He sighed as he studied her somber expression. “Yes, I know. Your partner and our safety are also on your mind.”
He never ceased to surprise her, even aware as she was of his considerable abilities. “Now were you reading me, or was that just a good guess?”
“Guess? I never guess.”
That drew a small smile. His good-natured arrogance was expected. Gods, she had even prayed for it earlier. “Jon was here several hours ago looking for me. He wasn’t happy I was here and told me to be back before sunset. He wants a full accounting tonight. I think whatever spell you put over him is wearing off.”
Rayn raised an eyebrow. “Spell?”
“Don’t be coy. You know damn well what I mean. Jon would never have allowed me these trips into the desert alone day after day unless he had been, shall we say, ‘influenced’ to do so.”
“It was necessary, was it not? Besides, you came to me of your own accord, didn’t you?”
“Yes. But, please, let’s address the problem. After tonight, I seriously doubt Jon’ll allow me to come here alone, regardless of what arguments I put forth.”
“Communication between us isn’t a problem. You should realize that. We can be together every hour of every day, if need be.”
“Yes, but . . .”
“No, I don’t think you understand. Do you know what a ‘link’ is?”
“No, I guess not.”
“You were doing it earlier, with me, although you probably weren’t aware of it as such. A ‘link’ is more than just telepathic communication. It’s when two people intertwine their minds, creating a connection which cannot be broken unless the parties intentionally break the connection. A mind link can be maintained over distance, for any length of time. It’s more than just ‘talking’ with your Voice.”
He paused. “Let me give you an example. I can be here, and you can be in the city. If we are linked, even without words, you will feel me with you. It would feel exactly as if I were standing right next to you in your room. The link can even be maintained while we’re sleeping. It’s not an unpleasureable experience.” The promise of an alluring smile teased both the corners of his mouth and his eyes.
Dina shook her head. “Ohhh, no. No mind links.”
“Dina, don’t tell me you’re still afraid of me after all this.”
“I’d be a fool to ever stop fearing you.”
“Then would you prefer I compel your partner again? I can make the command strong enough that he never interferes with us again.”
“No!” Damn him! She had vowed she wouldn’t touch his mind again, but she needed him too much to let him go now. And she wouldn’t let him foul Jon’s mind. “All right. But for communication only. None of your . . . mind sex.”
Rayn laughed, reaching up to brush back a slim strand of hair that had whipped across her face and caught in the sweat above her lip. She brought her hand up to push his away, but she was too slow, and he snared it, entwining her fingers with his. “How can you say that, little girl, when you know you’d enjoy it as much as I would?”
She shook her hand to untangle it from his. “Rayn, we don’t have time for this.”
He sighed. “Very well. But you’ll need more experience with the hot touch first. You’ve probed me, but you have yet to allow me to fully enter your mind.”
“But there’s no time.”
“Then we’ll have to do it right now.”
“You’re not strong enough yet.”
“I’m strong enough,” he said quietly. “Come, Dina. You’re out of excuses, unless you want to tell me again that you don’t trust me enough to touch your mind.”
Trust again. She swallowed hard, took a deep breath and looked away. She had regretted their previous hot touch episode. And yet, she had also thought about what it would be like to have him inside her mind, not just his words, or his voice, but him. She remembered how she felt when she was trapped in the tunnel, and he was in her head, commanding her to live. But then he was only helping her, not examining her every private thought and emotion. There would be no hiding anything from him now, and he would most certainly discover her paradoxical feelings toward him.
But there was a more practical danger. She would be giving him full access to her mind. She knew it was well within the ability of a dens to destroy free will temporarily. Could he imprint her mind somehow in a way that would make her his minion permanently? If he did such a thing, would she even know it? Servant to a dens. It was a sobering thought.
“Dina, look at me.” It was not a compelling command. It didn’t have to be.
She turned to search the desert eyes, wondering if she would ever be able to explore them without feeling like she was stepping into a sinkhole.
“You’re smart to be cautious, Dina. But I wouldn’t do anything to hurt the person who just saved my life. That’s the truth. And I won’t force anything on you.” He gave a short, self-deprecating laugh. “If I wanted to, I could have, easily, long before this.”
She considered his words. Was it the truth? She knew that control was paramount to a dens—the “all” in all things. Was her submission his gratification? Did she dare subject herself to such a being? And the so-called bond. Was it possible, after all, to bond with someone she had such an ingrained hatred for? Could the unthinkable happen? And if it did, what part of her would be sacrificed to him? Was there more to the bond than he had told her?
Too many questions, and no way to enlightenment except to do this. If nothing more, it would answer her question of how much she really needed him. If his touch felt like the invasion or rape he had warned about, then she would know that her need for him was as false as he was.
She prayed she would survive the enlightenment process.
Her eyes focused on his. “All right. Let’s do it.”
“Can you handle the intimacy? You’ll never be closer to anyone than you will be to me now.”
She paused. The sobering thought to end all. She gave a small nod of her head. “I know.”
“No, you don’t. Be sure, Dina.”
She was never more unsure of anything in her life. “I’m sure.”
He held his eyes shut, then slowly opened them. He directed her to sit facing him, as before in the cavern at Kathedra when she had first experienced the hot touch with him. “I don’t need to physically touch you, but I’ll leave it up to you if you want me to or not,” he said.
His hand on her face was little compared to his mind inside hers, so she nodded her assent.
He laid the back of his hand against her cheek and skimmed it downward in a soft caress. You have an aura, too. A silver one. Did you know that? Silver is very feminine, very regenerative and intuitive. You’ve done well for yourself.
Her lids felt heavy, and she let them slide shut, shuddering as she did so, but she said nothing. She tried to feel him, but a cool whisper of air, like satin cloth being pulled over her skin, was all she felt. Was he holding his power in check, or was his power diminished by his physical ordeal? His fingers moved to her temple, and gently rested over her pulse point.
Lower your guards for me, Dina.
It was harder to do than she thought it would be. For so many years she had not only kept her guards up, but strengthened them so that it was more than just habit, it was self-preservation, her fortress behind which she was safe. Behind the walls she had erected, she was free to be herself, and if that freedom was akin to freedom within prison walls, she had never thought about it like that. She knew only that here was the one place she was protected. Yes, it was hard to lower her shield. She tried, but couldn’t do it.
Dina, open for me. I know it’s not easy, but it’s the only way. I won’t hurt you. I promise.
She forced the remaining guards to drop. She had never felt more naked or vulnerable in her life. Pa
nic started to well up, and she fought to control it.
He felt her alarm and stood patiently at the edge of her mind. He had to let her wage her own small battle with herself before she could admit him.
After a few moments, he felt her panic subside and sent in a narrow probe. It’s all right, Dina. He felt her fear first, her doubts about him strangely intertwined with desire. He had suspected as much so was not surprised. He next felt her pain and loneliness, and while he expected this, he was amazed at their magnitude. It explained the fortified mental guards. Did she realize what bitter prisoners she was housing behind those walls?
He lingered, trying to assuage her loneliness by his presence. With one hand on her temple, he kept his other hand lightly on her neck, over her carotid artery, monitoring her pulse. He felt her relax slightly, although her pulse still raced.
He moved on and felt her pride, strength, independence and will. In a small corner of her mind, normally well protected, he felt her love. He knew he should press forward, that these were her most private feelings, but he couldn’t. He wanted to know who she reserved this feeling for. He thrust the probe deeper and felt the overriding love for her father. On a different level he felt the love she held for her comrades. There were no names associated with these feelings, except one. She loved Jon.
Surprised, he backed away gently. There were, of course, no feelings here for him. He felt her agitation increase again, and she started to shake. He knew there were only seconds left before he would have to withdraw completely, as she was starting to burn. He moved quickly to those feelings that were closest to the surface, her fear and desire of him. He wanted to know the extent of both.
Her fear, held now in abeyance, had many layers, and would take time to examine. Her desire for him was not much easier to read. The physical hunger was strong, yet somehow tentative, as if she were a young girl unused to her own sexuality. He dug deeper, and unburied a need for him that was more than just physical. A thrill ran through him, and he loitered, feeding off her want, pulling it to him, wrapping himself in it.
She gasped and shuddered violently, and he pulled out of her mind. He held her head, and gently drew her to his chest. She started to hyperventilate.
“Dina, listen to me. Listen! You’re all right, but you need to control your breathing. Try to relax and slow your breathing. It’s okay, just a natural reaction. It’ll pass. All you need to do is relax.”
She heard the commands. They were given slowly, in a soft voice, yet were no less compelling than if he had shouted at her. She fought to control her breathing, and after a couple moments, succeeded. But no sooner than she did, she started crying. Embarrassed, she tried to stop the tears but couldn’t.
The hot touch had been so overwhelming, so far beyond and unlike anything she had ever experienced or imagined, that the flood of resulting emotions was more than she could handle. His touch had been a gust of cool, fresh air in an airless vault. She had laid all her treasures bare to him, and he had washed every one of them in a cleansing blue light, a light that was alive with his power. It calmed her, cooled her, and anesthetized her pain until all she could feel was him. His essence, his power, blocking everything else out.
But it was too much, too soon. Crying was the only outlet available, and Dina, who had never cried in front of any man save her father, covered her face with her trembling hands. If she had been thinking, she would have realized the futility of hiding anything from this man, but her mind was on automatic, fully occupied with bailing the excess emotions lest they drown her.
Rayn made no attempt to stop her, or to say anything more to her, but continued to hold her close, caressing her. His aura enveloped her, a steel-blue armor protecting her.
Within the temple of her hands the tears cleansed her face and diminished only when the torrent in her mind abated. Slowly, tentatively, Dina moved her hands from her face to Rayn’s chest. She emptied her mind of all the conflicting thoughts and emotions and concentrated instead on what was before her. She slid her right hand up his chest, feeling the soft hair, warm skin, and hard muscles. She trailed her hand down, then up again to feel the well-developed pectoral muscles. She fingered the silky hair and traced the narrow ribbon downward to the waistband of his trousers.
Rayn sensed her motions were only partly spurred by physical desire, that for the most part her body was still on “automatic pilot,” doing its best to give Dina’s mind a chance to recover from the overload of the hot touch. Rayn also knew that he had probed her longer and deeper than he should have, and that the resulting burn was the product of his selfishness. He tolerated her explorations, but he paid the price in his own body’s powerful and uncomfortable responses.
He couldn’t remember ever wanting to possess a spirit as much as he wanted this one. His control slipped, and the dark armor sparkled and ignited into molten blue flames, waiting to flare, ready to consume. He could take her now, easily.
He felt her cheek against his chest, soft and wet. Fresh tears smudged his skin.
A long B’haratan oath broke the silence. He couldn’t take her like this. Rayn could endure no more. He gently took her by the wrist and pulled her arm away from him. The flames were sucked back and were gone in an instant.
“Dina. Can you hear me?”
She nodded, but seemed dazed, as if she didn’t know where she was.
“Talk to me if you can.” He tried to keep his voice neutral. B’haratans didn’t apologize. Why did he feel the need to do so now?
She took a deep breath. “Sorry. I’m not one to cry. It was just so overwhelming.”
“I understand. I should have prepared you better, but there wasn’t time. I won’t ask you any questions about it now because you’ll need time to assimilate everything.” Rayn eased her away from him, and Dina regained her seated position next to him.
She wiped the last of the moisture from her face. “Rayn, we haven’t even talked about our safety. It seems obvious the killer is after both of us now.”
“We’ll talk about that later. For now, just be as careful as you can, even in the city. The killer has invaded the mines and my compound. There’s no reason to believe he won’t come after you in Aeternus. If you should come into the desert again, don’t come alone. Call me first, and I’ll arrange an escort for you, preferably myself, of course. You understand?”
Dina nodded. “There’s something else. Something I haven’t mentioned to anyone. When I was cleaning up in the next chamber, I found a pocket knife on the table. My own knife, which had been taken by the man who attacked me in the tunnel.”
Her implications were crystal clear to him. “Dina, I don’t know how your knife got here, but my people did not try to kill me. They did not kill the miners, and they didn’t attack you in the tunnel. This I know with absolute certainty.”
“But . . .”
“Dina, if you trust me at all, trust my people.”
She let out a sigh of frustration and was silent for a moment. “The ‘link.’ Will I be able to do it with you after today?”
“You should be able to, with a rested and composed mindset. Go back to the city now, talk to your partner, and try to relax. Don’t worry about whatever the outcome with Jon is. We have the ability to overcome just about anything. Remember that.”
Dina, her eyes half closed, inclined her head forward again.
“You look exhausted, as well you must be. You’re in no condition to ride a skimmer all the way back to the city. I’ll have Kindyll ride you back on one of our two-person skimmers, and Gaard will follow on yours. You’ll be perfectly safe with them, I promise. Gaard is a most formidable individual. And don’t be taken in by Kindyll’s youthful charm. He’s . . . well, he’s bested in strength only by Gaard and Rae, and surpassed by no one in heart. You’ve earned the undying loyalty of both of them, I think.”
She smiled. “Yes, I
know.”
He touched her face one last time. “Go, then.”
He watched her go, his face serious. As soon as Dina left, Rayn considered his next course of action. His people were shaken by what had happened, and some, he knew, had been badly frightened. Frightened people could not be trusted. A semblance of order, at the very least, was crucial, so he issued orders for increased surveillance and started preparations to move the band to a new location. As he spoke to every man and woman in turn, he carefully probed each mind. It was paramount now to know the extent of loyalty of each member. For what was to come, he would need absolute trust, the kind even a compelling command couldn’t equal in staying power.
Trust. He thought about Dina and the events of the day. Had what he had done worked? Would she now cease to suspect him? More worrying was what it had done to him. But among the doubts was one certainty. There was no question now in Rayn’s mind where his loyalty lay. Loyalty and betrayal. It seemed he could never embrace one without the other. A page had turned, and nothing would ever be the same. Except that.
Late into the silence of the night, he fell back against the bed’s headrest, exhausted, succumbing at last to a deep sleep. His final waking thought, as it had been countless nights on B’harata, was that death had been cheated for one more day.
Eleven
The Sandman
GAARD AND KINDYLL dropped Dina off at the Ghe Wespero just as the sun sat balanced on the edge of the horizon. She waved good-bye to her new friends and lingered at the gate to watch the sun gild the mar with streaks of golden fire.
So much had happened in such a short period of time that Dina half expected the world itself to change, and was almost surprised not to see the giant orange ball roll down a crazily tilted horizon. But the far-off Wiara clutched at the dying sun and pulled it slowly to its bosom. The sea darkened, the breeze cooled, and Dina was suddenly aware of the late hour. The mercari closed their shops for the day, and traffic at the Ghe slowed to a languid few making their way into the city.
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