hearing a few little lies from and for
give him in the end. I looked at him and saw a hurting person, someone who was so broken, but believed he was unbreakable, invincible, and totally above saving. I wanted to be the person who showed him how wrong he was, and how he could really truly trust somebody, no matter how many people he had killed in cold blood, I wasn't turning my back on him.
"When I take you home, I want you to talk to your father. Ask him what he does for a living; make him explain everything to you. You're going to be pulled into everything one way or another anyway. I have a feeling things are about to get exciting, yet dangerous Lillian. Always be on your guard. After you talk to your dad, if you still want to be with me, we'll talk about it."
"What the hell does my dad have to do with anything?" I asked, getting frustrated. I set my cup of tea down, and not caring that he was still in his clothes or that I was naked, pulled Decklin into the tub next to me. "What does he have to do with us Decklin? Nothing, not a single thing. This is between me and you," I said and kissed him, spilling out my anger into the kiss. He kissed me back just as passionately, wrapping his fingers in my wet hair and placing another hand on my butt, squeezing. I pulled on his hair, making him tilt his head back so I could kiss on his neck. He groaned in defeat. "It's just between us Decklin. I'll talk to him, but it changes nothing with us. I will want to be with you despite whatever he says," I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him to me. I felt his sigh and his arms going around my waist.
"Oh Lil, I wish it was only you and me," he whispered.
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