by Alyse Zaftig
Link’s face is the color of salt. “What the hell?”
“I was going to tell you when little Ryan turned 18. But when you chose to fuck Jack’s daughter, you sped up the timeline.”
“You’re lying.” My voice is very quiet. I’m incredibly afraid right now. I’ve only just started with Jack…and now Marcia is ready to rip us apart.”
“Don’t take my word for it, little girl.” Marcia’s voice is vicious and satisfied. But she sounds sure. “We can get a cheek swab from my son and Link. Easy to do a paternity test. And think of all the child support he hasn’t paid.” She licks her lips. “This has all turned out beautifully for me.”
“You conniving bitch,” I say. “You’ve been waiting all these years for your chance, haven’t you?”
“Link was going to be my son’s meal ticket. I didn’t know if your daddy was going to pay for Ryan’s college or not, so I was going to wait until Ryan was 18. No custody battles, but in this state, Link would still have to pay for his college tuition.” She smooths her dress down her hips. “Your daddy is a generous man, so I wasn’t going to make a move this early.”
“It’s not my baby,” Link said. “I’ll take a paternity test or whatever, but I used a condom every time with you.”
“Condoms aren’t always perfect,” Marcia says, smirking. “Don’t you remember when it ripped?”
Link’s face is pure white.
“It was after her stupid pretty princess birthday party. I knew that you were going to break up with me, so I supplied the condom the last time that we fucked. I had already pierced it with a pin, so it fell apart more easily.”
I’m hyperventilating. Marcia is something out of my worst nightmares.
“Ryan will be so happy to meet his daddy, finally. I’ve always told him that he’d meet you someday. He’s outside in the car.”
Marcia is evil and manipulative, but would she use her son in this scheme? It would violate every maternal instinct, right? I don’t know much about mothers, since I never really had one, but Marcia clearly believes that her son is Link’s.
Driving
Link
“Let’s get this cleared up right now. Camilla, sit tight. I’ll be back in a few hours.” I’m dressed now. “Let’s go. I know a lab where I can get them to expedite the results.”
Camilla’s eyes are full of despair. I wish that I could reassure her. Marcia’s happy, but she’s the only person in this room who is remotely joyful.
I follow Marcia out of the room and into the elevator. “Secret kid, huh?”
“Jack was really generous with us. He’s been looking after us all this time just for your sake.” She shrugs. “I didn’t know that I was so terrifying.”
I don’t say anything. Jack knows the whole story of Marcia, how she tried to destroy me, hammer me into the shape of the man she wanted instead of the man I was and am. He apparently tried to protect me until now.
I run my hand through my hair, making it stand up. Losing Jack’s friendship is not great, and now I have a potential baby mama showing up on my doorstep. Well, Camilla’s doorstep. Bedroom.
While we were naked.
Shit.
When we get downstairs, I can see that a car is idling. There’s a kid in the backseat. He’s on some kind of Nintendo hand-held device. There’s music and beeps coming out of it.
“Ryan, meet your daddy.”
The kid barely glances up before he says, “Whatever.”
“He’ll warm up to you.” Marcia’s voice is strained. “He just hasn’t heard much about you.”
“I don’t need to know about whatever deadbeat sends you a check every month, thanks. Thank you for your sperm donation and the cash. Fuck off.”
“Ryan!” Marcia’s voice is sharp. “That’s not polite.”
“Whatever.” Ryan’s thumbs are moving quickly on his gaming device. “I don’t care.”
Not really a good start if this kid really is mine.
“Just give it time.” Marcia’s eyes are a little lost. I know why I was attracted to her. She’s pretty enough, but she’s broken inside. I wanted to be her white knight, but I should have broken it off after our first fight, when she’d thrown knives at me. Live and learn.
“Give me your phone. I’ll put in the address.” Marcia hands over her phone. I open the Maps app and tap in the location. “I’ll follow you there. Is your phone number the same?”
“Yeah.”
“Call me if you get lost.”
I turn and go to my car. What a cluster fuck. First this whole thing with Camilla destroys my friendship with Jack, and then Jack sends in Marcia to ruin the whole thing. I had no idea that he’d been paying her off all these years.
I watch as Marcia starts driving to the lab. I back out of my parking space and follow her.
The head of the lab knows me pretty well, since I’m one of his angel investors for his side business. He wanted to revolutionize blood testing. After the crash and burn failure of another huge lab testing startup, nobody wanted to be duped again. I’d taken a chance on him. It would be years before investors recovered any money, but the chance that he could do what they tried and failed to do was worth the money. He had the industry experience that was sorely lacking in the other company, the one that had caused a severe scandal which had ended with the CEO being banned from running a similar company for two years.
I call him from my car.
“Hey, Dr. Mike.”
“Just Mike. What’s up?”
“Well, Just Mike, I’m coming in. I need a paternity test.”
“Get wild on the weekend?” he jokes.
“Something like that.”
“I was kidding.”
“I’m not.”
“Holy shit. It’s really for you.”
“Yup. How fast can you get it done? I’d like to know today if possible.”
“I’ll fast-track it with our lab techs.” There’s a moment of silence. “You have an illegitimate child?”
“It’s a surprise to me,” I reply. “And I need to know if it’s real.”
“I can tell you in a few hours whether or not you’re the father. Damn, this is like a bad reality show or daytime television.”
“I know. I’m on my way so that we can clear this all up as soon as possible.”
“We’ll do our best for you.”
“We’ll be there in fifteen minutes. Bye.”
I hit the end call button. Either way, I’d have an answer within a few hours.
When I looked at Ryan, I didn’t see my face. He looks like a male version of Marcia, which could mean anything. I’m praying that Marcia is playing one of her dumb games, but if Jack put her up to this, I can see that we’re not going to have his blessing when we get married.
I’ve come inside of Camilla unprotected. She could have my baby inside of her right now. I think about having a family with her, maybe two or three kids running around my house. Kids with her hair and her smile…
And none of that will happen if Marcia’s telling the truth. I know that Camilla would stand by me and try to take care of Ryan, but I can’t ask her to be a stepmother when she’s a little less than six years older than him. Touching her proved that I am a selfish bastard, but I know that she deserves the carefree life of a teenager, not the craziness that raising Ryan would bring.
Now I’m at the lab. My heart is beating double time. With two cheek swabs, we can see which path my life will go down. Happiness with Camilla, a ring on her finger, a bunch of kids. Or taking care of a son I never knew I had and losing Camilla forever.
I take a deep breath, then I get out of the car. Time to face the music.
Lab Test
Lincoln
Dr. Mike is hanging around in the lobby. I know that his daily schedule is jam-packed, so it means a lot to me that he’s here.
“You okay?”
I nod. I gesture towards Marcia and Ryan. Ryan is still playing his game. “They’re with me.”
I can see Dr. Mike’s eyes trail over Marcia. She’s a beautiful woman. Having a kid didn’t diminish her physical attractiveness. But she’s like non-alcoholic beer for me now — theoretically, it could be good. But it’s not. I watch him turn towards Ryan.
“He’s older than a lot of the kids we see in here.”
I shrug. “It’s a long story.”
“Come with me, please.” He brings us into a small room. There are two plastic baggies with things that look like long Q-tips in small plastic vials. “Buccal swabs are relatively painless. I’m just going to swab the inside of your cheeks and then give the samples to the lab. Link, you want to go first?”
“Yeah.” I sit down on a chair and open my mouth. He swabs the inside of my cheek and drops the long Q-tip into the plastic vial.
“One sample down, one sample to go.”
“Ryan, open your mouth.”
Without raising his eyes from his game, Ryan opens his mouth. It takes a second or two for Dr. Mike to get the swab inside. He swabs the inside of Ryan’s cheek.
“Ow!”
“My apologies,” Dr. Mike says smoothly, putting the second sample in a clearly marked bag. “But it’s over now.”
“It better be.” The anger in Ryan’s voice surprises me. The cheek swab wasn’t all that invasive, but Ryan is acting like he had to get a shot or something. The game music is driving me crazy. At his age, I played some video games, but I also looked at doctors who were taking samples from me. Ryan is supremely uninterested in anything around him, which concerns me. I’ll take care of it if he’s my kid.
“Could you come back in two hours? I’ll have the results then.”
“Sure.” I look at Marcia. “Do you want to get some ice cream?”
“Frozen yogurt.”
“There’s a place across the street. It also serves coffee.”
“Sounds good to me.”
Something feels unsettled in the pit of my stomach. Marcia is trying to behave normally, but she’s touching the back of her neck. Is this kid really mine or did Jack pay her to show up? Her story is a little wild, but it is in line with what I know about her.
We walk across the street to the frozen yogurt café. There aren’t too many people there at this time of day. Ryan finally pauses his game to get double chocolate frozen yogurt. He dumps a ton of chocolate chips and Hershey’s chocolate syrup on top. I get a little bit of strawberry frozen yogurt. Marcia gets coconut surprise, whatever that is, with little bits of shaved coconut on top. I pay for the three of us.
As soon as we sit down, Ryan whips out his game. He’s playing one-handed as he shovels the chocolate monstrosity that he got into his mouth. Marcia and I are left to make awkward conversation.
“Why don’t you tell me about Ryan?”
“Yeah, okay.” Her eyelids flutter as she blinks rapidly. “So I knew that I was pregnant after we broke up.” She sticks her spoon in her coconut surprise.
“Why didn’t you call me? You had my phone number.”
“I tried to call your office first.”
“And?”
“Your secretary knew that we had broken up, but I told her that it was urgent. So I talked her into sending the call to Jack instead so he could make the call.”
“And?” The strawberry frozen yogurt tastes too sour.
“Jack heard me out. We came to an agreement. He paid me every month, and in return, I didn’t ruin your life. You’d already said goodbye to me. I knew that you didn’t want to be around me. As long as the checks kept coming, everyone was happy.”
“How much was he sending you?”
She names a number that makes me whistle.
“That’s a lot of money.”
“Silence is expensive.” She waves her hands. I notice that she’s wearing a lot of jewelry, various rings, bracelets, and a necklace that looks like it could be in a window display case. “And we’ve never gone without anything. Ryan’s had everything I’ve ever wanted for him.” Her tone is defensive, and I don’t know why.
“You’ve taken care of him, then.” I don’t say anything about Ryan’s disconnect from reality. If he is my son, there’s time to fix it. If he’s not, I don’t have to care.
“In every way but one…he’s never had a father.”
I can see that, but I say, “You might fix that today.”
She stares at her hands. One of her rings is catching the sunlight and throwing rainbows on the wall. “I have to tell you something.”
“What?”
“He might not be yours.”
The soft chatter of the other customers checking out is the only sound besides the game music.
“Then why did you…”
“Because Jack was willing to pay me to keep my mouth shut.”
“Schrodinger’s cat.”
She nods. “I didn’t know, and I didn’t want to find out. It could be your baby. But it wasn’t hard to replace you.”
“You were with someone right after me?”
She blushes slightly. “More than one.”
I sit and let that sink in. “So there’s not even a 50% chance that I’m his dad.”
“It’s lower than 50%. It’s lower than 25%.”
I could be pissed, but I’m relieved. I’m glad now that this is all coming out, because it means that I could still be free to marry Camilla and leave the past alone.
Marcia’s crying a little bit, although she’s pretending that she’s just wiping her nose. I can see some women in the frozen yogurt café with sympathetic eyes. Then they turn to me. Their stares turn icy. They think that I’m making her cry, and I don’t know how to tell them that she’s crying because of what she did, not anything I’m saying.
“If you’re not the father…”
“You’re not going to get those child support checks from Jack anymore. Can’t you hunt down the real father?”
“I only know first names. Even if I wanted to find the other men, it’d be like finding a needle in a haystack.”
The other women are talking in low voices. It looks like they’re about to come over to our table and confront me for making her cry.
“How about this? If I’m not the father, I’ll hire a private investigator to track those men down. You need child support from somebody.”
She’s no longer crying. “You’d do that?” The other women, who had already gotten to their feet, sit right back down now.
“I’ll pay for the best private investigator money can buy. It’s the least I can do.” Yeah, she’s mooched off of Jack for twelve years, but Marcia still needs to take care of her kid. “So dry those tears. You’re going to be okay.”
“You’re a good man, Link.”
“Don’t tell anybody,” I say, winking. “You’d ruin my reputation.”
The conversation is easy and light then. We talk about her yoga practice, Ryan’s epilepsy, and her hunt for a new home until my phone rings.
Results
Lincoln
I see the name on the front of my cell. It’s Dr. Mike.
I accept the call. “Hey.”
“We have the results. Could you come back in?”
“We’ll be right there.” I end the call. “They have the results.”
“It’s been two hours?” Marcia’s blinking like someone who’s seeing sunlight for the first time in days. “That was fast.”
I shrug. “Good company.” I don’t feel anything for Marcia but respect for raising her kid solo, but I can still be polite.
“Ryan,” she says, her voice suddenly cracking like a whip. “Turn that thing off and walk across the street with us. And don’t get run over.”
He casually flips her the bird, but he does pause the game and put it in his pocket.
“I hope that this doesn’t take long. I’ve almost beat the boss. Just a few more minutes to finish this level.”
We walk back across the street. Marcia’s shoulders have slumped. I think she knows what we’re going to find out. Ryan i
s finally looking at something other than his game, but the tension in his shoulders says that he’s not happy about putting it away.
We go into the lobby. Dr. Mike is leaning against a wall. “Let’s duck into the same consultation room.”
We go back into the same room where we were swabbed.
“What are the results?”
He takes a deep breath and looks at the three of us. “You’re not the father.”
I feel like a weight has been lifted. I had a monkey sitting between my shoulder blades that just evaporates.
“You’ll keep your promise?” Marcia asks.
“Of course.” I’ll hunt down the poor bastard who has to pay child support.
“That’s everything we need to know, Dr. Mike.”
“Here are the results, in case you want to look back at them later on.”
He stuffs some papers in my hands. I don’t read them, but I can see that there’s almost zero chance that I’m the father.
I’ve been given the all-clear to pursue whatever I need to do with Camilla. I turn the papers over and snatch a pen from Dr. Mike’s table.
“Here’s the phone number of the PI that I use the most. Tell him to bill me for whatever work he does for you. I’ll text him right now to tell him that you’re coming with my blessing.”
Marcia’s voice is sad and timid. “I can’t thank you enough.”
I cared about her once, conniving witch that she is.
“I hope it works out for you.”
Suddenly, she looks ten years older than she did when we came in. She’s going to lose her gravy train for a while.
“We’re going home, Ryan.”
“This whole thing was a waste of time,” Ryan spits. “I could be doing something worthwhile instead of being in a smelly clinic.”
I hope Marcia gets a better handle on him, even though he’s basically teenager. Maybe he’ll grow out of his rudeness. But it’s not my job to care about it.
